Blowback

by Monica James

  “Oh, didn’t your brother call you? He came by earlier and said you asked him to pick up Jordy. I didn’t want to bother you because I know how tough things have been for you lately.”

  The walls close in on me, and I suddenly can’t breathe.

  “Hello, Lily? Are you still there?”

  But I can’t speak. My entire body feels like it’s been weighed down with lead. Bull staggers over, taking the phone away from me.

  “What did he say? Word for word,” he demands, not bothering with small talk. She must ask who he is because he huffs. “Stop wasting my time and answer my question.”

  He nods, listening closely but giving nothing away. Maybe I’m just reading into things. Maybe it’ll be okay. But nothing has been okay for a very long time.

  Hugging my middle, I wait for Bull to finish talking before hanging up. “I’m guessing you didn’t ask Jaws to pick up Jordy?”

  I shake my head.

  He wouldn’t hurt him, I reason. He is his uncle. But a thought crashes into me, and my legs threaten to give out from under me. But he’d hurt me.

  “Call him and ask what he wants.” Bull passes me my cell, but I simply stare at it, numb. I know I should be doing something more, but I can’t. I think I’ve gone into shock.

  He walks over and cups my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “I know this is a lot, but you’ve got to be strong, okay? Call him.”

  Nodding jerkily, I do as he asks. My fingers tremble uncontrollably as I dial. I put it on loud speaker and hold my breath.

  “Hello, lil’ sis,” Christopher sarcastically replies. “You finally decided to call.”

  His smug response is all the accelerant I need. “Stop with the bullshit. Where is my son?”

  “He’s spending some quality time with his uncle.”

  “You had no right to pick him up without my permission. I’m coming over.”

  My confidence is short-lived, and everything crumbles before my eyes. “You can go there, but I’m not home.”

  “Excuse me? Where are you?” I ask, heart in my throat.

  “I tried, I really tried,” he says with an exaggerated sigh. “You’ve brought this onto yourself.”

  “Brought what? So help me God, Christopher, if you don’t tell me where you are, I’ll—”

  “You’ll what? Go running to your knight in shining armor? He can’t save you. He had his chance, but he fucked up, royally. This is all on him. All on you both,” he spits, his true colors finally breaking through the façade.

  Bull stands quiet, but the clenching of his jaw hints this is just the beginning.

  “What do you want?” I cry, not understanding any of this.

  “It’s too late for that now. I gave you a chance to choose right, and you chose wrong. When you chose him, you decided how this ended.”

  “Christopher, please, give me back Jordy. Whatever issues you have with me, take them out on me. He’s just a b-boy,” I beg, suddenly unable to breathe.

  “Exactly. And he needs me to help shape him into a man. You’ve raised a sissy.”

  “You can’t do this!” I bellow, tugging at my hair so hard, my scalp aches. “I’ll c-call the p-police.”

  “Go for it. But you won’t like the consequences if you do because I am above the law. Besides, I’m not holding him against his will. He hates you anyway. He’s left alone most days so you can whore around. I’m doing him a favor.”

  Guilt swarms me because a small part of me hates that he’s right. Not the whoring part, but the fact Jordy hates me. He hasn’t had it easy growing up alone. I’ve tried to be there as much as I can, but being a single parent is hard.

  “Give me back my son!” I scream, tears scalding my cheeks as they fall.

  “I wish I could, but we’re going on a vacation. Jordy told me he’s never been on a plane before.” He doesn’t mask his disgust. “He’s safe. For now. He’s of use to me at the moment, but when the novelty wears off…”

  “Oh my god. Don’t you hurt him!” I cry, muting my whimpers behind my hand. “You son of a bitch. I’ll find you.”

  His scathing chuckles reveal just how out of my league I truly am. “You can try, but you didn’t have any luck finding me before so your chances aren’t so good.”

  Bull interlaces his hands behind his nape, raising his face to the ceiling. “You’ve been here this entire time? You’ve seen what I’ve gone through; yet, you decided to remain hidden? Until now?”

  “It seems you’ve bet on the wrong horse all your life, Lillian,” he cruelly states.

  I don’t believe this is real. How can I?

  “Why?” It’s all I can say.

  “Because you chose him over me.” And the line goes dead, just like my heart.

  “No, no, no!” I scream. Shaking the phone, I can’t believe this is happening. I quickly redial, but it goes to voicemail.

  Without thought, I race to the door, but Bull, even injured, is faster than me. “Get out of my w-way!” I demand, shoving against his chest.

  “We’ll get him back,” he promises, raising his hands in surrender. “Just hear me out.”

  “I’m done listening! Bull, move!” Hysteria has taken over, and I don’t know who is friend or foe anymore.

  But he doesn’t budge, infuriating me further.

  A surge charges through me, and I push at him, thumping my fists against his chest. But no matter how hard I hit him, he doesn’t move. “Please,” I cry, my guttural tears unable to stop. “I n-need to f-find him. He’s a-all I ha-have. Oh m-my g-god.”

  Air is siphoned from my lungs, and I wheeze, clutching at my chest. I can’t breathe. A shattered cry spills from me, and I buckle.

  “Tiger, shh, it’s all right.” Bull advances, wrapping his arms around me. But I don’t want his comfort. I don’t deserve it. I fight him off, snarling and cursing, but he only holds me tighter.

  He presses his chest to mine, breathing slowly and deeply, allowing me to feel his heart beat against mine. “That’s it,” he whispers, attempting to calm me down as he strokes my back. “Breathe, Lily, breathe.”

  Eventually, my winded wheezes calm, and I take in air slowly. But my heart, it aches. No matter that my breathing has quieted, I can’t stop the thrashing, the breaking of my heart.

  “Tell me everything,” I utter without feeling. All emotion has washed out of me.

  Bull releases me slowly but doesn’t move from his post in front of the door.

  He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Your brother has been blackmailing me. I was to be his snitch and relay information on his rival, Stevie Howells. He wants his drugs, his money, his fighting syndicate all because of a woman.

  “This has always been about revenge. It just took me a little while to figure it out.”

  Unable to digest this standing up, I amble over to the bed and slump on the end of it.

  “The night you found out who I was, your brother told me he wouldn’t hurt you or Jordy if I stayed away from you. He is a…sick animal. Before I…” He pauses before continuing. “I killed Kong, he told me the reason your brother no longer needed him was because he ordered him to kill…Jordy, but he couldn’t do it.”

  My lower lip trembles as I stare into thin air, seeing nothing but my stupidity. “Kill my son? Why?”

  “Because he is a product of your betrayal, of your love for someone other than him.”

  My choices have impacted my future in ways I never imagined. My relationship with Lachlan was fated, signed in the Devil’s blood.

  “I thought if I did what he wanted, you’d be safe. And besides, after everything I’ve done to you, leaving you alone was the right thing to do.”

  His regret is clear, but his chivalry cost me my son.

  “You should have told me,” I say, shaking my head.

  “I know, but until I could come up with a better plan, it was the only thing that made sense. So many other people are involved. Lotus, for one. Stevie wants to use The Pink Oyster for his money
laundering scam. I can’t let him do that to her.

  “Jaws wants the club. He wants to own this fucking city. All because Stevie has the woman he wants.”

  “Bianca,” I whisper, remembering Christopher mentioning her to me.

  “Who?” Bull asks, revealing this is one detail he’s been kept in the dark about.

  “He didn’t say much. Just that she taught him everything he knew. I could tell there were feelings involved. That’s all I know.”

  “Bianca must be the woman Jaws and Stevie are fighting over. From what Stevie revealed, she is with him now and is the reason he has dealings with the cartel. She’s our collateral. She’s Jaws’s Achilles’ heel.”

  Placing my face into my palms, I close my eyes, needing a minute to process all of this. This is a complicated web I wanted no part of.

  Removing my hands, I ask, “My safety wasn’t the only motivator, was it?”

  His Adam’s apple dips as he swallows. “No, it wasn’t.” I’m thankful he hasn’t lied to me, but this vendetta has nothing to do with me. “Your brother needed an inside man for his revenge, and I needed your brother for mine. If I didn’t do what he wanted, I would never avenge Damian.

  “He promised me a fair fight, but that would never happen. So, I had to agree to his terms until I could come up with another plan. And now I have one.”

  “What is it?”

  Bull hobbles toward me, and when he drops to his knees in front of me, something tugs at my heartstrings. “If I throw my next fight, the cartel gets me time alone with Scrooge. He will know where Jaws is.”

  He places his hands on my upper thighs, gripping them softly. “I promise you I will get Jordy back. He won’t hurt him because he needs him. He is collateral.”

  “He’s just a little boy.” My voice cracks, as does my heart.

  “I know, Tiger, but don’t forget, he’s your son. He isn’t helpless. He’s a fighter, like you. I’ve seen it.”

  “Who did I choose over Christopher?” Nothing makes sense anymore.

  Bull sighs before squeezing my thighs. “Lachlan, Jordy, and…” He quickly pauses, but he doesn’t need to fill in the blanks.

  “And you?” I add softly, placing my hand over his. I’m expecting him to flinch, but he doesn’t.

  “Yes.” A single word holds so much weight over our future. “He thinks he owns you, Tiger. And the fact you aren’t groveling at his feet, apologizing for falling for his best friend and having his baby, is the reason he’s pissed off.”

  “No one owns me,” I bark with bite.

  “And that’s the way it should be.”

  Chasing away my tears, I gently grip his bicep, coaxing him to come sit on the bed. He flinches, but slowly rises and sits down next to me.

  “Why did he come back into my life? Why didn’t he just stay gone?”

  “At first, it was because you started dancing and interfered with his business,” he reveals, not masking his disgust. And neither can I. “He stayed away as punishment. He saw how you struggled, but he didn’t care. Now he’s come back because he sees you as his property.

  “He is angry with you, not for sleeping with his best friend, but because you loved someone more than him.”

  The way Bull talks, it sounds like Christopher has sick feelings for me. But that can’t be true. Growing up, I never felt that way, but now, do I? Thinking back to the way he reacted to the man at the arcade, and the way he watches me dance, how feelings of…shame overwhelmed me, I realize that something isn’t right.

  “Carlos was hired by Christopher, wasn’t he?”

  “Yes. He came back into your life for another reason, and that’s because he’s seen us together. He knew he could use you as collateral against me. If we hadn’t acted on…” He pauses, searching for the right word. “This, then he would have just left you alone. To him, you were a smart business move.”

  My stomach roils, and I think I’m going to be sick.

  “But when he found out who I was, that’s when all of this hatched. He saw an opportunity and took it. He said it was poetic justice.”

  Bull doesn’t need to explain. Christopher saw our relationship growing, unbeknownst to us how deeply we were connected. This is kismet at its most fucked up.

  “I’m sorry I ever doubted you.” It’s important for me to get this off my chest. “It was never self-defense, was it?”

  Bull shakes his head, clenching and unclenching his fists. “No. I may have ‘started’ it, but your brother and his friends finished it when they thought it would be fun to hold back a fifteen-year-old and force him to watch them beat and kill his seventeen-year-old brother. Damian didn’t have any friends,” he spits. “All he had was me. And I couldn’t even help him. But now, I can.”

  “Lachlan held him down?” I need to know everything. My whole life, I had him on a pedestal, just like Christopher. It’s time that changed. Bull isn’t the bad guy—they are.

  “Yes,” Bull replies heavily. I know this is hard for him to talk about, but this will be the last time I ask. “He planted his boot into his back, ensuring he stayed down while Scrooge and Jaws had their fun.”

  A tear trickles down my cheek, and I allow it to fall as it’s the last one I will shed for someone I clearly didn’t know.

  “He should have called the ambulance. There was never a choice to make because he should have done the right thing.” I remember Bull told me Lachlan was the one who could have called, but he didn’t, and in turn, that one choice shattered the lives of so many.

  “But he didn’t, which shows me I didn’t know him at all. We all make mistakes, but that isn’t a mistake. That’s choosing between what’s right and what’s wrong.”

  Bull doesn’t show any emotion, but I’ve come to read him well. His shallow breathing and the clenching of his fists present how closely he’s trying to keep a lid on his emotions. Because for once in his life, he has someone in his corner.

  I need to believe fate brought us together for a reason. And that reason is revenge. “As I see it, we both want the same thing.”

  He slowly turns his chin to look at me, waiting, unsure what I mean.

  “For Jaws to pay. He is the reason for all of this. You didn’t start it; he did. And now, we’re going to finish it.”

  “Jaws?” he questions, as it’s the first time I’ve referred to my brother by his nickname. And it was done with intent.

  “The Christopher I know is dead to me…and all that’s left is Jaws, the asshole who killed your brother and played me. The motherfucker who took my son. So whatever you have planned, count me in. I know we can’t go to the cops, and Jaws is good at disappearing. He’s been under my nose this entire time, and I didn’t even know.

  “If he takes Jordy, I’m afraid I’ll never see him again.”

  I wait for him to fight me, to tell me he’s a lone wolf just as his tattoo states. And if he does, then I will just do this on my own. I lured Jaws to the shallows, and I can do so again.

  But he doesn’t.

  Even beneath his bruises, I see a smirk tug at his lips. It feeds the monster within. “I hope you have a nice dress.”

  “Why?” I ask, arching a brow.

  “Because we have a gala to attend.”

  And just like that, two foes become friends…but we always were.

  Lily

  “She was such a wonderful woman.”

  “Yes, she was.”

  “I’m really going to”—sniff, sniff—“miss her. I remember when she—”

  Blah fucking blah.

  But I ensure my poker face is in check as Melanie Arnolds hugs me for the third time in the span of two minutes.

  I don’t understand what it is about death that makes people want to pretend they were BFFs with the deceased. Melanie barely acknowledged Avery when she was alive, but now, she’s behaving as if they were Thelma and Louise, 2.0.

  Looking at the sea of faces who attended Avery’s funeral leaves me angry, well, angrier. It’s been
three days since my brother kidnapped my son, and here I am, pretending to give a shit about people reminiscing about what a wonderful woman Avery was.

  This would have been far more meaningful if they’d told these things to Avery’s face and not just her ceramic urn. But it’s too late, just as it’s too late for me to tell Jaws what a fucking asshole he is to his face.

  Melanie mistakes my tears as ones of sadness. They are filled with nothing but rage.

  Wiping them away with the back of my hand, I excuse myself and make my way toward the drinks table. After pouring myself a glass of scotch, I gulp it down, ignoring the way it gurgles in my empty stomach.

  No matter how many times I called Jaws, or regardless of the fact I camped outside his house, he remained a ghost. He was ghosting me with my son in tow.

  I started to dial 911 so many times but hung up because each and every time, Jaws’s warning played over and over in my mind. What consequences does he speak of? Honestly, it could be anything. He has my entire life in his hands.

  Pouring another glass of scotch, I throw it back, the burn matching the one behind my eyes as hot, angry tears scald me raw. I was so stupid to believe his story. Jaws played me for a fool, and now Jordy is paying the price for my stupidity.

  Avery’s lawyer has been in touch. He said Avery’s funeral arrangements were all taken care of. She wanted something simple, and she didn’t want to make a fuss. It was just like Avery to go out low-key. Once the funeral was done, he said he’d be in touch to discuss her will.

  It was the last thing I wanted to do, but if Avery has any last wishes, then I intend to ensure they are fulfilled. But I can deal with that another day because once this sham is over with, I am one step closer to getting back my son.

  It’s the night of Bull’s fight—the fight he’s to throw so he can gain access to the man we both want. Bull believes that Scrooge will know of Jaws’s whereabouts. They were thick as thieves when I was a kid, so I trust his gut instinct.

  It goes without saying that I’m no longer working at Blue Bloods. Carlos kicked up a stink, threatening to sue as I was in breach of my contract, but he was bluffing. I had some collateral of my own because I have no doubt that Blue Bloods is a front for Jaws’s dirty money.