As Long as You Love Me

by Ann Aguirre

  While I trembled, he fastened up my clothes. “There, now you can go.”

  “Seriously? You want me to leave? Now?” God, I sounded so breathless.

  “Not at all,” he whispered. “But anticipation, remember? By the time we fuck, Lauren, you’ll want me more than anyone who’s ever been in your bed.”

  My only consolation was that he was shaking, too, and he clenched his right hand into a fist so tight, his knuckles burned white, like the bone beneath. Trying to tempt him, I blathered something incoherent about that already being true, but he only kissed my forehead and escorted me to the truck. Rob started it, and we sat in the dark cab, waiting for it to warm up. His sweetness combined with this teasing... Damn, it might be the end of me. I’d never been one for delayed gratification.

  It took all my willpower not to beg for sex, so this game he was playing—it was definitely working. My only consolation was that when I leaned over to kiss Rob goodbye, his shoulders were as tense as two slabs of granite. At least I’m not suffering alone. That assurance let me drive off, cautiously, into the snowy evening. Twenty minutes later, I pulled into my driveway. My mom’s car was there, but the lights were out. I guessed she must be with Stuart.

  I changed out of my work clothes, then sat down at my laptop. Over the years, I’d built enough websites that I could do this in my sleep. With stock photos and Photoshop, I pulled together some graphics, then started coding. I hated Flash sites, so I worked in CSS, putting together a basic template in earth tones...drop-down menu, there we go. Finally, I added rugged photos of lumber and men at work to set the tone. When I had the chance, I’d take some pictures of Rob to spice things up.

  A couple of hours later, I finished the basic template. Products needed to be added to get the storefront working and Rob had to create the content—I figured I’d help. If he liked what I’d done on the free hosting that came with my mom’s internet, then I’d register a domain and pay for permanent hosting. Stretching, I stood up from the computer.

  After showering, I got in bed to watch TV. I was nearly asleep when the text came in. Thinking of you.

  I hoped that was as dirty as my imagination painted it. So I sent back, Me too. And it’s SO good. See you in the morning.

  The next day, I was eating breakfast when my mom got in, but she wasn’t in the same outfit. So she’s got clothes at Stuart’s place. Wonder if he has some here. But it wasn’t my business, and I wasn’t the kind of person who would freak out about my mom finally having a life. Yet I couldn’t resist teasing her a little.

  “I hope you were careful. You could ruin your life with an unplanned pregnancy.”

  She grinned. “Do you really want me to answer that? I will.”

  “Never mind.” God, it was so weird to have my mom responding when I joked around like this. But it was good, too, like seeing a statue come to life. That didn’t mean I wanted any more information on this topic, though. So I hurriedly dumped my bowl in the sink and washed it out. “I’m going to Rob’s. See you later.”

  “How are things going?” she asked.

  “Good, I guess. He doesn’t want to rush.”

  I let her make of that what she would, but my mom apparently had lines she wouldn’t cross, either. “Well, I think it’s sweet he’s taking things slow.”

  Aside from the sexual frustration, I didn’t really mind. Rob didn’t make me feel like his interest would wane as soon as he got into my pants. So in that sense, his approach was working. I already believed he wanted more than my body.

  “It’s...endearing,” I admitted.

  “Does tomorrow night work for you?” my mom asked, changing the subject.

  I cocked my head, trying to follow the sudden skip. “For what?”

  “Karaoke.”

  Oh. “Rob said yes. I still have to ask everyone else. But for us, sure. Looking forward to it.”

  “Me, too,” Mom said.

  Waving to her, I got all my tech gear, bundled up and drove to Rob’s place. Though it was early for a Saturday—before ten—he was already watching for me. I parked in the garage as the doors opened, and he helped me unload.

  “What is all this?”

  “My laptop and a decent camera, plus various cables. I hope you like the site. Oh, and we need to talk about the name. I was thinking ‘Rob the Builder’ might be cute, but it’s also really close to that kid show—”

  He cut me off with a kiss. “Good morning.”

  “Heh, sorry. Morning. I’m just excited.”

  “You’re adorable.”

  He carried my bag into the house, where I set up my computer so I could walk him through the website features. “It’s really customizable, so if there’s anything you don’t like, it’ll be easy for me to change it. Obviously we need to add pictures, content, products, but...what do you think?” I slid the laptop to him so he could explore.

  After a few minutes of clicking around, he turned to me with an astonished expression. “This is so impressive. This would’ve cost thousands of dollars, wouldn’t it?”

  “Maybe. Hundreds more likely, because I started with a free template, so a lot of the heavy lifting was done. I just—”

  “I can tell you worked really hard. I love it. And thank you.”

  “Awesome. Now I have an idea how we can both get what we want today. While you’re working in the kitchen, I want to film you. If possible, unless it’ll be too distracting, explain what you’re doing as you go. Would that be okay?”

  “I don’t know why anybody would want to watch that, but sure.”

  “Trust me,” I said.

  “I do, more than anyone.” The gentleness of his tone made my heart hitch. Somehow, though we’d only slept together in the most literal sense, Rob had burrowed so deep inside me that it was terrifying.

  Don’t panic, I told myself. You can rely on him. He’s not the leaving kind.

  “After that, we can have lunch and work on fleshing out the website. My goal is to launch by Monday. I have some ideas on how to promote it. So be ready to take some orders.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  In a tool belt, Rob was every bit as irresistible as I’d imagined. While he banged away in the kitchen, muscles flexing, he explained to the viewer what he was doing and why. His manner was easy, relaxed, and the camera loved him. So did I.

  Shit, what...? But it was too late to put that insight back in Pandora’s box. This wasn’t a crush. It was Lurve. Capital L. Fuck, why? My first instinct was to run. My heartbeat went into overdrive and my intestines twisted up in knots. I couldn’t even see, let alone inhale, and I almost dropped the camera. Breathe, breathe. My palms started sweating.

  “Lauren?” Rob had paused, frowning, hammer in hand, and he was coming toward me.

  “I’m fine. I’m okay, I’m...awesome.”

  Oh, God, don’t touch me. Not now. I might ravish you.

  He cocked a brow, but he was smiling. “I agree.”

  Then he went back to work. Somehow I silently talked myself into calming down. And because I’d promised him a certain outcome, I finished shooting.

  A while later, the mini panic attack dealt with, I checked footage in the window on the back of the camera. “This looks fantastic. Did you come up with a name yet?”

  “Unless you think it’s stupid, I like Rob the Builder.”

  “No, it’s fine. I don’t think there are any copyright issues. But I think that should be limited to your website. Your vlog segment needs a different title.”

  “‘At Home with Rob’?” he suggested.

  “Sounds great.” I went to work creating the video channel.

  “Okay, then. I’ll make some lunch.”

  “Do you mind if I take a few pictures of the furniture you’ve made?” He had the bed, the dining-room tables,
chairs, a few pieces up in his room. “Finished pieces will show better.”

  “Go for it.”

  While he browned ground beef, I adjusted the lighting and shot some photos—not professional quality, but hopefully good enough to interest customers who were drawn to unique, handcrafted goods. After I connected the camera to my laptop, I questioned Rob about his goals, which I then typed up on the welcome page. Next I fleshed out the product page with the pictures and brief item descriptions. Now I just needed to write something in the “about” section. Over lunch, Rob helped me with that. His construction résumé was really impressive; he’d worked on a number of huge projects. But people would be more interested in the progress he’d made on the house.

  “Do you have any ‘before’ pictures?”

  “Huh?”

  “Of the dining room and your bedroom?”

  “Oh. Actually, yeah. Let me get my phone.”

  I uploaded them to my laptop and spiced up the site further with before-and-after shots of the work he’d done. “There we go. That went a lot faster than I expected. Once I edit your vlog, upload it, link your site to the channel, then we’ll launch.”

  “Today?” he asked.

  “If I push, yes.”

  “You’re amazing. Do you think anyone will even see all your hard work?”

  “In time. I’ve learned a few things online. There are forums, places I can advertise you. It’ll take a little money, but it’s worth it. Have you been sticking to your budget?”

  He frowned at me. “Yes. You’re saying I should spend my savings on this?”

  “Not all, but some. It’s worth investing in your dreams, Rob. I believe in you, and you should, too.” If he refused, I’d use part of my paycheck and buy the ads myself.

  “Okay. Just tell me what to do.”

  Excited, I leaped up from the table and hugged him. “Just wait, you won’t be sorry. If things go like I hope, you’ll eventually be able to live on what you earn building furniture. You can set your own hours, be your own boss.”

  “That would be incredible.” My enthusiasm fired his, and he swung me around in his arms, then buried his face in my neck. “I have never, ever been this happy.”

  His words went to my head like expensive champagne. My throat closed, so I couldn’t speak. I just held him as hard as I could.

  Rob went on in a whisper, “You’re making it really hard to wait.”

  “Good,” I said.

  I shouldn’t be the only one who’s sexually frustrated.

  “But why are you still waiting?” There had to be a reason other than anticipation, and maybe his answer would help me cool off.

  His lips moved over my neck, then he bit down gently. The smooth stroke of his palms up and down my spine almost made me forget I’d said anything. But then Rob cleared his throat, drawing back enough that I could see the heat blazing in his blue eyes.

  “Because I want to be sure the timing’s right and that neither of us has any doubts. I don’t want us to regret anything, Lauren. Plus, I need to show Avery some respect. I feel guilty about that public kiss, so soon after the split, but I couldn’t help it. You were so damn cute and sexy—” He broke off, regrouping before he continued. “I couldn’t control myself then, so I have to now. For a little longer anyway. Until it feels...decent.”

  Rob wasn’t always the best at articulating his thoughts and motivations, so I wasn’t 100 percent sure what to make of this. “Do you still have...feelings for Avery? Is that why you’re worried about her?” If he said yes, I might hyperventilate.

  He shook his head immediately. “No. It’s about doing this the right way and me not feeling like an asshole over being with you.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I won’t push.”

  “I appreciate it. If you think this is easy, then you have no idea how much I want you or how long it’s been that way.”

  “You could tell me.”

  In response, he pulled me onto his lap, the hard length of him like hot metal beneath me. I resisted the urge to straddle him, sensing that wasn’t what he had in mind. Not yet, anyway. He cradled me against his chest, rubbing his cheek against my hair. I listened to him breathe, just waiting for him to speak.

  “This is another story, I guess. Like the one when you were going out in the red dress.”

  “I’m all ears.”

  He traced the curve of the right one, fingers drifting lower to cup my cheek. Instinctively I lifted my face for a kiss, but he only ran this thumb against my jaw, closer, closer to my lips. I parted them, hardly able to breathe. My pulse went crazy.

  “Seeing you at Thanksgiving...” He let out a slow breath. “It was like we came full circle. I remembered how you used to follow me around, but in November, you didn’t even look at me, like I was a nonperson in your eyes.”

  It hurt to say this out loud. “That’s because you were with Avery.”

  “One of the reasons I was with Avery was because I didn’t think I’d ever have you. And that’s not a good reason, you know? So I tried my hardest for her because my heart wasn’t in it.”

  “You feel guilty about that, too,” I realized aloud.

  He nodded. “For you and me, this has been years in the making. It’s not too much to ask for us to wait a little more, just to make sure Avery’s okay, right?” Now that I understood everything, I could give him all the time he needed.

  “Sure.” For five minutes or so, he just held me, though his erection didn’t subside in the slightest. Part of me felt bad about what seemed like incredible temptation, but if Rob could handle it, I could, too. At last he let go and set me on the floor, the banked smolder in his eyes like dry lightning on a hot summer night. I could almost forget there was snow on the ground outside.

  Rob exhaled slowly, as if clinging by a thread to his self-control. Then he changed the subject and put some physical distance between us. “Any word on karaoke?”

  It took me a minute to catch up. “Oh, tomorrow night. Can you make it?”

  “Absolutely. I said I would, didn’t I?” Rob kissed the tip of my nose. From anyone else, the move probably would’ve irritated me. I didn’t do cute with the guys I dated. But then, Rob and I weren’t officially there yet.

  “Let me call Krista and Avery while I’m thinking about it.”

  “You’re inviting Avery?” Rob tilted his head, grinning. “This should be...interesting.”

  Relief bubbled up. Though I’d told him I would befriend her even if he objected, it helped that he was such a good guy. A weaker man would let the regret keep him from facing her.

  Getting out my phone, I dialed and got Krista on the second ring. The convo was short and sweet. “Yeah, I’d love to come. Pick me up?”

  “Around six.”

  After hanging up, Rob programmed Avery’s contact info into my phone. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too pissed at him for giving it to me or over the invitation in general.

  As expected, she was a tougher sell than Krista. “Who is this? How did you get my number?”

  I girded my loins for battle, nudging Rob away from my shoulder. If he kissed me, Avery would hear it in my voice. “It’s Lauren. A bunch of us are going to karaoke tomorrow night, and I wondered if you want to join us.”

  The pause stretched out so long, I thought maybe she’d hung up. Finally, she asked, “Why?”

  “Because it’ll be fun. Maybe.” Generally speaking, I enjoyed karaoke, though the company made all the difference. In that moment I missed Nadia more than ever. Maybe I hadn’t been fair. I mean, I was secretly mad at her for not sensing things about me—she was supposed to be my best friend, after all—but she wasn’t a mind reader. I shouldn’t be so conflicted when I was the one who’d shut her out.

  “Who’s ‘us’?” Avery sounded suspicious, like this mi
ght be a trick.

  “My mom, her boyfriend, Krista, Rob, me—”

  “You seriously expect me to go out with my ex?” Her tone was a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

  “No, he’ll just be there. Look, what better way to prove to people that you’re fine? Come on, we’ll have a blast. Don’t be stubborn.” She hesitated, so I added, “If you hang up, I’m calling back. I’ll bother you until you say yes.”

  Finally, she sighed. “Fine. When?”

  “Tomorrow at six-fifteen. We’ll pick you up. See you then.” I ended the convo before she could argue with me.

  “You just got Avery to agree to karaoke? Wow. What’s your next miracle?”

  Making the rest of the world see you like I do.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  That night, I edited the video and posted to the channel “At Home with Rob,” then I uploaded it. A few finishing touches, then presto. I published. I had credits with a few services, so I used them to get some views on his videos, and then I went to bed. In the morning, I did a little more promo and sent in my college application. The cool part was that I could use Rob’s website as part of my portfolio. Though I wasn’t going into design, it wouldn’t hurt my chances.

  By half past five, I was ready when Rob picked me up. My mom and Stuart had already left, planning to meet us there. Though I doubted Stuart’s concern about getting a big enough table would be a problem in Edison on a Sunday night, it was sweet of him to care. I bounded out the door, and Rob grabbed me like it had been more than twelve hours. Even through our coats, I admired the strength of him as he lifted me for a kiss. I’d never dated a guy so unabashedly physical. If we had time, he’d probably put me on the hood of his truck and make it last ten minutes. The urge flickered in his eyes, but it passed, and he let me climb into the cab on my own.

  “Are you almost done teasing me? Death by sexual frustration will be superembarrassing on the coroner’s report.”