For Now

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “Hello,” I say, looking down at it as it slowly flaps its wings while it sits on me.

  And then it’s gone as quick as it came and Javi and I are alone in the sun.

  “It’s so pretty here. I wonder what it was like when people actually came to this church,” I say, looking back at it.

  “There was a little village nearby, but it’s pretty much gone now. There are a lot of places like that around. There was a mill that supported most of the people here, but it closed so people moved on.”

  “Sad.”

  “Yeah, it is.” Javi lies back and I lie next to him. He puts his arm around me and I have to close my eyes because the sun is so bright.

  I’m drowsy and the sun isn’t helping. I snuggle into Javi and let myself relax. We both sigh.

  “She would have loved you,” Javi whispers and that’s the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.

  The next thing I know, the sun has moved in the sky and I’m stiff from lying on the grass. I look over and Javi is still asleep, but the second I move, his eyes open.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey,” he says, pulling me on top of him. Oh. Is this happening now?

  He runs his hands up and down my back and I can tell what his intentions are.

  “I can’t. Not here. Not after you told me your grandmother is watching you here.” I look up, like she’s going to be standing right there and glaring at us.

  Javi chuckles.

  “That’s okay, babe.”

  I get off him and he sits up.

  “Are you hungry? I brought some food.” We go back to the truck and he pulls the tailgate down before lifting me up and setting me on it and hopping up beside me. From the cooler in the back he pulls a few sandwiches, some chips and some sodas. He must have packed us some food while I was in the shower this morning.

  Of course, the sandwiches are not your run-of-the-mill PB&J. They’re prosciutto and Havarti with spinach and dill mayo.

  We munch on our sandwiches and stare out at the trees.

  “Since we did something so… intense this morning, I figured we could do something less intense later. Got any ideas?” he says. I think for a moment.

  “Sure. I’ve got an idea. But you’re going to have to let me drive when we get back to the highway.” He grunts. Yeah, I figured he wouldn’t like me driving his truck. Even though it’s nothing special, guys are weird like that about their vehicles.

  “I guess.”

  “I’m not going to wreck your truck, babe.” He shrugs one shoulder.

  “I guess.”

  I roll my eyes and steal his bag of chips since mine is empty.

  “You’re lucky I love you, babe.” I chomp loudly on the chips and grin at him.

  Javi gets us back to the highway and pulls off at a rest stop so we can switch.

  “Just be careful. Don’t burn out my clutch.” I motion for him to move so I can get in the driver’s seat. He finally does.

  “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll buy you a new one.” It was only fair.

  He winces as I shift out of Park and put the truck in gear. My car is a standard, so I know how to drive stick, but his truck is a bit different from my little sedan.

  “Wow, I feel powerful up here.” I look down from my new height. This is pretty sweet.

  “I could get used to this,” I say and head toward the exit so I can get back on the highway.

  Every time I shift, Javi winces next to me. It’s both irritating and hilarious.

  “You’re acting like I’m physically hurting you. Calm down.” I reach over and pat his shoulder.

  “This truck and I have been through a lot together. It’s hard to explain,” he says. I really am taking as much care as I can so I don’t know what more he wants from me. Maybe this was a bad idea.

  “If it bothers you so much, you pick the radio station.” That seems to cheer him up a little and he goes straight for the classic rock. I have no idea what the song is, but Javi starts singing along and banging out a beat on the dashboard.

  I head south and find the exit I’m looking for. I haven’t been here for a few years, but I remember the way. I used to come here in high school all the time.

  “How good are you at climbing fences?” I ask, a few minutes before we get there.

  “Fences?”

  “Yeah, chain-link specifically.”

  “I’ve done it a few times.” I can imagine.

  “Good.”

  “Where the hell are we going?” he asks, almost whining.

  “This is just karma, babe. You did the same thing to me this morning.”

  I finally pull into the old abandoned lot. I’ve come here plenty of times and never been caught so I’m not worried.

  “What’s this?” Javi asks, squinting out the dashboard.

  “Every teenager’s dream. Abandoned amusement park. It shut down in the 90s and no one’s taken responsibility for it.” I get out of the truck and toss the keys to Javi. He catches them and shoves them back in his pocket.

  There are a ton of faded flyers on the fence, but I’ve never paid attention to them before.

  I look around for the wooden crate I used to use to boost myself up and find it piled near some cinderblocks. Guess someone else has been coming here too.

  Javi gets up first and climbs the fence like a pro, sitting on the top and reaching down for me. I hook my feet in the links and he hoists me up and then we both turn and drop to the ground.

  “Good job, babe,” I say, panting a little. Guess I was in better shape in high school, although I didn’t work out then either.

  We both gaze out at the abandoned park with its broken-down Ferris wheel, busted carousel and empty snack stands.

  Everything is peeling paint and faded colors. It makes me sad, but in a good way.

  “Spooky,” Javi says as we walk toward the Ferris wheel.

  “It is. But I like it anyway.” Javi doesn’t ask if it’s safe to wander around here. I like that.

  “I used to come here in high school when I wanted to get away from my family. People used to have parties and shit here, but I’d come when no one was around.”

  He steps over a tipped over trashcan and I kick at a rusted can.

  “Come on,” I say, leading him to my favorite spot.

  There’s a machine with swings hanging from it that used to whip them around, but it’s long since stopped working. I climb the rickety platform and Javi follows. The swings hold two people, so I get in one and Javi gets in next to me.

  “Don’t worry, they’re secure. And we wouldn’t go very far.” The swings only hang a few feet off the ground.

  Javi puts his arm around me and we rock, banging our swing into the one next to it.

  “I almost feel like we’re the last two people on earth, you know?” he says quietly.

  “Yeah. When I wanted to feel alone, this is where I’d come. I liked feeling alone. I don’t anymore though.” I’ve been a loner much of my life, but it never really worked. I like being around people. Shannon, Jett and Javi and my other friends.

  “That makes me sad, but I know what you mean. But now you don’t have to be alone anymore,” he says and I turn and look at him.

  “That’s good. Being alone sucked.”

  “Yeah, babe, it did.”

  We don’t stay long at the park, but Javi and I find one of the booths with the stupid games. It’s the one where you toss the balls at the milk bottles and try to knock them down. A lot of the bottles are broken or missing, but we find a few and set them up.

  “I’m not going to play you because you’re definitely going to win,” I say. I don’t need to see him throw the ball to know he’d kick my ass at this particular game.

  “Aw, come on, babe. Please? Not even if I let you win?” He can be very persuasive when he wants to be.

  “If you do it with your eyes closed.”

  He raises one eyebrow.

  “Fine.” He turns toward the setup of bottles and closes his ey
es before he pulls his arm back and throws the ball.

  It slams right into the middle of the bottles and knocks every single one down.

  I make a disgusted sound and he opens his eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to make that happen.”

  “Sure, babe. Whatever.” He goes to set up the bottles again and hands me one of the balls.

  “Your turn.”

  I do my best and knock down all but three of the bottles.

  “Not bad. You’ve got a good arm. Your form just needs work.” Javi comes behind me and brings my arm back and positions my body.

  “You’re doing that thing,” I say, leaning back into him. I can’t help it.

  “What thing?” he says in my ear.

  “That thing where guys pretend to show a girl how to do something, but it’s just so they can feel them up and not be a total creep about it, while actually being a creep about it.” He laughs and the movement vibrates against my back and reminds me of all the things we did last night.

  It’s safe to say that Javi and I are adventurous when it comes to sex. Short of adding another person to the mix (which I’m definitely not up for), neither one of us has a lot of reservations.

  “I’m not being creepy, am I?” he says, pushing his pelvis into my back. We were in this very position last night, only we were horizontal.

  “No, you’re making me want to take your pants off.”

  “Good.” He grinds against me again.

  “You’re being bad, babe.”

  “You love it, babe.”

  I do. I absolutely love it.

  So I whip around and kiss him hard before grabbing his hand and dragging him against the wall of the booth.

  “You ever had sex in an abandoned amusement park before?” I ask as I push his shirt up.

  “Nope. But I’m definitely willing to try.” He pulls out a condom from his back pocket. Always prepared, my Javier.

  “Good.” Getting completely naked isn’t practical, so we just pull things down and push them up and before I know it, Javi is pushing me against the wall and fucking me standing up. I wrap one leg around him and he holds onto it and uses it as leverage to go deeper.

  I am a little sore, but I seriously don’t care, especially when Javi reaches a hand between us and rubs just above our point of connection, driving me even further toward the peak of pleasure.

  We both come fast. Afterward, he rests his head on my shoulder and lets my leg down.

  “Did you plan that?” I grin at him.

  “Nope. Inspiration struck so I thought I should go with it.” His smile matches mine.

  “You should always go with your inspiration, babe. Always.”

  After the sex we wander back to the truck. Javi shakes the lock on the fence, but it’s not going anywhere. I really don’t feel like climbing back over, but we don’t have a choice. The sun is going down and the likelihood of someone else showing up and seeing is growing higher. I’m sure many a drug deal has been conducted on these premises.

  “I have some tools in the truck I might be able to break this with, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

  “Probably not,” I say as he starts pulling himself up the chain-link fence. I’m all wobbly as I slowly try to climb. Yeah, I had definitely been in better shape in high school. Maybe I should start working out or something.

  I finally get to the top of the fence.

  “That sucked,” I say as Javi hops down.

  “Then let me catch you,” he says, holding his arms open.

  I’m dubious about the drop, but I throw myself down and he does catch me, my feet clattering against the ground a little.

  “I got you, babe.” I start humming the song by Sonny and Cher as we walk back to the truck.

  “You think you can get back to the highway?” I ask as I reach for the passenger door.

  “Yes.” He gives me a look that makes me not argue with him. Note to self, Javi is protective of his truck.

  “You hungry?” I say as we bounce down the road and away from the park. “There’s a pizza place not that far from here.” I give him directions as he drives.

  “Is it even open?” Javi asks when we arrive, and I point to the barely-on neon sign that sputters and almost goes out before it flares to life again.

  The place is nothing more than a glorified trailer that someone made into a pizza place by adding some tables and making the kitchen bigger.

  A bell tinkles as we walk in and a few people look up at us.

  “What do you want, babe?” I ask Javi as he reads the menu written in marker on a whiteboard and hung on the wall.

  “I’m good with whatever you want, babe.” He pulls me close and gives me a kiss on the cheek. The bored guy behind the counter just waits for us to be done.

  “Pepperoni. And pineapple,” I say. Maybe we can do with pizza what Jett and Shannon did with nachos.

  “That actually sounds good, babe.” Javi says and grabs my ass. I give him a look to tell him to cool it. I’m all fine and dandy if he wants to get grabby with me when we’re alone, but I draw the line at public groping. And that time he went down on me in the mirror doesn’t count.

  We order a large pepperoni and pineapple and get sodas out of a machine that sounds like it’s on its last legs. The table we pick is covered in one of those red and white plastic checkerboard tablecloths like you’d have at a barbecue.

  “This is, uh, a nice place,” Javi says, looking around. There’s a water stain on the ceiling that kind of looks like Abraham Lincoln. I point it out to Javi.

  “Oh yeah, it kind of does. With that little piece at the top for his hat.”

  We sip our watered-down and practically flat sodas as the people in the kitchen have some sort of dispute. If I remember correctly, the entire place is run by one family. Mother, father, their kids and a few uncles and nieces and nephews.

  “That doesn’t sound good,” Javi says as there’s a clatter in the back, followed by more yelling.

  “Yeah, I have no idea how this pizza is gonna turn out. It might be awful.”

  It probably will be.

  But being here with Javi, at this crappy pizza place, I’m so fucking happy, I want to jump on the table and burst into song like someone from a musical.

  “What’s with the face?” Javi asks as the door tinkles and two more people come in. They’re both sullen and look like they’d rather be anywhere else. In fact, most of the people in here have that look.

  “What face?” I wasn’t aware of making any particular face.

  “You look so happy.” He seems surprised.

  “I am,” I say and lean across the table to give him a kiss as the guy who took our order announces that our pizza is ready.

  “Good. I like seeing you happy. I like to think I have some part of it.”

  “A big part,” I say as he goes to get the pizza and I get some plates, napkins and silverware.

  The pizza is massive and actually doesn’t look that bad. They loaded us up with the pepperoni and pineapple.

  “I take back what I said earlier about this pizza sucking. It kind of looks amazing,” Javi says. Probably why this place is still in business. It sure doesn’t have anything to do with the fabulous atmosphere and impeccable décor.

  “Well, we haven’t eaten it yet, so don’t get ahead of yourself,” I say as we each take a steaming piece. I decide to wait for a moment to give mine a chance to cool, but Javi just bites in and then winces.

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” I say. He sucks air into his mouth and sets the piece down.

  “Fanks, I fink I burned my fung.” I don’t need a translator for that one.

  “Serves you right. Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to mess around with things that are hot?” Too late I realize my mistake.

  Javi gives me a grim smile.

  “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have said that,” I say. He shrugs one shoulder and wipes his mouth with a napkin.

 
; “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. And yes, Mimi did teach me how to avoid hot things. She didn’t pull any punches. She told me not to touch the stove, since it was hot. Of course I had to test that and I burned my entire hand. Before she took me to the emergency room, she yelled at me. I was in so much pain that it’s a wonder I even remember anything, but it’s so clear in my head. I’ll never forget how red her face got and how many times she cursed.” He grins and I can’t even imagine. My parents never really cared about me enough to yell at me. They pretty much ignored me.

  I used to do things to try to get them to notice me, but figured out real quick that no matter what I did, short of cutting off my own arm, they weren’t going to see me. I was eight when I gave up on them.

  I take a bite of the now-cooler pizza and it’s really good.

  “Wow,” I say, my mouth full. Javi takes another bite and agrees.

  “You done?” Javi asks when we’ve eaten all but three slices. Javi really knows how to put it away, but I’m not surprised. I’ve seen him eat plenty of times.

  “Yeah. I don’t think I can move. Carry me to the car, babe?”

  “If you carry me to the car, babe.”

  “That’s not possible, babe. We can’t carry each other.”

  “Sure we can.” I get up and lean on him and tell him to put his arm around me. Like a pair of weirdoes we sort of limp out of the restaurant. Javi’s nice and boosts me up into the truck.

  “Is it just me, or is your truck cab higher now?” I say once I’m in.

  “It’s just you, babe.” He hauls himself in and we just sit there for a minute.

  “Do you want to go back?”

  “Sure, I guess. Not much else to do. And I should probably get working on the crap I missed today.” Even though I feel a pang of guilt for missing class, I’m glad Javi and I had this day together. We covered a lot of emotional ground in just a few hours together.

  “Yeah, I know what you mean. But I wouldn’t take this day back. Would you?” he asks as he drives back onto the road.

  “Hell no. Today was a little bit perfect, babe.”