Finding Faith

by B. E. Baker

  I'm walking toward the fountain drink station, Amy on my heels, when Luke comes over and crouches down by Amy. “How about you and Chase go play and let me talk to my friend Mary for a little while?”

  Amy frowns. “She's my friend, too. She promised.”

  Luke nods. “She is your friend, and you've kind of taken up all her time today. I think it's my turn for a few minutes. Can you go play with Chase?” He bops her on the nose with a card.

  She huffs, but she takes the card. She doesn't run off, though. She turns toward me instead. “Are you going home right after this?”

  I glance at Luke. We hadn't even discussed dinner, and now that we're eating here, I’m not sure what I’m doing.

  He reaches over and takes my hand in his. He held my hand in the truck earlier, but it's different with gloves off. His fingers are warm and my heart races when our fingers interlace. “Can you stay a little longer?”

  “Yeah,” I say, “I guess so.”

  Amy beams at me, and then bounds off to find Chase. They both start throwing small, squishy, brown footballs over a touchdown pole.

  Luke lets go of my hand to fill up our drinks, but once we've gotten the sodas to the table, he reaches over the laminate tabletop and interlaces the fingers of both his hands with mine. “Thanks for suggesting a kid friendly place. I know you aren't a fan, but you've been pretty understanding.”

  I look down at where our fingers join. My small hands and his large calloused ones. I trace the callouses on the sides of his fingers. “I like kids actually. Remember?”

  His lips compress. “I thought you said you wouldn't date anyone with kids.”

  I bite my lip. “I did, but it's not because I don't like them.”

  “So you don't mind?”

  I roll my eyes. “Well, I would be breaking all my rules if I were actually dating you, right? But this doesn’t count, because you're leaving soon.”

  He grins. “I don’t want you to run screaming out of here, although I’m not sure anyone working in this madhouse would blame you, but it feels sort of like we're actually dating. To me anyway.”

  My heart flip flops. “My parents did such a bad job with us, Luke. You have no idea.”

  Luke squeezes my hands. “Which is why you know how to get things right.”

  I shake my head. “My mom only cared about work. She left us because she couldn't do both, or maybe she didn’t want to do both. And when she left, it completely broke my dad. He started drinking and Trudy and I, we just had to kind of fend for ourselves. I won't risk the chance that I’m like that at my core. I can’t. Do you understand?”

  He lowers his head, his eyes on me until I meet them. “Not really, because I see you, Mary. I haven’t known you long, but you’re nothing like the woman you’re describing.”

  I shake my head. “You don't get it. My dad always told me I’m just like her. My mom might have left for an unpopular career, but she loved driving trucks. She loved seeing the world, and the feeling of accomplishment when she dropped off her load. She told me and I remember it. My dad’s right. I am like her, and even though I didn’t mean to become a career woman, I did. I love my job, and I want to work, and I'll always want to work. I always thought I’d be more like my baby sister—she has a little boy, and she stays home with him. I love Troy, and she loves staying home with him, but that's not me. I’m not like her, I’m like, well, I’m like my mom was.”

  Luke clears his throat. “I don’t want to upset you, and I’m not trying to be argumentative, honestly, but are you really saying the only way to be a good mom is to stay home with your kids?” His eyebrows rise.

  I pull my hands back and lean back in the booth. “I'm not saying that, not precisely. But I would want to be involved if I had kids. And I spend so much time right now at work, and the rest of my time either running, or volunteering. I don't want to give any of that up. There isn't enough time left over in my life for me to bake a cake twice a month, much less have kids, not the way I'd want to take care of them.”

  The pizza comes before Luke can reply, and the kids notice it's arrived. They shoot toward our table like heat seeking arrows, darting in and out of groups of people. Chase even shoots underneath a tall dad’s legs and I suppress a laugh when the man almost topples over.

  Once they arrive, Amy stares defiantly at her dad as she slides in next to me in the booth. Luke grins at her, and places a slice of pizza on her plate. He doesn't bring up kids, or jobs or anything else. We talk, we laugh, and once the pizza's gone, I even ride a plastic horse while Amy watches and claps.

  “What did you think of Chuck-e-Cheese?” Amy asks. “As fun as you thought it would be?”

  “It was a lot of fun.”

  Amy narrows her eyes at me. “You didn't even do anything. You just sat here talking the whole time.” She grabs my hand and drags me over to the Chuck-e-Cheese booth, where a machine draws our picture. Next we're off to ride on a train car that my bum barely fits into. I'm laughing about it when Luke snaps a photo.

  I throw my hand up. “Really?”

  “Yeah Dad, you didn't even warn us.” Amy hops off the train and stands right next to me, mouth in the biggest smile possible. Luke snaps a few more photos.

  Amy holds out her hand. “Now I'll take one of you.”

  Before I can object, Luke tosses Amy the phone and sweeps me up, his arms under my armpits and my knees.

  I squeal, and Amy snaps photos. I'm completely shocked when Luke kisses me, but I kiss him back briefly, before pushing against his chest until he puts me down.

  When I glance at Amy, she's giggling. “I didn't know my Dad loved you.”

  “Oh no—” I start to say, but Luke's eyes find mine, and the words die on my mouth.

  “I can't believe you never got to come here when you were little.” Amy sighs. “I feel so sorry for you as a kid. But at least you can come whenever you want now.” Amy's eyes are wide, certain that my heart is breaking over the lost memories of Chuck-e-Cheese.

  Luke takes my hand in his, and something swells inside my chest. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was my heart, growing three sizes like the Grinch's did. My dad never cared enough to bring us here instead of getting himself more beer, but Luke cares about his kids, and I care about them. I don't want to, but I do.

  Luke and I spend the next few minutes using up the rest of the credits. I clearly over estimated what we’d need. Rookie mistake. Luke throws basketballs into a basket with Chase, over and over, and I go where my skills will be recognized. When the points are finally gone from the cards, and our pockets are full of tickets, we head for the ticket muncher. After the kids have traded in their tickets for a handful of sticky candy, we head out to the car.

  “How can you do the spider bot so good?” Chase asks me. I won fistful after fistful of tickets for the two of them, once they realized I was amazing at nailing the bull’s eye. “You must come here all the time.”

  Amy rolls her eyes. “She'd never been here before, dummy.”

  “Don't call your brother dummy.” Luke says it like he's said the same thing a million times.

  Chase seems unperturbed. “You've never been here? How can you do that, then?”

  I chuckle. “We didn't come to Chuck-e-Cheese,” I say, “but my neighbor had an old video game called a play station, and you're looking at the neighborhood champion of Call of Duty for like five years in a row.”

  Chase's eyebrows rise. “Really?”

  I nod. “I've never held a real gun, but boy can I shoot fake ones.”

  “Cool,” he says. “Dad won't even let me have a bb gun.”

  “You'd probably shoot your eye out,” I say.

  Amy claps. “I love that movie. Can we watch it?”

  I glance at the sun, just beginning to set, and watch as Luke clips Chase into his booster. “I don't know, guys. I'll have to talk to your dad about that. I've kind of taken over your whole day.”

  “You weren't even here for breakfast,” Amy says.<
br />
  “Or lunch,” Chase says.

  “Oh,” Amy says, “maybe you can stay for breakfast tomorrow. Dad makes the best pancakes.”

  The first time I'm invited to spend the night at Luke's house, it's by a five year old. I glance at Luke's face, which is stricken, and giggle. “Maybe I can come over for breakfast another time.”

  “If you kids get your pajamas on super fast, maybe we can watch A Christmas Story, but I don't know whether Miss Mary can stay or not. She and I only talked about shopping today, and she may have plans for later.”

  “Plans for what?” Amy asks. “Because it's a really funny movie. This kid writes and writes all these letters and stuff asking for a gun, and everyone tells him he can't have it, because—”

  “And then,” Chase says loudly, “he has to dress up as a pink bunny!”

  I turn to look at Luke's face and he shrugs at me. “You're welcome to stay, but I understand if you can't.”

  “How could I miss seeing a kid dress up in a pink bunny costume?” I ask.

  Amy claps her hands. “Yay! You can help me get my pajamas on. Can you brush my teeth?”

  First, Luke and I move all the gifts for my girls into my trunk. But afterward, I do help Amy brush her teeth, and I help her button up her fleecy pink jammies, too. “I think I need a pair of these,” I say.

  She opens her mouth and coos. “That's so great. Now I know what you want for Christmas.”

  “I guess you do,” I tell her. “But you don't need to give me anything. I'm just glad to have you as a friend.”

  “Can I tell you a secret?” she asks.

  I nod.

  She leans toward me and whispers in my ear. “I wish we weren't moving.”

  I press my lips together to keep from saying, “Me too.”

  When Amy and I reach the family room, Luke's got the movie queued up on the television. Two large, brown leather, movie theater style seats sit directly in front of the TV. The brown leather loveseat perpendicular to the TV is open, and Luke and Chase are sitting in the large seats.

  Luke picks Chase up and gives him a little shove. “You two have to share the loveseat. Adults get the big seats.”

  Amy whines a little. “Why can't I sit on Mary's lap?”

  Luke shakes his head. “You're lucky to be staying up late at all. Don't push it.”

  Her bottom lip juts out, but she lets it go. She climbs up onto the loveseat and Chase does the same, a blue blanket in one chubby hand. I notice he's biting on it when Luke hits play. A few minutes into the movie, Luke pulls a blanket over our lap, and takes my hand in his again. It's like we're in high school, hiding our PDA from his kids. I giggle a little and he glances at me sideways.

  A few minutes in, my eyes begin to droop, and Luke puts his arm around me. I snuggle my head against his chest. My eyes drift closed and I doze off.

  Until Luke shakes me awake.

  I sit up, a little dazed. “Is everything okay?”

  He holds up my phone. “I'm sorry I pulled this out of your purse, but it was ringing and ringing. I thought maybe something was wrong.”

  I blink a few times to clear my eyes and take my phone. Trudy called twice. Paisley called three times. When I realize Addy called too, I smack my forehead. “I had plans tonight. Oh my gosh, I completely forgot we moved girls night to tonight.”

  I sit up straight and the blanket slides off my knees and onto the floor. “My sister and my two best friends were meeting at my house so we could go dancing.”

  I almost swear, until I realize Amy and Chase are both watching me curiously. I bite my tongue and look down at my clothes. Jeans and a grey sweater. I absolutely cannot go out dancing in this. I'll die of heat stroke.

  I stand up. “I'm so sorry, but I need to run.”

  Amy jogs across the room and grabs my leg. “Don't go. Please don't go.”

  I crouch down at the same time as Luke, and Amy releases my leg to keep from getting her hand squashed between my calf and my thigh.

  “Sweetheart,” he says, “Mary has to leave. She stayed much longer than we intended, and we need to be grateful for the time we got.”

  Amy's bottom lip wobbles. Chase bites on his blanket one step behind her. “Can you come back tomorrow?”

  I shake my head. “I don't know. I've got some things I need to catch up on.”

  Chase drops his blanket. “Why do you work a lot?”

  I stand up. That's my cue. “Well,” I say. “I like what I do at work.” And now after one day with these cute kiddos, I already feel guilty for it.

  “Please come tomorrow.” Amy takes my hand. “My dad's making us move soon, and I want to see you as much as I can before then.”

  I squeeze her hand. “I had so much fun today, but I've got some more shopping to do for my sister and her son and some friends tomorrow. Between that and some work, I doubt I'll make it back over.”

  Her face falls and so do my spirits, but I pull on my coat anyhow. “You have so much to look forward to, though. Christmas is just around the corner.”

  “Can you please come with us when we drop off the gifts for our family?” Amy begs. “You helped me pick everything. You have to come.”

  I bob my head. “I'll really try to do that, okay? I'd like to. That's the best part of being Santa's helper.”

  Amy beams at me, but when I walk toward the door, she releases my hand without a fight. “Have a fun time with your sister.”

  I smile at her. “If she forgives me for being so late, I'm sure I will.”

  “If she stays mad, you can come back,” Chase says. “I won't throw any more balls at your head. I promise.”

  I pat his head and reach for the doorknob. “Thanks for being so nice to me today, guys. I had a great time.”

  I hear the movie resume as I step out the door. Luke slips through and jogs down the steps after me, and reaches for my hand before I can escape.

  “Where are you going?” His husky voice washes over me.

  “The girls are not going to be pleased,” I say.

  He tugs me back toward him, and my hands come up to splay across his chest. He must be freezing out here without a coat. His head lowers slowly toward mine, his eyes large and expressive, and his lips open just a bit.

  His lips close over mine, heat and pressure amidst the icy, Christmas air. I cling to him and my arms wrap around his neck.

  Then, too quickly, he releases me. “I don't want to make you late.”

  My head feels fuzzy. “You don't?”

  He grins. “Fine, I do. I'd like to keep you here and never let you go, but I don't want your friends to hate me before they've even met me.” He swats my backside when I turn toward the car. “Drive safely, and have fun. But not too much fun.”

  I glance back over my shoulder, and when I look into his eyes, I'm almost ready to ditch my friends. But I'll never hear the end of it as it is, so I slide into my liquid nitrogen front seat and turn my car on. Once my engine roars to life, Luke waves and ducks back inside.

  My fingers touch my lips and I sit in the car for a moment. I tell myself it's so the heater will warm up a little, but really, it's just kind of hard to drive away.

  Chapter 16

  Sunset Cove isn't too far from my house, but it's seven-thirty already. I call Paisley the second I leave. I could've called Trudy or Addy, but Paisley's going to be the most understanding.

  She picks up before the first ring has ended. “Girl. We've been waiting for you for like twenty minutes. Where are you?”

  “Waiting where?” I ask.

  She huffs. “At your house. When you didn't confirm a time or anything, we decided to come here. Figured you'd be the designated driver.”

  As always. Sometimes I wonder if that's the only thing my friends love about me. I never drink, so I can always bring them all home safely.

  “I'm sorry,” I say. “I forgot we moved it to tonight, and I was over at Luke's place.”

  “Oooh, I was worried you were going to cut Luke
off. Well, we're all ready when you are, but you'll have to pay us back for making us wait with lots of details. I haven't had a decent date in months.”

  I hear Addy in the background. “Who's Luke? How come I haven't heard about him?”

  “Because you're always busy,” Trudy says. “But I'm her sister and we've been together a ton in the last two weeks. Why haven't I heard anything?”

  I sigh. “Paisley, catch them up and I'll give you details when I get there.”

  I'm just around the corner from my house, driving past the local Pet Smart when I see the sign. “SPCA Event 8 a.m. until 8 p.m.”

  My car clock says 7:40 pm, and the girls are already annoyed, but my hands turn the wheel on their own. I'm sliding into a spot, and running into the front of the store before I realize what I'm doing. I don't want a dog. I've never had one, but I hate when they jump up on me and lick me. If I wanted a pet, which I don't, I'd totally be a cat person.

  And yet, here I am, staring at a plastic playpen where eight or nine bouncy puppies are frolicking. A woman with a dark bob streaks toward me as eagerly as a car salesman. “What brings you in tonight?” Her big, white, teeth gleam when she smiles and I wish I could turn down the wattage.

  “Uh, I don't know really. My boyfriend's daughter wants a puppy so badly.” My boyfriend? Why'd I say that? I want to clamp one hand over my mouth.

  “Well, is your boyfriend coming inside? Usually couples pick this sort of thing out together.”

  “Oh, he doesn't want a dog,” I say. “But I was thinking of getting one she could play with at my house.”

  Her beatific smile wilts. “Umm, but do you want a dog? Because it's a big commitment, and we don't really support people getting one and bringing it back when the relationship falters.”

  “Why would the relationship falter?”

  The woman's mouth opens and she says, “Uhh,” and then closes her mouth.

  I close my eyes. I'm such an idiot. What am I doing here? I take a step back from the puppy pen and glance around wildly, looking for anything I could use as an excuse to leave.

  My eyes lock onto the beautiful brown eyes of an enormous, fluffy, mostly white dog. I have no desire for a cute, bouncy, puppy, and even less desire for a huge, hairy, full grown dog. But when our eyes meet, this fluff ball lifts its head and its ears perk up. I realize the white mixes with biscuit and grey along its ears and darkens on its face to a dark grey muzzle. There's grey and tan all along its back, too.