True Loves (A Collection of Firsts)

by Michelle A. Valentine

  I step aside and allow Noel past me onto the bus once he breaks free from the crowd. "Hey," I say. My voice is so timid I barely recognize it myself.

  To make matters worse, he doesn't say anything. This won’t be a good conversation. I climb up the steps. Noel grips the island countertop in Big Bertha's little kitchen—his full stature towering over it. He doesn’t face me, but I don’t need to see his face to tell he's angry with me.

  "Noel, I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you or caused any trouble for you. That girl, she—"

  "She what, Lane?" Noel snaps and spins around. "What could a fan possibly do to make you attack her at my show? I thought you were different. You're the mature one in this relationship, right?"

  Tears brim in my eyes. "Noel, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. The things she said made me snap. I know that's no excuse, but hearing another woman say she's going to sleep with you is just too much for me to handle. I acted before I thought."

  Noel sighs and threads his fingers into his sweaty hair. "Jealousy? That's what set you off? Jesus, don't you know me at all? Why do you doubt my feelings for you? You always think you're second. No girl can ever compare to you."

  I shake my head. "I never said that."

  "You don't have to. Every time I have to a choice between you and something else, you always think you'll be second. Four years ago on the dock, you left me because you said I would always choose music over you. That we’d never have a good life because you’d always come second. You told me you were walking away because I wasn’t thinking about you and our future. Today just proves you still think that. That you aren’t my everything.”

  My tears fall at his words. Is it always me who doesn’t love him enough, not the other way around like I’ve always believed? My shoulders shake as a sob escapes my throat. Oh, God. I’ve ruined this. This man that I have all these feelings for thinks I don’t care about him enough. He has no clue that I love him with every ounce of my soul. I want him to trust me.

  Noel wraps his arms around me. “Shhhhhhh. Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. You just mean so much to me. The thought of you thinking you aren’t my number one drives me crazy. Only you, Lane. You’re all I’ll ever want.”

  My fingers claw into his back as I cry harder and think the exact same thought.

  19

  I sit on our bed and watch Noel pack an overnight bag for his trip to Tucson. It’s only for one night, but I know that it’ll feel like an eternity.

  Noel zips up his bag, and my heart sinks. It’s time for him to go. “You got everything you need?” I ask. I wish he’ll say he can’t go but then feel guilty that I want to stop him from seeing a sick fan.

  He stares at me and licks his bottom lip. “Not everything.”

  A blush creeps over me. “Noel…”

  He grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. Every nerve in my body zings as he holds me tight. The things this man can do to me with a simple touch…

  Noel’s fingers trace the exposed skin on my lower back. “What do you say? One more time for the road?”

  I giggle before his soft lips meet mine. “Your car is waiting, and you’ll miss your flight.”

  The thick muscles in his shoulders bunch under my hands as he shrugs. “I’ll be really fast.”

  My fingers thread into the hair on the nape of his neck and Noel grins, knowing he’s won this little battle. His hands knead my hips and urge them forward just as his lips attack mine. Fire burns in my core as I feel Noel’s arousal press against me. His tongue flicks against mine, and I hitch a leg around his hip. Large hands cup my butt and lift me off the ground. Instantly, I wrap both legs around him and grind against him, wishing there weren’t so many clothes between us. Noel spins and plops down on the bed with me on his lap. He pops the button on my jean shorts and unzips them, exposing my thong.

  A growl escapes him as he reaches inside my shorts and spreads his long fingers on my bottom. Noel pushes me forward, urging me to ride him with our clothes still on, while his tongue traces a line from my jaw to my collar bone. His blue eyes smolder with desire as they meet mine. “I want you so fucking much.”

  I lick my lips and yank his face to mine, and Noel chuckles. He doesn’t realize that when he says things like that, I nearly lose my freaking mind.

  His hands slide up my ribs as he takes off my tank top. Goosebumps erupt all over my skin when his fingers tease the curve of my breast. The need for his skin on my most intimate skin is almost unbearable. I shove my bra straps down and reach behind me to unclasp it. Noel leans back, and his eyes burn as they take in my every move—each one deliberately slow. The hooks come free, and I slide off the straps and discard the bra on the floor.

  He licks his lips. “You are so damn beautiful.”

  Noel’s lips crush into me, and all I can think about is how much I want him. The thought of a night without him makes me savor the moment. Every inch of my world interweaves with this gorgeous man. It’s amazing how attached I’ve become in such a short time.

  His fingers are magical as they trace the delicate skin under my waist band. I moan and squeeze him tighter in my arms and then run my fingers through the dark hair on the nape of his neck. A loud knock on the bedroom door startles me, and I lose my focus. I reluctantly pull away from Noel's lips, and my shoulders slump. Noel sighs, rests his forehead against mine, and lets out a string of soft curse words.

  I giggle at Noel’s frustration and kiss his lips, knowing exactly how he feels.

  The bedroom door flies open, and I gasp. Riff barges in, and his eyes land directly on my naked breasts. A shriek assaults my ears, and it takes me a second to realize it came from me as I attempt to cover up my shirtless chest.

  Noel wraps his arms around me. "What the fuck, dude? I didn’t say come in."

  "Sorry, bro. Didn't know you were"—Riff's eyes slide down my body and a slow grin spreads across his face—"busy."

  Noel's eyes narrow at Riff. "Well, now you know. So get the fuck out."

  Riff glances at my horrified face and then returns his attention to Noel. "Just thought you’d want to know your ride to the airport has been waiting for almost twenty-five minutes, but I can see you’re busy. I'll tell them to piss off."

  A heavy sigh leaves Noel's mouth. "Thanks, man. Tell them I'll be out in a second."

  Riff raises his eyebrows. "You sure? If I were you, I think I’d make them wait."

  Noel’s fingers roll into fists. "Yeah. Now get the fuck out."

  The door closes behind Riff after he shrugs and mumbles something like “your loss.”

  The tension in Noel’s body lets up after Riff leaves. “I don’t like how he looks at you.”

  I know exactly what he’s talking about. Riff’s gaze always stays on me a few seconds too long, but I don’t want to feed Noel’s overactive imagination before he leaves. “He doesn’t mean anything by it. Besides, he and Aubrey have sort of a thing.” I kiss Noel’s neck. “My eyes and body are only for you.”

  He peers up at me through his long, sexy eyelashes. “Promise?”

  I nod and place my lips on his.

  “God, I wish you could come with me. I don’t want to leave you.”

  “It’s only for a night. How much trouble can I possibly get into?”

  Noel wrinkles his nose. “With this bunch? A lot. Don’t let them corrupt you while I’m gone, and don’t listen to a damn word they say.”

  I laugh and kiss the tip of his scrunched nose. “You’re adorable when you worry.”

  A smile creeps across his lips. “You think I’m adorable?”

  “Quit fishing for compliments. You know the entire world thinks that about you.”

  “Fuck the entire world. All that matters is what you think of me.”

  I study his face. Does he really need validation from me? He’s Noel Falcon, for crying out loud. He shouldn’t need me to validate anything, but looking into his soulful eyes, I see that he does. The look on his face tells me
my opinion means everything to him. The tips of my fingers trace his light stubble. “Of course I think you’re adorable. You’re irresistible and great in bed.”

  A sideways grin lights up his face before he threads his fingers into my hair. “That ride is going to have to wait after all.”

  I giggle as he flips me around and tosses me on his bed.

  The bed is cold and lonely with Noel gone. The bus hums down the road at an even pace. The bumps in the road sound almost rhythmic as the tires roll along. I toss back and forth. It’s pointless to try to sleep. The guys are playing music toward the front of the bus, and their laughter is inviting. Four in the morning, and they’re still full of energy. I sit up and shove off the bed. Light from the hallway streams into my eyes when I open the door. I squint to shield them.

  “Hey, if it isn’t sleeping beauty,” Trip teases. “Lonely back there in the love shack?”

  Heat creeps up my neck. These guys are never going to let me live down the fact that they can hear Noel and I make love. I squeeze onto the small loveseat beside Riff and try to avoid their stares. They hover around the small television while Trip and Tyke battle in some shoot ‘em up game.

  “Lanie, since he isn’t here, you have to tell us what Noel was like when you guys dated before,” Trip says.

  “Yeah,” Tyke agrees, adjusting the bandanna on his forehead. “We need dirt—the good stuff. Did he get the crap kicked out of him in school? We need ammo to torment him.”

  He always led a pretty drama-free life. “Sorry, guys. There’s isn’t much to tell. Noel’s pretty straight-laced. He doesn’t have many secrets.”

  “That you know of,” Riff chimes in.

  My head snaps toward him. “What’s that supposed to mean? You keep alluding to some big thing Noel is keeping from me.”

  Riff shrugs. “It means just that.”

  “Noel doesn’t keep things from me. He doesn’t like secrets between us.”

  “Well maybe you should—”

  “Dude!” Trip cuts off Riff. “Now is not the time, man.”

  “You don’t think she should know? I guarantee you he hasn’t told her. Look at her face.” Riff points at me. “She has no fucking clue what I’m talking about. I’m just trying to look out for her. She’s a nice girl, and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

  Trip rubs his forehead. “I know, I know. But it’s not our place to tell her.”

  I wave. “Guys, I’m right here. Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

  Riff sets his eyes on me. There’s a strange look on his face; it almost looks like pity. “Lanie…Noel has a girlfriend.”

  I furrow my brow. “What? No way! You guys are messing with me.”

  Tyke frowns, and Riff shakes his head.

  “I—I don’t believe you. He wouldn’t… No.”

  Riff bites his lip, toying with the hoop through the bottom one. “It’s true. I’m sorry.”

  I clutch my chest. There’s no air. I can’t breathe. I gasp, but it doesn’t relieve the crushing weight in my lungs. A girlfriend? What the fuck? Did I hear that right? Honesty? Truthfulness? All lies. Everything out of Noel’s mouth has been a lie. Having me here is all about sex. How could I be so naive to believe he wanted anything else? He didn’t give up until he got exactly what he wanted from me. My stomach rolls, and my fingertips sting from clutching the couch cushion.

  Things blink in black and white as my vision blurs. I feel lightheaded, and a chill runs down my spine. I hear mumbles of voices, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. All I know is I’m losing it.

  Tyke’s on his knees in front of me, both hands on my shoulders. “Breathe, Lanie. You’re white as snow.”

  I gulp air into my lungs and focus on my breathing—in and out.

  I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.

  How could he keep this from me? Why would he do this to me? I know I broke his heart once, but we were in high school. He knows I’m sorry, that it was a stupid mistake. Do I really warrant such severe hurt? Noel really is the womanizer the tabloids portray. The night we reconnected, I found him in a room with two half-naked blondes. The thought of Noel breaking this poor girl’s heart by sleeping with everything he sees makes me sick. There’s no telling how many others there have been before me. “How long?”

  “How long what?” Tyke asks.

  “The girl. Has he been with her long?” Tyke looks to Trip then Riff for an answer, which I find odd. It’s almost as if he needs permission to answer.

  Riff rolls his lips into a line, and I catch a glimpse of what almost looks like pain in his eyes. “Not long—only a few months.”

  “This whole time—why would he do this?”

  “Because Noel Falcon is a selfish prick,” Riff says. “He doesn’t give a shit about anybody but himself.”

  I scrub my fingers down my face. My entire world is crumbling. “Oh, God. I can’t believe this.”

  Riff touches my shoulder gingerly. “I’m sorry, Lanie. He’s a shit.”

  Tears sting my eyes, and I pinch them shut. What am I going to do? My heart is crushed as the weight of the situation bears down on me. Everything in my life centers on Noel and his band. Diana Swagger made it quite clear that I won’t keep this job if Noel and I split. Was that his plan? Crush me like I crushed him? A wave of uncertainty ripples through me. How could I let this happen? Tears build up in my eyes, and I don’t want these guys to see me cry. I already look like a sad, pathetic, stupid fool. I don’t want to add crybaby to the list. My legs wobble as I push up from the chair. The urge to run as far away as I can hits hard.

  “Lanie? Are you all right?” Tyke asks.

  “I’m fine,” I lie as I start toward the bedroom door. Knowing I’ve been betrayed hurts, but it feels worse to feel so naïve. I didn’t see this coming. I trusted him.

  I slam the bedroom door a little harder than I mean to. Tears fall uncontrollably once I’m alone, and I allow a sob to escape me. This bedroom, once a place of happiness between Noel and I, now feels like a torture chamber.

  Did he sleep with her on this bed—on these sheets? How many other women for that matter? The thought disgusts me. Before I can stop myself, I hurl myself at the bed, ripping and tearing at the sheets, while I cry. In less than thirty seconds, I’ve stripped the mattress. The sheets lay in a heap in the corner of the small room.

  I plop down hard on the bed and bury my face in my hands. What am I going to do? If I leave, then Noel will have won. I can’t let that happen. I need this job and whether I like it or not, he’s the key to keeping it. The need to hate him tears at me, and I want to hurt him. Hurt him like he’s hurt me.

  I stare at the sheets for long minute, then decide the best way to get to him is by staying. I’ll stay here and let him see how much I hate him—show him he can’t sabotage this job.

  I debate on setting the pile in the corner on fire. Instead, I grab the sheets and remake the bed. This is probably a stupid idea, but it’s all I got. Noel will probably tell me to get the fuck out once he comes back and finds out that he’s been caught, but I don’t care. I’ll ignore him. The silent treatment is usually reserved for elementary school children, but I think this case calls for it.

  A soft knock on the door startles me, and before I can say come in, it pushes open. Riff stands there in a wife-beater T-shirt that displays his tattoos. His Mohawk reaches up in perfect alternating colors. My shoulders sag as I pat the spot beside me on the bed.

  He gives me a sad smile and then obliges. “You okay?” I shake my head but tell him yes. “That’s not very convincing.”

  I sigh and feel the sting from crying in my throat. “I know, but what choice do I have?”

  Riff tilts his head. “You have all the power here. Noel screwed you over just like he did to me. That’s just who he is. But you have the power to do what’s best for you and get the hell away from him. I would if I could, but I’m kind of stuck here.”

  I snort. “I know the feeling.”

>   “Ah, yes, the job—I almost forgot about that. Well, I guess you and I are both screwed.”

  I turn toward him. “You mean you’d leave the band if you could?”

  Riff nods while keeping his brown eyes set on me as though he’s waiting for me to put together the pieces of a puzzle. “In a heartbeat. I can hardly look at the guy without wanting to kick his ass. But this band is my life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I can’t just walk away, no matter how much I want to.”

  “I’ve noticed there’s some tension between you two.”

  Riff laughs, but it has a bitter edge. “Yeah, well, when your best friend fucks your woman, you’ll have that.”

  My eyes widen. “Noel…”

  “Yes,” he answers my unspoken question. “His girlfriend is my ex, Sophie.”

  That’s when I bolt to the bathroom before my guts spill all over the bedroom floor.

  20

  Noel’s flight lands at the Charlotte airport any minute. He’ll be here soon, and I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m going to say to him. As much as I love the idea of using the silent treatment, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from lashing out at him. He needs to know I think he’s a selfish bastard and I hate his guts.

  The mouse on my laptop keeps sticking as I research into charities like Black Falcon’s. I have to keep my mind busy. If I allow it, my brain will drive me insane replaying thoughts of Noel and all the other women he’s been with. I didn’t insist he use a condom when we were together because I—stupid me—trusted him. The thought of all the diseases I might now have makes me want to literally murder him.

  I readjust in the bed and open a new search page. Mystery Girlfriend has my mind curious. I tossed and turned all night wondering who she is and what she looks like. I open a new search box and carefully type “Noel Falcon’s girlfriend, Sophie” into the box before hitting send. It only takes a couple seconds for the results to pop up, but out of all the links, I don’t see anything about Noel Falcon and a girlfriend.