True Loves (A Collection of Firsts)

by Michelle A. Valentine

  Quinn grins. “One guess who that is?”

  I suck in my bottom lip, trying to hide my grin as I dash to the front door and pull it open just as Xavier steps onto the concrete stoop. “Hi.”

  His blue eyes flash in surprise. I’m sure the way we left things earlier has him wondering why I’m suddenly so happy to see him. It’s amazing what a little soul searching and a shove from your family can accomplish.

  “Hey, Anna. I…um…shit.”

  Xavier rubs the back of his neck and looks away as if he needs a moment to regain his composure before his eyes are able to meet mine again. “I had fifty different speeches prepared for you. I practiced on the way over, but none of them sounded like good enough apologies. Nothing I can say will make what I said any less shitty, but I am sorry. I just thought you should know.”

  For some reason I’m getting the impression that this is a huge step for Xavier. It’s good to know he’s at least recognized that there’s enough of a connection between us for it to matter that he’s hurt my feelings. I’m sure the word “sorry” isn’t one that he says a lot.

  The sudden need to comfort him overwhelms me and I reach out and touch the warm skin on his bulging forearm. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

  His lips pull into a tight line. “Don’t do that.”

  “What?” I ask, completely surprised and immediately jerk my hand away. This isn’t exactly the reaction I imagined when I apologized in return.

  Xavier’s eyes soften. “You were right to say what you said. I know I use women, and I’m sure that’s probably what you think I want to do with you, so don’t apologize for standing up for yourself. Never allow yourself to be used, or be forced into something you don’t really want. Don’t apologize for asking for respect. You deserve it.”

  I stand a little taller. “Okay. I’ll remember that for next time.”

  His mouth pulls into a one-sided sexy grin. “Next time? Are you saying we’re still friends?”

  I laugh and roll my eyes. “Yes, as long as our friendship rules still apply.”

  “Good.” He grabs my hand without warning or apology, and pulls me toward his bike. “Then we’re going for a ride.”

  I pull the door closed behind me and follow him down the path.

  This is crazy.

  I’ve never known anyone to have a friendship like this. I shouldn’t let this go on, because I know he’s going to end up breaking my heart. If he keeps being so sweet to me, I will fall for him. No question. I know myself well enough to know that if this continues it will end badly for me, but I don’t have the willpower to turn him away. I want to be near him, even if it’ll never mean as much to him as it does to me.

  Xavier hops on the bike and stands it up between his powerful thighs, stretching his hand out to me with a huge grin on his face. “Hop on, beautiful.”

  And just like that, I’m a goner.

  I’m in so much trouble.

  Lots and lots of trouble.

  Riding through the streets on the back of Xavier’s bike is unbelievably freeing. The wind rushes across my skin, and I close my eyes, resting my cheek against his back. The muscles in his back work under his shirt with every turn of his wrist, and the smell of his spicy cologne mixed with soap lingers on his skin. When I’m close to him like this, it makes me forget every reason why I should stop this thing between us before it gets too complicated. Distance gives me clarity—the ability to see that I should stay away. There’s just one problem.

  I don’t want to.

  I could stay like this forever, which is bad, but I don’t care.

  Xavier turns into the parking lot of the same diner he took me to last night. The streetlights illuminate the area, and the neon in the restaurant’s window gleams “Open 24/7,” inviting hungry people in at all times of the day.

  Xavier flicks the kickstand down with his boot and then slides his sunglasses onto the top of his head. “I hope you’re hungry.”

  I take his hand and swing my leg off the bike, the muscles in my thighs still tingling from having such a powerful machine vibrating between them. “Starving, actually. My nerves were too on edge to eat at Larry’s during my lunch. Besides, I didn’t have any money.”

  He furrows his brow. “You moved to a new city with no money?”

  “I have money…just not a lot of it. I knew I could wait until I got to Aunt Dee’s to eat, so it really wasn’t a big deal,” I say, trying to make light of the situation.

  “No, Anna. Not eating is a very big deal. You’re a tiny thing. If you don’t eat, you could faint and hurt yourself. From now on, you eat.” The authoritative tone in his voice is impossible to miss. “And if you don’t have money, you call me. Understood?”

  My lips twist as I try to figure out why this is such an issue for him. So I skipped a meal—no big deal. “You’re being a touch ridiculous, don’t you think? I don’t understand why you’re turning this into a ‘thing.’”

  Xavier shoves himself off the bike, and I can’t help but notice how delicious he looks in the blue jeans he’s wearing. “Let’s just say I know what it’s like to be hungry and do whatever you have to in order to eat. Someone like you should never have to experience that. Rough living can make you a hard person.”

  My eyes roam over his sculpted shoulders and travel down the length of his torso. It’s hard to imagine this well-fed man ever being hungry, but the words from his lips indicate that he’s had to struggle.

  “That must’ve been tough. Did your family—”

  I cut myself off before my curious mind steps in and asks for answers that are none of my business. Heat rises up my neck and into my cheeks, surely creating a blush at the thought of my own brazen attitude. “Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

  When I attempt to look away, Xavier slides his index finger under my chin. “You can ask me anything, beautiful. I can’t promise I’ll always answer, but you can ask all you want. I like knowing that you’re curious about me. Your questions allow me inside that mind of yours. But you should know up front that I don’t talk about my family.”

  I open my mouth to ask him why, but think better of it. It’s probably smarter to honor his wishes because I, of all people, know that sometimes families suck. Maybe he’s trying to forget his past just like I am?

  “I understand.”

  He gives me a sad smile and takes my hand, pulling me toward the entrance of the restaurant. “Hope it’s okay that we came here again. It’s the one place I can relax when I’m in town. It’s like—”

  “Home,” I say, filling in the answer for him after remembering how at ease he was there last night.

  After a moment of contemplation, he nods. “Yeah…something like that.”

  The moment we step inside I notice the place is empty. Nettie glances up from the broom she’s using to sweep the floor and a huge smile warms her face. “Boy, two days in a row! How did I get so lucky?” She leans the broom against the counter before she makes her way over to us. After a quick embrace with Xavier, Nettie turns her attention back to me. “I think this is a record. Carl, you seein’ this?”

  Carl turns around from the grill that he’s scrubbing. “I see it, woman. I ain’t blind.”

  Nettie tsks at Carl. “No one asked for your lip. Go back to cleaning.”

  I chuckle at the banter between them. “Are you two an item?”

  Nettie raises her eyebrows and slides her eyes toward Xavier and then back to me. “Who? Me and Carl? That old fool wishes!”

  Xavier shakes his head. “Come on, Nettie, I know when this place is dead you two have a little alone time back in the storage closet.”

  Nettie throws her hands on her hips. “Xavier Cold, I have the mind to take you out back and tan your hide for talking to me like that.”

  He tips his head back and a deep laugh rumbles out of him. “It’s not as big of a secret as you think, Nettie. Everyone knows you and Carl are a thing.”

  She folds her smooth brown a
rms over her chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure you don’t.”

  I don’t miss the wink Xavier throws her way before pulling me toward the same corner booth as last night. I slide into the seat across from him. “Why do they hide being together?”

  Xavier shrugs. “Who knows. They’re both crazy as hell, but together they work. I don’t know why they hide it. I’ve known for years.”

  I rest my head in my hand as I lean in. “How exactly do you know them?”

  “I used to work here.”

  I glance around at the ripped booth seats and worn checkered floor and try to imagine Xavier working here. I can’t imagine him as anything other than a powerful wrestling icon, so it’s hard to picture him scrubbing floors and serving meals. “How long ago was that?”

  “When I was seventeen, Nettie and Carl offered me a job,” he answers right before Nettie sets two glasses of water down.

  “You two want the same thing as last night?” she asks.

  “Yeah, I do. Beautiful?” Xavier asks and I nod. “Same as last night, Nettie.”

  “Will do, but this time don’t be leaving no heap of money. We don’t want you wasting your money on us.” She swats his shoulder.

  “Speak for yourself!” Carl calls from the stove. “He can leave me all the cheddar he wants.”

  Nettie whips her head in his direction. “You’re going to get it if you don’t stop!”

  Carl swirls a white towel around. “Hot damn! Just what I like to hear.”

  Nettie rolls her eyes and Xavier laughs. “You two kill me.”

  “I’ll bring your food out as soon as it’s done,” she says shaking her head and marching toward Carl, who she promptly smacks in the back of the head.

  “They’re great,” I say.

  Xavier’s eyes turn almost nostalgic. “They really are. I’m lucky to have them.”

  While I find it endearing that he loves his old co-workers so much, it also breaks my heart. How evil must his own family be for him to be closer to strangers?

  “So you’ve known them for eleven years?” I ask, still curious about his relationship with them.

  He lifts his right eyebrow. “And how would you know that?”

  Heat floods my cheeks. Busted. “It’s simple mathematics. You said you worked here when you were seventeen, and I know you’re twenty-eight…so I figured it out.”

  “I suspect you learned my age from the Internet stalking you and Quinn did.” His lips twist.

  I roll my eyes and fire back, “Just like you learned where I was staying when you dropped me off last night. I didn’t give you the address.”

  He shrugs. “I always look into things I’m interested in.”

  I take a sip of water to quench my suddenly dry throat. “Are you saying that you’re interested in me?”

  He stares directly into my eyes. “You know I am. But I can never be involved with you, so for that reason, we’re friends. And that’s all we’ll ever be.”

  I can’t help asking, “Why is that?”

  He licks his lips before he grazes his top teeth over his bottom one. “I know that the kind of relationship I like to have with women will never fly with you. I can’t just use you, Anna. I respect you too much for that.”

  My heart races in my chest as I think about the desire building inside me. Desire for Xavier. I know I haven’t known him long, but I feel like we’ve spent a lot of time together already. The thought of never getting to find out what a night with him would be like scares me, almost to the point where I’m willing to bend my own morals just to find out.

  “What if I wanted to have a relationship like that with you?”

  Xavier shakes his head. “You say that now, but I know you’d regret it later. Girls like you—you’re the long-term commitment type. That’s something I can’t promise.”

  “You keep saying that, but I don’t understand why you think so? How do you know that you’re not my type? You’ve done nothing but keep me safe and watch out for me in this new city. You’re a great guy. I really like you.”

  He furrows his brow and pulls his lips into a tight line. “You shouldn’t.”

  The intensity in his stare causes me to swallow hard. “W—why?”

  “There’s more to me than just the persona that the public sees. There’s darkness inside me that no one should have to experience, and that’s what I’m trying to protect you from. No one should have to live with my demons but me.”

  The harsh reality hits me. There’s a lot about Xavier Cold that I don’t know. Some obvious issues he’s dealing with. He refuses to talk about his family, and he believes that he’s evil somehow. With all that being said, I still know there’s a lot of good in him—whether he sees it or not. I’m a perfect stranger, and he’s been there for me since the plane ride from Portland. He just needs to see that he’s a nice guy and that he’s not completely bad like he believes—that he deserves happiness too. Everyone does.

  I reach over and touch his hand. There’s a slight flinch, and his harsh expression remains, but I don’t pull back. I want him to know we all have secrets we’d like to hide from the world.

  “We all have things that haunt us—things we’d like to forget. The key is to not allow them to get in the way of our happiness.”

  Xavier runs his hand along his scruffy jawline. “Not everyone’s meant to have happiness, Anna. Some of us are meant for the dark.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  He levels his eyes on me. “That’s because you’ve got a good heart and like to believe that everyone is a good person underneath. I knew that from the moment you refused me on that plane. A girl like you…you aren’t meant for a guy like me.”

  His tone is meant to scare me off, I can tell, but it’s doing the exact opposite. It’s pulling me toward him. Telling me to make him see that he’s wrong.

  Nettie sets our food down on the table in front of us, redirecting my attention from Xavier and his self-loathing for the moment. As soon as the sweet smell of pancakes wafts around me, my mouth waters. Xavier wastes no time digging into his steaming food while I take my time applying butter to my pancakes.

  “How long you got with us, Xavier?” Nettie asks as she leans her hip against the booth.

  “The rest of the week, and then I have to fly to Atlanta for Tuesday Tension. If all goes well, I’ll be heading into a title match soon.”

  “You sure are moving up. Did you hear that, Carl? Our boy is gon’ be champion.” she calls over her shoulder.

  “I never had a doubt he would be. Not after the way he pummeled half the neighborhood around here.” Carl chuckles as he leans against the counter and stares up at the ceiling with a nostalgic twinkle in his eye. “Did you tell your little girlfriend here about the first time you met us?”

  Xavier swallows his food. “We’re just friends. And no, I haven’t told her. She doesn’t need to know about that.”

  “Ah, come on, X. It’s funny now. You’re not the same punk kid that came in here the first time. Go on. Tell her. She’ll get a kick out of it,” Carl says, antagonizing him.

  That pesky curiosity of mine rears its beast of a head again, and I join in with Carl’s teasing, desperate for any glimpse of this man’s past. Desperate to know him better. “Please?”

  He shakes his head. “I was stupid. It’s not worth repeating.”

  “Not worth repeating? Man—”

  Nettie cuts him off. “Hush, Carl. If Xavier doesn’t want to tell this girl about his past, let it go. I’m sure he’s got his reasons. Even though he should be proud of everything he’s overcome.”

  “Well if he wants to keep who he is a secret from her, he shouldn’t have brought her ’round here. The girl is bound to find out sooner or later.”

  Xavier scrubs his hand over his face. “All right. Fine.” He turns his gaze back to me. “When I was seventeen, I robbed this place. I was hungry, needed money and it seemed like a good target since it wa
s open late. I just didn’t anticipate the old man over there getting the best of me. Once Carl had a hold of me, it was over. No running away.”

  I flinch. That’s not exactly a great story. That’s sad and tragic—not to mention mind-boggling—since I know he used to work here. Looking at him now and trying to picture the young man who must have been at the very edges of hunger to resort to such a violent act makes my heart ache. Even though I haven’t known him long, I sense that he’s not one for pity, so I do my best to keep my face straight as I ask, “I thought you said you used to work here?”

  “I did.”

  My eyes flit to Nettie and then back to Xavier. “You robbed your own employers?”

  “Sugar, he didn’t work here when he did that. That’s what landed him the job,” Nettie says as she pats Xavier’s shoulder.

  The skin on my forehead creases as I furrow my brow. “I guess I’m confused. Why would you give him a job if he tried to steal from you?”

  Nettie waves me off. “The boy was hungry. We all do crazy things when we don’t have any other choice. We figured the law wouldn’t do a thang for ‘dis boy but corrupt him more by throwing him in jail. So instead of calling the cops, we offered him a job.”

  My eyes drift over to Xavier, and he frowns as he gauges my reaction. That explains his rough edge. He was a street kid. He had to grow up tough. I’m not sure what he experienced with his family, but whatever it was, it was bad enough that he still doesn’t want to discuss them now. It’s obvious they mistreated him, but I wonder to what extent.

  I straighten my shoulders and give Xavier a small smile, attempting to reassure him this doesn’t sway my opinion of his character. “Looks like you’re right, Nettie. He appears to have turned out just fine.”

  A flicker of relief washes over his stoic expression as Nettie says, “I agree. He’s made such a turn around. The hardest part was—”

  Xavier cuts her off. “It’s getting late, and we should really get going. How much do I owe you?”

  “It’s on the house,” she replies as she gathers up his empty plate. Xavier rolls his eyes and fishes out his wallet, placing a few hundreds on the table again. “Boy, if you don’t put that money away—”