“Hell, yeah. I wanted to quiz her. See if she knows her stuff. Told her that I’m interviewin’ mechanics and wanted to see what her opinions were on what could be wrong with my truck.” He made a whistling sound. “Whowee, that little girl knows engines.”
“I could have told you that.”
“Well, it ain’t the same now, is it?” He took a long and measured look at Lincoln. “I’m stickin’ to our deal. Didn’t tell her a thing.”
“Good to see you still honor at least part of your word.”
“It’s not for you, or Hank. It’s not even for her.” Rusty stared ahead. “Truth is, Hank’s not alone. I wouldn’t want to find out that she isn’t mine.” He adjusted his Stetson. “Truth is, if she’s mine, by God she’s the best thing I ever done. And I’d much rather never find out for sure because at least there’s still a chance this way.”
A trickle of fear slid down Lincoln’s spine. This man might be popping in and out of their lives and Lincoln would have to be the point man. He would also take the risk that Daisy might never speak to him again if she heard he’d played God with her life and choices.
“You do have a point. My father’s willin’ to believe the same.” He started his truck. “What about medical history? Anything significant we should know, just in case?”
“I’m healthy as a dagum horse. If it weren’t for my body breakin’ down on me from too much rodeoing I’d be fine.”
“No diabetes? High blood pressure? Heart disease?”
“Well, now, son, ya gotta die of somethin’.”
Lincoln shook his head. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”
“Got high blood pressure. But I’m sixty-five. Tell me one old man mah age who doesn’t have high blood pressure. I take mah pills.”
Lincoln dropped Rusty off, nodded goodbye, and drove away, his truck wheels kicking up enough dust to leave Rusty standing in a hazy brown cloud.
Chapter 22
The life-altering mistake Lincoln had made crushed in on him. He couldn’t trust Rusty to keep his word. That much he’d demonstrated today. Any day, week, or year, Daisy would hear from Rusty. And she might hate Lincoln for trying to protect her.
She’d fail to understand why he, who hated lies, kept this from her.
Lincoln drove around hill country for what felt like hours, mulling it all over, and the disaster he’d made out of everything. Then he headed to the Shady Grind to get properly tanked. When he arrived it was already afternoon, just past lunch, and Lenny and Brad were the only two there after the lunch rush. He immediately decided he couldn’t get sauced with these two geniuses around. They might need rescuing.
“Hey there, Linc.” Priscilla said. “The usual?”
“Yep,” he said and removed his Stetson.
The Henderson brothers strutted in a little later and talked him into a couple of games of pool, and after beating them, he went back to nursing his beer.
Jolette Marie took a stool next to him. “Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?”
“Not at all.”
Sadie was the one bright light left in his world even if he clearly didn’t deserve her.
“Really? Then what are you doin’ here all alone lookin’ like you lost your best friend? Did she insist on settin’ a weddin’ date?”
“For your information, she hasn’t.”
“Okay, so I’m wrong. Hey, if you want to get out of here, I’ll cheer you up. I swear I won’t tell her a thing. It will be our little secret.”
He glared at her, full of both pity, and anger. “If you weren’t a woman, I’d smack you. Have a little self-respect and give up on me already.”
She hopped off. “Fine! Your loss. Just remember that you’re exactly like me. You might tell yourself that you’re playing house with Sadie right now, but it won’t work. I tried that, you know, three times. It never worked because like you, I can’t be tied down.”
He didn’t want to believe that, but some part of him responded, as if he recognized a fundamental truth. Because one thing was increasingly clear to Lincoln. He was a whole lot more like his messed-up mother than his father. Like her, he didn’t particularly like the neediness of children, even if lately the idea of Sadie’s children took on a whole other meaning.
Like his mother, he’d never warmed to the idea of being tied down. Like her, he’d made his way through the rodeo circuit, not caring who he hurt in the process.
Finally, in an act so much like her that it shocked him, he’d probably hurt Hank, and failed to protect Daisy.
* * *
Lincoln didn’t come over later that day as Sadie thought he might. She wanted to hear all about his meeting with the old rodeo cowboy. Nothing could have gone terribly wrong or she would have heard something, so she assumed he’d gone back to the ranch. She’d hear from Lincoln soon. She opened up her laptop, prayed to the Wi-Fi gods, and engaged in a little retail therapy. She bought another dress, but also another pair of Wranglers, because she would be spending plenty of time on a cattle ranch. Probably the rest of her life. She’d learn to love mucking a stall, or if not love, at least tolerate.
Her heart squeezed in a full and sweet happiness completely unfamiliar to her. She loved Lincoln like she’d never loved anyone else. A desperate and intense love but also a soft and delicious feeling that she craved more each day.
When she didn’t hear from Lincoln by dinner time, she considered texting him, but reception was almost non-existent on his ranch. She figured he must have worked later than normal to make up for his trip to Kerrville.
Feeling happier than she had in years, Sadie cheerfully dressed. White dress, pink boots. She went next door to find Eve. She’d been ignoring her best friend for the past few weeks and it was high time to correct that.
Eve appeared at the door dressed in yoga pants, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. “Hey.”
“It’s time.”
Eve narrowed her eyes and appraised Sadie’s “party” clothes. “Time for what?”
“Time for you to get over Jackson.”
“Yeah, right,” Eve scoffed. “I’m already over him. Remember who left who at the altar.”
Sadie quirked a brow. “Remember who was there when you cried yourself to sleep that night.”
Eve walked inside and left the door open for Sadie to follow her in. “I can’t go out tonight. I told you. I’ve got a kitten.”
“Don’t you think you can get away for a couple of hours? Let’s go to the Shady Grind, for old time’s sake. Who knows? You might meet someone tonight.”
“I told you, I’m not ready for that.” She plopped down on the couch where Sadie noted a nearly empty bag of Salt and Vinegar chips.
“And I heard you. Look, you don’t have to meet anyone. But I could use some company tonight.”
“Where’s Lincoln?”
“He had a meeting in Kerrville this morning,” Sadie said, unwilling to betray Lincoln’s confidence. “I’m guessing he has a lot of chores to catch up on.”
Eve smiled. “Look at you, all confident and self-assured. No doubts. The old Sadie would have tracked him down, expecting to find him cheatin’ on you.”
A curl of love wound itself around her heart and she almost couldn’t speak for a moment. “He makes me feel…safe.”
Eve’s eyes were suddenly misty. “I remember that feeling.”
Sadie sat beside Eve on the couch. Time for some hard truths.
“Lincoln told me something the other night. He said Jackson is completely over you, and that you should move on, too.”
Eve blinked. “You think I don’t know that?”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“When I move on, not whether, that will be entirely up to me.”
“Sure, I get it.” Sadie took Eve’s hand and removed the bag of chips from her grip. “But until that happens will you at least hang out with me tonight? We can just drink a cold beer, sit, and chat.”
“We can do that here.”
“But
we do that all the time. A change of scenery would be nice, right? The last time we were there celebratin’, didn’t you have fun?”
Eve snorted. “Two men tried to get me to go home with them.”
“You can’t blame them for tryin’. You’re gorgeous, Eve. And one of the last young and eligible women left in town.”
“And that’s why I stay away from the Shady Grind!”
“Eve, I’m worried about you,” Sadie said, getting to the heart of the matter. “It isn’t that I want you to start dating someone. But I do want you to stop hiding in this cabin. Okay?”
“I’m not hiding.”
“Please.” Sadie batted her eyelashes and smiled, clasping her hands, prayer-like. “Girls’ night out.”
Eventually, Sadie wore Eve down though she fought every step of the way.
“The only way I’m doin’ this is my way. I’m not getting all dolled up. No makeup, so take me or leave me. And I’m wearing my Wranglers. Also, I’m drivin’ in case I want to leave early and you insist on stayin’. Lincoln will probably show up anyway and y’all will want to stay longer.”
“What about Girls’ Night do you not understand?”
Thirty minutes later, they were on their way to the Shady Grind. Eve parked near her clinic, and they walked the short distance. The clear, warm night surrounded them, the pulsating sound of Garth Brooks shattering the natural silence of their small town.
“Hiya, girls.”
Sean Henderson held the door open for them, waving them in with a grin. He took a long look at Eve’s backside. Sadie couldn’t help but notice. Not that Eve gave two hoots. She barely smiled at the man as she thanked him for holding the door.
Not for the first time Sadie worried that Eve would never find anyone she loved like she’d loved Jackson. But her friend was only twenty-seven and couldn’t just give up. Sadie wouldn’t let her.
Priscilla seemed nowhere in sight tonight, and a handsome man stood behind the bar filling orders. Nothing like Lincoln, of course, but easy on the eyes nonetheless.
“Wow,” Sadie said, elbowing Eve. “Take a look at him, will you?”
Eve glanced. “Oh, yeah. That’s Levi. He’s visiting his cousins. Apparently, he’s good with horses.”
“You two would have a lot in common.”
Eve shrugged as Sadie led them to two empty stools at one end of the bar. Okay, Sadie would stop trying to play matchmaker now. It wasn’t going to happen. At least not tonight.
“Hey, ladies,” Levi said when he finally made his way down to them. “What can I get ya?”
“Two beers,” Sadie said with a smile.
“Domestic?” His grin went wide, and yes, he checked Eve out.
Not a shock. Every man with a pulse checked her out.
“Of course,” Sadie said and when he went off to get them, she elbowed Eve. “You were a lot cheerier last time we were here. What’s up?”
Levi served their beers and Eve didn’t even spare him a glance. “I don’t mind going out when it’s about you. But now, you have Lincoln.”
“So, you’re done, is that it?”
“Sadie, no offense, but I have a full life building my practice. I have a lot of student debt to pay off and I’m focused on my career. Not all of us want to get married and spit out a bunch of children, you know.”
Ouch. “Well. That’s fair. But as I told you, we’re not here to find you a man.”
“Okay, then.”
She nudged her chin to Levi. “You don’t have to be mean to him.”
“Um, yes, I do.” Eve swiveled on her stool. “Otherwise, he gets the wrong idea and that’s not fair to anyone.”
“You’re right. Sorry.” Sadie raised her bottle and clinked with Eve. “Here’s to ignoring all of the men.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Eve said with a small smirk.
Sadie laughed, turned, and at that moment noticed Lincoln sitting on the other end of the bar. Alone. Stetson tipped, head lowered, hands clasped around a bottle of beer.
A bit surprising to find him here when she didn’t hear from him all day, but he had every right to go out alone just as she did. Just because they were a couple didn’t mean they were joined at the hip.
Yeah, she was that cool.
“Oh, look,” Eve said, following Sadie’s gaze. “It’s Linc. Well, I’m calling it a night.”
Sadie put her hand on Eve’s. “Nice try but you didn’t even finish your beer.”
“Even better.” She grabbed her purse and stood. “Call me if y’all need a ride. I’m the designated driver.”
Sadie tried to stop her by grabbing her elbow, but Eve went out the door so fast you’d think she’d left something cooking on the stove. Well, nothing to do but move closer to Lincoln and check in on the love of her life.
“Hey,” she said, taking a seat next to him when the stool became available.
He turned to her, eyes a bit shadowed by the brim of his hat. Even so, there would be no mistaking the posture of his body. The grim set of his full mouth.
“Hey, there.”
A little spike of fear and warning seized her, coming in hot, like an old enemy. “I take it things didn’t go well today?”
“I’m here because I don’t want to think about that, Sadie.”
Well, that was an answer in itself.
“I’m on a mission to get Eve to move on from Jackson. But she’s already gone home,” Sadie said, giving him said subject change. “Will you give me a ride home later? If you’ve been drinkin’ too much, she said she’ll come back to get us. She’s sober as a nun tonight.”
“I’m fine.” Lincoln stood. “Let’s go.”
“We don’t have to go home right now.”
But he was already helping her off the stool and guiding her toward the front door. His movements were sharp, angry. In the truck, Sadie could not stand the quiet for another second. There were bad, funky moods, and there was this. A quiet so loud that it roared in her ears.
“We really don’t have to go.”
“Why not.”
“My lord, Lincoln, you’re acting like I caught you in the middle of somethin’ you shouldn’t be doin’ and now you want to hurry up and get out of here.”
“Funny.” He shot her a patient look but said nothing more as he turned on the road, appearing as cheerful as someone headed to a lethal injection.
She didn’t want to pry but something was very wrong. “What happened today with Rusty?”
“Don’t worry about it.” When he pulled in front of her cabin and made no move to get out, she didn’t, either.
“Aren’t you coming inside?”
“Not tonight. I’ve got an early mornin’.”
But he always had early mornings and that usually didn’t stop him. He didn’t say “baby,” didn’t give her a kiss, didn’t tuck a hair behind her ear. Didn’t hold her hand.
“Did I do somethin’ wrong?”
“Of course not.” He made it sound like a stupid idea.
Right. “Something is wrong.”
“I just need to get a good night’s sleep tonight.”
A sickening thought occurred to her. “Is there someone else? Someone you need to get back to?”
The words came out before she could stop them.
He slid her a look, as if she’d stabbed him in the eye. “No.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t think so, but you literally never tell me that you love me. What am I supposed to think when you’re now this distant and won’t even talk to me? I’m not a mind reader!”
“Sadie.” Lincoln ran a hand down his face. “I can’t take this right now.”
“Can’t take what?”
“This pressure to tell you that I love you, to make all these stupid declarations that don’t mean anything.”
A cold trickle of fear stabbed her. “Th-that don’t mean anything?”
“Look, my mother told me she loved me every day of my life and she still left. Just didn’t come home
one day. She loved us so much that she cheated on our father. So, what happened to all that love? Maybe they were just words. I think we just say them to each other to feel safe.”
“Don’t say that. I love you, Lincoln. I always have. I don’t need you to say it back until you’re ready.”
“Maybe not, but you of all women deserve that, and I can’t give it to you. I don’t think I’m capable.” A genuine sadness laced his words.
“Yes, you are. You love me, I know that you do.”
“I can’t even say the words out loud. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Those words sliced straight through her, cutting swiftly, and with absolute precision. She half expected to find blood spurting from her chest. “Oh, God. Lincoln.”
He looked so sad, so miserable, his deep blue eyes guarded. Shut down. He gripped the steering wheel. “Maybe…maybe we rushed into this.”
“Yeah?” Her heart hurt with a dull and deep ache. “What do you want to do?”
“I think we need to take a step back. Maybe we need a break.”
Well, she’d asked for honesty. How wonderful to get exactly what she’d wanted. Yay.
“You should see someone else.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “I’m not going to, but you should. Because you could do a lot better than me.”
The words wrenched a sob from somewhere deep inside her soul. “No. I’ll never do better than you. Never.”
“Just try, Sadie. Please try, because I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.” He hung his head.
Her heart, raw and tender, split right down the middle. She squeezed his hand back. “Yeah. Okay.”
Then he walked her to the cabin as he’d done so many times over the past few weeks. The mood shifted, entirely different as the night air hung between them oppressively. She fought to walk calmly and with her head held high. She’d been hurt before, after all, and survived. Though it was nothing like this raw ache that filled her now.
“Goodnight,” she said, unlocking the cabin door.
She refused to say goodbye. This wasn’t goodbye. She’d see him from time to time, though not nearly as often. Though maybe, if this ache didn’t ease with time, she’d have to consider leaving town. Because a person couldn’t hurt this much every day and survive.
Lucky Cowboy Page 24
