“Goodnight. I’m sorry,” he said, his blue eyes so very sad and defeated, then walked back to his truck and drove off into the dark night.
Inside her cabin, her back against the closed door, Sadie slid all the way to the ground before she let out the first mournful sob.
Once again, she didn’t see this coming.
Chapter 23
Crying would not be on the menu. No sir. She wouldn’t be that girl. But the next morning, when she woke to the sound of whipping wind whistling through the lakeside trees, she wondered how she’d survive. Once before, she’d felt the pain of loss accompanied by a healthy dose of betrayal. Yet even then there wasn’t an ache like a huge gaping hole in her chest that would never heal.
She rubbed her swollen eyes and tried not to think of what lay ahead. Maybe she’d have to see Jolette Marie’s knowing smile, when Lincoln eventually went back to the kind of relationship he could handle. One with zero expectations. No love.
She showered, dressed, and considered her options. Maybe she should adopt a puppy, or a kitten. Eve certainly would help find the right one. Someone who needed her. Daddy would relax his pet rules for his only daughter. She’d have to promise to repair any damage to the cabin. The children could help her name the dog. She would put all their names in a suggestion box, then pick the one she preferred. It would be a nice exercise in both creativity and penmanship.
Her children. They’d get her through this.
Since Eve would be at the Carver ranch all morning doing her grooming job on the horses, hanging out with her was not an option until later. Even then, Sadie worried Eve would just bring Sadie further down. Eve wasn’t exactly brimming with hope for a brighter tomorrow last night. This latest news might send her over the edge.
Oh, sigh. So, she’d head on over to her parents’ house to possibly talk some sense into her clueless dear old daddy. It took her a few days, but she’d finally seen her mother’s point. Her father, her hero, the man she’d set as the standard for all men who came after, was…not perfect. And God bless her mother, who’d never allowed Sadie to believe he was anything less than that.
She hoped to be the same type of mother someday, leaving her children out of any grievances against her future husband…whoever he might be.
The thought brought a renewed ache.
She found her father in the shed by the vineyard, wearing his trusty overalls, holding a pair of trimming shears. The small space smelled of wood and fresh cut grass, and brought up a memory and a pang for her childhood.
“Hello, sweetie.” He set the shears down.
She folded into his arms, but despite her heavy spirit, she’d decided not to claim her father’s sympathy. Not today. Today was about Mom.
But he must have sensed something, because he patted her back. “Um. You okay?”
“Oh, sure.”
He led her out of the shed, arm around her shoulders. “Good. Make darn sure Lincoln treats you right. I wouldn’t want to have to kill him.”
“Oh, he’s one of the most honest men I’ve ever met.”
Painfully so.
“Good man.” Dad tipped back on his heels. “I always liked him. Your mother isn’t here now. Will you come back for dinner?”
“Not tonight, Daddy.” She linked her arm in his and they walked toward his baby, er, his vineyard.
Interesting how her parents grew apart when they discovered their passions after their empty nest. She’d always expected them to grow closer together, to appreciate the privacy, and spend even more time with each other. Spend more nights together, holding hands while watching a movie.
“Are you and Mom okay?”
He sighed and patted her arm. “Depends on what you mean by okay.”
Not exactly promising there. “Are you still happy? In love?”
“Well, of course! I love your mother. Why, can’t you tell?”
“It’s not whether I can tell or not. I wonder if she knows.”
“When a man works all the time so that his wife can have everything she needs, well, she should know.”
She shouldn’t be shocked that her father wasn’t romantic. He’d been far too practical all his life. She sat on a wood bench her father had repurposed from one of the old church pews and placed at the head of the Chardonnay row of grapes. Today was clear and crisp, the sweet scent of grapes lingering in the air all around them.
“It’s just that I think Mom doesn’t feel…appreciated. You know? I think her business has become very important to her.”
“That’s just a hobby.”
Oh, dear. How on earth did her wonderful father miss this? Probably too caught up in his grapes.
She cleared her throat. “No, Daddy. Yours is a hobby. Hers is a business now. With a lot of potential.”
He plunked down beside her, staring like she’d suggested the earth was flat. “The jam?”
“Yes, Daddy,” Sadie said patiently. “She’s doing well, or haven’t you noticed?”
“She sells to friends and the General Store. I figured she was just breakin’ even.”
“She’s doin’ better than that. But maybe if she invested in a marketing plan, who knows, right? Now, it’s simply word of mouth and organic sales. And Daddy, she said she’s been paying some of your bills with her business profits.”
“She helped with our property taxes last year. That was nice, sure.”
“I don’t think that Mom feels like you appreciate her contribution.”
“Of course, I do! What kind of nonsense is that?”
“It’s the way she feels. Not nonsense.” Dear Lord. Her poor, poor sainted mother. “And I’m talking about her business.”
“She told you this? Why wouldn’t she tell me?”
“You know what? I’ll bet she has, Daddy. Have you been listening?”
“To her talk about the business?” He scratched his temple. “She goes on and on about it some nights. It seems all she’s ever interested in anymore. I guess maybe sometimes I tune her out. For God’s sake, she’s canning, like she always has. I’m supposed to get all excited about this?”
“Maybe at least as excited as you are about your grapes?”
Her father jerked back like she’d slapped him, and Sadie regretted the harsh words. But she’d had a hell of a night. She was flipping tired of men. Yes, even Daddy.
“I don’t know, but I think at some point you guys stopped really talking to each other.”
“We went on a cruise, which I thought she’d enjoy.”
“Hm. Well, someone recently told me love was easy. All you need to do is open up a vein and bleed.” She met her father’s gaze and quirked a brow. “Have you been bleeding lately?”
“I did say that, didn’t I?” he chuckled, rubbing his chin. “What the heck was I thinkin’?”
“That love isn’t easy and sometimes it means you’re going to hurt a little.” Or, you know, a lot. She shrugged. “No matter how much it hurts, it’s worth loving. And it helps if you open up and give that someone you love the deepest parts of yourself. That’s the bleeding part.”
He ruffled her hair. “My daughter is so wise. Beyond her years.”
Later, Sadie drove to the Kerrville Public Library and checked out ten books centered around enhancing elementary school education. Crafts, math and science, language, and how to work with special needs. Just for kicks, and she told herself simply because of where she lived, she checked out a book on the rodeo.
On her way out, she caught a sweet couple finding some privacy in a little nook behind a bookcase. They were in a clinch, gazing at each other like they were the only two people in the world. The man leaned in close, smiled and tucked a hair behind the woman’s ear. Like Lincoln used to do. She’d always seen the gesture as tender and loving. Her heart stung with a deep ache. If he didn’t love her, he’d certainly faked it well.
I can’t even say the words. That must mean something.
On the other hand, some, like Lincoln’s mother, threw
those words around easily. She recalled a certain charming Australian who’d said them to her on their second date. He didn’t mean a word. For Lincoln, those words carried such weight and meant so much that when he said them to a woman, they would mean something. They would mean forever.
And he didn’t want forever with Sadie.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t tell herself she’d survived worse, because, oh, no she hadn’t. She quickly drove back to Lupine Lake, and seeing Eve’s truck, headed straight to her cabin.
Eve opened the door holding her kitten. “Meow,” the kitty said.
Sadie smiled and gave her head a little rub. “Hey, I wondered if you wanted to—”
“No, I’m not goin’ out again. That’s final. I’m not interested.”
“Not that. I thought tonight maybe we could watch a movie, or play a board game, or do each other’s hair, or—”
Sadie suddenly couldn’t stop the sobs that wrenched from her. Before she could stop herself, she’d let loose with a cry that to her own ears sounded like that of a wounded animal.
“Oh my Lord, honey, why are you crying?” Eve pulled Sadie inside. “Don’t try to talk.”
Good thing because Sadie couldn’t talk. She couldn’t catch her breath.
Eve walked her to the couch, gave her a little push, and then set the kitten in her lap. He meowed again and rubbed against her. Sadie tried to say something, but the words didn’t find room between her sobs. Her throat tight, she simply petted him and damned if that didn’t help. No idea why.
“Wiggle will make you feel better.” Eve patted Sadie’s shoulder. “That’s his specialty. Does this have anything to do with a certain cowboy?”
Sadie nodded.
“Oh boy. Those…those…damn cowboys!” And then Eve simply sat next to Sadie, quietly rubbing her back, and letting her drop every last blessed tear.
After a few minutes, Sadie’s sobs wound down, and when the crying became hiccups, Sadie explained.
“He…wants…me…to…find…someone…else,” Sadie managed to get out.
“What an idiot. And I thought Lincoln was the smart one.”
Sadie buried her face in Wiggle’s soft, smooth fur and took a deep breath. “I really thought he loved me. Sometimes, I swore that I saw it in his eyes. But maybe I saw what I wanted to see. Eve, what’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing’s wrong with you! You just haven’t found a man who deserves you yet.”
“I thought I had.”
“It happens. We’re wrong about love sometimes. I remember on my weddin’ day, wonderin’ if I loved Jackson too much. Whether he loved me enough.”
“I’m sorry if this brings up bad memories. I didn’t mean to do that to you.”
“Look at you, worried about me even when you’re in pain.”
“I guess neither one of us is going to wind up with a Carver man.”
“Their loss.”
Despite the fact that Sadie didn’t believe this, might never believe it, she still nodded.
“What do you want to do first?” Eve brightened. “Hair or nails?”
* * *
November breezed in, and Sadie made it through the first week. But the Veteran’s Day weekend lasted an entire year. Sadie spent most of it sleeping, never having been quite so tired in her entire life. On the last day of the three-day weekend that would not end, she went by her parents’ house to pick up jams to deliver to the General Store for her mother, who looked a little happier, at least.
She stepped out of her truck, but thought she saw Lincoln walk across the street. Quickly ducking back inside, she bonked her head on the steering wheel.
“Ow!” She rubbed her poor head and from the safety of her truck, slowly rose, and glanced across the street.
No. Not Lincoln. It was that other handsome man, Levi something or the other, headed to the Shady Grind. Relief flooded through her, even if she realized she’d never be able to avoid Lincoln completely. But later, much later, she’d be able to handle seeing him again. Just not now.
It had now been almost two weeks, and yet no one seemed to know about their breakup. She’d give them no more than a couple more days. By Sadie’s calculations, any minute now someone would figure it out and spread the word.
“Hello, Sadie.”
Sadie turned to see Judson standing behind her. “Oh, hey there.”
“Can I help you with those?” He nudged his chin toward her truck bed and the boxes of her mother’s jam.
“I sure appreciate that.” She picked one up and he took two others.
“I’m heading back to Dallas tomorrow.”
“We’ll miss you around here. Are you comin’ back?”
“Sure will. I love the scenery here.” He eyed her carefully, giving her a shy smile.
Now see, why couldn’t she fall for a man like Judson? Handsome, kind, great manners, liked her, and she’d bet he’d be able to fall in love.
“I hope you come back.”
“Yeah?” He gave her a hopeful smile, as if she’d just agreed to his marriage proposal.
“Pamela Ann seems to really like you.”
His smile deflated a bit, but he nodded. “I don’t make it a practice to date married women.”
“And we appreciate you for that.” She heaved the box inside the storefront. “But you never know what could happen.”
“Exactly. And I’m a patient man when I see what I want,” he said, setting down his own two boxes and giving her a long look. “Are you okay? Suffering from allergies? Your eyes are very red.”
Self-conscious, she rubbed them. Really should have at least put on a little makeup today to disguise the effects of her weekend-long crying jag. But she found she didn’t much care what she looked like.
“Yeah. Terrible this time of year.”
“You should really see someone about that.”
“I will, thanks.” At that moment, Sadie caught Lillian making her way down the produce aisle in her direction. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I have to go!”
“Okay, Sadie. I’ll write to you. Or call you.”
“Sure.” And with that, she ran out of the store.
Chapter 24
On Friday, Sadie clapped her hands together at the end of another week. Given the long weekend, this week felt too short. “Okay, boys and girls. Have fun this weekend and be sure to get your parents to read to you. Remember, read, read, read.”
Pretty much all she’d be doing this weekend. At least there were books and she could escape into a perfect romantic world. She would clean her cabin from top to bottom and take up Eve on her offer to visit the nearby animal shelters on a search for the perfect pet. The children were already very excited about having input in naming it.
Sadie hitched in a strangled breath. Yeah, she’d be fine.
The parents arrived to pick up their children, Pamela Ann right on time. She’d likely never be late again. Sadie went back in the classroom to clean up and grab her backpack.
She hadn’t seen or heard from Lincoln all week. Her heart was shattered but differently this time. No betrayal from someone she trusted. Just a hard, dull ache that might never go away. She’d wanted honesty, well, she got it, from a man who couldn’t say those simple three little words back to her. Either he’d never be able to love anyone, or maybe he just couldn’t love her.
She didn’t know which one of these two would hurt the most.
Word was now all over town that Sadie and Lincoln were no longer an item. Lovely. She didn’t talk about it much, not to anyone but Eve. Judson called from Dallas and wanted to take her to dinner, but Sadie turned him down. Tonight, Eve planned to come over with a gallon of Rocky Road and a stash of romance novels. They were both going to get lost inside the pages of a perfect fantasy world where everyone got a happily ever after.
Well. No point in delaying the inevitable. Her students were gone. She straightened up a few odds and ends and turned to go.
“Sadie.”
She
turned because the voice carried a ring of hostility. Instinctively, Sadie knew she’d face Derek.
“They’ve a-already left.”
“I know.” He brandished a knife.
“Are you kidding me?” Sadie’s voice shook and not long after the rest of her body joined in. “How is this going to help anything? You want to hurt me?”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said with almost scary calm. “But I do need you to come with me.”
“W-what? W-why?” Sadie pictured all types of less than happy scenarios in which she wound up on the wrong side of that blade. “Where are we going?”
“Just walk with me.” He pointed her toward the door and walked closely behind her.
She felt the tip of his knife as it bit into her lower back. “This isn’t the smartest thing you’ve ever done.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I figured out the schedule and Lincoln isn’t working on the new building today. I have a plan and it’s going to work.”
Word obviously hadn’t reached Derek that Lincoln wouldn’t much care anymore who she left with. But there were other men working today, Lenny and his brother-in-law, Brad. She caught their eye as she walked like a robot down the portable’s steps.
“Miss Sadie?” Lenny called out. “You okay?”
“Shut up, Lenny,” Derek called out. “Mind your business.”
“What the hell ya doin’ there, Derek? Have you lost your mind? Cause I’ll help you find it!” Lenny shouted after them.
Derek shoved Sadie into his truck from the driver’s side, holding tight to her arm.
“Please,” Sadie said. “Let’s think this through. Jimmy Ray needs you to stay out of trouble so you two can be together again.”
“Thanks to you, I might never get to see my son again.”
“No, I’m sure that’s not true.”
“Well, if you’re sure, this is going to go real easy.” Derek started up the truck and drove out of the lot.
Behind them, Sadie saw Lenny and Brad jump into Lenny’s truck and follow. A trickle of dread pulsed through her. This could get ugly. By the time they were on the road heading out of downtown, there were three cars following them.
Lucky Cowboy Page 25
