Love is a Drum Beat (Rockstars Anonymous)

by Michelle MacQueen

“Spaghetti squash.”

  “This isn’t spaghetti.”

  “No, it’s squash.” His mouth tilted into a half grin as he ate.

  Jo poked the yellow strings with her fork. “Well, at least there’s garlic bread. Unless you’ve made that out of beets or Brussel sprouts.” She paused. “You didn’t, right?”

  “Eat the squash, Jo. You’ll like it.”

  Dax looked at her so expectantly, she had to at least try it. There was an earnestness to him that made it very difficult to disappoint him.

  Jo lifted her fork to her mouth, closing her eyes as she set the buttery strings inside. It was… not horrible.

  Dax grinned. “Right now, you’re trying to think of a nice lie about how you knew you wouldn’t like it.”

  “How do you know it would be a lie?”

  “Because I can read you, Jo. Your face tells all.”

  She hid her smile as she ate in silence. To her surprise, the quiet between them was no longer awkward. Maybe that kiss thawed the ice. Even if it was a one-time thing, they could be friends.

  I’ve never wanted to be a perfect man, Jo. I just want to be a good one.

  Their friendship would rely on him not saying stuff like that, words that made it all too easy to think about kissing him again.

  Jo finished her dinner and set the plate aside. “Hey, Dax?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We need…” This was harder than she’d thought. “We need to talk about last night.”

  He set his plate on the ground in front of him and took a long drink of his water before lowering the glass. “Yes, we do.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “J-Jo, I think I need to apologize.”

  Him? Apologize? “For what? I kissed you.”

  “I didn’t exactly back away, did I? You are weeks away from having a baby. Your entire world is being turned upside down. I don’t know if you were in your right mind, but I took advantage.”

  “You took advantage?” He was stealing all of her lines. “Dax, I have so many out-of-control emotions in me right now, much of it anger. But you… you calmed me last night, and that’s what I needed. I’m sorry I took it too far. I probably have Stockholm syndrome, so you can ignore what I do.”

  A grin spread his lips. “You have Stockholm syndrome?”

  “It’s the only explanation.”

  “Jo… I didn’t abduct you. I’m not imprisoning you. You don’t have Stockholm syndrome.”

  “It might not be your fault, but I’m stuck here. You make me be nice. You feed me weird things.”

  “They’re called vegetables, and they aren’t weird. Most adults eat them regularly.”

  She waved his words away as she felt the panic rising. Everything crashed in on her at once. The chat with her dad. The kiss with Dax. Being freaking eight months pregnant. Her chest constricted as she sucked in breath after breath. Her eyes glassed over, and this time, she couldn’t keep the tears at bay.

  She’d tried forgetting her father’s words. Even if she didn’t completely believe him about her mom, some part of her hoped it was true, hoped she’d get answers.

  “Dax, I can’t breathe.”

  Dax pushed himself to his feet and sat on the edge of the bed. It should have felt awkward being this close. Instead, he was a lifeline she could hold on to. At least for now.

  Dax reached forward and pushed the hair from her face. “Breathe, Jo. Just breathe.”

  She closed her eyes, letting the sound of his voice quell the panic inside her. Reaching for his hand, she squeezed it, feeling the rough callouses against her smooth skin. It grounded her, and eventually her breathing returned to normal.

  “I won’t kiss you again.” She opened her eyes to find Dax’s intense stare burning into her. “I promise.”

  With an unreadable expression, Dax nodded. “I’ll go get you some ice cream.” He picked up both plates.

  I’ve never wanted to be a perfect man, Jo. I just want to be a good one.

  Jo didn’t know much about Dax, but something told her he didn’t need to try to be good.

  It was just who he was.

  16

  Dax

  A week was a long time in the music industry. Songs could release and fail… or they could soar a new artist to the top of the charts.

  The media could change a star’s image.

  And Dax Nelson could continue screwing up.

  “What’s wrong with you today?” Ben slid his guitar from his lap. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Dax Nelson make a mistake, and today you can’t seem to stop.”

  Dax set the violin he’d been trying to tame beside him on the couch. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  There was so much Dax wanted to know about how to read a woman. He had so little experience. But he chickened out. “Do you think the violin fits the song?”

  Ben sighed. “I don’t know, man. You’re the musical prodigy here.”

  Dax hated when people called him that. Being a prodigy had taken away his childhood. He’d never give music up, but he also knew what he’d missed. “I don’t think it’s right.”

  Jo had been right about the song. It was an anthem, and he had to live with that. And the violin was meant for other songs.

  “Did Quinn finish her vocals after the last tweaks we made?”

  Ben shrugged. “She texted me that they were done, but I haven’t been spending much time with her.”

  “I don’t know how you do it.” Dax stood and carried the violin to where it normally hung on the wall. “Your girlfriend cheats on you with your other band member, and then you go and fall in love with said girlfriend’s little sister.”

  “That’s life, man.”

  “And you think Fate is going to stay together?”

  Ben shrugged. “Music heals everything. The band might not have the bond we once did, but when it comes to music, nothing has changed.”

  “I don’t get you.” Dax had always thought romantic relationships interfered with music, at least the kind he wanted to make. And yet…

  “So.” Ben interrupted his thoughts, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. “Conner is not happy.”

  Dax sighed and took his seat again. “Because of the new drum track I sent him?”

  “Yep.” Ben looked more amused than upset. “I believe his words were ‘I don’t even know the idiot. He can’t dictate how I play.’”

  “Have you shown him the contract?” The one Dax used for all his collaborations, giving him the last word. It meant a few artists walked away from him, not wanting to work with him again. Then, the songs went on to hit the market just right, and they realized Dax knew what he was doing.

  Ben chuckled. “I sent it to both Conner and Quinn. I doubt Conner actually reads it, but I know Quinn did since she called me up and yelled at me for getting us into a partnership with you.”

  Dax shrugged. It didn’t matter to him what anyone else thought of him. “Do you think Conner will come around?”

  “Probably. He won’t want to sour this collaboration. A song with you on our album will help sales.” Ben retrieved his guitar and plucked at the strings. “Play the new drum part for me.”

  Dax did as he asked, and soon, Jo’s steady rhythm filled the studio. Ben listened, concentration scrunching his face.

  As the beat faded, Ben nodded. “It’s perfect.” He shot him a skeptical look. “I thought the one instrument you never played was the drums.”

  “Oh, that wasn’t me. Jo came up with it.”

  A laugh burst out of Ben. “She’s about to have a baby, and she still can’t stay away from the drums.”

  That was the one thing about Jo he understood. She had one love of her life—her drums. Playing gave her the same feelings it did Dax. While locked in their rhythms or chords, nothing else could touch them. The real world didn’t exist.

  As he sat here in the studio, he didn’t have to obsess over a kiss that wouldn’t happen again. These walls insulated him, keepi
ng him from getting hurt.

  “I’ll tell Conner Jo wrote it.” Ben laughed. “I’m pretty sure he has a thing for her. Or had—before he knew she was pregnant.”

  Those words burned through Dax. He narrowed his eyes. “Does the pregnancy change who Jo is? Is she suddenly not worth falling for? Does the world value her less than before?” His chest heaved with anger so sudden it surprised even him.

  Ben let him keep venting, one eyebrow raised, but Dax quieted and pushed his glasses up into his hair, making it stand on end.

  “Want to talk about it?” Ben asked.

  “Definitely not.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “She kissed me,” he blurted.

  Ben’s eyes widened. “And…?”

  “And nothing. She told me it was a hormone-driven mistake.”

  Ben taped his fingers along the smooth curve of his guitar. “How long have you been in love with her?”

  “What? I’m not…” He shook his head. He blew out a breath. “Since the first Rockstars Anonymous meeting where she showed up like a hurricane, claiming we’d never all become friends.”

  “None of us would have guessed what the group would lead to, least of all Jo.”

  Dax sighed. “You can’t tell Piper because she’ll tell Drew, and he’ll tell everyone.”

  Ben mimed zipping his lips closed, then all joking subsided from his face. “There’s another reason you won’t tell her how you feel.”

  There was. A reason Dax hated himself for. “If I’m seen with her, the paps will dig and dig until they find out who I am. It already happened once. I have spent my entire life trying to stay out of the spotlight. My music is famous, not me. And Jo… right now she’s an addiction for the drama-hungry press.”

  “I get it.” Ben gave him a sad smile. “You have to weigh what’s worth it. If your life is going to change forever, it has to be for a good reason.”

  Jo was every reason both good and bad.

  But he wasn’t yet ready to be known, to have the entire world connect him to his music.

  Ben stood and packed up his guitar. “I don’t have any advice for you. Not really. But I’ll get Conner working on that drum beat. You’ll have it by next week.”

  Dax nodded. That would work. He’d never produced the final version of a song before, always relying on someone at the studio. But this… it felt good in a way so few things did right now.

  He flipped off the lights in the booth before stepping from his sanctuary to find Ben talking to Jo.

  “What are you doing out here?” He flinched at the harshness of his own tone.

  Jo didn’t.

  “Well, that’s my cue to leave.” Ben sent a wave over his shoulder and walked toward the front door.

  As soon as he heard it shut, Dax looked down at Jo. “What are you doing?” She had a bed pillow behind her back and a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her like she was a burrito with her pink slippers peeking out. “Have you been out here the entire time?”

  She wiped sleep from her eyes and peered up at him. “I like hearing you two play.”

  Dax checked his watch. “Ben was here for four hours. Are you saying you’ve been listening the entire time?” Anxiety rose in him as he thought of the conversation he’d had with Ben about Jo.

  “Well, for the first hour, you had the door shut. Then, Ben cracked it to get some air circulating. That’s when I decided to listen. It’s too bad you and Ben aren’t in a band together. You sounded awesome. Though, that violin at the end… cut that.”

  “That’s what I said,” he muttered. “So, you’ve been listening to us for three hours?”

  “No, only the first two. Then, I fell asleep. I woke up when Ben walked out. I didn’t mean to sit here this long, but once I was on the ground, I couldn’t get up. Miscalculation on my part.”

  He looked toward the living room where there was a perfectly comfortable couch and then back to Jo. When Dax was alone, he behaved a certain way. As a creature of habit, he had routines he never broke. In the mornings, he had coffee on his deck. At night, it was scotch. He cooked healthy meals and never ever had ice cream in his freezer.

  And he certainly didn’t sit on the floor in lieu of the furniture.

  Until now.

  Dax lowered himself next to Jo with Ben’s question ringing in his mind. How long have you been in love with her?

  Always.

  At least, that was what it felt like.

  He’d never been in love before, but he understood it from the unconditional love he’d always gotten from his parents. Loving someone didn’t always mean being with them, pursuing them romantically.

  Sometimes, it was about giving them what they needed, not what he wanted.

  And what did Jo need?

  A friend. Someone who could make her believe in herself.

  The kiss had snapped something inside him. Maybe it was the part holding him back. He’d never known what to say to Jo, how to be around her. But as he sat leaning against the blue wall, it came to him: the confidence.

  Bumping her shoulder with his, he smiled. “You’re strange, Jo Jackson.”

  She snorted. “If you’re only now coming to that conclusion, there’s something wrong with you.”

  Dax had never talked to anyone about his music who wasn’t related to him or working for him. That came with the anonymity. But Jo had wanted to hear it so badly, she sat here for hours. “So…” He hesitated. “Are you going to tell me what you thought?”

  “About what?” She grinned up at him.

  “You’re a little evil.”

  “More than a little. But yes, I like the song. Piper’s words are amazing, as usual. You have the guitar and piano bits perfect.”

  “But…”

  “When you have the true drum track from Conner, it needs intertwined with the music.”

  “I thought it was.”

  She shook her head. “Right now, you have the track I did playing separately. The beats don’t match up. It might help if you slow the vocals. Dax, a drum beat isn’t merely a part of the song. It’s the heartbeat in the same way the piano is the soul. Turn toward me.”

  He did as she asked.

  “Okay, I need you to close your eyes and start singing the song.”

  The first words came out raspy, but he pushed on. Jo tapped out the beat on his chest above his heart like it was the heartbeat. “Do you feel it?”

  He nodded and kept singing.

  As his voice drifted off, Jo smiled. “Feels good, right? The beat of the song overpowered the beat of your heart.”

  “That was…” He didn’t have words.

  “You need to make the audience feel that too.”

  Their eyes locked for a long moment, their breaths in sync.

  Jo was the first to break eye contact. “Dax…” His name was a breath on her lips. “I want…”

  “What do you want?”

  She leaned her head back against the wall. “A friend.” She pushed out a breath. “I think I need you in my life.”

  Dax didn’t know how to respond. His entire life had been about the music. Before Rockstars Anonymous, he didn’t have friends. But now… he couldn’t imagine Jo distancing herself once she had this baby. Would they go back to how they were?

  “Friends.” He nodded. “I’d like that.”

  The smile she graced him with made everything okay. A friend was what she needed, so it no longer mattered what he wanted.

  At least not yet.

  Jo’s phone buzzed, and she pulled it from her pocket. She grimaced when a name flashed across the screen.

  “You okay?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not. I think I’d like to go to bed now.”

  “What about dinner? I could make actual spaghetti.”

  “I’m not very hungry, Dax. But thank you for offering. Could you… help me up?”

  He pushed to his feet and held both hands out. Jo latched onto him and with a dual effort they got her to her feet.r />
  “Only another month of this.” Dax smiled.

  Jo didn’t react. Whoever had called stole the light from her eyes.

  And he was determined to get it back.

  17

  Jo

  Whoever said no one could escape their pasts was right.

  When Jo closed her eyes, all she saw was Blake and the desperation that led to the actions she could never take back.

  She rolled onto her side, trying to get comfortable. At her appointment yesterday, Doctor Lawrence told her she was progressing well, but there was still a possibility they’d have to induce early. No, she still had a bit of time to go.

  She wasn’t ready.

  All the fears jumbled inside her, making it impossible to sleep. Reaching toward the bedside lamp, she turned it on. The voice-activated lights would have worked too, but they still weirded her out.

  Sitting by the lamp was the glass of water she should have finished by now, and the blood pressure cuff, which she’d become a pro at using.

  Wrapping her fingers around the sweating glass, she drank until she couldn’t anymore. Her doctor told her if she did all the right things and kept her blood pressure down, she might carry to term.

  Might.

  It was all a big guessing game, wasn’t it?

  She slid her arm into the smart cuff and unlocked her phone, waiting for the readings to appear.

  She stared at the numbers and blew out a breath. Normal. Well, slightly above normal, but not in the danger range the doctor told her about. Drinking the rest of her water, she slid from the bed and put the cuff back on the table.

  She’d struggled with her sleep schedule, but it didn’t help that the minute she stepped out of her room, she heard him.

  Dax.

  Setting her glass on the kitchen island, she kept walking until she reached the open door to the deck. Dax sat on one of the deck chairs, guitar in his lap. But the real instrument was his voice.

  It wasn’t like any of his songs she’d heard. There was something uncut, something rough about him now. Her eyes trailed from his plaid pajama pants to the bare muscles of his chest.

  He was a nerd, but she’d started to see that was the best thing about him. She stood in the doorway, letting his song calm her nerves. The moment he saw her, he’d tell her she shouldn’t be on her feet.