Love is a Drum Beat (Rockstars Anonymous)

by Michelle MacQueen

  Dax had never been good at any sport or other non-music activity. He wasn’t the most socially adept guy. No one would envy his sparkling personality.

  But the music… that was where he derived his confidence.

  He waved to Marco who’d given him a ride home and a healthy dose of jokes about Dax preferring to take Ubers than driving himself.

  A smile spread Dax’s lips as he unlocked his door and stepped inside, expecting to find Jo out of bed in his absence—as if he was the only one demanding she stay there.

  But she wasn’t in the kitchen or the living room. In fact, nothing looked touched. There were no fingerprints on the stainless steel fridge—prints Jo seemed incapable of avoiding.

  The pillows on the couch looked just as he’d left them, not scattered between the couch and the floor.

  The doorbell rang, pulling Dax from his search of Jo. He crossed the room and yanked it open. A delivery man held out a bag with three Styrofoam containers in it. Dax took it and dug into his pocket, handing over a tip.

  Once the door shut, he walked to Jo’s room and tapped lightly on the door. There was no response, so he nudged the door open. Jo lay on her side in the dark room. He wanted to let her sleep, heaven knew she needed the rest.

  But he also needed to make sure she was okay.

  “Jo?” He used his phone to light up the room.

  Jo groaned.

  Dax rushed toward her. “Jo, are you okay?”

  Her eyes slid open, locking onto his in the dark. “Dax?”

  “It’s me. You were groaning. Have you been asleep all day?”

  She nodded. “Wicked headache.”

  “Think you could eat?”

  “As long as it’s whatever smells so good in that bag. And it better not be vegetables pretending to be other food again.”

  He smiled at that. “No, you’ll like tonight’s dinner. I was doing some reading.”

  Jo groaned, but this time, not from pain. Pushing herself up, she sat and leaned against the headboard. “I’ve told you to stay out of my baby books.”

  “This time, it was Google.”

  “That’s even worse, Dax! Do you know how much stupid stuff Google tells us?”

  He laughed. “My mom used to rant about how Google makes her patients think they know more than her. But it’s not Google’s fault people want to give false information. It did tell me one thing though. I’m supposed to be feeding you more protein.”

  “If you’re telling me I’m going to have to eat more of that tofu dish you made last week…” She mimed puking.

  Dax lifted the bag. “I bought you non-spicy barbecue wings.”

  She froze, whatever words she was going to say frozen on her lips.

  “I take it your silence is a good thing?”

  “I think I love you. Also, you totally read about third trimester heartburn for me. Aww.”

  Dax’s face flushed until he followed her gaze to the bag of food. Jo didn’t love Dax, she loved the wings. At least he didn’t admit he researched every food before buying it to make sure it was okay for her to eat. He blew out a breath. “I’ll get plates.”

  His heart thundered as he ran from the room. Setting the bag on the counter, he pulled out two plates and anything else they’d need.

  He waited a beat before re-entering Jo’s room.

  When he flipped on the lights, she graced him with a smile, no snark or sarcasm behind it, a true smile. And it made his day.

  “Regular?” He held out one plate. “Or boneless? I wasn’t sure which you preferred.”

  “Boneless please. I have this thing about bones.” She took the plate, an eager gleam in her eye.

  “I’ll let you eat.”

  “Dax Nelson, don’t set one foot out that door. Eat with me. Neither of us has to be alone.”

  His eyes scanned the room looking for anything to sit on that wasn’t her bed or the floor that had been so uncomfortable last time.

  She patted the spot beside her. “Just don’t get sauce on the sheets.”

  He hesitated a moment before climbing onto the bed next to her.

  Jo stabbed her fork through a wing and took a bite. Swallowing, she looked to him. “I’m going to owe you so much when this is all over.”

  Dax used a bite as an excuse not to respond right away. “You won’t owe me anything.”

  She sighed. “Dax, I’m… difficult. I have been my whole life. Me being here… I know it’s upended your world. It’s okay for you to admit that.”

  “Well, a few things have changed.”

  “Do you remember when you barely spoke to me? Good times.”

  “You were—are this pink-haired rocker who never lets anything get to her. And me… I’m a music nerd who never knows what to say unless I’m singing.”

  “And now, look at us. We’re buddies. Who would have thought?”

  Dax met her smile. If buddies was all he could have, he’d take it. He just wanted to be around Jo, to see things the way she did—with a brutal honesty and an intense loyalty.

  They ate for a few moments in silence before Jo spoke again. “So, how was your day?”

  Dax lifted one brow. “You want to know?”

  “Sure. This is what buddies talk about, right?”

  “It’s what married couples talk about over the dinner table.” His face heated. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that out loud.

  She took a sip of her water, ignoring his comment. “It must have been a good day to be in the mood to eat wings.”

  He smiled, thinking about the song he and Marco finished. That was what he loved. Creating songs from nothing, having a hand in every beat of music. “I finished a new song for the album.”

  “Dax, that’s awesome! Do I get to hear it?”

  “Definitely not.”

  “What’s it about?”

  Dax thought for a moment. He couldn’t tell her the truth, not yet. “Just life.”

  “No song is ever about just life, but I’ll let that slide. I can’t wait to get back into the studio with Noah.”

  Talking of resuming their real lives reminded Dax how temporary their situation was.

  “Will you hang out with me for a while?” An uncharacteristic vulnerability rang in her voice. “We can watch a movie or something.”

  He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to say no to her. His nod earned him another smile. “What movie?”

  “You’re going to laugh at me.”

  He met her gaze. “I won’t.”

  “I want to watch Miracle.”

  “The hockey movie?” He didn’t know she was a hockey fan. “Drew been rubbing off on you?”

  “No. I don’t care about the hockey so much, but the story is uplifting. I think my kid likes sports because I’ve watched so many sports movies. Earlier today, I watched We Are Marshall. Talk about sad.”

  “Jo Jackson, you continue to surprise me.” And he continued to surprise himself. He turned off the voice-activated lights as Jo found the movie. When he settled back on the bed, he marveled at how comfortable he felt. The barrier of his awkwardness no longer stood between them. Just like his music, being around Jo now gave him confidence.

  The movie started, but he barely paid attention as he watched Jo, sneaking glances at her when she wasn’t looking.

  But the smile on her lips told him she knew.

  About halfway through the movie, Jo burrowed under the covers, her eyes sliding shut. That should have been Dax’s cue to leave, to gather their plates and take them to the kitchen.

  Instead, he slipped under the covers and brushed a hand over Jo’s hair, looking down at her. As if sensing his touch, she nuzzled closer until her head rested on his shoulder.

  If this was the closest he ever got to being able to love Jo, it was enough.

  19

  Jo

  Something hard groaned under Jo’s head.

  Groaned.

  Something in her bed.

  Déjà vu struck her as she
remembered Blake waking in her bed, saying nothing to her as he dressed and left her pretending to sleep.

  But this wasn’t the same. For one, the bed was only temporarily hers.

  And Dax wasn’t Blake, not even close.

  Jo lifted her head, the splitting headache from the day before a distant memory. She looked down into Dax’s sleeping face.

  “Has anyone ever mentioned that you smile in your sleep?” she whispered, knowing he wouldn’t hear her.

  The serious musician looked much more serene in sleep. Without his glasses, he looked even younger than he was.

  And his hair. Jo ached to touch it, to run her hands through it, but she didn’t want to wake Dax when he looked so peaceful.

  Plus, nature called. She rolled from the bed and grabbed the wall for support as she went into the bathroom. “Little alien.” She sighed. “Are you ever going to stop using my bladder as a trampoline?”

  As if in answer, a sharp pain lanced through her stomach. “Too hard, little dude. When you kick me, make sure it’s somewhere that won’t hurt.”

  After finishing up, she washed her hands and brushed her teeth. Seashells surrounded the bathroom mirror Jo couldn’t stop staring at. She couldn’t believe what a mess she’d become. Her pink hair hung over her shoulders looking like it had never seen a pair of clippers.

  The oversized shirt she wore had holes near the collar, and her belly couldn’t even be contained by the high-rise yoga pants.

  This was Jo Jackson, rock star extraordinaire. She snorted. If only her fans could see her now.

  Walking back into the room, she opened the shades, letting the morning sun light the room.

  Her phone sat next to their discarded plates on the bedside table. Unplugging it, she sat on the edge of the bed and scrolled through all the messages she’d missed by ignoring her phone the day before.

  She stopped at Devlin’s name. He wanted to meet with her and Noah to discuss their return to music after the baby came.

  Jo grinned as she imagined Noah getting that message. Devlin was lucky Noah was in a different country.

  The rest of the messages fell into two categories. Rockstars Anonymous—those were the good texts.

  And her father—the not-so-good.

  She deleted her father’s messages without reading them. He had his ten grand, and she was supposed to have her life without him.

  “Dax.” She checked the time and frowned. He never slept until eleven AM. She turned toward him and poked his shoulder. “Dax, do you have to get to the studio today?”

  He mumbled something but didn’t open his eyes.

  Jo sighed and looked down at her stomach. “You, baby boy, will not be a late sleeper. No, you’ll get up every morning and cook your momma a delicious breakfast with all the coffee you’ve deprived me of for nine months.”

  “Are you talking to your stomach?” Dax’s eyes slid open, and he gave her a sleepy grin.

  Holy… Jo had to look away. Sleepy, messy Dax was an image that would taunt her for the rest of her life.

  She shrugged.

  Dax chuckled, low and deep as if sleep still caught in his throat.

  Jo tried to forget the sound, she tried not to let it wrap her in warmth.

  “You didn’t call it an alien.”

  “What?”

  Dax smiled again. “You called him a boy.”

  “Slip of the tongue. He’s still an alien.”

  “Whatever you say.” He pushed the blankets off him and sat up. “Coffee, I need coffee.”

  “Tease.” She crossed her arms.

  He sent her a wink as he gathered their plates and headed toward the kitchen. At least he hadn’t woken up when Jo was sprawled over him. That would have been awkward.

  And this… okay, it was still awkward.

  Because Jo couldn’t stop thinking of the one and only time she’d kissed him.

  Dax came back and leaned against the doorframe. How had Jo never noticed the defined set of his jaw or the way his shirt clung to his chest?

  She picked up his glasses and held them out. “Need these?”

  “Probably, if I want to be able to see at all today.”

  “What time are you due at the studio?”

  With the glasses and the fact that he checked a watch for the time instead of a phone, Dax returned to the guy she knew. He was the musical genius with serious expressions who rarely talked.

  Certainly not the adorable man who bought her ice cream to make her happy and kissed her like he’d been doing it every day of his life.

  “Noon.”

  She shook herself out of her thoughts. “What?”

  A grin spread over his lips. “The studio. Your question. I have to be there at noon.”

  “Good.” It would give her space. “You should get going them.”

  “Thanks so much for your desire to get rid of me, but I’m not leaving just yet. Are you hungry?” For him, that wasn’t the right answer.

  “Yes. I mean, no.” When had she turned into such an awkward turtle? It was like she’d switched places with Dax. “I’m going to make Ben come over today. Maybe he can pick up some breakfast burritos on the way.”

  Dax opened his mouth to say something and thought better of it. “Okay. I’m going to shower.”

  Not an image she needed.

  “You sure you’re okay, Jo? You look a little flushed.”

  “I’m fine. Just go. Please.”

  Dax stared at her for a long moment. “Call if you need anything.”

  “Sure thing. Will do.” She couldn’t look at him without remembering the way he’d looked this morning.

  After one more glance, he shut her door, letting her have a blissful peace.

  She lay back on the bed, looking to the tiled ceiling. It was the hormones, it had to be.

  Why else would one night of only sleep—granted, it was the best sleep she’d had in a while—turn her into this… she didn’t know what she was.

  If she had to spend another month here waiting for this kid to come, she wasn’t quite sure how she’d survive.

  Dax left an hour ago, and Ben still hadn’t arrived.

  Despite Jo’s insistence that Ben could bring her something, Dax left a plated omelet with onions, cheese, and even bacon. There were a few other veggies in it, but Jo didn’t like to think about that as she wolfed it down.

  Dax missed his calling as a chef.

  She laughed at the thought of one of the most talented musicians in the world being meant for anything else.

  She’d taken the omelet to her bed and turned on the next in her uplifting sports obsession. Remember the Titans. A movie she’d seen long ago but had never really appreciated. Not until now.

  A tear rolled down her cheek as they realized they were a team no matter what. She heard the front door opening, but it didn’t register as she leaned forward, needing more.

  “Denzel Washington,” she said. “You beautiful man, you.”

  “Aw, Joey, I never knew you felt that way about me.” Ben sauntered in and jumped onto the bed, having none of the reservations Dax had. “I feel like I need to tell you I have a girlfriend who I love more than anyone in this world. So… I don’t see a future for us.”

  Jo hid her face in her hands and groaned. “Do you realize how much you sound like Drew right now?”

  Ben wiggled his eyebrows in a Drew-like fashion before setting the bag he’d brought on the bed.

  “That better contain breakfast burritos.” She jabbed him in the chest with her finger. “If Dax got to you…”

  He threw his hands up. “Nope. Dax did call, but he just told me to make sure it had protein.”

  “Thank you, Lord.”

  “My name is Ben, but you’re preggo, so I’ll forgive you.”

  “See?” she asked. “Drew.”

  Ben scrunched his face in distaste. “I may have been visiting his tour too often lately.”

  “It’ll be nice when everyone is back in L.A. for a while.�
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  Ben handed her a burrito.

  Jo unwrapped it. “Should we feel guilty eating breakfast burritos for lunch?”

  Ben was about to take a bite and froze. “Jo, you just blew my mind. I don’t know the answer.”

  “Name change?”

  “Name change.” He nodded.

  Jo pursed her lips. “Lunch burrito?”

  “Doesn’t have the alliteration to make it stick. Banana burrito?”

  “Does it have any bananas?”

  Ben laughed. “Bonkers Burrito?”

  “Beach Burrito? Baby burrito”

  “It’s not perfect.” Ben sighed. “But we might have to live with it to avoid the guilt—as long as it doesn’t have to be smaller to be called a baby.”

  They ate quickly. Anyone watching them would have thought they were rabid animals who hadn’t been fed in a long time.

  Once Ben threw the trash away, he returned. “Okay, so I have some beef with you.”

  “Okay…”

  “You haven’t been responding to Noah and Drew’s texts, so they’re texting me non-stop. You need to make it end. Noah can’t seem to understand the time difference and texts me at all hours. Drew is just… annoying with worry.”

  “Can’t you tell them I’m fine? Texting has sort of been at the bottom of my list.”

  “Jo… are you becoming a hermit?”

  She elbowed him. “Not by choice, ya weirdo. Bedridden, remember?”

  “Yes, bedridden and avoiding her friends.”

  “I don’t avoid Dax.”

  Ben shot her a smirk, and she elbowed him again. “Dax is the ultimate hermit, Jo. Seems he’s rubbing off on you.”

  “Like Drew rubs off on you. I think I’d rather have Dax.”

  Ben pulled his phone free from the clip on his waist. “I’m calling them.”

  Jo tried to lunge for his phone, but she didn’t get very far. “Stop it.”

  “No. We all love you, Jo. You weren’t supposed to go through this without all of us.”

  “Well, they’re not here.” Her chest heaved. “My best friend in the entire world isn’t here.”

  She refused to cry, refused to get angry at Noah for creating his own family and not being here. She didn’t need him, not with Ben and Dax around.