S

by Kōji Suzuki

  “The core of what I want to tell you isn’t this confession of my deeds.”

  When Ryuji finished saying all that, Takanori heard the door open. He automatically looked at the clock and saw it was 7:22 p.m. The door had been locked from inside, but before long Akane appeared from the hallway.

  Takanori stood from the chair and sighed with relief.

  “I’m home,” she said.

  “Hi, Akane, welcome home.”

  She sounded more cheerful than usual.

  “Akane’s come home at just the right time. She’s the one I want to talk to. Can you bring her here and have her sit down in front of me?”

  Takanori worried about whether he should comply with Ryuji’s request. He was sure that seeing Ryuji’s face—engraved in her mind as that of the killer—would come as a terrible shock. But in truth, not only was he not the killer, he was the man to whom she owed her life. Deciding that she ought to know the truth, Takanori waved at her to come over.

  “Hmm? What is it?” she asked. Walking around the table and standing in front of the screen, she saw the image and gasped.

  Then she uttered a short scream, put a hand to her mouth, and screwed her eyes shut.

  Takanori gently held the terrified Akane and whispered in her ear, “It’s all a misunderstanding. He didn’t try to kill you. It was the opposite. He tried to save you. That was Niimura who tried to kill you. This is the man who rescued you from Niimura’s grip. Go on, open your eyes now, and look at him closely.”

  Seeing Akane weakly shake her head, Takanori continued, “Don’t worry. You don’t need to be afraid anymore. Trust me and open your eyes.”

  Perhaps because his words had reached her heart, she gradually opened her eyes.

  When Akane met his gaze, Ryuji didn’t miss his chance and spoke to her first.

  “Hello, Akane. My, how you’ve grown. I’ve never been so happy as I am now, seeing you again.”

  Hearing her name called out with such affection made Akane recall something, and a tiny sparkle appeared in her eyes.

  “Akane, I want to erase the fear engraved in your mind. You thought I was going to kill you, but the truth is what Takanori told you just now. Do you remember, dear? When I pulled the car over on that dark mountain road, you took that as your chance and opened the door and ran away to that tangerine farm. I followed you desperately because I really didn’t want you to mistake me for the killer. But more than that, I wanted to hold you, and there was something I wanted you to know. That was why I had to find you. You know why? Because I once loved your mother, Masako. Akane, you are my daughter. I wanted to tell you this.”

  Takanori nearly shot up from the shock. Akane had told him her mother had given birth without knowing who the father was. But now Ryuji was confessing that it was him.

  “Takanori, I also need you to accept this truth. The other four Sadakos, Niimura’s victims, all resembled each other closely. Akane, however, only looked a little like them. The reason is the difference in how they were born. The four others were born through asexual reproduction as a result of the virus. But Akane, you were the outcome of true love, between Masako and me. Please believe me when I say that there was affection involved in how you got here.

  “Akane, you were born via sexual reproduction, and you’re a perfect woman. Your immune system is fine, and so is the rest of your body. But Masako, who was born by asexual reproduction, had something wrong with her immune system, so she died young. Even if the four girls hadn’t been killed by Niimura, they might not have led long lives. But you’ll be fine. You don’t have any problems.

  “I didn’t try to adopt you and live together after you’d been left all alone, Akane. I didn’t deserve to do that. Even before that, I didn’t deserve to love Masako.

  “I don’t belong to your world. Originally, I didn’t intend to stay here for long. There was another world that I had to go to, and I’ve tarried longer than I should have. Soon, I’ll have to say goodbye to the two-dimensional one I’m in now. I’ll become just a piece of information and travel to yet another dimension. Do you understand? The place I’ll go after this is the one-dimensional world. In short, I’ll just be a string. Our genetic information is coded in two intertwined strings in a language that uses only four letters—ATGC. You can think of it as a long string with the letters lined up and going on and on. A string wriggling in the shape of an S…

  “You see, in the one-dimensional world, compressed information is all that exists. In that world, the other dimensions are scraped off, whittled away, until all that’s left is a pure informational existence. Call them the seeds of life. Only after I’ve become a seed of life can I go to a higher dimension. That’s how terrestrial life came to be, too, in fact. It sprouted as information compressed into a single string—with the intervention of light. Without becoming a string of information, you can’t ride the light.

  “Cruising beyond dimensions is all that I desire. To satisfy my drive to understand the universe, I need to give up everything else.

  “If you think about God, it’s easy to understand. God is almighty only because He exists in a higher dimension. I suppose you might find me arrogant, but it’s the best way to describe it, for convenience’s sake.

  “I said God is almighty, but there is one thing He can’t do. Do you know what it is? He’s not able to love a human being and make a child. When I say love, I’m not talking about Agape. I mean Eros, that love. Why can’t God love a human being and have a child? Because there’s a strong attachment to the child—it would mean not treating others equally. A being who’s fated to journey forever beyond dimensions shouldn’t immerse himself in the raw love that Eros entails. The moment of separation inevitably comes. If I lived with Akane and that kind of attachment arose, it would sap my courage to embark on the journey. I was afraid of that.

  “But Takanori, you’re a human being, not God. You can love her with all your heart. You can be consumed by a fierce, jealous devotion to her, and if some enemy appears before you and cruelly tries to take away your loved ones, be bold enough to be able to kill.

  “Righteous talk isn’t worth shit. Actually, it just makes people unhappy. Human beings have no other way to live but to writhe in the mud. That’s how humans are supposed to be. That’s why they’re lovable, and that’s why they deserve to be blessed.

  “I have to go now. Takanori, please take care of Akane. Because you’re qualified to love her.”

  With those last words, Ryuji crossed straight down the screen, fell clean under the frame, and was gone.

  8

  Takanori awoke thoroughly refreshed, feeling as if a fog was gradually clearing. As he lay down on bed, he kept looking at the ceiling, and the world reflected in his eyes looked different from before.

  Why was this morning so different? He didn’t need to wonder why or how he felt differently from yesterday and the day before that. For the first time in a long time, he’d managed to sleep well through the night. He’d slept all the way until morning without waking up even once for the first time in several days.

  The only reason he could think of for such a pleasant night’s sleep was the message from Ryuji. Now, Takanori didn’t fully understand everything Ryuji had tried to convey. His talk about a journey beyond dimensions sounded like Greek to Takanori, who felt like it had nothing to do with himself. The only thing he cared about was reality. Ryuji’s words had validated man’s behavior in this world, all the anguish and writhing in the mud. He was relieved to know that it was fine for him to be that way. Ryuji had assured him that he could stay as he was.

  Akane seemed to have been awake for quite some time already and was preparing breakfast, and he could hear the clanking of dishes from the kitchen.

  The clock indicated that it was half past six. Akane had gotten up thirty minutes earlier than usual. Takanori hadn’t even heard the alarm going off right next to him.

  After passing through the living room, he entered the kitchen, where Akane held o
ut a glass of vegetable juice that she’d just finished making. It was her special recipe, a smooth blend of tomatoes, carrots, apples, and other ingredients.

  He gulped the whole thing down, and it felt like all the cells in his body had awoken instantly.

  Takanori put the empty glass on the table, sat down, and followed Akane with his eyes as she walked around from the living room to the kitchen to the bathroom.

  She was still wearing her pajamas. Standing in front of the mirror, she applied some light makeup and prepared to go to work as usual.

  The previous night, before going to bed, Takanori had asked her not to the next day. Akane had laughed for no real reason and told him, “I’m gonna be fine.”

  He’d appealed to her that he’d be a nervous wreck until she walked through the door again. Checking to see where she was until she was safely on her way home, he’d get absolutely no work done.

  She’d simply replied, “Thanks for worrying about me. I’m happy to hear that.” His appeal had amounted to nothing, failing to make the slightest impression on her.

  He espied her from the living-room table as she put on her makeup in front of the mirror.

  I need to take her to buy a dresser this weekend.

  There was no furniture akin to a dresser in Takanori’s apartment since he’d been living a bachelor’s life.

  Akane never asked him to buy anything, no matter how much she needed it. Whenever he offered to, she always demurred, saying, “No, it’s fine.”

  Still, he couldn’t let a lady stand while she did her makeup. Takanori made up his mind to take her to a furniture store that weekend even if he had to drag her there.

  After finishing her makeup, Akane went to the bedroom and started changing her clothes.

  That was when Takanori noticed the tablet that had been left on the table, with the news still onscreen. The first thing Akane did after waking up was to read the news on the device. It seemed that she’d held to her routine that morning, too.

  As Takanori scrolled through, a certain piece of news caught his eyes. It was the headline that drew his attention.

  Fatal Accident at Shinagawa Station Last Night

  Takanori enlarged the article.

  “Last night, at approximately 6:46 p.m., Mr. Hiroyuki Niimura (31), a resident of South Shinagawa in Shinagawa Ward, fell from the platform at Shinagawa station and was fatally struck by an approaching train. It is unknown whether it was a suicide or an accident. The incident caused massive delays for commuters on all Keihin Express lines.”

  Niimura’s dead?

  It took some time for the news to sink in. He read the article once more, and then looked up.

  Is he really gone?

  Though Takanori felt like shouting for joy, he told himself to calm down and put a lid on it.

  Niimura, his greatest threat, was now gone from this world. Nothing could have made Takanori happier. Yet, for some reason, something other than joy crossed his mind.

  Just the day before, Takanori had abhorred Niimura enough to want to kill him. And his wish had been fulfilled, just like that.

  The timing was too perfect to simply brush it off as a coincidence.

  He needed more detailed information. He turned on his computer and searched for articles about Niimura’s suicide or accidental death.

  A video of his final moments before falling from the platform had been uploaded. Apparently, somebody who’d happened to be standing on the same platform had his cell phone switched to shooting mode and been focusing on Niimura, who was acting strangely, thus managing to catch the rare moment.

  Having filmed the precise instant when Niimura fell to his death, the person had then uploaded the video to a site.

  Takanori accessed it right away and played the scene.

  This was Shinagawa station in the evening, so the platform was especially crowded. Yet somehow there was an open space around one person, a circle about three feet in radius. It seemed as if everyone around him had sensed something odd and moved away. The person in the center of the circle appeared to be Niimura.

  With no one left around him, Niimura was free to walk forward without anyone getting in his way. He took one step, and then another, walking straight ahead until he stood at the edge of the platform. Then he raised his leg again, as if to climb another step, and just fell off. Run over by the incoming train, he disappeared.

  Takanori replayed the video to examine it in detail. The second playback revealed a pale spotlight coming from above forming a circle around Niimura. The light was very faint and indistinct enough to be undetectable unless you knew it was there.

  Synchronizing with the movement of the spotlight on him, Niimura was led to the edge of the platform and off it.

  Playing the video a third time, Takanori focused on Niimura’s profile. Just before falling, Niimura held his hands in front of him, seemingly pleading or asking for something. The expression on his cheek was not one of desperation, but sorrow. With his mouth half open, it looked like he was about to say something. As he stepped forward, he seemed to be trying to speak to somebody.

  Takanori didn’t have to play it a fourth time. It was enough. He was certain that a demon named Hiroyuki Niimura had disappeared from this world.

  It’s like he was being guided as he walked forward and jumped off the platform edge.

  But guided by whom?

  The time was stamped on the video, so anyone could tell the very minute that Niimura had died. It was 6:46 p.m. Using the GPS tracking app, Takanori had confirmed that Akane had been on the platform at Shinagawa station at that time last night. Of course, she couldn’t have known who the victim was, but surely she must have witnessed the accident.

  Nevertheless, she hadn’t said a word about it after coming home last night.

  Whenever she witnessed some kind of accident, Akane usually went on and on about everything she saw. “Hey, listen, listen!” she’d call to Takanori excitedly.

  Furthermore, 6:46 p.m. fell within the time period that her cell phone had been turned off—for about five minutes from 6:44.

  Why did she turn off her phone? Was it to make sure that it didn’t ring at a bad time and break her concentration?

  Was Niimura being guided by Sadako, whom only he could see? Did he stretch himself up from the edge because he wanted to play with her?

  Takanori couldn’t help but wonder. After all, Akane had that power.

  Having finished changing her clothes, she was standing in front of the mirror at the entrance, checking her appearance just before heading to work.

  “Hey, do I look okay? Does this match?”

  It was almost past seven, so there was no time to change. She knew that, but she was still asking just to be told, “You look great.”

  “You look great, honey,” Takanori said.

  “Thank you. Okay then, I have to go. I might be able to come home earlier tonight.”

  “All right. Take care.”

  As Akane opened the entrance door and was about to leave, Takanori reached out towards her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, turning around with her hand still on the knob.

  “Uh, nothing.”

  It would have been thoughtless to ask what had really happened the previous evening. There were things in this world that were better left unknown, if you could do without knowing them.

  Is there any need to reveal everything?

  “Okay, Tak, I’m going. It made me so glad to see you there next to me when I woke up. I want it to be like that forever, without anyone getting in the way.”

  Akane let go of the door, and it shut with a click. She had disappeared beyond the dark-gray door.

  Takanori remained standing there at the entryway.

  Though Akane must have been walking down the hallway to the elevators, the flawless soundproofing rendered her footsteps inaudible. All he could do was to imagine her lovely figure as she walked on, carrying that little life inside her.

  Over the past few
days, the fear that he might lose Akane had tortured him. A black hand had sprung from the virtual realm and manifested in reality to take her away, and it had very nearly succeeded. Niimura’s true intentions were still unknown, and it was unlikely that they’d ever be uncovered.

  In any case, it was all over now. He’d been cut in half by the train and killed instantly, and nothing could change that fact. They were no longer at risk of being stalked and murdered. From tomorrow onwards, they would awake every morning feeling secure.

  The only lingering concern was that Niimura—having met a violent end—would have been examined by the police and photographed repeatedly after the incident.

  The fact that his death had been publicly confirmed gave Takanori a bad feeling somehow.

  Ryuji Takayama’s return from the dead had felt like a divine advent. Yet in Niimura’s case, his resurrection would seem downright diabolic.

  No matter how hard Takanori tried to dispel them, the dark clouds looming over the future refused to clear.

  He had no choice but to come to terms with this reality somehow and to advance amid a vague anxiety.

  He might slip in the muck and the mire, but he knew that if he took one little step, he’d find his footing.

  He’d been protected before, but now he was becoming a protector. All he needed was the courage to take that step.

  Living with Akane, he felt, would foster that courage in him.

  Epilogue

  Although September was already half over, the days were still hot.

  On the way to the school gate after getting off at the bus stop, Akane found herself being overtaken by many of the students.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Ando.”

  Every time the students passed her by, they greeted her energetically. By the time Akane turned to smile at them, they were already brushing past her and walking up ahead.

  She was more than five months into her pregnancy and in her stable period, but her walking speed hadn’t gotten any faster. She moved carefully, placing her hands on her belly at times, taking things at her own pace.