Cronica Acadia

by C. J. Deering

  “So what’s the plan?” asked Elftrap. “Should we tell them about the guy that got killed?”

  “What if they blame us?” demanded Nerdraaage.

  “Why would they blame us?”

  “I’m always getting blamed for things I didn’t do.”

  “We have to tell them,” said Dangalf. “What if that was an advance party for a raid? The whole town could be in jeopardy.”

  The Keepers slowed as they approached the gate. The guards eyed them lazily but did not speak. One guard seemed very young. The other guard was big like Doppelganger but with a layer of fat over his muscles and a pockmarked face.

  Dangalf, who hadn’t yet realized how drastically his brain connections had improved and would continue to improve, was surprised by how strongly he was repelled by the ugly guard. He realized he was tapping into some long-buried evolutionary marker that recognized disease and deformity as threats. How fortunate, he thought, that his comrades were all attractive and symmetrical. “I wish to report a murder,” said Dangalf.

  The guards’ demeanors turned serious, and they stood upright. “What do you mean?” said the ugly one. “Who is murdered?”

  “We don’t know his name. He was on a wagon maybe five miles down the road.”

  “Ah. We heard about that.”

  “How did you hear?” asked Dangalf. “No one passed us.”

  “Hunters found him,” answered the young guard. “They sent message.”

  Dangalf looked to the sky as a pigeon flew overhead, and he realized just how quickly news could travel in this world.

  “He found a dragon wing in the woods and thought he had a buyer for it,” continued the young guard. “Let your buyer come here, we says, but the buyer offered more gold to bring it to him.”

  “Fool he was,” said the ugly guard. “Giving up a horse and a dragon wing to the general.”

  “He gave up his life, too,” said Dangalf.

  “Fools we have enough of,” said the ugly guard. “But the town has only a dozen horses.”

  “May we enter?” asked Dangalf.

  “Are ye beggars?”

  “No,” said Dangalf. “We’re adventurers.”

  The two guards laughed boisterously and without fear of offending the Keepers of the Broken Blade. “Adventurers are always welcome,” said the ugly guard. “Even ones that dress like beggars. The dwarf and elf, however, will need to find their own towns.”

  Dangalf asked, “Even if we vouch for them?” The ugly guard made an obviously dismissive sound.

  “And who is going to vouch for you?” said the young guard.

  “I thought you said I could go in,” said Dangalf.

  “You can go in,” answered the young guard. “Doesn’t mean you can go about vouching willy nilly.”

  “The she-elf can enter for the price of a kiss,” offered the ugly guard.

  “Ewww!” answered Elftrap.

  Dangalf bowed slightly to the guards, and the others followed his lead back down the road several paces. “It’s just like the game,” said Dangalf. “Dwarves and elves can’t enter human towns until they have a positive reputation with the human race.”

  “And how are we supposed to do that?” asked Elftrap.

  “Through questing,” answered Dangalf. “The same way we earn money.”

  “What are the early human quests?” asked Nerdraaage.

  Doppelganger and Dangalf looked at each other while they independently thought back to the very beginning of the game so many years ago.

  “Dire wolves,” said Doppelganger.

  The others blinked and swallowed. “That sounds just a little bit dangerous,” said Elftrap.

  “Pfft,” Doppelganger said dismissively (which is the best way to say pfft).

  “Who gives that quest?” asked Nerdraaage.

  “The Sheriff of Hempshire.”

  “Where is he?”

  “In the town,” said Dangalf dejectedly.

  “So we’re right back where we started,” said Elftrap.

  “Well, Doppelganger and I can get the quest. At least we’ll pick up some copper. You can stay in the woods, and we’ll bring you out some food and drink. Blankets.”

  “No,” answered Doppelganger. “We’ll all get the quest and do it together. There’s a secret way into Hempshire, if this world really does match the game.”

  As unpleasant as it was traversing the reverse of the drainage ditch, the Keepers did it on hands and knees with little complaint. It would be dark soon, colder, and they knew that the hunger gnawing at their bellies would only get worse. Whatever feelings of entitlement to comfort they had had in the other world were forgotten. They were in a new world, a new universe even, with new rules, and they understood if they did not do everything necessary to take care of themselves, they could die.

  The guards paid little heed to, and in fact, unless otherwise required, kept their distance from the shitehouses that lined the inside of the back wall of Hempshire.

  Doppelganger and Dangalf appeared first from the shitehouses, pulling the more obvious pieces of muck from their filthy clothes. With no guards close by, they signaled for Elftrap and Nerdraaage to follow them up and out.

  Dangalf assisted Elftrap, who seemed to have avoided becoming as foul as the others. She rubbed her hands in the dirt by way of washing them. “You know, you two could have entered the front gate and met us here,” she said.

  Doppelganger and Dangalf looked at each other angrily.

  “Why didn’t you think of that, wizard?” snarled Doppelganger.

  “It was your plan,” started Dangalf, but he stopped short when the reaction of the others told him he was being too loud.

  It was dusk, and the guards carried lamps or torches, but most of the lamps around town were not yet lit. The Keepers took advantage of the darkness and crept past mostly shuttered wooden buildings to what they hoped was the direction of the sheriff’s office. When they did not find it, they circled around a cluster of official-looking buildings without success. They all knew Nerdraaage and Elftrap could be discovered at any moment, and they feared what the punishment might be. “Why don’t you two wait under this building,” said Dangalf. “We’ll come and get you when we’ve found the office.”

  “Look,” said Elftrap. “It’s got to be right around here.”

  “It should be that building,” whispered Dangalf pointing. “What does that sign say?”

  Her eyes could still see the faded sign in the growing darkness. “Shire-reeve.”

  “Reeve?”

  “Yes, R E E V E. Reeve”

  “Reeve,” contemplated Dangalf. “Shire-reeve. Sheriff?”

  “It must be,” said Elftrap.

  The office was open and unguarded. Doppelganger and Dangalf entered. The halls and first rooms were dark, and they were concerned that the shire-reeve had left. They were startled when a commanding voice called out from a room in the back, “Who brings that smell of shite into my station!”

  The shire-reeve, they were sure of it, appeared silhouetted in the doorway fastening his belt. It held a short sword to his left side. He was no donut-eating sheriff. He was built like a bull with a full head of gold and silver hair and a perfect scar on his cheek.

  “We are adventurers,” said Doppelganger.

  “Sire,” added Dangalf.

  “Sire,” said Doppelganger.

  “Come no further, you filthy bastards!” The shire-reeve retreated and then reappeared with a lamp and approached them. He looked them up and down before relaxing his guard. “What’s all this, then?” he demanded.

  “We seek to prove ourselves,” said Dangalf. “And make some honest coin as well.”

  “Prove yourselves how?”

  “Is there a wolf bounty?” asked Doppelganger.

  “There is always a wolf bounty,” said the shire-reeve. He sat at the closest desk and began writing on a scroll. “Names?”

  “Doppelganger.”

  “Dangalf.”
r />   The shire-reeve looked further irritated as he asked them to spell their names. The shire-reeve finished the scrolls and handed them over.

  “Four dire wolves’ tails may be turned in for one crown and another twenty-five farthing for each tail over four,” said the shire-reeve. Dangalf recognized the denominations from the game, where the farthing was a copper coin, a crown was silver, and gold coins were sovereigns. “And they must be fresh kills. There is only tar and feathers for those who would cheat the treasury.” They each thanked the shire-reeve as he presented them their warrants. Dangalf bowed awkwardly. And then, looking sympathetically, the shire-reeve asked, “Where are your weapons?”

  “We have none.”

  “And how would you slay a dire wolf without a weapon?” When the shire-reeve saw there was no answer, he went into another room and returned with two swords and shields. Doppelganger and Dangalf took the equipment and thanked him excessively. Dangalf was near tears at the gesture. The shire-reeve was obviously a hard man, and he owed them nothing, but still he had seen something in the two wretches and taken pity on them.

  “These are Hempshire property. Do not compound your lowly state by purloining them. I do not ask the nature of your foulness as that will only delay your departure. You will kindly leave following your original footsteps as carefully as possible.”

  “We are two others,” Dangalf nervously interjected. “They await outside.”

  “If they are as foul as you, it is just as well.”

  The shire-reeve took two more scrolls and followed them out the front door. He stopped angrily when he saw Elftrap and Nerdraaage. “You bring to my town a beggar dwarf and an elven whore!”

  “Whore!” said Elftrap.

  “Guards!” Several guards from different directions charged in the direction of the shire-reeve’s cry.

  “Prithee, sire,” pleaded Dangalf. “They seek only to aid us humans.” The guards arrived and took Nerdraaage and Elftrap at spear point.

  “I do not watch over a border town with all matter of foreign refuse loitering and beguiling.”

  “They are our friends,” said Dangalf.

  “Are you so low as not to know this world judges you by the company you keep?” asked the shire-reeve. After considering the foreigners a moment, he signed the two scrolls and tossed the warrants before Nerdraaage and Elftrap. “Put your names upon those orders, if you can write, and be gone. Do not return until you have proven your worth.”

  The guards marched the Keepers out of the front gate, cursing them and their foul smell along the way. “Prithee, sire,” Elftrap said, gently mocking Dangalf.

  “It worked, didn’t it?” he answered.

  They fell under the glare of curious townspeople. Dangalf couldn’t help but think that being covered in waste and marched out of town at spear point would not help their reputations.

  When they were outside the main gate, the guards retreated, and Doppelganger headed south into the woods. “I hope he knows where he’s going,” said Dangalf.

  “He does,” replied Elftrap.

  “How do you know?”

  “I smell wolves.”

  Dangalf looked up at the impossibly large full moon. A godsend. A new moon would mean they were also blind on this dangerous quest. How long were they gone from their home world? Less than twelve hours, he estimated. Less than twelve hours ago, the greatest threat he could conceive of was a power outage that meant he couldn’t play Cronica or even watch TV. Now his very life hinged on a full moon and a borrowed sword and shield.

  After a few miles, Elftrap shushed their quiet talking and clumsy branch breaking. “Wolves,” she said.

  “All I can smell is shite,” said Nerdraaage, glancing down at his soiled garments.

  “What does a wolf smell like?” asked Dangalf.

  “These ones smell like lambs’ blood.” She took the lead from Doppelganger.

  Dangalf handed his sword and shield to Nerdraaage. “You’ll do better with this than I will.” The dwarf took the gear apprehensively. Dangalf picked up a sturdy branch and swung it about to get its feel.

  The next mile was slow going as Elftrap waved off the slightest crunching misstep and even Nerdraaage’s labored breathing.

  “Stop!” she ordered Nerdraaage.

  “I have to breathe!”

  “Don’t you see that?”

  “What?”

  Elftrap picked up a femur-sized branch and stepped lightly to Nerdraaage. She placed the branch into a black area on the ground right before Nerdraaage and a ferocious metal trap severed the branch with sparking metal teeth. Nerdraaage swallowed hard.

  “Follow in my footsteps,” she said quietly.

  Nerdraaage hopscotched after her. “Stupid long-legged elf,” he muttered before she shushed him again.

  Yes, she was long-legged, thought Dangalf. Watching her move stealthily through the moonlit woods was the most beautiful sight he had ever beheld.

  The slow going frustrated Doppelganger. Now he also could smell the blood of their fresh kills, and he was eager to have at them. He thought of starving humans as the wolves ravaged their livestock and small human children being carried away by especially rapacious wolves. His blood began to boil. They needed to kill sixteen wolves for each to complete his quest and earn honor with Hempshire and the humans. Doppelganger wanted to kill sixteen hundred.

  Doppelganger had always liked animals and never hunted. He had not so much as a fistfight in their home world, but his new bloodlust did not surprise or shame him. He knew intuitively that he had become different and not only in physique. He had a warrior’s mentality now. Carnage is what warriors do, and to do it well it needed to be done without the complication of overthinking. As Dangalf’s mind had expanded, and would continue to expand, Doppelganger’s brain sealed off parts that were not necessary or helpful for a warrior to access. Contemplation was a vanity. He was now of single-minded purpose. He would become a wolf-killing machine. He grit his teeth as images of foul wolves crushing human infants in their massive jaws assaulted his mind.

  They caught up to Elftrap at the lead, where she had stopped. “There’s a bunch up ahead,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do this. They look like dogs.”

  “I don’t think I can do it either,” said a terrified Nerdraaage.

  “I’ll kill them all,” Doppelganger offered coolly.

  “Okay, we can do without the macho attitude,” said Elftrap.

  Dangalf suddenly recalled a school trip to the museum where he had seen bones of dire wolves. In his mind he could clearly see the displays and read signs that described how these skeletons represented canines that in life weighed 150, 180 even 200 pounds! Hypercarnivores they were called. So successful that it was thought that they died off after eating all the prey that could not outrun them. Which was fortunate for early man, who appeared just about the time dire wolves became extinct.

  The memory of a trip from so long ago in such detail startled Dangalf. He had not yet figured out the physical changes in his brain, the ectomorphic rewiring that had taken place, but he was recognizing that he was learning to instantly reconnect to every memory he had stored in photographic detail. Even the shape of his brain had changed, though he was not yet aware of it. The cleave of the two hemispheres was virtually gone. Dangalf would be henceforth thinking outside the box because the boxes of his brain were no more. Right brain and left brain, all the parts combined in one seamless, brilliant, instant thinking machine. But he sensed also danger in a brain that did not compartmentalize. A brain with near-unlimited recall could be a hindrance when survival required a simple and instant fight-or-flight response. But now, coolly and intellectually, he made the determination it was time to fight.

  “We’re all in this together,” said Dangalf trying to sound inspiring. “The rules have changed, boys and girls. Remember how that traveler was butchered earlier today? That’s what’s going to happen to us if we don’t progress in this world. And the way to progress is
by questing, and questing means killing. What do you think the dire wolves would do to us if they ambushed us?”

  And suddenly the dire wolves ambushed them. Three giant, snarling dire wolves with glowing red eyes to be exact—180-pound canine monsters long extinct from the other world. Elftrap leapt six feet up into a tree, but the circumstances did not allow anyone to stop and marvel at this feat.

  Nerdraaage backed off, suddenly feeling that a sword and a shield offered little protection against three quick, strong, bloodthirsty brutes. Dangalf steeled himself for attack with his branch held defensively across his chest. The three snarling wolves approached him first. Doppelganger let out a ferocious scream that caused the slightest startle in the wolves. All three turned their glowing red eyes on Doppelganger and stalked him.

  Nerdraaage dropped his shield and sword and fled back toward the road. Dangalf quickly picked them up, discarding the branch that he now realized was no better than a twig against a hypercarnivore.

  Doppelganger brought his sword down and severed the spine of the first charging wolf. He grabbed the second in his big hands as it pounced on him. He strangled it while the beast’s ferocious, gnashing maw plunged within inches of his face. The third wolf went low to Doppelganger’s legs and tore into the flesh. Dangalf stabbed the third wolf from behind, terrified that the killer would turn on him. And it did.

  Dangalf backed up uneasily, crouching behind his shield. In a flash the wolf had the shield in his jaws and tore it out of Dangalf’s hands. The wolf gave Dangalf the slightest respite as he chewed the metal shield a bit before tossing it aside. Dangalf knew his bones were next on the wolf’s plate.

  Doppelganger tossed the second wolf aside and charged to Dangalf’s aid. He brought his sword crushing down on the third wolf’s head. Dangalf shuddered at the doglike cry it uttered as Doppelganger continued to hack and stab it to death. Doppelganger went back to the first wolf, dragging itself across the ground by its forepaws, and killed it. He went to each of the carcasses and removed their tails. He tossed the tails to Dangalf. He laughed as he splattered Dangalf with another bloody tail.

  Elftrap lowered herself to the ground and looked at Doppelganger with big round eyes. “Where’s Nerdraaage?” asked Dangalf.