Hate to Love You (Baker's Bunch Book 1)

by Lily Ryan

  “You’re not?” An insurgence of hope invades my heart. An army of knights on horses gallop in, armed and ready to battle for his heart.

  He shakes his head. “No, princess.”

  My tummy tumbles and twists in an excited-I-can’t-believe-this-is-real, sort of way.

  “But you said we should talk.”

  “Yes. After last night we should talk,” he says, in a low voice, almost whispering. “Don’t you think?” Cole’s eyes lock on mine and hold me prisoner while he waits for me to answer.

  I shrug in response and sit with my fingertips under my thighs so that he can’t see my hands tremble. “I don’t know. I mean it’s not like we’re a couple or anything—“

  Cole pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re not making this easy.”

  “But I am, Cole. Don’t you get it,” I smile. “I know it’s weird because of my brother, so I’m letting you off the hook.”

  “I’m not squirming on a hook, trying to find a way off, Sam. I’m not. I’m here. I’m here right now because this is where I want to be. With you. Last night, you all but put up a flashing neon sign that you wanted the same thing, and then once we took things to the next level, it’s like a switch flipped inside you.”

  The sound of a throat being clearing interrupts us. Annoyed, I turn to find Abby standing next to us with a cup of coffee in her hand. Shit. I forgot for the minute about meeting her.

  “You know what?” She says, eyes wide, looking between Cole and me. “I have to run to the ladies room. Let me just leave this here,” she sets the coffee on the table. “And I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Before I can disagree or stop her, my friends hurries off.

  “Look, everything changed last night, Sam. I don’t want to go back to the way things were before. I don’t think I can.”

  “So what are you saying? Are we together? Like as more than friends?” Great. I sound like I’m twelve years old. Perfect way to win him over.

  “I think it’s safe to say since we’ve seen each other naked, that we’re more than just friends.” The corner of his mouth turns up into a mischievous grin.

  “Really?” I want to jump out of my seat and throw my arms around him. “I can’t wait to tell Abby!”

  “No, Sam!” Cole looks back toward the restrooms. “You can’t tell her.”

  “Why not? You just said—”

  “I know. But we can’t tell anyone.” Here’s the letdown. “Not yet.” Cole’s eyes drop to the ground. I’m not feeling as good about this as I did a moment ago. “I hate to be this way, but we need to keep this between us. For now.”

  “Oh. So when you said we’re more than just friends, you meant, we’re friends with benefits. I’m good enough to fuck, just not to date.”

  Anger masks his face. “That’s not what I’m saying. It’s complicated. And until I have a chance to talk to Tyler, nobody can know.”

  Asshole. How can I like him so much one minute and hate him the next?

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but my brother doesn’t have anything to do with this. This is between you and me. I thought last night proved that.”

  “I know. But I’ve been friends with him for years.” Cole rubs the back of his neck. “This is going to come between us, whether you think it should or not. I’m just asking that you give me a chance to tell him instead of having him hear it from someone else.”

  “That’s going to be at least three weeks from now. Maybe longer.”

  “I know. I’m not saying we shouldn’t see each other or talk. We can figure something out,” Cole answers, with a somber look.

  “So basically sneak around.”

  He squeezes his eyes closed and nods. “Yeah. I guess. We can do this. We can keep it quiet for three weeks. Can’t we?” He waits for an answer.

  I guess I see his point. As much as I hate to admit it, I think my brother is going to go ape shit. I really don’t want to add to his plate at the moment or break up their friendship.

  “Ok. Fine. You win. I won’t say anything.”

  “Thank you.”

  I want to throw my arms around him, or seal the deal with a kiss, but we can’t do that. Not publicly. Not for at least three weeks.

  Chapter 7

  Cole

  “Were you at the library earlier?” Austin asks, dribbling the basketball in front of me.

  Every limb in my body tightens. My left eye twitches. I’m caught. I should just say yes and shrug it off. It’s the library, no big deal. So he saw me at a large building full of nerdy kids and books. There’s nothing salacious about that.

  I reach for the ball, but he switches sides before I can steal it.

  The problem isn’t where I went but what I did while I was there. I can say I took a book out, or rented a movie. Except, Austin knows I haven’t read for pleasure in years. I can’t even come up with the name of a book I’d want to read. And why would I go there for a movie when there are at least four RedBox machines between my house and the library?

  Still dribbling, he spins and fakes me out.

  He saw me. Or my car. If I deny being there, it’ll be worse, because if he saw me, chances are he watched Samantha get in my car. I have to go with the truth.

  “Yep.” I keep my eyes on the ball and take a futile stab at knocking it away. “My mother asked me to return some books for her.”

  “Really?” He says trying to get around me.

  “Um hum.”

  “Is that why Sam Stone jumped in your car?”

  I freeze. Austin takes advantage of my stupor and takes the ball to the hole to score.

  Shit, shit, SHIT! Now what?

  I think about it while we get into position for him to hand the ball off to me.

  “She happened to be there and wanted to say hi.” With ball in hand, I retreat and use the overabundance of adrenaline shooting through my body to make a basket from downtown.

  “Hi, huh?”

  “Yep.” I answer shoving the ball at him hard, hoping he’ll take the hint and drop it. Three days. That’s all. I can hang on and pretend for three more days. “Oh, and she told me Tyler’s coming home in a few days.”

  “She couldn’t say hi from outside of the car?” Austin holds the ball off to the side and stands to his full height. “She had to get in and have you drive to the back of the building for that?”

  I straighten up. The game is over.

  Fuck! I have no way out. Maybe if I’m honest with Austin he’ll have my back when Tyler beats me down and tries to cut my dick off. I look up and meet his stare. That’s all the conformation he needs.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” My friend slaps the back of my head. “Tyler’s in rehab, not on a fucking retreat. You need to pull your shit together.”

  He’s right. I hate it. What I hate even more is this conversation, but as uncomfortable as it is, I know it’s nothing compared to what telling Tyler will be like. It feels good though, to run through it with someone else first.

  “You think I don’t know that? That I don’t feel like a piece of garbage? He’s my best friend, and I know her since she’s ten. Ten fucking years old. Do you really think this is how I wanted this to go down? Sneaking around and denying her?”

  He takes a long breath. “When did it start?”

  I run my hand through my hair searching for words that won’t make me sound like the world’s biggest douche-nozzle. There are none. I know how bad it sounds. I’ve played it in my head for the last few weeks. “Well, Tyler, it all started the night you almost died.”

  I shake my head, hoping to clear it of all the thoughts and images running wild from that night. Thoughts of her mouth. Her hands. Her sweet pussy that has me addicted. I’m so fucked.

  I dread having to tell Tyler, because not only is this his nightmare scenario, it happened at the lowest point of his life. Only a true scumbag does that. He might think I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this to get with Sam. That’s the furthest thing from the
truth.

  I knew I wanted her, I just didn’t realize I needed her. And not because I have a shitty life or because I’m some sort of fuck up. I’m not. My life was just fine without her, or so I thought. I need her because she’s the something I didn’t realize was missing. Not until I had a taste of her. She touches me unlike anyone or anything I’ve ever known, deep down in my heart.

  Life was good before Sam. Good, but not great. No matter what I achieved, graduating college cum laude, finding a job before any of my friends, nothing satisfied me. I still felt like I could do better. Like something was missing. Until that night. The night I found her crying and held her in my arms.

  I never felt so much emotion for anyone. She was broken and vulnerable. I wanted to make everything better. If she asked, I would’ve stood on my head. Or carried her to the hospital, in my arms while walking in the rain. It wasn’t until I was balls deep inside her, that I realized she’s a part of me. The part that’s been missing.

  “The night he ODed.”

  “How far did you go? You didn’t fuck her did you?”

  I’m so uptight it’s getting hard to breathe. I clear my throat and rub the back of my neck to relieve some tension.

  “Damn it, Cole! She’s the one fucking girl that’s off limits and the second Tyler’s back is turned you fuck her? You know how he is. He’s never going to forgive you.”

  “I know. I know. That’s why we haven’t gone public yet. I need to talk to him. Make him understand I’m not going to hurt her.”

  “Bullshit. Sam’s not the type to mess around. She’s into you man. That means she’s going to get hurt.”

  My hand balls up into a fist, I flex my fingers open and closed. “Nah man. You’re wrong. I’m not going to hurt her. And I’m not going to let you, or Tyler fuck this up.”

  A look of understanding settles on Austin’s stupid face. He covers his mouth. That does nothing to alleviate the urge I have to punch him.

  “Oh my god. You’re into her.”

  I don’t answer. There’s nothing to say. “Of course I’m fucking into her. I wouldn’t be in this situation if I wasn’t bat shit crazy for the girl.”

  “Look man, as your friend, I’m telling you to be careful. Shit can backfire on you in fifteen different ways.”

  “I know.”

  “It’s none of my business, Cole, but I wouldn’t wait too long to tell him. Shit has a way of coming out when you try to hide it. And if he finds out from someone else, you’ve got no shot of him ever accepting this.”

  I nod. “I’m going to tell him. Not the second he gets home, but soon.”

  *

  “I hate him!” Samantha yells, getting into my car and slamming the door behind her.

  I look around the parking lot for her ex, or some other jerk she might be referring to. I don’t see anyone. Which is good because people only come here at this time of night to fool around. If she was with another guy before meeting up with me, she’d have a lot to answer for.

  “What’s wrong?” I reach over and stroke her soft brown hair.

  “Nothing,” Sam sniffles. I hear her fighting to hold the tears back.There’s been an underlying sadness in her since the night Tyler overdosed. I haven’t pressed her to talk about it because I thought I knew the source. Now I’m not so sure.

  “Is it Doug?” She shakes her head. “Tyler?”

  “No.” She closes her eyes and takes a calming breath. “My father.”

  I’m taken by surprise. I knew something was off the night Tyler ODed. In all the years I’ve known the Stones, I never knew Sam to be hostile to her father. Sure he keeps tabs on her, he wants to know where she is and who she’s with, but that’s nothing new, and who can blame him?

  I push my seat all the way back and lean it down a bit, the way we like. I reach for Samantha’s hand as she climbs over the center console and onto my lap. We’ve gotten this routine down pretty well over the last two weeks, since we were spotted together at the library and decided to meet here.

  Spending time with her like this, holding her close, it’s a nice end to my days, and what I look forward to at night. Especially since I started my job. Working nine to five everyday has me feeling too much like an adult with grown up responsibilities. Sneaking my time with Sam keeps me sane.

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “You might feel better.” She shakes her head. “C’mon, princess. Tell me what’s wrong,” I coax, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

  Sam takes a long breath, and closes her eyes. I knew I could get her to come around. She sits straighter and squares her shoulders.

  “My parents are getting a divorce.”

  “What?” Talk about a sucker-punch. This came out of left field. I don’t want to make things worse, but I don’t understand. “How? I mean, they’ve always been solid. They never argue or fight. They’re always on the same page.”

  “It’s my father’s fault.” The tears start again. “He’s a lying, cheating bastard. He’s been sleeping on the couch, the last few weeks and all my mother does is cry. I hate him!”

  I’m still confused, but at least now Sam’s hostility toward her father makes sense. Sort of.

  “Do you know for sure he’s cheating? Maybe they’re not getting along because of all the stress your family is under and your mother misunderstood something.”

  She wags her pointer finger at me. “Do not do that. Do not act like she’s some hysterical woman. Besides, I know what I saw and I saw him with his tongue down another woman’s throat. A woman who most definitely is not my mother.”

  I don’t ask any other questions. I pull her against my chest and hold her. Stroke her back. Kiss the top of her head. I focus on her and ignore the ache in my chest. It hurts to breathe because this is a pain I can’t ease for her. I know it’s going to change her, make her lose trust in men. In me. I hate that. All I can do is be here to hold her and listen.

  “Is there any chance that Tyler knows?”

  She shakes her head. “No. They were still pretending and making believe they were the happy couple before he overdosed. It’s like the shit hit the fan with him and they gave up on each other. On our family.”

  “Is there any shot that they’ll work through this?” I can’t help but hope because if they don’t, this could send Tyler spiraling.

  “No. I hear them fighting when they think I’m asleep. Apparently my father’s been moving his stuff out while I’m at school and she’s at work. He took the last of his stuff tonight and my mother lost it.”

  “But Tyler’s home tomorrow.”

  She nods. “He wanted to be out before Tyler gets back. He thinks it will be easier on my brother if the stuff is already gone and there’s no big scene. A clean break is the way he described it to my mother.”

  This is so fucking bad. A rock sinks to the bottom of my stomach. Like the selfish son of a bitch I am, I can’t help but think of the ramifications this is going to have on my life. On my relationship with Sam. And Tyler.

  I don’t want to believe it. I am a shit. My girl is hurting, my best friend’s world is about to get rocked again, and all I can think about is how it’s going to affect me.

  “Are you sure? People say things out of anger sometimes and then change their mind once they cool off. How did they seem when they told you about it?”

  She shakes her head. “Told me? They didn’t tell me. Nobody tells me anything. I’m not important enough to tell. I don’t count for shit. They all act like I’m three years old. I know what I do from listening to them when they think I’m sleeping.”

  “They love you, Sam. I’m sure they’re just trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me? They don’t care about me. They care about their golden boy. He’s the important one. They don’t even bother trying to act like they can tolerate each other for me. They don’t talk, unless they have to, and then it turns into an argument. So, no, Cole. They’re not trying to
protect me. I just can’t wait to get the hell out of the house and away from them. School can’t start soon enough. Then I’ll be living on campus and we can see each other as often as we want.”

  “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

  “Me too.”

  My heart breaks for my princess. I don’t want to see her hurt like this. I lean her head against my chest and run my hand over her back. I feel awful. For the Stones. For Sam. And for Tyler. This is the last thing he needs when he gets home. No. Second to last. The last thing he needs is to find out I’m screwing his sister. A raw ache takes hold in my chest.

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you these last few weeks.” She squeezes me tight. I close my eyes and breathe her in. My sweet Sam.

  “It’s a good thing we don’t have to think about that.” I barely get the words out.

  As much as I don’t want it to, I know everything is going to change tomorrow. I won’t be able to see her, and hold her. I won’t be able to help her through and make this better for her. Not if Tyler handles it the way I think he will.

  “I mean it, Cole. You’re the glue holding me together.”

  “You’re strong, Sam. Strong and beautiful.” I hold her face in my hands and take a long look into her teary green eyes. I want to stop her pain. I can’t think about tomorrow. We only have right now, this minute.

  A carnal need for her takes over. I claim her mouth. My tongue pushes between her lips, into her welcoming mouth. I kiss her with every ounce of hunger inside me. I don’t know when we’ll have the chance to be together like this again. I need her. Need to consume her. Need every bit of her to hold me over until I can have her again.

  As if she knows what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, she comes at me with equal force. Her fingers pull at my hair. Angry. Desperate. Her tits crush against my chest as she kisses me and grinds her pussy over the hard on straining against my pants. I run my hands up her bare thighs, all the way up to her ass. I love that she’s been dressing up to meet me. Dressing in these short dresses that allow easy access.

  “Fuck me, Cole.” Sam throws her head back and holds on to my shoulders. “Fuck me until I can’t feel anything but you. Until I forget everything else around me.”