Hate to Love You (Baker's Bunch Book 1)

by Lily Ryan

  I don’t want to hear this. I have my own pain to deal with. I don’t need to hear about hers. “Why are you here?”

  “I‘m here because I’ve been thinking. I remember how crazy you were over the girl you claimed to be seeing. She was special. A keeper. She meant something to you. The only reason your breathing right now is because I believe that was Sam. Tell me, Cole. Tell me the girl that had you twisted twenty ways to Sunday was my sister.”

  I don’t answer for a few breaths. I turn and grab fistfuls of my hair. What’s the fucking point? Why am I lying? There’s nothing to salvage, nothing to protect. I lost it all.

  In the face of defeat I turn to my friend ready to admit what I should’ve weeks ago.

  “Yes. It was Sam. I’m out-of-my-mind-in-love with your sister.”

  Chapter 16

  Samantha

  Today’s moving day. It’s here. Finally. I thought it would never come. The last two weeks dragged on. And on. And on. Once I finished packing, there wasn’t much left for me to do. Just mope around and wait for today.

  I quit my job at the grocery store two weeks ago, and made my rounds to say goodbye to my friends. Now it’s time to get my shit out of the house, into the car and then from the car into my dorm room.

  Each minute is longer than the one before it. I’m itching to get the fuck out of here. Get away from all the memories that haunt me and the people associated with them. I need distance from it all.

  “Think you’re taking enough crap?” My father asks, with a smile.

  I know he’s trying to be funny, to lighten the mood, but I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. I glare at him, resenting the fact that he’s even here. He left us, he should just stay away.

  He approaches and ruffles my hair, like I’m five. Seems he hasn’t gotten the hint that I hate him. And don’t want him in my life. You’d think my not taking his calls or calling him back would send a message.

  “You don’t have to come.”

  “Samantha,” my mother warns. Why the hell is she sticking up for him?

  “Try and stop me.” He winks, pretending this is some game we’re playing and that I’ll eventually come around.

  “Seriously, we’ll get everything we can in the one car and then Zane will get me at school and bring me back for the stuff that doesn’t fit.”

  My father’s face drops. Good. If I don’t have anything to smile about, neither should he.

  “I’m coming, Samantha.” He lost all playfulness. “You’re my daughter, not Zane’s. Besides, what kind of stupid name is Zane?” He looks from me to my mother, expecting one of us to fill him in. Mom shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

  “Maybe if you were a part of my life, you’d know who Zane is,” I say, as I fake a smile and sashay away.

  I seriously, can’t wait to get the fuck out of here!

  “Hey, Sis,” my brother whispers, with a box in his hand. “Give him a break. He’s here. There are a lot of other things he could be doing today.”

  “I get that you want a relationship with your father—“

  “Our father,” he corrects.

  “Fine. Our father. But I don’t. He’s an asshole.” I turn and walk away from my brother, signaling an end to the conversation. I never realized my brother was so forgiving. He lets people hurt him and shit all over his heart. That’s why he ended up a few inches from death.

  Not me. Not anymore.

  The living area is too crowded. I’m in need of a breather and sneak back up to my room. Maybe I can hide out here until it’s time to leave, which should be any minute now. I take a last look around to make sure I packed everything I want to bring with me.

  My eyes scan my dresser, my bed, my desk. They stop right there. My heart blips. I should leave it behind. I made a point of not packing it, but my resolve cracks. A mild panic settles over me at the thought of being without it.

  The right thing, the healthy thing, is to leave it along with all the memories and move on. Today signifies a new start. Leave the past behind. But, I’m heading off to college. This is the time to submerge myself in a cloak of unhealthy behavior and drape it over my shoulders.

  I grab it and stuff it into the messenger bag. It’s not my usual pocketbook, but that’s what I’m using it as today. This way I could stuff it with all the last minute important things that I forgot or didn’t think of.

  A throat clears behind me. I spin around, afraid my brother caught me. He knows everything, but I don’t want to get into it right now and I don’t want him to realize how much I still hurt.

  It’s not Tyler. It’s my father. I’m not sure which one I prefer right now.

  “What?”

  “Can we talk for a few minutes?” He asks, taking a seat on my bed.

  “This isn’t a good time.”

  “Sam, I understand that you’re angry.”

  “Good. Then there’s nothing left to say.”

  “I’ll always be your father. Nothing is going to change that, and I’ll never stop trying to get through to you.”

  “Too bad.” I take a step and turn around. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t believe you. I think eventually you’ll give it up. Just like you gave up on our family.”

  The sullen look on my father’s face suggests those words hit him hard. Good. Mission accomplished. Not giving him a chance to recover, I continue toward the stairs. I’m stopped by my father’s hand on my elbow.

  “You don’t talk to your mother like this,” he’s pissed. “We both decided to get a divorce. We’re both to blame, so would you mind telling me why the hell it seems like you’re just angry with me?”

  I yank my arm out of his grasp and narrow my eyes at him. He can’t be serious can he? He asked for it, fine, I’ll give him a hint. “Mom’s still here. You gave up, cut your losses and left.”

  “I never gave up on you. Or your brother.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You’re. Not. Here. Your words are meaningless. And I’m done with you.”

  I rush down the steps before he can recover and say anything else. I mean it. I’m done with him, and now I won’t have to see or speak to him until I come home. I’ll be living on my terms.

  I’m on the last step, when my breath catches in my throat and my heart squeals like an elevator dropped on it. I stop dead in my tracks, as a sharp pain rips across my stomach and chest. I’m about to lose my breakfast.

  This is the last thing I need right now. I can handle anyone, anything, but him.

  Cole doesn’t see me, but I can’t miss those striking blue eyes. The color is light, pale, not the deep cerulean I’m used to. And the twinkle is gone. They look sad. Sadder than I’ve ever seen them. Maybe it’s been so long since I looked in his eyes that I don’t remember them the way they truly are.

  “What are you doing here?” My brother asks, his voice low and annoyed.

  “You asked for help moving her.”

  “That was before all the shit that went down. We got this.”

  Cole takes a step forward, “I said I’d be here. I’m here.”

  I know the best thing I can do for myself is turn around, go back up the steps and avoid him, but I then I’ll run into my father. Instead I stare at Cole. He stands there, in the middle of my living room, clean shaven, and ready to help, dressed in athletic pants and a tight fitting t-shirt that pulls across his broad chest.

  God, I miss him. My legs feel week. I want to drop to my knees and cry. I should’ve turned around. I won’t, because I’m strong, and I don’t need Cole. I don’t need my father. I don’t need any man.

  “I’m telling you,” Tyler grabs his arm, there’s a warning in his voice. “Go.”

  Cole shakes his head. Guess he didn’t get to know my brother’s fist well enough a few weeks ago.

  I’ve had enough of being a bystander in my own life. I’m not giving Cole a say. Not when it hurts to see him, to be in the same room as him. Today is about me. About forgetting all the people and things here that hurt
me.

  His eyes find me and light with hope. A cautious smile teases at the corners of his lips. Time to extinguish it.

  “Are you deaf or just stupid?” I snap at him.

  “Sam?” The smile’s gone. Cole looks like a deer caught in headlights.

  I shake my head. I don’t want him to speak. There’s nothing he has to say that I want to hear.

  “We don’t need you, and no one wants you here, so go. Turn your ass around and leave.”

  He shakes his head. “Please.”

  “Hey, Cole,” my father calls, from behind me. “Glad you’re here. We can use an extra set of hands.”

  Tyler and I exchange a look.

  “I don’t think it’s necessary,” my mother chimes in. “The car is just about packed.”

  See, that’s why I’m not angry with my mother. Unlike my father, she has my back.

  “An extra person will mean less trips back and forth to the car when we get there. Besides, who knows how many times we’ll be rearranging the furniture in the room.”

  “There’s no room in the car,” I spit out. “Between me, Mom, and Tyler—“

  “Cole can ride with me,” Dad offers up.

  “That’s fine, I can drive myself. This way we have an extra car if we need the space.”

  “No need,” Dad says. “Besides, it will make parking more difficult. It’s already going to be a mess with double parked cars everywhere. And this way, you keep me company,” Dad puts his arm around Cole’s shoulder. “And we can talk. Catch up.”

  I hear the hint of danger in my father’s voice. This must be his way of trying to get back in my good graces. Maybe he’s not completely useless. Cole received his message loud and clear. The nervous, uncomfortable look on his face is worth the price of having him tag along.

  It’s somewhat fitting that the two men I like least in the world right now should be together. I only wish I picked a school further away. One hour doesn’t seem like enough time for them to truly appreciate each other.

  “Have fun, boys,” I smile and wave at them as I head out of the house with my mother and brother.

  Chapter 17

  Cole

  How the fuck did I end up riding with Mr. Stone? Oh that’s right, I came to help and make up with Sam. Samantha on the other hand, dug in her heels and was set on being a bitch. Why do I like this girl so much?

  “So,” Mr. Stone says, after driving in silence for half an hour. “I hear you’re working.”

  I feel like I’m on the hot seat, being interrogated by my girlfriend’s father, rather than talking to my best friend’s dad, a man I’ve known for a good part of my life.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “How’s that going?”

  “I like it so far. I mean I haven’t done much. The first two weeks were mostly training and now, I’ve been given small tasks while I’m getting to know the different groups in the company and who the players are.”

  “That’s good. Smart.”

  “Yeah, nothing meaningful yet, but I’m getting there.”

  Silence. This one drags on and is more uncomfortable than the last.

  “Cole, I wanted you to drive with me, because it’s time we had a little talk.” Oh shit. “I’m going to ask once and I expect the truth, understand?” Mr. Stone glances over at me with a stoic look on his face. This can’t be good. And I’m certain I hear a threat in his voice.

  “Of course, sir. I understand.”

  “Is there something going on between you and Samantha?”

  I don't want to answer, mostly because I wish the answer was different. "No. There’s not."

  "I said the truth, Cole."

  "It is the truth, sir.”

  “You expect me to believe that there’s never been anything—”

  “That’s not what you asked.”

  This draws a sharp look of disapproval from the older man. The last thing I need is to piss him off, too. I wouldn’t be going if not for Mr. Stone. At least by being there I have a chance to get in her face and force a conversation with Sam.

  “I apologize, sir, if that came across rude. The way you asked the question, it sounded like you meant right now. And the truth is right now, she hates me.” It hurts to admit. I feel like the world’s biggest dick, but he asked for the truth. “Until an hour ago, we haven’t seen or spoken to each other in over two weeks.”

  He doesn’t press me. Not immediately. He considers my answer. Evaluates my truthfulness.

  “She hates me too. Any idea why?”

  My neck hurts from the tension in the car. I work at massaging it away. I shouldn’t be in the middle of this, it’s not my place. I don’t want to answer. I have no right speaking for Sam. This is family drama.

  On the other hand, I’m in need of an ally. I thought Tyler was on board, but the way he reacted when I showed up today, I’m not so sure. Still, I have to be careful how I phrase this. If I say it wrong Mr. Stone might think I’m judging him. Worse yet, he might think I don’t respect his daughter, neither of which will win me any points in his camp.

  "I guess for the same reason she hates me.” I say, dreading the next words. “She saw you kissing another woman.”

  He glares at me. “You what?”

  I hear the ire in his voice. “She thinks I kissed another girl. I swear that’s not what happened,” I‘m quick to explain. “I know it sounds like a lame excuse, but I was set up. When I had a clue what she was doing, I did all I could to get away from the other girl, but before I could, she kissed me. Sam saw it and hasn’t spoken to me since.”

  Mr. Stone shakes his head.

  “The fact that you even put yourself and my daughter in that situation shows—”

  “Please, sir. I know it shows a lack of judgment, but not a lack of concern for Sam. I’d never hurt her purposely. I swear.”

  “Have you told her this?”

  Ashamed I shake my head. “No. She blew up at me and ran off. She went out of her way to hurt me, and instead, I reacted to that. These haven’t been my best moments, sir. It’s been a real shit show since.”

  He clears his throat, not happy with my choice of words.

  “So even though you just said you’d never hurt her, that’s just what you did. You hurt her.”

  I nod, and swallow down the emotion brimming to the surface. I never thought Sam’s father would pat me on the back and give me his approval to date his daughter, but after my confession, I can’t blame him if he tells me to never go near her again.

  “Unfortunately, yes. But I want to make it up to Sam, explain everything and show her how important she is to me.”

  “Cole, what are you saying? How exactly do you feel about my daughter?”

  Oh fuck. Here it comes. He’s going to accuse me of all sorts of inappropriate behavior with her over the years. That’s not the way it’s been at all. I know I’m not some child molesting pervert, and that nothing happened until after her eighteenth birthday, but will he believe me?

  Mr. Stone knows me well enough to see through the bullshit if I lie. He hasn’t shoved me out of the moving vehicle yet, so maybe if I keep with the truth, I can win him over.

  “Things are very complicated. But, she means the world to me.”

  “Stop hemming and hawing, Cole. Answer the damn question.”

  “Sir, I’m in love with your daughter."

  He blows out a long breath and shoots me a dirty look.

  “Can’t say I’m surprised. I should’ve expected it. But, it could be worse. At least I know where to go find you if I have to. And believe me, if you hurt her again, I’m coming after you.”

  While it’s not the endorsement I’m looking for, he’s not threatening to hit me up with a restraining order, so I guess that’s good. Neither of speak for a few breaths.

  “If you don’t mind my asking, how did you know about us?”

  He gives me a sideward glance.

  “I know my daughter. The fact that you stayed with her when Tyler was
in the hospital, I suspected something. My suspicions were confirmed later when I couldn’t sleep and went to check on her. My baby girl was in her bed, hugging something, holding it close to her chest. It looked familiar. At first, I thought it was her brother’s sweatshirt. When I saw it lying on her bed the next day, I recognized it and knew it was yours.”

  “She slept with my sweatshirt?” There’s a tug on my heart. The shell that’s hardened around it over the last two weeks cracks.

  “Slept with it every night while I still lived there. Just before you got to the house today, I went to her bedroom to talk to her. I caught her stuffing it into her bag. I’m guessing even though you’re on the rocks, she still has feelings for you.”

  “She really sleeps with my sweatshirt?”

  I don’t know why this fact seems so monumental to me. Any residual anger I have over what happened with Zane melts away. Anger is replaced with another emotion, equally as strong only instead of breaking me, this emotion heals.

  I’m filled with hope that we can get over this bump in the road. Maybe it’s more of a mountain than a bump because of all the shit she has going on in her home life with her parents, but I’m still somewhere in her heart. Now I know we’ll get through this.

  *

  Another trip or two at most, and all Sam’s stuff will be in her pint sized dorm room. I don’t think I missed much staying home for college. Especially since my parents agreed to give me the basement when I graduated high school, and let me turn it into my own apartment.

  “I thought you wanted me to apologize and work shit out with your sister,” I say to Tyler, before we get inside the main dormitory doors.

  “I did, but you needed to do that shit a week ago, after I left you with your thumb up your ass. Not five minutes before she leaves for school.”

  “You’re right.” I say, following him up the steps. “I shouldn’t have waited. But I needed more time. She hurt me. Bad.”

  “More like she hurt your ego.”

  “It’s more than that and you know it. I’m here now. That’s got to count for something.”

  Tyler heads down her hallway and shakes his head. “I told you not to come. It was for your own good.”