Being Nikki

by Meg Cabot

Chapter 23

  I CLAMPED MY MOUTH SHUT. THE TRUTH was, I’d been about to let out a shriek to wake the dead. Brandon’s warning caused me to think twice about that, though. Also the fact that he was pressing so hard on my throat, I couldn’t have made a sound if I’d tried. Besides, I wasn’t sure he actually wanted a reply. “So,” he went on. “Brain transplant? That’s what happened to you? Not this amnesia bull you’ve been feeding me and everyone else?” I remembered how, back in St. John, his fingers had strayed toward the scar on the back of my head. That must have been the first clue that all was not as I kept assuring him it was. I nodded mutely, wondering how I was going to get out of this. Christopher, I knew, could have no idea anything was wrong. None of them would. Not until I didn’t come back for a while. Would I be back? I wondered. This was a side of Brandon I’d never seen before. It was a side that scared me witless. “Yeah. That actually explains a lot,” he said. He moved one thumb down my jawline. Creepy was not a strong enough word to describe how it felt. I’d always thought Brandon was dumb. But it turned out I’d been wrong, and that this whole time he’d been scheming but it had never entered my mind. Until now. “You changed,” he went on. “But I could never put my finger on how, exactly. Until today. I mean, obviously, there was the Stark is evil crap. But the old Nikki”—The old Nikki. I wondered how she’d feel about being called that—“had been spewing crap about how she knew something about Stark Quark for ages. I just never listened. Now I know I should have. ” My heart thumped. Oh, God. We were so dead. Brandon was going to tell. He was going to tell his dad everything. There had to be a way out of this, there just had to be. What did Brandon want? What could I give him, to shut him up about this? “The problem is, she was an amateur,” Brandon went on. “You all are. You don’t know my dad. He doesn’t care about anyone or anything…except Stark. The only way to hurt him is through his company. Whatever she knows about Stark Quark, if it’s worth killing Nikki Howard for—and then giving her a brain transplant to keep her image alive—it’s worth knowing. Believe me. And I want in. ” I opened my mouth. I was in such shock, I didn’t remember to be quiet, like he’d asked. This was the last thing I’d expected him to say—that he wanted in. “But—” I croaked. “No,” Brandon said, and laid a hand over my lips. “Shhh. I know that’s what she was doing—blackmailing him. But obviously, she wasn’t going about it the right way. She didn’t know just how powerful the information she had was. I’m going to do it right. I’m going to get her to tell me what she knows—and she will, because she’s obviously still got the hots for me, since she keeps e-mailing me. And then you’re going to get your personal geek squad back there to tell me what the hell she’s talking about. And then they’ll figure out what we can do with that information to hurt my dad. And then I’m going to blackmail him myself. ” I looked up at him like he was crazy. Only the thing was, I didn’t really believe for a minute he was. Crazy, I mean. Not at all. And that was the scary part. “Why should I help you?” I demanded. “Because,” he said very simply, “if you don’t, I’ll tell my dad where the real Nikki Howard is. And I’ll tell him about the doctor, too. ” He ran a strand of my long blond hair through his fingers, as if testing its silkiness. “Okay? Now, you’re going to go in there and tell them that you found me awake and that you’ve told me the whole story, because I’m such a great guy, and that I’m on your side. ” My jaw dropped. He smiled as he tugged on the curl of hair he held. “And if you tell them that I’m making you do it, I’ll tell my father about the girl. And one last thing,” he said, moving his arm so it was no longer pressing against my neck but wrapped around my shoulders. “No more messing around with that guy in there, that one I found you with in your bedroom. You and I are together now. Understand?” I felt myself turning bright red. So he had seen me with Christopher… “I’m tired of this little cat and mouse game of yours, e-mailing me and then avoiding me,” he went on. “That wasn’t me e-mailing you,” I said, feeling sick to my stomach. Because it had been me kissing him in St. John…oh, how I wished now I never had listened to Lulu. “It was Nikki. The real Nikki. ” “Right,” Brandon said, looking bored with the conversation. “What’s your name again? Your real name?” “Em,” I said. My voice was rough from where he’d been pressing against my larynx with his arm. “Emerson. ” “Okay,” Brandon said. “Emerson. ” Then he laughed. “The truth is, I don’t really care what your name is. You can be sweet when you want to. Unlike the old Nikki. Only you’re not stupid, like she was. So remember what I said. You’re mine now. ” He squeezed my shoulders, hard. “No more of that other guy, the one in the leather jacket, who seems so into you. Just me. Understand?” I nodded. What choice did I have? He lifted his arm, so I could move again, but kept one hand firmly wrapped around my arm. But even though I could move physically, I felt paralyzed mentally and emotionally. What had just happened? Was this really Brandon, the guy who had jumped into the water in St. John to save me from drowning? He’d put his arm around my neck there, too, but to tow me to the boat to save me, not to press me to a wall and threaten me. How could he be so drastically different than I’d remembered him? Was the Brandon who’d complained to me so often about his distant father really the same one who was now preparing to participate in blackmail—not to mention forcing me to become his girlfriend against my will? I had thought Christopher had turned into a supervillain, but it turned out I didn’t even know what a supervillain was. Brandon was the supervillain of all supervillains. He had embraced evil in a way Christopher, I was quite certain, couldn’t even begin to contemplate. Numb, I moved away from him, leaving the foyer and turning back toward the living room, just as Christopher was turning to Mrs. Howard to say, his voice so even and measured it sent chills up my spine, and not just because I’d basically been dealing with a human snake seconds ago, “The fact is, it’s just not safe for you here anymore. You and Nikki have to go. ” “Not without me, they don’t,” Steven said. Mrs. Howard sounded nervous. “Oh, Steven…But do you really think—are we really in that much danger of being found out?” I wanted to shout, You already have been! But I kept my mouth shut. “If we could trace those e-mails, it’s pretty likely someone from Stark could, if they found out about them,” Christopher said. “It’s safer that all of you get out of here. ” “But where will you go?” It was Lulu who spoke up. “You can’t hide from Stark forever. They’re everywhere. ” Yeah. She had no idea. It was at that moment Brandon propelled me forward by the grip he was keeping on my arm. I stepped into the living room without glancing behind me to show I was being followed. “Was Brandon still sleeping like a baby?” Lulu wanted to know. “Um…” I said. “Not exactly. ” Which was when Brandon loped into the room behind me, causing everyone to freeze with alarm before they realized who it was. “Relax,” Brandon said, with a big smile and a wide-open gesture with his hands. “Nikki—or Em, as I guess her name is really—filled me in on the whole thing. ” I saw several people, including Christopher and Steven, throw me startled glances, filled with surprise, and even rebuke. But what could I do? I knew both guys could have taken Brandon down physically. But short of killing him, how could they have kept him from telling his dad what he’d overheard once he’d recovered? He knew where Dr. Fong lived, and probably knew Christopher’s last name, too. I couldn’t let Brandon go to his father with what he knew. I couldn’t! He’d agreed to play along…as long as I met his conditions. I just wished I’d never been stupid enough to have kissed him in the first place. Obviously, that had only been playing with fire. Why had I mistaken him for a mere drunken playboy for so long? I should have known that, like his father, there was a scheming businessman underneath that handsome façade who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted…which, in Brandon’s case, was revenge on Stark. Not at all unlike Christopher. Only Brandon wanted revenge on one particular Stark, not the whole company. “I don’t want any of you to worry about a thing,” Bran
don said in a soothing tone. “I’ve got it all under control. First of all, as you know, I’m no friend of my father’s. Secondly, Nikki, Mrs. Howard, and Steven…I want you to know, I’ve got it all figured out. My limo outside can take you to a private plane that’s waiting on a tarmac at Teterboro. It can fly you all to my summer house in South Carolina. You’ll be completely safe there. ” Nikki, who’d been sitting on the couch gaping up at Brandon like an angel had suddenly burst into the room, looked as if she’d become transported with joy. Her face beaming, she leapt up and threw her arms around him. “Oh, Brandon!” she cried. “I knew you’d come through for us! I knew it!” Brandon gamely hugged her back. Behind him, Steven stared at me, as if to say, Who is this guy? What’s going on? I gave him a queasy smile that I meant to be reassuring. But I’m not sure it did the trick. “Well, Mr. Stark,” Mrs. Howard said, glancing at me as uneasily as her son had. “That’s awfully…kind. But you’re sure your father won’t find out?” “Robert?” Brandon laughed humorlessly. “No way. He’s too busy with the Stark Quark rollout to have the slightest idea what’s going on. Besides which, as I said, it’s my house. Dad doesn’t even know about it. You’ll love it. Six bedrooms, six baths, plenty of room for all of you, including the dogs. ” He looked down at the poodles fondly. Any guy who liked dogs that much couldn’t be all bad, right? Okay, wrong. “And we’re in luck, since Em has agreed to come with us”—he wrapped an arm around my waist and drew me toward him, anchoring me to his side in a grip I could attest was much tighter than it appeared—“to spend the holidays. ” I couldn’t even look at Christopher. I knew the hurt and disappointment I’d see in his eyes would be more than I could bear. My heart was breaking enough as it was. “Well,” Brandon said to Nikki. “Go and get packed. We don’t have much time. The plane is fueling up now. ” Nikki let out a squeal and darted from the room to go and get her things. “Mrs. Howard,” Brandon went on. “How about you, can you be ready soon?” She looked like a woman in a daze. She’d been through a lot in the past few months—she’d been through a lot in the past few hours. But all she said was, “Yes. Yes, I think so. ” She called to her dogs and started up the stairs. Steven was the first to turn toward Brandon after both women were gone. “I’m sorry,” he began tersely. “But we’re just supposed to trust you? Your father is Robert Stark. It’s because of him we’re in this situation in the first place. ” “Oh, I totally get where you’re coming from,” Brandon said. “But remember, I hate my father. ” “It’s true,” Lulu said, speaking up from the couch with a squeak. “He does hate his father. He says it all the time. Even when he’s not drunk. ” “And I can’t believe,” Brandon went on, not taking offense at Lulu’s remark, “that he would do this. I’m happy to do whatever I can to try to help you and make things right. I’ve ordered a local cab for you, Lulu, and your friend”—he nodded at Christopher—“to take you back into Manhattan. It should be here any minute. I’m really sorry for this whole mess. If there’s anything else I can do…well, you only have to ask. ” “Mess?” Christopher stepped forward. I had to look at him now, even though I didn’t want to. He wore an expression of murderous rage. And the same look of hurt I’d seen in his eyes from before. “You’re calling this a mess? Your father had a girl murdered—or tried to—and another girl’s brain transferred into her body, and you call that a mess?” Brandon barely glanced at him. “Look, buddy,” he said, out of the corner of his mouth. “I’m doing the best I can, all right? I’m trying to get them to safety, and keep the doctor from losing his job…and his life. One step at a time, okay? You try growing up with a guy like Robert Stark as a father. It’s not easy. ” Christopher was breathing so hard, he was practically panting. He glanced over at me, standing anchored to Brandon’s waist. “You’re not actually going with this clown, are you, Em?” “Um,” I said. This was something I didn’t really feel emotionally able to handle at the moment. Besides, while my heart was busy breaking, my mind was busy racing. There might—might—be a way out of this, if everyone just played along. Including Christopher. “Do we have to discuss this right now?” “Yeah. ” Christopher’s voice was as icy cold as the air outside. “Right now would be good, actually. ” “I think you heard the lady. ” Brandon’s voice was as cold as Christopher’s. “She said not now. ” Lulu, looking nervous, had stood up. “What about Steven’s and Nikki—I mean, Em’s—things?” she wanted to know. “They’re still at our place in Manhattan. ” “It’s all right,” Steven said. “I can buy new things. ” “I’ll send them,” Lulu said. The look she flung him was full of emotion, but Steven didn’t appear to notice. He was still regarding Brandon suspiciously. “I don’t mind. ” “They might trace the package,” Christopher said. He seemed as if he were in a bad mood. And that was putting it mildly. “Em,” he went on. “I really need to talk to you. ” “There’ll be plenty of time for talking,” Brandon said, releasing me and going to one of the windows and lifting the curtain to look out, “once we get the Howards to safety. What we really don’t want right now is my father or any of his people getting here before we get them out. ” Lulu looked alarmed. “Could that happen? Do they know we’re here?” “There’s a vehicle tracking system on all the Stark limos,” Brandon said casually. “If my driver reported that the limo was stolen—and I imagine he probably did—” Steven let out a swear word. I pressed both my hands to my face. I couldn’t believe none of us had thought of that. “Oh, don’t worry,” Brandon said, seeing our expressions. “I already called to let them know I’m all right. But I’m sure if any of them were paying attention, they have to be wondering what I was doing at the home of a surgeon with the Stark Institute for Neurology and Neurosurgery. ” Dr. Fong looked more miserable than ever, seeming to curl in on himself. I felt a pang for him. He’d only, after all, been trying to do the right thing. Hadn’t we all, though? “Oh,” Brandon said, still peering out the window. “Here comes the cab. ” I saw Lulu turn and, as if she couldn’t hold it in any longer, throw herself against Steven, wrapping her arms around his neck in as passionate an embrace as I’d ever seen…so passionate the chauffeur’s cap got knocked clean off. To say Steven looked surprised would have been an understatement. But not in a bad way. His arms even went around her before he realized what he was doing. Then he broke the embrace with a firm “Now, Lulu,” looking both pleased and disturbed at the same time. “I can’t help it,” I was close enough to hear Lulu whisper. “I’m going to miss you. Promise me you’ll call me somehow. Only if it’s safe, though. ” “I’ll try,” Steven replied. He reached down and wiped some of her tears away with his thumb. “You take care of yourself. Don’t spend all your time practicing your coq au vin. ” Lulu laughed tearfully, and let him go. A moment later, I turned and found her staring up at me, her eyes as big and tear-filled as I’d ever seen. “Nikki,” she said. “Are you sure you’re all right?” “I’m fine,” I lied. “So…” She looked confused. “I guess it wasn’t a spirit transfer, after all?” “No,” I said with a little laugh. “But…you’re going with them? Why?” Lulu wanted to know. “What about Frida?” “I can’t tell you why,” I said, my pulse pounding suddenly. I couldn’t tell her, of course, that a psychopathic billionaire’s son seemed to think he was in love with me and was blackmailing me into doing it. “And you can’t tell Frida, okay? You know this can’t go any further than this room. This is serious. Lives are at stake. I’ll just tell Frida I went away for the holidays with…” I glanced over at Brandon, who’d dropped the window curtain and was watching us, a tiny smile on his lips. A chill went up and down my spine and it had nothing to do with the fact that the fire in the room had gone out so long ago. “…my boyfriend. ” The tears in Lulu’s eyes spilled over. “Your boyfriend? But what about…” Her gaze strayed toward Christopher. I reached out and hugged her. Her body felt so slight. “I know,” I whispered miserably. Over her shoulder, I looked at Christopher, whose expression was inscrut
able. “Take care of her,” I said to him, indicating Lulu. To my relief, he nodded. There was some clattering on the stairs, and suddenly the dogs appeared, followed by Nikki and her mom, each holding an overnight bag. “I think we’re ready,” Mrs. Howard announced. She had changed into street clothes and applied some makeup, as well as done something to her hair. She actually looked much more recognizably like the attractive woman in the photos Steven had e-mailed to all the news shows. It was obvious from whom Nikki had inherited her good looks. Nikki, on the other hand, was still applying her makeup. Her hair was a work in progress as well, half flat-ironed and half wavy. She seemed irritated at having been hurried along. She still wore the clothes she’d slept in. “Great,” Brandon said, ignoring the yapping dogs at his feet and the mascara wand in Nikki’s hand. He strode to the front door and yanked it open, letting in a rush of bitterly cold air. “Let’s go, then. ” I kept my head down, my hair tumbling over my face as much to protect it from the biting cold as to keep from having to see what was going on around me when I stepped through the newfallen snow, which was still falling steadily in the brightening morning light. I didn’t want to have to look at Christopher’s face…I didn’t want to have to answer his questions…not with the lies I’d have to tell because Brandon would be nearby, listening. I especially didn’t want to have to say good-bye. Not when I’d finally managed to get him back after so long. But it turned out I didn’t have a choice. Because just as I was about to follow Nikki into the limo, a hard hand closed around my arm, and Christopher’s voice—I’d recognize it anywhere—said, “Em. ” I closed my eyes before turning around. I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. When I opened them again, I saw Brandon standing on the other side of the limo, looking right at me. He was smiling. He said, “I think your little friend wants to speak to you. ” I hated him then. I’d never hated anyone as much as I hated him in that moment. And I swore when this was all over—if it ever ended—I’d find some way to get back at him, the same way he was trying to get back at his dad. I turned my head, flipping my blond hair out of the way so I could see. And there was Christopher, looking down at me, his breath coming out in white puffs in the chilly air. His cheeks were pink, like they always were when the temperature dipped below freezing. But his blue eyes were blazing. “Em, what are you doing?” he demanded. “Why are you going with them?” “I have to,” I said, looking everywhere but into those burning eyes. “Why?” Christopher asked. “They’ll be all right. Steven’s with them. ” “Because,” I said. I looked at some lavender clouds in the sky. Anywhere but Christopher’s face. “Brandon asked me to. ” “Brandon asked you to?” Christopher’s voice rose incredulously. “Who the hell cares what Brandon Stark wants?” “Uh, I believe she might,” Brandon said, from across the top of the car. “Tell him, Em. ” “Tell me what?” Christopher asked. “Tell him,” Brandon repeated. He drummed the top of the limo in time with the words. “About us. ” “Us,” Christopher repeated. I saw his head swivel toward me. Since I couldn’t look at his face, I only heard the disbelief in his voice. I didn’t see it in his expression. “There’s an us with you and Brandon? When did this happen?” I knew what I had to do. Brandon had spelled it out back in Dr. Fong’s foyer simply enough for a child to understand. I had no choice. I had to do it, because the Howards were my family now and I had to protect them, same as I would my real parents. Family wasn’t just the people who’d raised you. Family wasn’t just people who had the same blood as you coursing through their veins. Family was people who needed you. Family was people who had nothing when you had everything. You had to do what was right by them. You had to, even if doing so broke your heart. Besides, I could do this. I could find out what Nikki knew before Brandon did, and use that information against him to get out of this, turn this whole thing around, and get Christopher back. Somehow. Right? But until then…I had to play the game. “I’ve been going out with him for a while,” I told Christopher. Each word felt like a stab wound. “I tried to tell you before. ” I lifted my head and looked him in the eye. “I mean, if you had made a move back when I was alive, maybe things might have been different. But you waited too long—you waited until I was someone else. Until I was with someone else. ” I wasn’t sure where all this was coming from. But it wasn’t feigned for Brandon’s benefit. It was real emotion, and it was welling up from deep inside me. And it was accompanied by real tears that were spilling out, hot and fast, as well. “What are you talking about?” Christopher asked, his voice cracking. “Maybe if you had just liked me the way I was before,” I went on brutally. “But you didn’t. And now it’s too late. ” I could see that every word I’d said, which had felt to me like a knife wound, had hit him like a fist. The red had gone from his cheeks. He looked pale as the snow on the sloping yard all around us. “So,” I said. I don’t know why I kept going. Maybe because of that picture. That picture of me he’d kept in his room. I just couldn’t get it out of my head. I couldn’t believe he’d kept it, all this time. I couldn’t believe he’d loved me, all this time, the same way I’d loved him. And now I had to make him stop loving me, because I didn’t want him to do anything stupid that might get him hurt. “I’m with Brandon now. I…I love Brandon. And I’m going with him. So…good-bye. Good-bye, Christopher. ” And I ducked into the limo before Christopher could say another word—and before I took another look at his face—climbing inside to sit between Nikki and her mom. Mrs. Howard looked over at me with some concern, as Cosabella leapt up onto my lap, and asked, “Honey, are you all right?” “I’m fine,” I said, wiping away my tears with the backs of my fists. “Sorry about that. ” “God,” Nikki said. She was still working on her eyelashes with the mascara wand. “And everyone said I was bad. ” This didn’t exactly make me want to cry any less hard. In the driver’s seat, I saw Steven adjust the rearview mirror so he could see me in it. He looked at me…but he didn’t say anything. Not a word. He just looked. It was as if, in that moment, we shared a secret. Just what that secret was, I had no idea. But I knew, in the battle that was coming, I had an ally in Steven Howard. I guess I’d always known that, really. I just needed to figure out a way to let him know what was happening…before it was too late. “All right,” Brandon said cheerfully, climbing into the limo behind me. “Are we all set?” And without waiting for an answer, he closed the car door…and in that sound, I felt as if I were hearing the end of the world. Or at least the end of all my hopes and dreams. Not that I’d had that many, at least recently. “God,” Nikki said with relish. “I’ve missed limos. ” “Stark Travel is the way to go,” Brandon said. And he reached into a side cooler and pulled out a bottle. “Champagne, anyone? Oh, sorry, not you, Steven. But we’ll fill you up when we get there. Do you know how to get to Teterboro Airport? No, of course you don’t. Here, let me tell you. Better not program it into the GPS; we’re trying to keep this whole trip on the down-low…” And he crawled up toward the front to talk to Steven about how to get where we were going. While the limo slowly began moving down the driveway, I shifted in my seat to look back through the tinted windows. I saw Dr. Fong turn away and close his front door, his longjourney finally over. I saw Lulu waiting by the taxi, the wind tugging at her poofy black skirt and making it swell out like a bell, or a big black cape. And I saw Christopher, standing in the exact spot where I’d left him, staring after us—after me. He appeared smaller and smaller the farther we drove away. I stared at him until finally I couldn’t see him anymore, because the tears coming from my eyes made it impossible to see anything at all.