Love or Lust 3

by Rachael Brownell

  His eyes widen in surprise at my simple statement. You would have thought I just dropped a bomb on him. Broke up with him. Told him I don’t love him. The look of shock on his face is both adorable and concerning.

  Did he change his mind? Did I miss something?

  “When you say you’ll see me, what do you mean by that? Like, every now and again or all the time?”

  Pressing my lips together to keep from smiling, I count to ten before I confirm his suspicions. “That depends how much we work, I guess. I mean, if you’re planning on bartending every night, I won’t see you very often. I want a day job. Something where I get home at a decent time.”

  “And by home you mean . . .”

  “You know. The place I sleep. Where I shower. Eat most of my meals. Lie on the couch and read on occasion,” I continue, teasing him by not directly answering his question.

  “And this place you’ll be sleeping,” he starts, spinning me out of his arms and back in, pressing my back to his chest so I can’t see his face. I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around me. “Is there anyone else sleeping there?”

  “Maybe. I guess if it works out, I could probably make time to date. Find a nice guy who wouldn’t mind me snoring against his chest at night. Someone to wash my back.”

  “And every other part of you,” he mumbles against my hair.

  “That too.”

  “Where do you plan on calling home, Presley?” His voice has taken on a serious tone, his arms have tightened around me, but he’s still swaying us back and forth. I can feel the tension radiating off him in waves as he waits for my answer.

  “I was thinking somewhere warm. Where I can drive to the beach if I want. Maybe learn to surf.”

  His arms relax their grip as he releases a deep breath.

  “California?”

  “I’ve heard it’s nice out there, but I’m more of an east coast kind of girl. Always have been.”

  “Ah, so the Carolinas?” Jace’s playful tone makes me smile a little bigger as I open my eyes and find we have an audience.

  Three cameramen, Claudia, and Ed, along with the four other remaining contestants.

  “I was thinking—”

  “Jace,” Ed’s deep voice cuts in. “We need to have a word with you.”

  Jace stops swaying, his grip on me tightening as my smile fades. When I look past Ed, I notice Teegan and Bella staring straight at us. Bella’s eyes are wide in shock while Teegan’s grinning at us in victory.

  Chapter Seven

  Day 36

  It’s been more than twelve hours, and I haven’t seen Jace. No word from him at all. After Ed and Claudia escorted him into the main house, the party didn’t feel the same, so we all went our separate ways. I waited up for him until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  He still wasn’t here when I woke up.

  That was three hours ago.

  I’m running on barely any sleep and freaking out.

  The elimination ceremony is in less than four hours, and I need to start getting ready, but I can’t bring myself to stop staring between my closed door and my phone. Praying he calls or texts. That I’ll hear from him soon. See his beautiful smile.

  That everything is going to be all right.

  But I know it’s not. I can feel it in my soul.

  Whatever went down last night is bad. Jace won’t be walking through my door any sooner than Naomi will.

  Because he’s gone.

  Knowing I’m running out of time, I quickly shower and start getting ready. I was planning on wearing the same dress I wore the day I arrived for the ceremony tonight. It was the first thing Jace saw me in, and I wanted tonight to be special. For us to step forward for the final round together.

  Quickly swapping it out for a short, white baby-doll style dress, I locate a pair of black heels and knee-high stockings that flirt with the hem. This was going to be the outfit I wore at the finale next week, assuming I made it that far. I’ve been saving it all this time, just in case it was a possibility.

  But do I want to be here another week without Jace?

  Can I survive here with him gone?

  What’s the point?

  I may not have come here to find love or even lust, but I found both. I can see that now. First, I lusted after Jace because of the mystery that surrounded him. He was just a sexy man that paid attention to me. The body of a god. Kisses that made me ache in all the right places.

  But the more I got to know him, the more I cared. It became less about the person he was on the outside, what he could do for me, and more about the man he really was. The caring, kind person beneath the jaw-dropping and gorgeous exterior.

  I didn’t even realize I was falling for him as it was happening. I wish I had. I want to remember the moment he stole my heart.

  My broken, unrepairable heart.

  He fixed it. Glued all the pieces back together. Found a way to make me feel whole again.

  I’m not scared of being with Jace. Or where this life might take us.

  What I am scared of is not being with him. Feeling empty and alone because he’s not by my side.

  I’ve always sworn I was an independent woman. That I didn’t need a man to make me feel complete.

  I still stand by those statements.

  What I didn’t realize is that having someone in your life, the right person, doesn’t make you less independent. It makes you feel like a part of something bigger. Looking back, a part of me was missing before I met Jace.

  Sure, I was battered and bruised when we met. Maybe a little hesitant to trust.

  When you meet the right person, your other half, the one you’re meant to be with, you let go of your uncertainty and trust unconditionally. Your heart knows it’s found its match.

  I wish I’d had time to tell Jace all of this. Standing here, staring at myself in the mirror and thinking about it does me no good. He needs to know. He needs to hear me say the words.

  I love him. I’ve said it before, but I’m not sure I can say it enough.

  I want to be with him. He knows this, but what he doesn’t know is that I want to be there all the time. Take the leap. Move to Miami. Live together. See where this crazy life takes us.

  I was seconds from saying all of that and more when we were ripped apart last night.

  Swiping dark-red lip stain across my lips, I press them together and stare at myself in the mirror. I barely resemble the person who stepped through those doors five weeks ago. My eyes were void of all emotions. I was trying to push people away before I even had the chance to get to know them.

  Yesterday my eyes were bright. I felt alive. Happy.

  The dull sparkle in my eyes today is the remnant of the joy and love I had. The love I’ll fight to get back.

  A soft knock at my door startles me. I freeze before springing into action and dashing for the door, almost tripping in my heels.

  Flinging it open, I find Lennon, Bella, and Milo on the path, waiting for me.

  “Where is he?” I ask, my eyes connecting with Lennon’s.

  I can tell he wants to look away, but to his credit, he doesn’t. He straightens his shoulders and lifts his chin before saying, “You guys go on ahead. We’ll meet you there.”

  Fuck! That’s not a good sign.

  “Just tell me,” I say, turning and retreating into my bedroom so I can grab my phone.

  “He’s been eliminated. That’s all I know. He’s not allowed to directly contact anyone until the show’s over.”

  “They can’t just kick someone off without a reason!” I scream.

  Lennon wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me to his chest. “He wouldn’t have left you without a fight. Remember that.”

  “Well, apparently he just did. He didn’t even call to let me know.”

  “He didn’t call me either. I saw him as he was leaving his villa, bags in hand. That’s the only reason I know he was eliminated.” Lennon’s taking an apologetic ton
e with me. One I wasn’t expecting considering it was only days ago when he was kissing me, fighting for me.

  “I guess you win,” I state, pushing out of his embrace and slipping past him. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

  “It was. It is. I don’t know. I didn’t want to win by default, I know that.”

  “It doesn’t matter how you get there as long as you cross the finish line first.” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I don’t want to see the pity in his eyes. I already feel it vibrating off his body in waves.

  Without another word, Lennon and I make our way to the main house for the elimination ceremony. When we walk through the door, Lennon is handed a ballot to vote but Claudia doesn’t even bother to make eye contact with me as I pass.

  The girls won’t vote tonight. The final two are the only ones present.

  I should ask Lennon to vote me off. To send me home. So I can be done with the show. So I can move on with my life. My chances of reconnecting with Jace are better if I’m not here. We’d be in the hotel together. Without the cameras in our faces.

  The words are on the tip of my tongue, but when I turn to ask, he’s already handing his ballot back to Claudia and walking toward me, his hand outstretched to take mine.

  I can’t let him.

  I don’t want to lead him on. I feel like I’ve done that enough since meeting him.

  Maybe if I’d met him first. If he’d been the one to knock on my door that first day and show me around the property. Maybe I’d have chosen him. Fallen in love with him.

  But that’s not the case, and I need to do everything I can to protect my heart right now. I need to put a barrier between me and the guys. One that’s impenetrable.

  I turn and walk ahead of him to where my mark is on the floor. I stand with my hands clasped in front of me, my eyes focused on the wall behind the camera that’s directed at me.

  And I wait.

  Because they’re going to have to address the fact Jace is missing. That he’s been eliminated.

  Ed finally shows up five minutes later with a huge smile on his face, waving his hands in the air as he directs people to get in position.

  “Well, here we are. Last elimination ceremony. Are you guys ready?” he asks, standing directly in front of me.

  I can’t look at him. He’s blocked my view of the white wall I was focused on, so I look over his shoulder and stare at Claudia instead. She’s expressionless tonight, a change from her usual pursed lips and fiery eyes.

  No one answers Ed, and he lets out a sigh.

  “Listen, it wasn’t my decision. I can’t divulge the details of why Jace isn’t here, so please don’t ask. All I can say is that rules were broken, and he was eliminated. So put a smile on your faces. Fake it if you have to. We have sixty seconds until we’re live.”

  His voice went from caring and compassionate to serious and firm in the span of a few sentences. It’s like he was trying to pretend to understand how we were feeling and then decided not to.

  Fuck him.

  Fuck this show.

  I don’t need this bullshit in my life. I should quit tonight if I don’t get eliminated. Who cares about the money? I don’t need it.

  That’s a lie.

  I do need it.

  And if I leave, I will have wasted the last five weeks. Quitting means I don’t get anything. Not a single cent. Elimination at least guarantees me a little bit of the pot.

  A little is better than nothing at all.

  “Good evening!” Eds hollers, and immediately I plaster on a fake smile. “Welcome back to Love or Lust. Tonight is the last elimination ceremony before the final four enter the last week of the competition. Who’s going home tonight? Who gets another shot at the grand prize? All will be revealed before the night is over. First, let’s take a look at what everyone’s been up to this week, shall we?”

  As soon as the light turns red, letting me know we’re not on camera anymore, I turn and watch as clips and images of this past week float across the screen. Teegan and Jace. Bella and Lennon. Me with Bella. Game night, all of us sitting around the poker table. All the girls lounging around the pool. Milo, Jace, and Lennon from their camping trip.

  They’re all smiling, beers in hand.

  I can see an empty bottle next to Milo’s feet. Jace’s phone is in his hand. He’s taking a selfie of the three of them.

  The screen fades to black, and Ed clears his throat just as I turn around to see the light change back to green above the camera.

  “We’ll be back with more highlights from this week’s dates. Not everyone watched the movie . . .”

  His voice trails off, but he remains smiling at the camera until the light changes again.

  People start scrambling, adjusting the five us of on the platform, powdering my face, playing with my hair. It all happens so fast I don’t have time to object before they’re gone and Ed’s putting on a show for the cameras again.

  “Welcome back. This week was about getting to know each other on a more personal level. The guys picked the movies, and the girls hosted movie night. But like I said . . . not everyone was there to watch the movie. Let’s take a look at what happened behind closed doors.”

  The first clip is of Milo and Teegan making out. I roll my eyes because the look on her face shows anything but excitement. A stark contradiction to the next clip where she’s making out with Jace. This time he’s the one who isn’t into it, and you can tell. She’s practically mauling him, and he’s sitting there perfectly still.

  When my face flashes across the screen, I want to duck and hide. I’m with Jace. We’re on the couch, making out. It makes me wonder how long the clip is because we didn’t kiss that long before he carried me to bed. Thankfully they cut it right as he’s sliding his arm beneath my legs.

  But then the next clip is me making out with Lennon. My face heats with embarrassment. I know I told Jace what happened, but I’m still ashamed I made out with both of them. Even if it was the moment I knew for sure I’d made the right decision. It was the confirmation I needed.

  The clip is shorter than the last, and suddenly I’m staring at Bella straddling a shirtless Lennon. Their make-out session is hot. You can tell they’re both into it, and this time the clip doesn’t cut when I expect it to. Lennon lifts her with him as he stands and walks into her bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

  The screen fades to black again, and I turn back around to face the cameras.

  “As you can see, a few people were able to take advantage of the alone time and got to know each other a little better than others. But lust doesn’t always translate to love, does it? When we get back, we’ll find out who has another chance to make a love connection and who’s going home tonight. Be right back.”

  “Oh. My. God.” Bella whisper-shouts to me as soon as we’re clear. “I can’t believe they showed that on TV. I’m freaking out right now. My parents are going to see it.”

  She has a point. At least they didn’t show Jace carrying me to the bedroom. Though, if he was still here, they might have.

  “I didn’t realize you were into Lennon,” I whisper, leaning in closer so he doesn’t hear me.

  “Oh, yeah. It’s . . . well. I don’t know.”

  “It’s something,” I state. “Hold on to that feeling. If it’s more than just a little crush, you’ll know soon enough.”

  Ed welcomes back the audience, and I force myself to smile again. He drones on about how the last week of the competition will work. I should be paying attention, but instead, I zone out, staring directly into the camera. I can read about it in the packet they’ll drop off if I make it past this round.

  “You may be wondering why we only have two guys standing up here tonight. Jace was eliminated last night, which means Lennon and Milo will be moving on to the final round. Congratulations, gentlemen. I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye to one of these lovely ladies tonight, but only two can move on. Can you, ladies, please step forward.”

&n
bsp; We all take two steps and stand on our marks. Bella is in the middle with Teegan on her right and me on her left. We’re all handed an envelope and I tremble as I slide my finger under the seal.

  Do I want to be eliminated? Or do I want to stay? It’s not my decision, but I’d like to at least be okay with whichever way it goes.

  The seal finally pops free as Bella starts bouncing up and down with excitement. I look over to find her with a golden ticket waving above her head and a huge smile on her face.

  Good. She deserves it.

  Teegan’s staring past Bella at me, her envelope still sealed. I nod at her, and she slides her finger under the seal, releasing it. Folding back the flap of mine, I spy the golden ticket immediately but don’t pull it out. Instead, I look over to find Teegan with tears in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Teegan, but you have been voted off tonight,” Ed says as Claudia waves Teegan over, ushering her off the set. As soon as she’s clear of the cameras, Ed continues as if no one’s feelings have just been crushed. “Well, you have your final four. Lennon, Milo, Bella, and Presley . . . Congratulations on making it to the final week of the competition. Good luck this week. Stay tuned for our finale next week where we’ll find out if our contestants have found love or if it was only lust. Good night!”

  Chapter Eight

  Day 37

  It still feels unreal that Jace is gone. No explanation beyond he broke the rules.

  What rules specifically?

  We were together most of the time during his last few days. I didn’t see him doing anything he shouldn’t have been. In fact, he was the most cautious of all the guys I’d like to think. Not just because he wanted to stay here but because of his reputation outside the competition.

  He knew people would figure out who he was after he confessed to me. He knew his secret would be out once the show aired. He wouldn’t be able to go back to being the anonymous bartender at his clubs. He was putting a giant target on his back, and he was doing it for me. So I knew what I was getting into.