Love or Lust 3

by Rachael Brownell

  And then I started bawling.

  Uncontrollably crying into Lennon’s chest.

  To his credit, he held me close and tried to soothe me. He really is a good person, and Bella or whoever nabs him will be a very lucky girl. I have no doubt he will treat them like a queen.

  Once I explained why I was crying, Lennon carried me into the bathroom, set me on the edge of the tub, and drew me a bath. After turning off the water, he let himself out and left me to soak.

  I stayed in there and cried, the water turning cold long before I finally got out. After quickly dressing, I returned to my living room to find Lennon asleep on the sofa, his feet hanging off the edge.

  Shaking him awake, I helped him to my room and tucked him under the covers. He protested the entire time, saying he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable, but I silenced him with a gentle kiss to the cheek.

  And I fell asleep wrapped in his arms. When I woke up, he was gone and there was a note on his pillow.

  I hope you’re feeling better this morning. Have a fun day shopping. Make sure Bella’s dress doesn’t overshadow her natural beauty. —Lennon

  He’s so sweet.

  His words bring a smile to my face, and it stays there for the rest of the morning as I get ready to leave. Bella and I are being dropped off at the mall, but unlike last night where the cameras were absent, today we’re not being blessed with that grace. They’ll be following us everywhere except the dressing rooms.

  Which means we have to be careful what we discuss and where.

  “I’m here,” Bella sings as she pushes through my door.

  When I turn around, I find her in a pair of hot-pink yoga pants and a black tank top. Her outfit resembles my own. I’m wearing black yoga pants and a gray tank top. Both of us have our hair piled into messy buns on top of our heads, and our makeup is minimal.

  “Are you excited?” she asks, dropping onto the sofa with a soft thud.

  “To get off the ranch for the day? Yes. For this to be over tomorrow? Hell yes.”

  “I meant to shop. I feel like it’s been years instead of weeks since I’ve been shopping. Not being able to shop online has me itching to buy, buy, buy. I want shoes and a new dress. Matching jewelry. The works!”

  Her excitement is contagious, a smile slowly spreading across my face as she lists off all the stores she wants to stop at. Including the lingerie store.

  “And who is that for exactly?”

  “I guess it depends on how things turn out tomorrow.” A sly grin is plastered on her face as she tosses me my sunglasses from the coffee table, and we head out the door.

  “Here,” I say, handing her the note Lennon left me this morning. “I thought you might want to see this.”

  Bella slowly opens the note, reads it, and then shoves it in her purse for safekeeping. “That was sweet.”

  “I thought so.”

  “I guess we know who I’m really shopping for today,” she says, chuckling at her own joke.

  It’s been four hours and I’ve only managed to find two dresses that I might buy and a pair of shoes that sort of match one of them. We started at the lingerie store, Bella picking out a few pieces while I browsed the racks. Nothing caught my eye, and I walked away empty-handed, unlike Bella.

  It’s been hell getting through the stores with all the cameras following us. The cameras made the other shoppers curious, and then someone recognized us, and a crowd suddenly surrounded us.

  They wanted autographs.

  From me! And Bella.

  For real? Why? It’s not like I’m a famous person or anything. I’m on a stupid reality TV show. Still, I appeased the masses and signed random scraps of paper and receipts until the last person in the crowd walked away.

  It set us behind. I expected us to be done and back on the ranch an hour ago at the latest. Yet here we are. Each in a dressing room trying to find something to wear.

  “I have ten dresses I can choose from. I don’t care that I’ve worn them before. I’m sick of trying on clothes,” I say as I slip another dress over my head, the last I picked out. This one is navy blue, silk, and drapes perfectly on my figure. It’s simple yet elegant. Paired with the right necklace and shoes, it’ll look even better.

  “I think I’ve found the one I want to get,” Bella says, ignoring my outburst. Turning in the mirror to get a better look at the dress, I hear the door to her stall open, and then she knocks on mine. “Come out here so I can show you.”

  Her voice is filled with excitement. It amazes me that after being here for so long she can still be in a great mood.

  That’s the difference between us, though. She always views the glass as half full whereas I see it as half empty. She will find the positive in any situation, whereas I focus on the negative.

  And like Lennon, she’s the silent type, but when she does speak, it’s with purpose.

  When I finally step out of the stall, I find Bella standing in front of a series of mirrors, admiring herself from every angle. There’s a smile on her face that shows how much she loves the dress but, more importantly, how amazing she feels in it.

  She looks stunning.

  “It’s perfect,” I state, leaning against the wall.

  Bella makes eye contact with me in the mirror, and her smile grows.

  “You look beautiful. That color really brings out your eyes,” she says, turning to face me.

  I hadn’t noticed, but as I look over her shoulder at my reflection, my attention is drawn to my eyes. The light golden honey of my hair already brought out my ocean-blue eyes but adding the dark navy as a contrast makes them even brighter. Once I add dark eyeliner and mascara, they’ll be highlighted even more.

  “Thanks,” I reply. “You’re getting that one, right? I think it’s exactly the kind of dress Lennon had in mind for you.”

  The sweetheart neckline accentuates her cleavage along with thin straps that crisscross in the back. The bust of the dress is pleated to a high waistline and features a band of beautiful beads and jewels that wrap around her body. The hem of the dress rests on top of her feet in the front but is slightly longer in the back. If her dress were white instead of a soft blush-colored pink, it could be mistaken for a wedding dress.

  “I hope so. I’m in love with it.”

  We both step back into our respective dressing rooms to change as we discuss where we want to go next. I need jewelry to accent my new dress along with shoes. Bella needs the same, and she wants to find something to put in her hair since she plans to pull it back and tie it low at the base of her neck.

  With our dresses slung over our arms, we’re browsing the jewelry department when my phone starts ringing in my purse.

  “What are you doing right now?” Naomi asks as I’m saying hello.

  “Shopping with Bella. Why?”

  Bella looks over at the mention of her name for a brief second before asking the lady behind the counter to show her a different hair comb.

  “You’re trending everywhere. You and Bella. People are posting pictures of you two shopping.”

  Without making it obvious, I take in my surroundings. There are no fewer than three phones pointed in our direction that I can see, and I haven’t even turned in a half circle.

  “Great,” I growl as I cover the phone with my hand and say to Bella, “We need to go. I’ll explain why later.”

  “Are you still there?” Naomi asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “Girl, you need to buy a hat. Your hair is a hot mess, but that blue dress you’re carrying around looks gorgeous.”

  Patting the top of my head, I feel the stray hairs sticking up from putting dresses on and taking them off all day. I immediately release the messy bun that was supposed to be holding my hair in place and shake my head so my hair falls around my face. Not that I can hide from the people who have already recognized me.

  “Thanks, Naomi. I have to get Bella, and we need to get out of here. Looks like we’ll be venturing deeper into the mall for jewelry
and shoes.”

  “Just go to a real jewelry store. They won’t let a bunch of people in there because shit costs so much.”

  After sliding my phone back in my purse, I whisper in Bella’s ear, letting her know what’s going on. I feel her body stiffen next to me as she hands the ugly fake flower on a hairpin back to the sales associate. We casually walk to the register, pay for our dresses, and are attempting to get lost in the crowded mall ten minutes later.

  “Pull your hair down and try and hide your face. We’re going to slip into the next shoe or jewelry store we see, okay,” I whisper as I slide my arm through hers, and we shimmy through the crowd.

  “There’s a jeweler. Do we really want to go in there?”

  I don’t even answer her, cutting off a stroller and pulling her through the open doors.

  A tall man in a suit stops us instantly. I’m sure we look rough, both of us wearing yoga pants and our hair now a hot mess. Oh, and don’t forget the cameras that are following us. After explaining the short version of our situation to him, he closes and locks the doors to the store, and Bella and I have the time of our life trying on jewelry and each picking out a few beautiful pieces to wear during the show.

  We have to return them later, but who the hell cares. The store gets free advertising and we get to be adorned in beautiful jewelry.

  I’ll be wearing a necklace I could never afford. Not in this lifetime. And it’s the perfect addition to my dress. It clasps tight around my neck, but then splits off into two long strands that run down my chest and come to rest between my breasts. It complements my look without drawing all the attention.

  Bella’s not only wearing a beautiful choker-style necklace but also a hairpiece. The hairpiece is a darker shade of pink than her dress that will help it stand out against the natural light color of her hair. Her necklace is white gold and accentuates her bronzed skin.

  While they package our borrowed items, Bella and I try on wedding rings for fun. Our styles are dramatically different. She likes the large stone on a basic band. I prefer the smaller center stone with little stones around it, accentuating its beauty.

  Then there are the rings that we both think are ungodly ugly. Too big. Too abstract. But those are the most fun to try on. Bella puts one on that we find out is five carats and draped with two more carats around the center stone. When they tell her the price, she immediately takes it off and carefully sets it back on the velvet mat.

  After signing paperwork that basically says they will hunt us down and kill us if we don’t return their merchandise—not really, but that’s what it feels like—we are escorted out of the store, where a security guard was waiting for us. He stayed with us as we finished shopping, stopping at two store stores before finding the perfect pair of heels.

  Once we’re safely back in the town car and on our way back to the ranch, I let out a little giggle.

  “What’s so funny?” Bella asks as she fingers her necklace.

  “Today. It was awful, and then it was great, and then it was silly. I know we were only escorted because of the price tag on the jewelry, but it still makes me laugh.”

  “That poor guy too,” she adds. “I’m pretty sure he’ll never look at a shoe store the same again.”

  Probably not. I tried on at least fifteen pairs of heels at both stores, Bella too. I needed the perfect pair, and after knowing the jewelry we were going to be wearing fit perfectly, I wasn’t going to settle for less.

  Thankfully, I found a pair of white peep-toe heels that weren’t too tall.

  So much for wearing flats because of the grass. They better lay out something for us to walk on or both of us might end up flat on our asses on live television. Bella bought four-inch heels. She wanted the back of her dress to brush the ground but not look like the train of a wedding dress and wanted to be able to look Lennon in the eyes.

  She’s about three inches shy of that, but she’s closer than normal.

  “Are you excited for tomorrow now?” Bella’s voice is hesitant.

  “No, but I’m excited to get dressed up,” I reply honestly.

  “But it’s the finale, Presley. You should be excited. You made it to the end. It’s almost over. You could win.”

  I get that she’s trying to rationalize things for me, to get me to see the positive, but I just can’t. It feels like I gave up on the competition a while ago. I’m just here now. Without Jace. The one person who was making it fun.

  “I am excited it’s almost over, but I’m going to miss you.” Maybe changing the conversation will distract her.

  “I’ll miss you too, but Lennon and I were talking, and we think we should take a vacation to Miami after this is over. Before we get back to the real world.”

  I get what she’s saying. Does she?

  “That will be fun for you guys. Doesn’t he have to get back to work?”

  “Yeah. That’s our first stop.”

  “So you’re leaving together? When did you guys decide this?”

  Her eyes get really big, and her mouth drops open in shock. It’s only a second before she regains her composure, but when she does, she’s stoic as ever.

  “We’ve talked about it. Nothing is set in stone.”

  Uh-huh. Sure, it’s not.

  “Well, you guys should look Jace up while you’re there. I’m sure he’d love to see you guys.”

  “And you, right? You’ll be there too. With Jace?”

  I hope so. I really do. That’s my plan, but nothing seems to be going as planned right now, so I don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch and I sure as hell don’t want to share my plan with too many people and jinx myself.

  “Maybe.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Day 43

  Today is the day.

  The final day.

  No more cameras in my face after this.

  No more scheduled activities.

  Or rules.

  I can do as I please. With whomever I want. When I want.

  So why am I pouting as I shove the rest of my miscellaneous items in my bags? Why am I not more excited to zip up my suitcase and bolt out of here tomorrow?

  Why does my heart feel heavy? Why is my head spinning with memories of the last six weeks?

  Because I love these people. They’ve become my friends. My family. Some more than others.

  I was guarded when I arrived. I didn’t expect to be here until the end. I didn’t expect to make friends.

  To find love.

  But I did. All of those things.

  I let these people in, no matter how much I tried not to. They’ve each weaseled their way into my heart and helped me heal. I don’t have just Jace to thank, or Lennon, I need to thank them all for helping me.

  Even the backstabbers like Courtney and Gage.

  But with less than twenty-four hours until I’m on a flight home, there’s no way for me to do that.

  Which reminds me, I never did change my flight. It’s probably too late to ask for help from Claudia now, especially after the nasty text I sent her, so I’ll have to take care of it myself.

  A quick ten-minute search and I’m booked on the two o’clock flight to Miami, non-stop. First class was the only available option, but I didn’t even hesitate. After tonight I’ll have a little extra money to spare, and the fact I get to see Jace tomorrow makes every cent worth it.

  Bella’s knocking at my door an hour later, tote bag in hand.

  “You have to help me,” she pleads as she pushes her way inside. “I can’t do this myself. I mean, I can, but I can’t. My hands are shaking. I’m afraid I’m going to break the hairpiece. I’m too nervous.”

  I can see her hands shaking as she clutches her bag tightly.

  After calming her down with a shot of tequila, the last one in the bottle thanks to Milo’s love of my margaritas, we get to work on her hair and makeup. Once she’s done, I start on my own.

  Just like my dress, I keep it simple.

  I pin my hair to one si
de and let it flow in long, big curls over my left shoulder. My makeup is only slightly more dramatic. A little blush and bronzer, a soft yet smoky eye, and dark lashes. The real pop of color comes from my red lipstick.

  Bella’s completely ready, fastening her necklace when I walk in to get changed.

  She looks timeless. It could be her wedding day today, and she’d look perfect for the occasion.

  Me, on the other hand, I have a bit of an edge. At least it feels that way, but it could have something to do with my attitude. Once I’m dressed and have a visual of the entire picture, I see the edge. It’s in the subtle details. The necklace I chose. The way my smoky eye makes me look angry if I don’t smile.

  The soft curves of the dress are what calm the look. So does the innocent and sweet nature of my hair. Not enough to change my perception of the message I’m conveying but maybe for others.

  It’s the perfect representation of how I feel, and I couldn’t love it more.

  At six thirty on the dot, Bella and I head toward the lawn. The show won’t start for over an hour, as the sun begins to set, but we’re required to be there early to get set up for tonight. The schedule has changed so much this week I’m not even sure if we’re still on time or if we’re going to be late. Bella is convinced we’ll be fine either way.

  Not that we could have left any earlier. I needed a glass of wine beforehand to calm my nerves.

  “You ladies look lovely,” Milo says from behind us.

  When I turn, I find him and Lennon coming up the path to join us.

  “We thought we’d escort you if you don’t mind,” Milo continues.

  He looks great in his three-piece suit. So does Lennon, whose eyes are currently locked on Bella.

  “You look gorgeous,” he says to her, taking her in from head to toe.

  Bella ducks her head in embarrassment as she thanks him, accepting his outstretched hand. Milo offers me his elbow, and I slide my arm through.

  We walk in silence down the path, but as soon as we turn the corner, we all stop dead in our tracks. There is a huge stage erected in the middle of the lawn. Twinkle lights are strewn everywhere. There are at least twice as many cameras as normal strategically placed around the stage and people buzzing around.