Gasp!

by Z. A. Maxfield

  He lifted a chair and moved it silently to a spot close to Hazard’s bed, content to simply gaze at Hazard while he slept. He tried to think of something—of anything—that affected him the way he was affected by the child before him.

  Well. Anything besides his love for Jeff.

  Nigel jerked forward when Hazard startled himself in his sleep. He hummed softly, which seemed to soothe the baby for a brief time. When Hazard started to squirm again, screwing his face up for a good yowl, Nigel’s heart plummeted. He knew fuck-all about parenthood, but he was pretty sure even the most magnanimous of mothers wouldn’t be happy if they woke up to find someone they didn’t expect in their hospital room, holding their baby. The game was probably up. He’d seen what he’d come to see… Hazard’s color looked all right. His lips—if they’d been blue—were now moist and pink. That had to mean he was getting enough oxygen, didn’t it?

  Hazard’s tiny fists flailed, but when he opened his eyes, he seemed so surprised to see Nigel there, he didn’t cry out.

  Nigel picked him up and held him close. Hazard pushed his baby face into Nigel’s neck, and they sighed in unison. Hazard got a tight grip on Nigel’s lab coat and simply clung to him, and for Nigel it was all over. He’d be in Hazard’s pocket for life.

  As if Hazard knew what it would take to wring the very last emotion out of Nigel—who’d already had a hell of a day—he grinned.

  Tears began to roll freely down Nigel’s face. They got in his mouth and splashed on Hazard’s warm, fuzzy head and dropped to the floor. Christ, sobbing silently like that was so undignified. Nigel was well beyond that sort of thing, but still the tears kept coming. “It’s all right, Haz. No worries,” Nigel whispered sotto voce. “Your mum will be awake soon, and the real crying will begin when she kills me.”

  Katje sat alone, sipping a cup of coffee when Jeff found her. “Did Nigel come back here?”

  She frowned up at him.

  “Here? No, surely he’s gone back to the hotel.”

  “I just came from the hotel. I dropped Mom off at your motor home and stayed for a while to talk. I assumed he’d be in the room when I got there. I waited, but he never showed.”

  “Where could he be?”

  “I thought he might have come back here. He was extremely worried about Hazard.”

  “Didn’t Colleen tell him Hazard was resting and things were looking good?”

  “Yes, but he needed to see Hazard for himself. Why wasn’t he allowed?”

  “He would have been.” Katje’s face registered surprise. “But while Nigel was here, Hazard was still receiving treatments. Then Nigel had to leave for his performance. He only has to wait until morning.”

  “Would that keep you away?”

  “No.” She covered her mouth with both hands. “Oh no. Of course he would want to see Hazard.”

  She got up and headed toward the door of the cafeteria, leaving a nearly full cup of coffee and a half-eaten sandwich on the table. Jeff followed behind. When they got to the elevator, Jeff pushed the Up button repeatedly—as if that would make the car come faster.

  “I wasn’t worrying about anything else but our child.”

  “In Nigel’s defense—if he needs one—neither was he.”

  Maybe Katje gasped at that.

  Probably she did. “I’m so sorry. I have to tell him I’m sorry.”

  When they got to the right floor, they walked together to Hazard’s room. Jeff poked his head quietly inside, in case they were wrong, but they weren’t. Nigel was there, with Hazard in his arms.

  Katje uttered a surprised cry.

  Deidre woke with a start. “What the hell?”

  “Shhhh…” Jeff covered his lips with his finger. “Apparently you’re not the only one around here who needed to sleep.”

  Slender light fell on Nigel’s face, glazing the tip of his nose, his sharp cheekbones, and one side of his full lips. He was beautiful in repose, like some painting of a male Madonna with child. He held Hazard as if he was the sacred baby himself.

  “Good God almighty,” Deidre whispered as she swung her legs over the side of the bed to get up. “How the hell did he get in here without waking me?”

  “Just so we are all on the same page”—Jeff shot Deidre a warning glance and motioned for them to join him in the corridor outside—“I know Hazard is Nigel’s biological child. If this ever happens again, it would be classy to remember that and not keep him waiting outside the door while his son is fighting for every breath he takes.”

  “Why didn’t he simply ask?” Dee followed Jeff from the room with Katje close behind.

  “She’s right. Nigel said not one word about this to us.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t feel he has the right?” Jeff wondered how soon it would be before someone threw them out, the way they hissed at one another.

  “Maybe he doesn’t have the right.” Dee practically poked his chest. “All he did was spooge in a cup.”

  “Dee,” Katje said sharply.

  “No. I love Nigel, but we’re a family—you, me, and Hazard. He’s our son.”

  “I’m sure Nigel respects that,” said Jeff. “Which is why he hasn’t said anything, but he loves Hazard; you can’t deny it. You can dictate his role in Hazard’s life but not his feelings.”

  “He has feelings?”

  “Come on. He’s changed a lot, even since I met him. Haven’t you seen it?”

  “I can’t say that I have.” Dee spoke petulantly, which meant for sure she had seen the changes and wasn’t ready to acknowledge them.

  “I have.” Katje nudged her. “He’s in love with Jeff. He’s happy.”

  “So much so that he partied all night when Jeff came here specifically to be with him? That’s love all right,” Deidre chided.

  “He’s Nigel Gasp,” Jeff reminded her. “Nigel Gasp is the life of the party. That’s what it says on the tin.”

  “Ah Christ, if I have to hear that one more time… Stop making excuses. Amil said you left by yourself. He said you seemed hurt.”

  “I fight my own battles, Dee. There will be many, many of them. The night he went clubbing we had a doozy of an argument, but we worked through it. He was just blowing off steam after the concert.”

  “You hope that’s all he was blowing.” Deidre put her hands on her hips.

  “Why are you so angry with him?” Jeff asked, stunned by her vehemence. “I thought you and he were like family.”

  “Katje and Hazard are my family. I almost lost my child this morning. I was right there, and I didn’t even see how sick Hazard was. Nigel has rights. What if he decides I’m not a good enough mother—”

  “Whoa…” Jeff took her by the shoulders and pulled her to him. “Sh… No. No no no. Not going to happen. I promise you that will not happen. I promise.”

  “If anything happened to Hazard—if Nigel decided I wasn’t fit to be his mother–”

  “That’s the hormones talking. Nigel’s not like that. You know he’s not.” Over Deidre’s head Katje’s eyes met Jeff’s. “Nigel thinks you’re amazing, honey. He’d never do anything to hurt you that way.”

  Jeff nodded. “I may not know much, but I know Nigel would never go back on his word like that.”

  Katje rubbed soothing circles on Deidre’s back. “You’re just tired. We’ll go see Hazard, and then you should rest some more, all right?”

  “Christ. What’s happening to me?” She sagged in Katje’s arms. “I’m a fucking mess.”

  “Aw, you’re just a brand-new mother whose child is sick.” Katje patted her back. “Despite your best efforts, you’re loopy. Come on, honey. Back to bed for you.”

  As they reentered the room and settled Deidre, Katje whispered, “How did you know he’d be here?”

  “I guessed,” Jeff admitted.

  “They look amazing together, don’t they?” Deidre studied Nigel and Hazard. “Hazard is his goddamned Mini-Me.”

  “That he is,” Jeff agreed. Jeff’s heart tightened with so m
uch love for both of them it was painful.

  “Nigel cut his hair?” Deidre studied the ragged ends. “Whose brilliant idea was that?”

  Jeff held his hands up. “Don’t look at me. I liked his hair.”

  “This perfectly idiotic plan has Nigel Gasp written all over it.” Deidre glared down at him. “And Nigel Hazard should have known better.”

  “All right, already. I can hear you.” Nigel opened one eye.

  “Well hear this,” Dee said as Katje gently scooped Hazard from Nigel’s arms and placed him in his bassinet. “If security caught you, you could be arrested for something like this. Why you felt you ever needed to do anything this harebrained—”

  “I’m sorry,” Nigel offered. “I’m all tangled up inside. I had to see for myself he was all right. I waited ages but—”

  “Why didn’t you have one of the nurses come get us? Why didn’t you simply come in?” Katje asked.

  “Was I supposed to run up to the nurses’ station and say I’m Hazard Paxton’s father?” Nigel straightened his borrowed coat carefully. “That information would be on the cover of the National Enquirer tomorrow. Besides putting you in the awkward position of having to field questions about things like in vitro fertilization and turkey basters and actual penises”—he lifted his eyebrow—“it isn’t safe for Hazard. He’d need extra protection from crazies and kidnappers, fans and people who don’t approve. He could never live a normal life—”

  “Who do you know who lives a normal life?” Deidre’s face softened in the way it normally only did when she was looking at Hazard. “Anyhow, your name is on his birth certificate as his biological father.”

  “Wait. What? It is?”

  “You knew that.” Deidre shook her head. “I’m sure at one point I told you that.”

  “Well bloody hell.” Nigel sagged back in the chair. “After a while you get that voice, wah, wah, wah…you know? I don’t always listen.”

  “Honey. No one meant to leave you out in the cold. We just—we were so upset we weren’t thinking clearly.”

  Katje took Nigel’s hand in both of hers. “Of course you were welcome to see him, anytime.”

  “And hear this.” Deidre glared at everyone in the room. “Like it or not, we’re a family. All of us. It’s going to take work and respect and a modicum of common sense, but we’ll be all right.”

  “That settles it.” Nigel sank down in his chair so his head rested on the back. “I’m buying an island somewhere so I can build a compound for the lot of you. You three can be sister wives, and we’ll make a fortune doing reality television.”

  “You’ve lost your mind”—Jeff smiled as he relaxed against the wall—“if you think I’d share you with these two barracudas.”

  “Oh my God, as if.” Deidre rolled her eyes.

  “Lest we forget, Jeff. Unlike your now deceased tapeworm, Deidre still has egg-laying capabilities. Hazard is brilliant, and I think we should start a dynasty.”

  Deidre hurled a plastic cup at his head.

  “How are you getting home?” Jeff asked.

  “Seriously.” Nigel yawned widely. “We need to plan. I’ll get right on that, just as soon as I’ve had a good night’s sleep. I’m knackered.”

  “Don’t worry, Deidre.” Jeff reached out and stroked Nigel’s newly short hair. “I’ll explain that whole common sense thing to Nigel in small words on the way back to the hotel.”

  Nigel slapped his hand away. “A little respect, if you please. I pulled this off brilliantly.”

  “Yes, you did, actually. You’re to be congratulated,” Deidre admitted. “But I’ll pull something off you if you ever try anything like it again.”

  Jeff helped Nigel to his feet. “Did you have to cut your hair?”

  Nigel shrugged. “It seemed more authentic. I was going for a Grey’s Anatomy vibe. Too much?”

  “Are you all right?” Jeff asked him quietly. Nigel glanced over at Hazard, then nodded.

  “We should go,” said Jeff. “Unless Katje and Deidre want us to take a turn here while they get some sleep.”

  Nigel nodded. “I wouldn’t mind staying if you want to go back to the Mother Ship and rest. Or we could wait with you, if you like.”

  “You go rest,” Deidre ordered. “Someone should. I won’t sleep well until Hazard is home again.”

  “You should tell that to all the drool on the pillow.”

  “I passed out.” Deidre’s eyes glistened. “I couldn’t keep my eyes open one more second. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re only human.” Katje took her hand.

  Nigel frowned at them. “You don't seriously worry about what I think, do you? Have I never said it? You’re fantastic mothers. Hazard couldn’t do better.”

  Deidre threw herself into his arms. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll take Dr. Evil home with me and leave you guys to look after Mini-Me.” Jeff helped Nigel out of the lab coat. “If we just leave this lying around somewhere, the less said the better.”

  “I was a perfectly brilliant doctor, though. Very professional.” Nigel picked up his newspaper and his bottled water and grinned up at Jeff. “The key to looking like a proper doctor is pretending no one else exists.”

  Jeff tried not to laugh because that only encouraged Nigel, but something happy and hopeful bubbled up inside him and he couldn’t stop himself.

  They were all so damned relieved.

  Hazard started to fuss, and when Nigel bent over him to say good-bye, his tiny fists rose and grabbed the air in a not so subtle hint to pick him up.

  “See you soon, widget.” Nigel stroked a finger over Hazard’s cheek. “Your da loves you buckets.”

  Deidre watched them with patient resignation.

  Jeff gave Nigel a nudge. “Come on, Red Chief. This adventure has drawn to a close.”

  “Oh, I beg to differ.” Nigel slipped his hand into Jeff’s and laced their fingers together. “The adventure—or should I say our adventure—has only just begun.”

  Oh noes, it’s over!

  What To Read Next…

  How about… ePistols at Dawn?

  Chapter 1

  Jae Fields sat in front of Adversary editor-in-chief Alonso Vega’s desk, picking a piece of imaginary lint off the sleeve of his military-inspired coat. Vega leaned back in his expansive leather chair and drummed his fingers on the plushly upholstered armrest. “And this is newsworthy? Who cares about romance novelists?” He sat up. “Don’t you have something more important to write about?”

  “This is important. We always, always out the actor or politician who pretends to be straight for filthy lucre. Why not out someone doing the opposite?”

  “Because it’s a harmless dodge and one that doesn’t have any significance with how people perceive homosexuals.” Vega was almost through with him. Jae could tell by the way he glanced at the clock on the wall.

  “It just pisses me off. Fraud.” He tried to look suitably idealistic.

  “I see. This woman is a poseur so she’s newsworthy. I hate to tell you this but you can’t swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a poseur. I’ll give you two days to come up with a better reason to go after her than that she pisses you off, Fields. Find something that makes some sort of damn sense. Like she’s advocating the use of unsafe butt plugs or something. Anything, because a personal crusade isn’t what we do here.”

  Jae contemplated this. “I thought that crusade was exactly what we do here.”

  “Yes.” Vega stood, clearly intent on ushering him out of his office manually. “But we have to pick our infidels, don’t we?” The door closed in Jae’s face before he could reply.

  On the way back to his cubicle Jae saw Shannon Israel pop like a prairie dog from behind an oatmeal-colored partition. “What did he say?”

  “I’ve got two days. I have to make my case in two days or I can forget it and he’ll assign me something else.” Two more heads popped up to his left.

  “Have you read the book yet? It’s actual
ly good. Hilarious.” Bill Parker pulled his copy of Windows up from behind the wall like a puppet and waved it. “Here… ‘Freddie had never even considered sex with a man before, but as soon as he saw Devlin’s thick, throbbing cock his mouth started to water. It looked like candy, like it would taste red, or pink. Like strawberries. He lapped at the slit, capturing the precome there. It was sweet and delicious, heady, like musky fruit.’ I know this stuff is revolting but I can’t put it down. Musky fruit… He kills me.”

  “Musky fruit?” said Shannon. “I’ve gotta admit I’ve never partaken, but that’s not what my girlfriend told me. She said that as soon as a guy came she’d make that ack noise in the back of her throat like a cat with a hairball, and then she’d have to scour with something like rum and Coke to get rid of the taste or she’d gag on it for days…”

  Jae gave her a hard stare.

  “Shannon?” said Bill.

  “What?”

  “Shut the fuck up.” His head dropped below the cubicle visibility line. Shannon’s followed it down.

  “Sorry to rain on the gay-pride parade,” she muttered, a disembodied voice floating over the rows of partitions. “I’m just saying I never heard sweet, before. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “And yet,” Bill snarked, “you continue to say it, over and over, until we’re all sick to death.”

  “Not me,” Abby, Shannon’s office BFF called out, from somewhere beyond the first line of industrial partitions.

  “Thanks, baby,” said Shannon.

  “’Course, I hate to say it,” Abby continued, “but I loved this book. I howled with laughter. It kind of reminded me of Tom Jones, or Fannie. Sorry, Jae. Love you.”

  Everyone’s desktop pinged at once, and when Jae got there he had a global instant message that read, “Suck up,” from Bill.

  He noticed his own copy of Windows lying on his desk. It wasn’t the book. It wasn’t even the writing, which, he had to admit, if you took it as satire, was…extremely funny. It wasn’t even, though he could make a case, that the book had been written from a gay man’s perspective by what was obviously not a man at all.