The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  “Do I really do all that?” he asked. She nodded and he continued, “And you don’t like any of that?” She shook her head.

  “OK, you are a disgrace to the female race. You should like shopping and buying stuff and being pampered. But your wish is my command, you are the boss.” He smiled but immediately relapsed back to the silent moody Josh.

  Maria did not want to press this any further and looked out into the vast blue sea. The sound of the waves splashing across the shore and the lonely calls of the seagulls were filling her mind with a sense of wellbeing. The sea was truly therapeutic. She was happy here with him even though he was in such a terrible mood. What was that outburst all about? He could not possibly be jealous of Rob. He was right about one thing though; she did not know why he was bothering with her at all.

  The sun was scorching hot and Maria took out her sunblock and offered him some.

  “I don’t need that stuff,” he snapped.

  “It’s good for you, prevents skin cancer. You should not stay out in this sun without covering your back. Here I’ll put some on you.”

  “You are so bossy, why should I do everything you say?” he grumbled, he was truly in a bad mood.

  “Because I’m the doctor here and I’m always right and my way is the only way. And that is one other rule I forgot to mention a little while ago.”

  As soon as he felt her hand rubbing in generous amounts of sun cream on his back, his surroundings started to change and shift...

  He was on this sundrenched Mediterranean island where they always spent their summer holidays. She had this obsession with the sun, sunblock and skin cancer and he saw her religiously applying cream to all of their four children. He saw the boy he had seen in his dream that very morning…his carbon copy. He was squirming and protesting as his mother held him firmly and applied copious amounts of slimy sunblock on his shoulders.

  “Mum, I don’t want that girlie stuff on me. It smells bad. Mum….”

  Josh himself was lying on the sand, laughing his head off, he was happy and greatly amused at his son’s distress. This happy Josh seemed out of place in his thoughts, for he knew that he had hardly ever laughed this hard in his entire life so far...

  Oh God, he was having these vivid dreams way too often now, they were invading his daydreams too. He must be going mad. These were not normal dreams, but sharp clear images that went down to the depths of his soul and transported his own emotions to wherever they took him to. They had transported him to the depths of hell that morning as he saw her saying her goodbyes and now they had just transported him to his perfect paradise where happiness and laughter were the only emotions present. He abruptly stood up and rubbed his throbbing temples really hard, hoping that this would expel his madness.

  “What’s wrong? Are you all right?” she asked in alarm.

  “I’m fine, just a headache. I don’t need any more of that stuff on my back,” he answered curtly; he was feeling angry with her for unknowingly invading his dreams.

  He watched her struggle as she tried to coat her own back. She looked up at him, expecting him to return the favour. He snorted and forcefully snatched the bottle from her hand. He had this mad urge to unclasp her bikini top, lay her down on the soft sand and bury his face between her supple breasts...but instead he spoke roughly, “I bet your boyfriend won’t like it if he sees me rubbing your back. What will you tell him if he phones now?”

  “Can you just shut up? You are being so rude today and I’m really this close to packing all my bags. You should go and take something for your headache instead of taking it out on me.” She clenched her hands and walked out to the sea, diving in immediately. He realised that she needed some time alone so he did not follow her in. As he put the bottle back in her bag he saw the book she had been trying to tackle these past few days. She had hardly managed more than a couple of pages because he had kept her too busy with his own stories. He was curious to know what type of books made her tick, so he lay back on the sand and started reading. After what seemed like an hour she came back and sat next to him.

  “There’s no way you could have read that much,” she said motioning towards the book, her previous irritation all forgotten.

  “Try me,” and he gave her the book. She gave him a random page number and he was off regurgitating everything on the page.

  “Gosh, you are truly amazing. It’s like having a computer for a brain. I would love to open up your skull and see how everything is wired up. No wonder you are such a good actor, you must learn your lines in no time.”

  “You really like this photographic memory thing, don’t you? Come on, I’ll show you something,” and he pulled her to her feet and led her back to the house and up the stairs. He unlocked his library door and watched her jaw drop in amazement. The room was unbelievable, incorporating eight large bedrooms into one whole space, her entire flat back in England could fit into this five times over. It was lined with rows upon rows of books.

  “This is my hoard, my pride and joy, all the books I’ve read ever since I was two,” he said as she stepped into the room.

  “Wow.” She glanced at the nearby desk and picked up one of the two books there. “Did you read this book?”

  “Yes. It’s really good stuff. The author randomly sent it to me more than six months ago saying that it would make a great movie. And I agree with him. I would be honoured to star in it. But my agent told me not to bother with it and go for the safer option, the other book on the desk. Have you read either one of them? What do you think I should choose?”

  “Please don’t ask me anything about this...But if you are insisting on my opinion, then I would tell you to shove the safer option down your agent’s throat and fire him. An established author does not necessarily produce a better book. It might be safer but definitely not better... But I’m biased because this is my brother’s book.”

  “That’s not possible. He’s J. Brown, your brother’s Max Conti...”

  “Oh, that’s his pen name. He writes incognito. He lives on this island in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, Kemmuna, part of the Maltese archipelago. It’s only a small island with a couple of buildings but I can tell you that it is a piece of heaven. The sea is unbelievably clear, blue and warm and it is drenched in sun almost every day of the year. It’s a perfect paradise for writers. When we were young dad used to take us there every summer and Max decided to move in permanently. You should go and see it.”

  Josh was silent, staring at the book and not really seeing it. This was beyond mere coincidence. But again these things happen. And was she referring to the sundrenched island he had just seen where she would religiously coat all her family with sunblock?

  “.... He’ll be pleased to know that you have read his book. I guess a good film backed by a talented actor does make all the difference with sales and stuff. But the fact that you are even considering it would really thrill him. Did you read any of his other books?” Maria was saying. Josh dragged his mind back to the conversation and showed her a nearby shelf where three more of J. Brown’s books stood. She started pacing amongst the shelves, trailing a finger along the book spines.

  “Did you really read all these?” she asked, gesturing towards the rows of books.

  “Yes, since I have nothing else to do, as you had once pointed out.” He smiled. For the first time in his life he was glad that he possessed this aberrant photographic memory.

  “Why do you downplay your gift so much in front of others?”

  He shrugged, “When I was a child all I wanted was to be accepted. This would have scared adults, let alone children, so I have always tried to tone it down...until you came along. You must be the first girl interested in the way my mind works and to actually feel excited about it instead of being scared out of your wits.”

  “Then you can’t have met that many bright girls.”

  “You’re right; I haven’t...up until now.”

  She smiled and blushed, obviously pleased with his comment. S
he looked away and continued to browse amongst the great range of diverse books. “Ah, you like the great British writer too.”

  “Every self-respecting actor adores Shakespeare.”

  “Romeo and Juliet...I wouldn’t have thought that a hardened heart would read such stuff.”

  “Oh, I read that ages ago, way before my heart lost its beat.” He took out the copy. There was his signature together with a date scribbled on the first page. “That’s the day I read it. I like to jot these things down.”

  She quickly did the maths and gasped, “You read this when you were seven!”

  “We were doing a school play and I wanted to read the original rather than the children’s version.”

  “Let me guess, you were Romeo.”

  He nodded.

  “Lucky Juliet,” she murmured.

  “Would you like to be my Juliet, without the dying part of course?” he asked as he took her hand and drew her closer to him. He turned on his acting mode and re-enacted one of the various love scenes.

  “She speaks...” And he was off reciting every line, word perfect, his face reflecting his heartfelt words as he tenderly caressed her delicate porcelain features. He finally stopped and looked into her wide admiring brown eyes. He just had to try to take this forward.

  He lowered his head and kissed her hungrily. She responded with equal passion as she lightly stroked his bare back. Encouraged, he cornered her against the bookshelves, his lips never leaving hers, his hands roaming her body, exploring her soft curves. He slid his fingers lightly along her spine and undid the clasp of her bikini top. She didn’t stop him. She wanted this as much as he did. Josh felt himself lose all control, only one thing on his mind. He urgently tugged at her bikini bottoms.

  It was then that he had another of his vivid images...

  …He was standing at the altar of this small English chapel deep in the countryside. She was heavily pregnant as she walked slowly down the church aisle. He was overwhelmed with happiness as he looked deep into her eyes and took her hand. He slipped the gold ring on her finger and he promised to love and protect her for all eternity. He then bent down to kiss his new bride. He felt that kiss warming his very soul, his mind, his whole existence. This was what he had always wanted; he finally felt complete.

  The tall dark-haired man was there, smiling happily as he watched the young couple’s never-ending kiss....

  Josh came back to the library. She was standing naked against him, still deeply lost in his embrace. If he continued with this he would not be able to stop. He now knew what he wanted more than anything in the world. He wanted to make her his for all eternity, and he wanted their union to be genuine. He did not want her to marry him because she was physically attracted to him or because she was pregnant with his child as he had just seen her in that chapel. Pregnancy was never the right reason to tie the knot. Perhaps she would one day love him as much as she loved Rob, but that would never happen if he manipulated her into having sex that day. He had to stop his blinding lust, and so with great difficulty he pulled away.

  “I’m so sorry. I had better stop because I am very close to my point of no return.” His voice was raw and hoarse with emotion.

  She pulled him back and pleaded, “You don’t have to stop, please Josh.” And she started kissing him again.

  “This is very difficult for me, so please help me out here. I really want to keep on going...but not yet, not now, I want to do this right for once in my life. I don’t want you to hate me after it’s all over,” and he reluctantly picked up her discarded bikini top and did the clasp at the back. She lowered her eyes in embarrassment as she hastily pulled up her bottoms. She started to move away, feeling lost and dejected, but he quickly pulled her towards him.

  She buried her face in his chest. “I don’t usually lose control of myself so easily,” she mumbled. It was true, Rob had been frustratingly persistent about sex but she never had any urges to give in. She never had these overwhelming and compelling feelings for him as she now had for Josh. But all the same she should be ashamed of herself; she had known the irresistible wild actor for just one week, and moreover he had actually had enough willpower to stop and she had literally begged him to continue. And all that after her long and protracted sermon about sex and marriage on their first day together, she was such a hypocrite.

  “Please stay...here with me...don’t go back.” Josh had to ask.

  “I can’t, this is all happening too fast. I should be getting married in three weeks’ time...this is too early for me...I can’t stay...besides, I’ve got commitments at work. I just can’t take long holidays. Rob will fire me.”

  “I’m not asking for a protracted vacation. I want you to stay with me permanently. You told Freddie that living in the UK was pointless now that you have no family there. This is your opportunity to start a new life. Rob can fire you. You don’t need a job if you live with me.”

  She laughed, “I don’t fancy living the luxurious life of a mistress.”

  “Oh no, not a mistress. I told you that I want to do this right. I think I’m in love with you... no, that’s not exactly true. I definitely know that I’m in love with you and I definitely know what I want... I want you to stay here with me...as my wife.”

  She responded angrily, pushing him away, “You’re making fun of me, right? You celebs propose on impulses and then break up after two weeks. Please Josh, don’t play with my heart, not now, not after Rob. I can’t handle it. Don’t tell me that you love me if you don’t mean it. You don’t know me, you can’t love me.”

  “Unlike Rob, I don’t need three years to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I swear, I never say anything that I don’t really believe in and I don’t propose on impulses. I have never ever asked anyone to marry me because I have never felt this way before. I will not hurt you and I will never meddle with your heart. There is a certain chemistry...and you feel it too.”

  “Yes that’s true, but you might truly feel this way right now but you’ll probably forget all about me after two weeks. Without me here you will go back to whatever you used to do and forget about the chemistry thing. It will not last. My feelings might not last either,” she said, trying desperately to hold back tears that were threatening to tumble down her cheeks.

  “Maria, I know that my feelings are genuine and lasting and I’ll wait for you to feel the same way too. OK, you can go back to England as planned and I will not contact you for two whole weeks. I will not forget you just because you are away from me. I will come back for you and prove you wrong. But you must promise to abandon your marriage plans with Rob, at least till I come back. You have to give me a chance.”

  “That’s an easy promise to keep. I will not marry Rob...even if you don’t show up. I don’t love him anymore.”

  He let out a sigh of relief and he had to be happy with that for the time being. “And in the meantime we can enjoy your last week here, right? I did desecrate our deal, so what do you want to do? Do you want to move into a hotel?” He looked at her, dreading the thought that he had scared her away; no strings attached indeed, what could be worse than a marriage proposal after one week. That would surely freak her out, what was he thinking? He had to blame the dreams.

  But she smiled, “I have been kind of hoping for the past week that you would forget all about that stupid deal. I’ll stay here, I don’t want to go just yet.”

  He took her hand and led her outside next to the pool. The sun was still scorching hot. He lay down on one of the deckchairs and pulled her down next to him. He slid his hands through her wild curls and started to kiss her. “Julie’s in her annexe, I will not overstep my mark out here. What happened in the library will not happen again.”

  “I never complained about that,” she murmured as she drew closer to him.

  At least he had another week of this before that painful departure.

  Arrivederci

  Her hands were chained to the cellar wall. She was slumped on the f
loor, not moving, hardly breathing. She was battered and bruised, her eyelids all swollen and purple. Rats scurried around her hair, clawing at her beautiful rich brown curls, but still, she did not move. If she had been conscious she would have screamed in terror. She despised rats.

  The cellar door opened and Josh was pushed inside, his hands tied together with a rope. She did not even move when he knelt down to kiss her. She was bleeding heavily and he wept because he knew that she had lost their child...

  .

  Josh opened his eyes. The vivid dreams had stopped in that last week and he somehow assumed that his subconscious, in the form of the tall dark-haired man, approved of whatever he had done in the library. That day he had finally admitted to himself that what he really wanted was a serious relationship with her, and once he acted on it, the dreams just faded away. But they returned again that morning, the last day they would spend together.

  That past week had been perfect. He was deeply in love and he did not even bother to hide it. She too looked happy but Josh knew that she did not trust him. He would have to work hard to gain that trust. She was convinced that he would forget all about her the day she boarded the plane back to England and he would slip back to his old ways and many lovers. She wanted to test her theory and despite his very persuasive arguments, she kept insisting on spending some time apart.

  Josh sprang out of bed, eager to start the day. It was still five, way too early, but it was their last day and he was not going to be restricted by laws of courtesy. He had a quick shower and tiptoed across the lounge. He slowly opened her door.

  She was sleeping soundly, her long brown curls splashed wildly across her pillow, the sheets down to her waist and her flimsy camisole riding high. He was seriously tempted to slip in between those sheets. Sex combined with true love must be a powerful experience. He knew that she would succumb because she seemed to forget her previous delicate ideals whenever they were intimate together, and every time he had to abruptly screech to a halt just before the finishing line. And she never helped him to stop either, if anything she tried to propel him forward just as Eve had pushed the nice tasty apple right in Adam’s face. But it was only lust for his physical perfection that made her act that way. He had seen that same reaction in the hundreds of women he and Freddie seduced every year. Both cousins were equally arresting, Freddie called it a gift whereas Josh referred to it as a curse. He only hoped that, with time, Maria might look beneath his shiny outer wrapping and that superficial feeling would be replaced by something deeper in her heart.