The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  “Can’t you control yourself, Josh? It’s way too early after Ben, he’s only six months. Didn’t that fact even penetrate your thick skull? You’ll kill her, you stupid oaf.” He stood up, toppling over his chair, and for a second Maria thought that he was about to punch Josh, the only reason he stopped was because there was Ben between his angry fist and his brother’s face.

  “That’s none of your business,” Josh retorted with vigour. He had also kept his distance from Freddie. But Maria was very much exposed to his poisonous presence. Josh just wished that his wife would stop working in that infernal hospital...or visiting Phil so often. Even though they never kept regular visiting times or days, loquacious Emma told him that the funny Freddie always appeared some time after they arrived at Phil’s place. She also told him that he really made them all laugh hard, especially mummy.

  But he wasn’t joking around now as he pushed his flaming red face in front of his brother’s. “It is my business, Josh, because I watched her die because of your stupid spawn and it was I who kept her alive while you did nothing but cry like a baby. Your “photographic memory” could not help her. Go to hell with your mother Josh, that is where you belong,” and he stormed out of the room, banging the door and driving off his BMW at a dangerously high speed.

  “I think that Freddie may...” Phil started to speak but Josh knew whose side his father would eventually take.

  He abruptly stood up, “Let me guess Phil... Freddie may have a point. I don’t need to hear this. Maria, I’m going, but if you would rather stay you can find your way home or not come at all if that is what you prefer.” He cradled Ben, offered Emma his other hand and marched out of the room. Maria and Nick came running out just as he was about to drive off.

  He went straight up to the library and sat there, fuming. He could hear Maria phoning Julie and asking if she could take the kids out to the beach. She had recognised their desperate need to talk. They often argued but they very rarely had time to talk these days. She was either taking care of the kids, or out working, or at Phil’s, or he himself was away filming. They just about had time for some quick activities in bed before sleeping off their exhaustion.

  Her present pregnancy was the result of one reckless activity when he had had enough of their situation and decided to throw caution to the wind just to break the routine they had settled into. He smiled as he remembered...They had returned home from his movie premier. It was late and they left the kids sleeping in Julie’s annexe. Maria looked drawn, she never liked watching the fans reaching out to brush against him, but she came just the same. He closed their bedroom door and their eyes met. She was expecting something quick, the usual fast explosive passion, over in fifteen minutes but gratifying just the same. It was getting rather late. But he put on some soft music and slowly sat on his armchair. “Strip for me Maria, please,” he asked of her. And oh, she really put her heart and soul in that performance. She knew that it was that risky time of the month but she didn’t want to have any restraints that day. She was overjoyed when she showed him her positive pregnancy test some two weeks later. They both wanted it to happen. Perhaps they hoped that the baby would glue back their life which was being slowly torn apart by the demands of the outside world.

  He heard Julie talking downstairs. She adored the kids and she grabbed every opportunity to spend time with them. But Josh had to admit that they were a handful and she was getting rather old now. The wild and adventurous Nick would get into trouble by just sitting down, and Emma...the verbal Emma never stopped talking. The world was her theatre. Physically she was the female version of her father, aristocratic features and outstandingly arresting. Josh could easily see her as an incredibly talented and stunning actress, and Maria saw that too. She didn’t like it and she clamped her down. Mother and daughter clashed way too often and the little Emma constantly sought refuge under her father’s wing. On the other hand, Maria adored Ben, her husband’s carbon copy. He was definitely her favourite. He was quiet and overshadowed by his boisterous older siblings but he would get into trouble just the same. His hunger for knowledge was insatiable. At just six months he would go off crawling, sampling the world and touching everything, oblivious to the dangers.

  Josh looked out of the window. The twins were skipping around Julie’s feet and Ben was clinging to her neck. They were his family and he would go through hell to protect them. He smiled. His anger had dissipated by the time Maria meekly opened the library door.

  “Why are you angry with me?” she asked as she hesitantly approached him.

  “I told you not to work with him but you had to have it your way, as always. Tell me Maria, what do you two do together in that lab? Why did your pregnancy provoke such a response from him? As if it’s any of his business. Maria, how could you be so blind? Freddie is in love with you. It is so obvious. But you choose to ignore it and continue to fuel his fire. You feed on his attention.”

  “This is really rich coming from you. We can’t even have a decent romantic meal together without being assaulted by a throng of fans and meeting at least three of your past lovers in one short evening.”

  “That is because, in these past six months, the two times I tried to drag you away from your very busy schedule and take you out, you had to go and tell Freddie where we were going and he sent those girls to spark off a fight between us. And you know what, he succeeded on both occasions.”

  “You’re mad Josh, obsessive and raving mad. I keep telling you that I never told Freddie where we were going the second time round. Even so, do you really think that Freddie has a list of the army of girls you slept with and that he deploys them next to the very table we reserved? Or that he sends out half naked fans to stalk you outside the restaurant? Oh God...Sometimes I wish...” She stopped; sometimes she wished that he did not attract so much attention. But she was being unfair because he never took advantage of it and openly declared his devotion to her wherever he went. And he had deeply buried his past too. But that didn’t stop her from wanting to punish him for his flawless appearance. She was secretly pleased that he was jealous of Freddie and she flirted outrageously just to instil that insecurity in him.

  She was hurting him. But she didn’t want to break him; she just wanted to keep him in check. She sighed sadly. “Listen Josh, there is nothing going on between Freddie and me, we are just friends. We work really well together; he is extremely bright and his ideas complement mine and we are pushing our research forward. But we have no other common interests apart from medicine. He circulates amongst different groups of friends and he has a new breathtaking girlfriend every week. The very thought that he might love me is just ridiculous. Just because you love me, it does not mean that the rest of the world does. I’ll talk to Freddie and see what was behind that outburst. But I can assure you that it was the result of genuine medical concern. He probably feels that way because of what happened after Ben was born and he thinks that he has a duty towards me as his former patient.”

  “Maria, you are so wrong. I am asking you, no, I’m begging you to stop working with him. Please listen to me.”

  “I love my work. The advances we’re doing are phenomenal. Look at Aunt May. She should have died three years ago but the medications have given her and Phil those extra few years. She will eventually succumb but every extra second gained is priceless. Please Josh, don’t make me give it up. You are the only one in my life and you know it. I can’t live without you.”

  “Then you have a choice, stop working there.”

  “Don’t make me choose, because I’ll choose you, but I won’t be happy.”

  And he gave in, like he always did. His sixth sense told him that her determination to keep up her close working relationship with his brother was shoving them into this stormy period in their marriage. But he will have to ride that storm and face the music because that was what she wanted, and he always gave her what she wanted.

  She curled up on his lap and kissed him. “Thank you, Josh.”

  �
��Just remember one thing though, Freddie can be extremely nice and friendly, he can get most people to do whatever he wants, especially women...yes and you too. But if you rebel against him he can turn into this extremely vicious and mean monster. I have often seen that side of him as a child. I learnt to ignore him and coat myself with that ‘I don’t care’ attitude, and he was appeased when I let him dictate all the rules. But I can’t do that anymore, not with you. Maria, he will eventually get you on his side and try to come between us.”

  “That will never happen; nothing will break our nest apart.”

  ****

  Maria scowled as she entered the crowded room. She would rather have stayed at home with her husband but they had just had a big row. So, at that time, she thought that a Christmas party was a better option, but now she regretted her hasty decision.

  She was almost four months pregnant and Josh was still going on about her working arrangements. She did not want him to come to the hospital’s Christmas party with her and create a scene. He had expected her to stay at home with him, but she was in one of her resentful moods after he signed a contract to act in a film with one of his ex-lovers. True, it was another of her brother’s books, but still, he would be working closely with whoever she was. So out of pure spite she put on the most fetching dress she could fit herself into and slammed the door. She still resorted to cruel damaging insults and actions just to hurt him and bring forth that insecure boy, and flirting with Freddie was her best weapon.

  “Hello Maria, is there no hubby tagging along today?” Freddie asked as he came over with his gorgeous date hanging on his arm.

  “He’s babysitting.”

  “That’s bad, but don’t worry I’ll take care of you. Oh, this is Pam, and this is Maria, my baby cousin’s wife, you know, Josh Blake.”

  “Oh…. Josh Blake! I starred with him once,” Pam said with a broad smile as she shook hands. Maria looked at her with hatred. She knew that what she really meant to say was that she had slept with him once. Maria felt very tiny and shabby standing next to her. How could Josh possibly find her more attractive than this busty beauty with her silken raven hair flowing down to her waist?

  “Sure, everyone starred with my darling husband Josh,” Maria hissed rudely as she turned to leave. Freddie’s breathtaking girlfriends always rubbed her the wrong way; they all knew Josh some way or another.

  But Freddie pulled her back. He started to play with her hair as he let her perfect curls slip through his fingers. He liked doing that and he would often engage in that intimate gesture whilst they were working alone in their lab. She suddenly realised with a start that Josh liked doing that too…..just before they had sex. Gosh, the brothers had the same mannerisms too. What was Freddie thinking? She scowled and was about to push him away but then he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

  “Poor Maria, what has that selfish husband of yours done to you now? Come on, I’ll help you forget all about it. This will be your wildest party ever.” He took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He really knew how to liven up a party. His enthusiasm was infectious. He started moving along with the beat, circling Maria around and holding her tight. A lot of other people joined in his wild dancing and soon the party took off with a bang. He was the heart and soul of the gathering and everyone wanted a piece of their happy dashing Boss.

  Maria could see his date standing in the distance, but she felt no pity for her. She’ll have to ask Freddie whether Josh had ever slept with her. Freddie had become her confidant at work; they had connected emotionally and they often shared each other’s private thoughts and problems. He was not the monster her husband had painted him out to be. Josh was probably jealous of his jaw-dropping cousin/brother.

  Freddie was indeed a very pleasant sight to look at. Maria could see a lot of her husband in him, he had the same mind-blowing smile and perfectly chiselled features. She liked to flirt with him but she knew that it was harmless because he always had these gorgeous girls with him and he did flirt outrageously with every decent-looking female in the building. That day was the day she wanted to flirt her heart out with him, just to spite Josh and his gory past. She knew that Freddie was holding her far too tightly and that she should stop his roaming hands as they slid around her curvy body, touching her intimately. One look at his date made her shrug her shoulders and revenge for Josh was at the frontline of her thoughts. Freddie could get away with murder.

  “I think I will have to rest for a while, the baby is getting tired,” Maria told Freddie after an hour of nonstop wild provocative dancing.

  “Just one more dance.” And he shouted to the DJ, “Hey, can we have some slow music here, for the sake of our pregnant doctor, she’s tired of jumping around.”

  Maria laughed as the DJ obliged and Freddie drew her even closer as they danced slowly around to the soft music. His warm breath on her hair and the feel of his lips brushing against her neck was making her weak at the knees; she certainly needed his strong arms circled around her. Josh was right, Freddie could charm every woman he knew. But she was enjoying the moment and she let herself go with the slow music. The ballad stopped and he took her hand and led her to the bar.

  “Phew Maria, you look really curvy in that dress. I could swear that your breasts are growing by the second.”

  “I’m pregnant and that is what happens, remember? Have you forgotten everything you learnt at medical school? And you don’t have to be kind to the poor fat pregnant girl.” She self-consciously slid her hand across her small bulge. She hadn’t started to show yet. At least she could still just fit in her nice clothes. It was when she grew out of those that she would start feeling really bloated and unattractive. But Freddie was making her feel good that evening. “You are wild Freddie, but I think your girlfriend is getting bored, you really should go. I’ll be all right.”

  “Don’t worry about her, I’ll give her a good time tonight and she will soon forgive me, they always do,” he winked.

  “You are so disgusting. You are just like my loving husband. Tell me Freddie, did he ever sleep with her?”

  “With Pam? Of course he did, we all did. We have known her ever since we were kids and she was as beautiful then as she is now. She introduced Josh and me to the pleasures of life one sultry afternoon in my father’s barn. She was our first….and what a first! After that the three of us often fooled around together for years. Then Josh and Pam went to acting school. As far as I know nothing romantic happened between them until years later when they were asked to star together, and then Josh crossed his line. Pam’s story is really succulent. Do you want to hear it?”

  She nodded eagerly and he leaned against her as he prepared to share a quiet word. But then he wrinkled up his nose and hesitated, “Well, perhaps Josh wouldn’t like us to discuss him. You should ask him to tell you.”

  “Freddie, start dishing out the gossip, NOW,” she demanded forcefully. “Come on Freddie, tell me and I’ll dance with you again and we can be extremely wild and daring.”

  “OK then, I can’t resist that. Have you seen Retributions?”

  “Josh’s movie? Why that’s some thirteen years ago….perhaps more. It got him his first Oscar. Yes, I’ve watched it years ago with a couple of school friends. I must have been in my teens. It was the movie to watch and Josh was the sensational heartthrob. Who would have thought that I’ll end up marrying him?”

  “Well, Josh was in his early twenties and so was she,” he nodded towards Pam.

  “Gosh, was she the stupid damsel who got him tortured by the mafia? She looks so different. She was a blonde back then. Her lips are fuller, her cheekbones higher and she’s got bigger breasts now.”

  “That’s surgery for you. But her assets were just as large then, only now they are a bit more inflated. Anyway, you’ve seen the movie, right? So use your imagination. I don’t need to spell it out.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Don’t you remember the famous love scene beneath the ivory sati
n sheets? It was an explosion of love between two young people who were torn apart by family feuds and social class. It made everyone cry, it was so romantic and realistic.”

  “No…that’s a lie. Love scenes are all made up. The actors are usually fully clothed beneath the….”

  “They usually are,” Freddie interjected, “but not this time. I dared Josh and he had the audacity to do it beneath the satin sheets and the glare of the rolling cameras in a classic serious film that was tipped to win all the Oscars. But he was so quick and slick that no one got to know about the authenticity of the whole act, except me, Josh and of course Pam lying beneath him. The director thought that it was a first-class masterpiece, the facial expressions exquisite, impeccable acting. That was because it was the real thing. Trust me I know; I lost the bet and had to fork out ten thousand dollars when he asked Pam to confirm it all to me. But at least she gave him a really hard slap across his face. He had to put on extra layers of makeup all throughout that week just to cover the big scratch she left right across his cheek. She had turned into a tigress when she got to know that it wasn’t a spontaneous irresistible urge from his end but a stupid bet between two immature boys as she called us.”

  He stopped and looked at Maria, “Are you crying?”

  “No,” she sobbed.

  “Come on,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, comforting her. “I’m sorry I upset you. I thought you’ll laugh at it. After all it happened ages ago. But if it’s any consolation Pam did tell me that he was rubbish at it. You are missing out. Was he really your first and only? So you can’t compare. I can help you with that. We can go to the ladies, now. We can lock the door and no one will ever know.” Freddie smiled. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and he quickly moved on, “But, really, joking aside, why are you so bothered about his past lovers, you knew about them way before you married him?”