The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  “Why Josh?”

  He spun round, he was not prepared for this. She was still as beautiful as the first day he had seen her and he loved her just as much. In that moment of weakness he hugged and kissed her just like that first time in the library many years ago. She was Romeo’s Juliet again.

  But he abruptly backed away, “I’m sorry Maria, I should never have sucked you into my world. You have to move on. Give Rob his second chance. I don’t love you anymore.”

  “Please stop acting. Just tell me this, Josh, why do you still wear our wedding ring, you divorced me two years ago? Just take that dammed ring off if you don’t love me. Your vows obviously meant nothing to you. You promised to love me till death do us part, remember?”

  “Feelings change,” he lied. He slid into his car and sped off. The last thing he saw as he looked in his rear view mirror was her sobbing form crouching in pain on the car park concrete floor...

  ...The years rolled by, he was ninety years old, bitter, sick and very miserable. He was lying on this hospital bed and he knew that he would die soon, but he had to hang on until he saw his children for one last time. He had to beg for their forgiveness. He had left them without a father, something he had sworn he would never do. He had continued to excel in his acting career, winning a further five Oscars and he gave all his wealth to his family, but it was not money that they needed. He expected no mercy from Maria, she had moved on and married Rob, her first love, but he himself had never remarried and he had never taken his wedding ring off his finger. He had managed nothing more than discreet casual one-night affairs.

  The young doctor came into his room.

  “Dr Smith, do you have any news from my children?” Josh asked him.

  “We did send out a couple of our best social workers, and your children are aware of your terminal condition and your last wishes, but, I’m very sorry Mr. Blake, they.....” the doctor could not finish the sentence but Josh knew that like Maria, his children had not shown any mercy either.

  But an hour later the door opened and a young Maria came in. He thought that he was hallucinating, but then he smiled. Sarah, his baby daughter must have found it in her heart to forgive him. She was the splitting image of her mother. He reached out his shrivelled hand, but…

  “Dad, how could you do this to mum...and to us? You don’t know what it means to have Rob as a father, he despised us all, especially after he found out that he couldn’t father any children with mum. We needed you, perhaps Ben more than any one of us, but all you cared about was winning more Oscars. You never understood this, Dad, we never cared about your money and we hated seeing you only on TV. It’s too late now, we all hate you...

  ...the young psychiatrist looked at the five-year-old Josh, “...Don’t ever abandon your chances of happiness just to take that painful safest option for her...”

  Josh came back to the lounge. Leaving her was the safest option for her, he would completely annihilate the cliff dream and Freddie would never bother her again. New paths would be forged for both of them, paths that he didn’t ever want to take, paths that would be devastating for all his family. What he had just seen was too heartbreaking.

  Perhaps he should attempt to tell her what her future would be like if she were to stay with him. Then she could mould her own destiny. She might decide to leave him herself and in that way his children might not hate him so much. It would still be unbearable to watch her rebuilding her life with Rob, but at least she would have a long life. But what if she chose to stay no matter what the dangers were, would he be able to live with himself when that early death eventually materialized?

  But what if he managed to change destiny just as he had done in that park and in Murren? He had to carefully explore all his options. He had enough time to analyze the situation. But first he needed Marco to believe his story, help him find the island and set out the probabilities.

  Josh answered the knock on the door. He led Marco into the library after leaving one of the private detectives downstairs with Maria. He briefed him on what had just happened. Then he came to the difficult part, “This may sound bizarre and totally insane to you, but I must ask you to hear me out. I can see snapshots of my future. They are nothing but haphazard random images and I often have to piece them together and fill in the missing gaps myself. I know that it is unbelievable but think of how else I could have known about Murren.” Josh looked at Marco who nodded for him to go on.

  “Well, I know that unfortunately Freddie will not get caught and he will strike again, not now but perhaps in two, three or four years’ time. I have no way of knowing when, the ages of the kids vary from one dream to another indicating that if I disrupt one plan he’ll resort to another at a later stage. I cannot pinpoint the exact date but the youngest Ben I’ve ever seen in my dreams was round about four years old. That gives us at least two years of preparation.” He stopped. Marco had not laughed out loud and dismissed him as a total psycho yet.

  “I have to assume that the most frequently occurring image is the most dangerous one.” Josh was thinking about the cliff dream. “I can see this deserted island, probably privately owned. It is surrounded by deep blue sea and it is fairly large with a forest taking up half of the space. There is a small runway on one end of the forest indicating the frequent use of a small private jet. The other half of the island is bare and rocky, and ends with a large white building perched on top of a very steep cliff. There is a path starting halfway down the cliff and winding down to the sea. I am assuming that the building has some kind of underground secret passage leading to this path which can be used for a quick getaway should anyone want to escape the island in a hurry. This path seems to be accessible only via the white house and it is the only way down to the beach. It is very treacherous with steep edges falling away from it.”

  He paused, he had not lost Marco yet. Encouraged, he continued, “I want you to find this island and dig up anything you can find on whoever owns it. Perhaps we can manage a discreet visit and discuss our options on site. I don’t feel the need for any surveillance right now. I think I might persuade my wife to move to the UK, away from this madness. She has always wanted the move...And I’m not on any drugs and as far as I know I am not totally insane either.” Josh finished with a sarcastic laugh.

  Marco was pensive for a while and Josh let him digest the information. “I’ll find this island for you,” he finally said. “I trust your judgement and respect you greatly. It must be pretty harrowing knowing the gruesome details of your future but you seem to be coping quite well. At least knowing gives you the power to change things.”

  “Not everything can be changed. Some things are just inevitable.”

  “Yes I suppose so, we did have very tight surveillance on your wife but she still managed to get herself kidnapped. I consider that to be a failure in my career and I’m sorry about it. Will you know when the time comes?”

  “I think so.” Josh was sure that the dreams would get more intense as the time approached, just as they did this time round.

  “Great, so you’ll hear from me as soon as I can locate this island. I can take some pictures of some cliffs with white buildings and you can tell me if they look familiar. Then we can take it from there.”

  “Thanks Marco.” And they shook hands.

  Josh slowly went down the stairs, deep in thought. Maria seemed to have composed herself quite well and she smiled up at her husband. She had put her fear to one side and assumed the position of carer as she realised that Josh needed more support than she did. He slumped down on the sofa beside her.

  “What did you want Marco for? Do we have to have surveillance all the time?” she asked as she moved closer and stroked the frown on his face.

  “I don’t think we need surveillance for the time being. I’ve asked Marco to hunt down Freddie. He is quite good and he’ll probably unearth him faster than the police. Maria, what do you think about moving to our cottage in Cambridge for good...permanently? The twins are getting o
lder and you have always wanted an English education for them and I think now is the time to make a fresh start. We can go to Kemmuna for the rest of the summer, whenever you feel you are ready, and then start looking for a new life in England.”

  “What about your career, won’t it be easier here?”

  “I have two parts at the moment. Your brother’s third book is conveniently set in England, so that should cover the first year. I can juggle with the other part afterwards. What do you think about that? Unless you would like to throw me out and never see my face again. If you do that Freddie will not bother you again. So you might want to seriously think about that option.”

  “Don’t be stupid, living apart is not an option, at least not in my book. But England sounds fine as long as I’m with you and the kids.”

  So she had just opted to stay with him no matter what, but she still did not know all the gory details. She would probably have sprinted away if all the risks had been spread out on the table.

  “You have taken this quite well, I see. Doesn’t the fact that you have been watched for nearly four years freak you out? Everything we ever did in there has been recorded and seen not only by Freddie but also by a team of police inspectors.” Josh studied her face.

  “Well, you have always told me that you cannot change the past, so why worry about it. And I will not let the past ruin my future again. I want to forget the whole thing and move forward. That was what you and Dr Bell told me yesterday. And the CDs are part of the past that I can do nothing about, except try to bring them back and perhaps watch them myself,” she laughed. “Anyway, I think I came to terms with the spying thing some time ago. It’s just a different person doing it.”

  “I’m sorry about that. But one day you might understand why I had to set it up. I never did it with any malicious intent. But I don’t want to go into that at the moment; I have other things on my mind. OK,” he sighed, “so, England, here we come.”

  Josh continued to stare at the ceiling, his eyes like big black pools of misery, but his sorry thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Inspector Williams. He had a big box of CDs in his hand, “I can assure you that everything we found in Freddie’s apartment is in here and it will remain in our strictest confidence. We have tracked Freddie’s phone to a hotel in Munich where he left it after his call to you this morning. Unfortunately he has slipped away again. He must have access to funds because he leaves trails of expensive purchases behind him. And unfortunately money does buy you freedom of movement. We have interviewed his father who has been very cooperative. We have no reason to believe that he is behind the financial support, but we will continue to investigate and we will hopefully get to the bottom of this.” His team then proceeded to unearth the hidden camera inside the bedroom.

  “Wow, that’s a massive collection,” Maria said after Williams left. “Are they all of us...you know...?” She smiled as she took a CD out of the box. They were all religiously dated and timed.

  Josh grinned, “As Freddie pointed out, we must do it a lot. And that is not counting the events in the library which would more than double the amount. At least whatever we did in that room has remained private. Williams and his team must have had a very entertaining day yesterday, the little pervs.” Josh had to laugh.

  Maria straddled his lap and started kissing him as she slipped his shirt off his shoulders.

  Josh cleared his throat, “Dr Bell told me that it is far too early. She recommends a pause of at least three months and after that a gradual reintroduction. Anything sooner might send you into a colossal crisis.”

  “If you stop I shall certainly go into a crisis. And what does Dr Bell know, she has never had you, if she had she would not have suggested any limitations.”

  The Black Notebook

  Josh was reading as he lay on the fine, golden sand. He felt the scorching Mediterranean sun beat down on his face and he took a deep breath and let the tranquillity of the place seep into his bones. He could smell the sweet fragrance of sun cream mixed with the salty sea air, the smell he always associated with carefree summer days, and he could hear his children squealing with pleasure as they splashed in the clear blue Mediterranean Sea. Maria sat beside him, humming nursery rhymes to his sleeping baby daughter. He put down his book and gazed at his wife and he felt that same rush of emotion he always felt whenever he looked at her. His love for her had never ebbed or wavered from that very first day he had seen her.

  The Mediterranean climate seemed to have enhanced her beauty. Her soft olive skin was tanned to a rich brown colour and her long curls shone in the sun as they tumbled down her back. She had overcome her ordeal remarkably well. She had seen how much the experience had shattered her husband and, rather than see him in torment and self-blame, she had pulled herself together and focussed straight ahead. However, she was still very much conscious of her scars and would hesitate every time she undressed in front of him, but he did not mind the blemishes at all. He would softly kiss the raw, red, healing skin and reassure her that she was as beautiful as ever. Having her with him was all he would ever need.

  “What are you looking at? Is it showing again?” Maria asked as she felt his stare and adjusted the back of her swimsuit which was not high enough to hide the unsightly scorch mark across her flank. Josh sat up and grasped her hand, halting her unnecessary concern.

  “You are the goddess of this island. You were born to live here, the climate seems to have turned you into this irresistible deity, I just can’t stop looking at you,” Josh said. He played with a perfect curl falling down her back and tenderly kissed her bare shoulder. “And I just can’t get enough of you either,” he whispered seductively as he pushed her flat on the sand and buried his face in her neck.

  The touch of his darting tongue made her shiver with pleasure. She giggled, “Josh, stop it. The kids can see us. We’ll go really wild during their afternoon siesta, I promise.”

  “I will hold you to your promise.” But he continued to tease her as he nibbled at her neck and played with her curls.

  Ben came running up to them. He theatrically cleared his throat, “Daddy, grandpa is not pleased with you.”

  Josh stopped short. “Has he been talking to Phil?” he asked Maria. He was barely on speaking terms with his father and their relationship was as strained as ever now that Freddie was on the run. Phil was torn between his two sons, of course the bigger part of him belonged to his legitimate offspring and he spared only a tiny morsel of sympathy for Josh. But perhaps he didn’t think he was switching sides if he spoke to his favourite grandson.

  “Oh no, not that grandpa, but mummy’s dad, you know, the one in the picture on Uncle Max’s fireplace.”

  Josh let go of Maria’s curls and sat up. He gently pulled his son on his lap, “So...you’ve been talking to him. How long has this been going on?” he asked in the gentlest voice he could muster despite his inner turmoil.

  “Ever since mummy went missing. I saw her screaming when the man peeled her skin apart. I tried to help her and I pushed on the man really hard, but I was like a ghost and my hand passed right through him. I cried and cried but then grandpa came and he stayed with me until it was over. He told me not to worry because you would find a way to bring mummy back to us. I did not believe him at first. And when I woke up I didn’t know what to do because you were away and Uncle Max thought that I was imagining things. I just cried all day. But grandpa was right all along. Everything he said would happen did happen, and you did bring mummy back. Now I know that he would never lie to me. He is my friend and I talk to him every night. He understands me and I’m not alone anymore.”

  Josh felt his heart sink with despair, Ben had seen his own mother being tortured. That amount of violence and blood would be enough to send anyone straight into a mental breakdown, what would it do to a child? Luckily, his dead psychiatrist father-in-law had been at hand to diffuse the gravity of the situation. But what else had Ben seen?

  Josh glanced at Maria; her face was regist
ering only profound confusion. There was no horror. She just thought that Ben had pieced her gruesome story himself and had somehow conjured up an imaginary friend who happened to be her father. Josh was about to take Ben inside and continue the conversation away from her, but then thought against it. Maria had to start understanding her weird son. He will have to slowly explain it all to her later. He had been procrastinating and leaning heavily towards disappearing without an explanation. But he couldn’t do that, now that Ben was showing signs of the Blake curse. Perhaps her shrewd father had done this on purpose, getting Ben to spill the beans and indirectly coercing Josh into telling her the truth. That tall dark-haired man seemed to get his way every time. He was moulding destiny on earth even though he was buried six feet under.

  Josh sighed and continued the bizarre conversation with his son.

  “You’re not alone; you can always talk to me. I’m sorry Ben, I did promise that we could talk privately every week but I did have to go for mummy. It’s a good thing that grandpa was there when…it happened. He is a very kind man, isn’t he? Are you scared of him?”

  “I was at first, because I knew that he was dead and Emma told me that no one can see dead people except freaks. But I must be one because not only can I see him but hear him too. But I’m not afraid of him anymore because he is so kind to me and he takes me to see these wonderful places. The other day he took me to this place in Sicily called Cave Grande where there was this wonderful waterfall feeding into this lake in between gigantic mountains. He said that it was his favourite place on earth.”

  Maria gasped and Josh could see that she had tears in her eyes. She must have gone to that same place with her dad when she was a child. Josh gave her a hard stare, hoping that she would remain silent. This was a delicate situation and he did not want Ben to think that he was abnormal; the word freak had already featured in his conversation. The last thing the poor boy needed was scorn from his own mother. But Maria was thunderstruck and seemed too confused to offer any contribution to their crazy dialogue.