The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  He went back inside. Everyone was fast asleep. He decided to go back to bed so as not to arouse any suspicions. Maria was bound to question his early morning departure from their bed. He had had no dreams for the past two years and it was only the burning images of those nightmares that had the power to make him leave her warm bed so early in the morning. He could no longer blame the food he ate, she would see through that. So he slipped in between the sheets. His chilled body woke her up.

  “Have you been outside? Are you all right?” she asked sleepily.

  “Yes, everything is fine. Go back to sleep,” he said. She cuddled up against him, the warmth of her body rapidly diffusing over to him. He had not realised that he had spent so much time out there on the balcony. Thankfully, she was too dazed with sleep to suspect anything. Her cuddles gradually turned more demanding and Josh happily obliged.

  ****

  Josh firmly held Ben’s hand all throughout that morning. He outmanoeuvred Maria every time so that he always sat next to him on all the Disney rides. Father and son were practically glued together. But he managed to keep her unsuspecting thanks to the cheerful mask he put on that morning. None of his inner anguish surfaced and the day slowly dragged on.

  “Who wants some ice cream?” Maria said brightly. “Josh, find a table and I’ll get in the queue.” As she turned her back Josh allowed his face to shed off that fake smile. His facial muscles ached. He rubbed his jaw and looked around the crowded and claustrophobic ice cream parlour and he tightened his grip around Ben’s tiny hand. His other three children were playing together a few paces away from him. He leaned his back against the wall and sighed sadly.

  “Daddy, can I go and play with the others?”

  “Not today Ben,” Josh replied. He was exhausted with trying to keep up his constant second by second surveillance of both Maria and Ben as well as keeping a watchful eye on his other children; Nick was a tiny daredevil and was prone to get himself and others into deep trouble in mere seconds.

  “Is it because Freddie will soon try to kill me?” Ben asked innocently.

  Josh tried to guard his shocked expression, but not even his many years of acting could mask the absolute horror in his eyes. He sank down on one knee, speaking in a low hushed quivering voice, “What do you know about that?”

  “I can’t understand why Freddie is doing this. I remember him. He was always at Grandpa Phil’s house whenever we used to visit. He was polite, kind and extremely funny too. Emma said that he is a very clever doctor. She said that mummy was going to die the day I was born but he saved her life...and mine. He must be a good person. So why is he trying to kill me now?”

  “Listen to me Ben. Freddie was a good person once but he turned nasty some time ago. You are not to go anywhere with him. Promise me.”

  “Is he the hooded man who hurt mummy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Daddy, last night I saw myself locked inside this white room. Freddie was very angry. He began to peel back my skin with a knife. He kept calling me ‘Josh,’ and I tried to tell him that Josh was my father and that I was Ben, but he was so mad, he would not listen to a word I was saying. But then the dream suddenly changed and mummy was locked inside that same room instead of me. I was at home with Nick playing football, but you were very, very sad.”

  “Listen Ben, I know for a fact that Freddie will not hurt you because mummy will not allow it to happen....”

  “I know...but you can stop her from coming. You were thinking about it. And perhaps you should do that. I don’t want her to die instead of me.”

  Gosh, he had only entertained that option for a fleeting second and his son had seen an image of himself being tortured. He had read through his thoughts. He rubbed his face with his hands before looking into his son’s eyes, “Ben, I will never stop her. Mummy will happily take your place and yes she will be imprisoned in that white room but I will do my best to bring her back as quickly as possible. Grandpa will help me find a way. Can you...can you ask him tonight whether I should go for her or not?”

  “I don’t think he knows what’s going to happen. He said that nothing is fixed in stone now because there are thousands of tiny different paths you could choose. And every tiny shift brings about large changes and whole new outcomes. The possibilities are endless. From my end, the only thing I can do is to try to stop myself from falling into Freddie’s trap, but he is prepared to wait and this could drag on for years. I may block his plans one day but he’ll try the next. I have to stay constantly alert to thwart his intentions every time...and I don’t know if I can do that or if I’ll even be able to predict his moves every time. I’m sorry daddy.”

  “It’s not your fault. I can’t predict everything either. I just see fragments of what might happen and try to fill the gaps myself.” Josh saw his wife make her way towards them and he quickly added, “We will keep this our secret for now. You are not to tell mummy because she will be miserable on her holiday. It is just for today, OK. I will tell her everything tomorrow. In the meantime you should enjoy yourself here and you should not feel scared. Everything will be fine.” He quickly stood up and smiled broadly at his wife. His acting mode was back on.

  “Come on everyone, ice cream time. Josh, what have you been doing, didn’t you find a table yet?” Maria frowned.

  “There weren’t any, let’s go outside,” and he turned to call his other three children, but, “Nick, where’s Emma?” His blood ran cold; he had been so preoccupied with Ben that he had not noticed that his daughter was no longer playing with the others.

  “She went to tell mummy that she wanted vanilla ice cream and not chocolate,” Nick explained. Maria shook her head; her daughter had not approached her whilst she was waiting in the queue. Josh took Ben’s hand and frantically went round the crowded ice cream parlour. He finally spotted her just outside the door at the other end. He ran up to her.

  “Where have you been? You are not to go wandering about on your own, how many times do I have to tell you? You will not get any ice cream if you do that again,” he scolded her roughly, his voice going up a notch higher than was necessary. Tears started welling up in her eyes because she was upset by his anger, he was hardly ever mad at his children and he always tried to reason with them in a calm adult way whenever they had been naughty. But Josh was feeling stressed out that day so he roughly grabbed her hand and made his way back to Maria who had finally found a table. He watched them eat their ice cream as they talked excitedly about the different rides they had been on. Ben joined in with enthusiasm, his previous concerns forgotten.

  “Is everything all right? You’ve turned all silent,” Maria observed.

  Josh flashed that plastic fake smile again. It was so easy to put on an act in front of her; she was always dazzled by his smile. That potent physical attraction had not waned after nearly six years of marriage. He made an effort to join in the conversation though his mind was elsewhere. All he wanted was to sink in bed and have one of his dreams, he needed all the information he could get out of them before he presented all the options to her the next day.

  *****

  The medics were swarming around the bloody mangled body on the beach, desperately trying to revive it. The sun was shining brightly and the cloudless sky was a deep blue vivid colour, and yet this scene was surrounded by a black mist giving the people inside this bubble an eerie, unearthly and hazy appearance. It all seemed to be happening far far away....

  Josh opened his eyes. Was that the body of his wife and what was that black mist surrounding the resuscitation scene? Was it death descending down on its victim? Will the medics manage to resuscitate her should the cliff face crumble? Did he have a right to gamble on her life and mount a rescue mission which might lead to her death? The questions and stinging doubts were suffocating him. The room felt humid and hot, and sweat was trickling down his forehead. He carefully shifted Maria’s sleeping head from his shoulder and stepped out onto the balcony, the cool night air reviving his flagging spiri
ts. He sighed as he sank down on the rocking chair.

  The balcony door opened slowly and Ben stepped out, “Grandpa told you that you must do whatever mummy wants you to do. You can open new paths for all of us.”

  This was exactly what he had expected her father to say, to do whatever his daughter asked and try to mop up the damage. The faith the psychiatrist had in his son-in-law had to be admired but Josh did not feel so confident in himself at that moment.

  “Daddy, I saw a shallow cave some ten paces to her right. You have to keep urging her to move towards it. If she stays put everything will buckle under her weight. I just saw her die.” Ben pensively rubbed his forehead. “Daddy,” he finally said, “I don’t want her to take my place. You, Nick, Emma and Sarah need her more than you would need me and I’m not afraid of Freddie. Please tell mummy what I just said...perhaps she would reconsider things after you tell her how I feel.”

  Tears rolled down from the father’s anguished eyes as his heart was gripped with profound sorrow. A four-year-old boy should not be having these thoughts and troubles, either seeing himself being tortured to death or seeing his mother fall off a cliff after she had sacrificed her life for him. He should be carefree and happy like his brother and sisters. It was indeed a heavy price to pay for an extremely bright mind. He lifted him up onto his chest and huddled him close, and in a steady, reassuring voice he said, “Ben, you have to believe in me. Grandpa does and you once said that he never lies. If he says that I can open new paths, then I will. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I will look after you and your mother. I promise. You should forget about everything and try to go back to sleep.”

  “Can I stay out here with you? The dreams can get scary sometimes.”

  “Sure, you can sleep out here with me, but you must rest because we have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow,” and he kissed his son and cuddled him close to his chest as he rocked him to sleep. Ben was soon snoring away. Josh wished that he could fall asleep that easily.

  He closed his eyes and pictured the possible rescue mission he could mount. Marco could organise everything he wanted in no time at all. They already had a tentative plan. A private jet was all set up and ready to go. They would parachute down on the cursed island as close to the cliffs as was feasibly safe. Using the parachute rather than landing their jet directly on the island would possibly mask their descent or at least give Freddie less time to react. However, Josh knew that even though they would try to be as inconspicuous as they possibly could, Freddie would still somehow spot them and he would try to escape through the secret passage in the house which opened onto the cliff path which in turn wound down to the sea. Josh knew that once his feet touched the ground he had to head straight for the cliffside to try to intercept them there.

  The cliff path started halfway down the steep cliff so Josh would have to first climb down towards that path as fast as possible. The climb down looked deadly but he could clearly see himself scrambling down and reaching the path so he knew that he would somehow manage it. The major problem would be the subsequent sequence of events. At some point Maria would slip from the path and he had to make sure that he was by her side before the rock face crumbled. He was not sure what would happen to Freddie, he had not seen that bit, but he knew that Maria would live to a ripe old age if he could prevent her fall from the cliff. If not, he had to round up a medical team to deal with the mangled body he had seen in his dreams.

  And that was the purpose of that day’s dream. He’ll ask Marco to organise a boat equipped with everything for an emergency, a mini floating hospital with operating theatre and all. He’ll hire the best doctors money could buy. This boat should stay docked on the nearby island and set sail as soon as they parachute down.

  He did not want to wake up Ben who was by then sleeping soundly on his chest, so he gingerly dialled Marco’s number and outlined everything in soft whispers. There was nothing else Josh could do and so he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  Two hours later Maria looked out onto the balcony and smiled as she saw her son curled on her husband’s chest. Both were fast asleep. She looked proudly at the physically flawless boy. She was glad that he had none of her genes to mar the perfect face his father had given him. If Ben were a little older no one would be able to tell them apart. She was extremely proud of his scholastic achievements too but she did secretly worry about his abnormal ability to see his future. She had seen Josh’s tortured face many times before. Knowing the terrifying bits was utterly unbearable, and actually seeing everything in black and white was different from hearing the gentle edited warnings that Josh sometimes gave her. Seeing them made them more believable.

  It was time to set out for home and she bent down to kiss her husband. He woke with a start, wondering what the heavy load on his chest was before he realised that Ben was still there. He looked into her eyes and fixed that perfect smile.

  “Why are you two out here?” she asked.

  “It was too hot and stuffy in there,” and he gently woke Ben up and went inside to get ready for their journey home.

  Wise Solomon’s Choice

  They were back in their quaint fairytale cottage. Josh was sitting at his computer desk, staring blankly at the random images on the monitor while he waited for his wife to put their children to bed. It was a lengthy process involving running hot baths and brushing of teeth followed by long elaborate fantasy stories and constant repetitive goodnights. He usually helped but that day he had other things on his mind.

  Emma opened the door to her father’s library. “Daddy, Freddie has asked me to give you this as soon as we arrive home. He said that it would make you very happy. He made me promise not to tell mummy because you may wish to tell her yourself after you have watched it. And I kept my promise.” She proudly held up a CD in her hand.

  “When did you meet Freddie?” he asked, careful not to raise his voice and scare her again.

  “The other day in the ice cream parlour. You were talking to Ben, and when I left Nick and Sarah to go near mum I bumped into him and I recognised him immediately. He was extremely kind and nice to me. He said that he had been waiting for me to break away from the group for over a week because he had this very important secret mission for me to do. He said that this CD was too precious to send by post. He didn’t want to risk losing it.” She looked at her father’s pale face, “Aren’t you pleased with me? I did everything he asked me to, I didn’t tell mum and I waited until you were by yourself in the library.”

  “You should not speak to strangers.” He was scared. Apparently Freddie had been stalking them for a week and had finally managed to get close to his daughter under his very nose. Josh had even been prepared that day and was vigilantly watching over his family, but his brother had still managed to find a loophole. He had grabbed that one single moment of distraction while the father shared a shocking conversation with his son.

  Emma tried to defend herself. “Freddie is not a stranger. He saved mummy’s life when Ben was born. It was all over the news. Also mummy used to work in his hospital. We used to meet him every week at Grandpa Phil’s place and he was always cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. Mummy liked him a lot and he was her friend.”

  Will his children stop painting this perfect portrait of Freddie as the hallowed selfless saint who saved their mother from the clutches of death? ….Though Emma was right on one thing, Freddie had always managed to make Maria laugh and she always seemed to be in good spirits when she returned home from work, or after visiting Phil when he happened to be there too. They worked well together and were perfectly compatible until the fiend decided to abduct and torture her into submission. Perhaps if Freddie had waited a bit longer and continued with his tactics, Maria might have eventually succumbed to his potent charms and left her husband and family out of her own free will. Freddie might not be so bad for her after all.

  Perhaps he should decide to let them live their life together with their blue-eyed son in that white immacu
late house on the cliff top. Josh sighed sadly and shook his head as he emerged from his bitter reverie. He looked at his daughter and explained slowly, “Emma, people change and Freddie is not so good these days. He has hurt mummy and he could have hurt you too. You should never speak to anyone who is not with us and you should never have gone off on your own. You are not to do that ever again. Do you understand?”

  She nodded, “I’m sorry daddy. Are you still angry with me?”

  “No, I am not.” Being angry would achieve nothing now. What was done was done.

  “Shall I tell mummy about the CD?”

  “Not yet, I will tell her myself. Now go to bed. Your brothers and sister have finished bathing and mum will soon begin reading her bedtime stories.” And he kissed her goodnight.

  He could hear Maria urging her children to settle down. He looked at the CD lying in his hand. He had a bad feeling about this and he did not think that he would like it despite Freddie’s assurances to Emma, but he had to see what it contained before he showed it to his wife. He slipped it into the computer and waited.

  What came up left him speechless and trembling. It was the entire torture session that Freddie had made Maria go through two years ago. The sick pervert had filmed everything and had been callous enough to hand it over to Emma, an innocent child who could easily have watched it herself before handing it over to her father. Josh did not want to watch but he felt obliged to feel his wife’s pain and in that way he could finally share it, because actually seeing it on screen was somehow more agonizing than any of the vivid images in his dreams. He just sat still and watched the atrocity, enduring the tortured screams until they were gradually replaced by the repetitive metallic click of the needle holder as the mad doctor silently sutured the gaping wounds while his victim slipped deeper and deeper in a state of comatose stupor.