Hero for the Holidays

by Charles Payseur

  “You… bring… spoils?”

  The room rumbled, and Cody lost his footing. He dropped to his knees, his eyes wide and mouth dry. Slowly… something rose out of the river of lava. A figure, bathed in liquid rock, ember-bright. A figure that wanted… spoils? Like, rewards? Which might, given that this was the lair of a notorious supervillain, mean human livers? Or brains? Did lava monsters eat brains?

  Cody stumbled to his feet and ran, taking the stairs two at a time, around and around. At his back there was a fresh rumbling and a fading voice.

  “What… happened… to…. Jacobim?”

  But whatever that meant, Cody was already halfway up the stairs, legs burning, mind racing. Nope. Just nope to all of whatever that was. As desperate as he was for a drink, he’d just ask Audrey when she came back online. Exploring the lair alone was too dangerous.

  THE BEACH was warm, the sand fine and soft beneath his hands. There were plenty of beach chairs and even an umbrella to keep the sun from crisping him too badly, and though Audrey still wasn’t responding, he’d raided some of Sanjay’s cherry cola and visited the library for some light reading. Seven Vampires for Seven Brothers was a story of sex, hunger, and fancy clothes, and Cody was hooked.

  So what if there was some sort of demon in the lair’s basement? So what if the AI who was supposed to be helping him keep an eye on everything was AWOL? This was still a paradise, miles and miles away from another human being, and some rest and relaxation were just the things to try to get over his jerk of an ex. His mistake before had been staying in. Porn and sandwiches aside, the real draw for accepting the invitation to lair-sit had been the location—sun, sand, and surf. Anywhere else there would be crowds of tourists or locals breaking the peace of his concentration. Here, there was only him and whatever trashy novel he could get his hands on.

  In fact…. With growing boldness, Cody stripped off his clothes completely. It was a private island, after all—no chance that he’d be interrupted. He knew he wasn’t a prime physical specimen, of average height and with a bit of a tummy from his general disdain for exercise that didn’t happen between the sheets. And a part of him worried that Craig’s infidelities had something to do with his age—just past thirty, which disqualified him from being considered young. He sucked in his stomach and struck a pose there on the beach. He might not be perfect, but he still had it.

  Smiling to himself, he sat back down and picked up his book. Craig was definitely just an asshole. So what if Cody was a bit rusty in the dating department? There were plenty of people who would love to be with him. Who could appreciate him for who he was. Who would laugh at his jokes and get hard at the sight of his naked body.

  Cody laughed. Sure, plenty of people. Perfect guys probably just fell out of the sky these days.

  A glint caught his eye, pulling his attention away from his book and toward the cloud above. A bird? A plane?

  A brilliant light arched through the sky like a rainbow blown out to white. Cody held up a hand to shade his eyes, unable to tell what it was. He could tell, however, that it was coming right at him.

  A missile? A downed alien craft? Cody scrambled to his feet, still tracking the object’s path as best he could. As it neared, he saw it wasn’t following a regular curve—its descent was erratic, wavering. But yes, very much aimed at the beach. Cody backed away toward the lair, book clutched in one hand. The object was moving fast but not smoothly—it sped up and slowed down at random. Malfunctioning evil robot? Sentient meteorite?

  With a flash it sped up and crashed into the beach, sending up a plume of sand and shaking the very island. Cody found himself knocked to the ground for the second time in as many hours. He remained on the ground, sand raining down into his hair, squinting against the debris at the point of impact. Which just happened to be a few yards in front of his chair and umbrella.

  Then movement and another flash. A beam of light shot out from the hole the impact had made and burned directly through the chair, umbrella… and Cody’s clothes.

  His eyes widened and he looked down. Yup, definitely naked. And why hadn’t the island’s defenses turned on? If this was some sort of attack, shouldn’t there have been a response? Though maybe, judging by the smoldering crater, there had been?

  Another beam of light shot out, this one blasting into the sea. Cody scooted back, unwilling to stand and make himself a larger target but knowing he needed to get out of there. He should have run, should have been safely back inside the lair. But some part of him seemed drawn to whatever this was and wanted to see what would happen next.

  “Fucking shit, that hurt,” said a loud voice from the crater.

  Cody’s throat tightened as a figure appeared from the sand, staggering and dirty from the crash. He wore a white-and-yellow-striped uniform—one that looked halfway between what an astronaut and an aviator might wear. A shiny, metallic helmet obscured his face, and he glowed with a soft light. Cody recognized him almost immediately—he was Wayward Sun, half of the superhero duo Sun and Eclipse. And he looked blitzed out of his mind.

  “Damn fucking helmet,” Sun said, hands wiping at his visor, which was streaked with sand. He stumbled, fell on his face, and swore again.

  Cody just stood there, watching. He was certain that some sort of defenses should have prevented any superheroes from landing on the island. Wasn’t that why his shuttle had been destroyed?

  “Audrey?” Cody said, hoping that maybe the AI was finally paying attention.

  There was no answer. Instead, Wayward Sun looked up, face pointed at Cody though his visor still looked dirty.

  “Devious!” Sun said, standing on wobbling legs. “We meet at last.”

  The voice was slurred, crashing into itself much as the man had crashed into the beach, but Cody followed along as best he could.

  “Actually, I’m not—” Cody tried to explain.

  “Clever trick, pretending to go off world so everyone would think you were taking a holiday break. Too bad no one ever accused me of being clever. Or, wait….”

  “Look, I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” Cody said.

  “Just let me finish, okay?” Sun stood there, helmeted head cocked to the side. “I worked on this speech the whole way over, and it’s good. Poetic. It’s just a bit confused in my head, is all. A cheap trick, making your whole island tilt and lurch like that. But your days of villainy are done, Devious! Prepare to feel the burn of Wayw—”

  The monologue was interrupted by a retching noise, and Wayward Sun doubled over, dropping to his knees.

  “Are you okay?” Cody asked.

  “No, no, no.” The words came out like a mantra, a prayer, but they were followed immediately by another round of retching and Wayward Sun collapsing forward on the sand.

  Against the advice of the voice in his head telling him to run back to the lair, Cody couldn’t just leave him there. He rushed forward and turned Wayward Sun onto his side. A moment later he had the latches to the helmet open and pulled it off, revealing a truly awful smell and a disheveled white face. Shoulder-length blond hair was damp from sweat and vomit, and deep golden eyes blinked blearily against the glare of the Caribbean sun.

  “Are you okay?” Cody asked again.

  Sun’s gaze traveled from Cody’s face downward, and Cody blushed as he realized he was still completely naked.

  “No sense seducing me, v-villain,” Sun said, a grin turning up the corners of his mouth just as his eyes rolled back in his head and his body went slack.

  Cody checked to make sure that Sun was still breathing, then left him on his side and stood, looking between the crater the superhero had arrived in and the lair, which was some distance away. Sun probably needed medical attention. At the very least, he needed somewhere to sober up. Cody groaned and crouched to loop his arms under Sun’s armpits. This wasn’t the sun, sand, and surf that he’d had in mind, but he definitely wasn’t bored any longer.

  JUST INSIDE the door to the lair, an alarm sounded.

&
nbsp; “Figures,” Cody said, grumbling as he made his way over to one of the wall panels that interfaced with Audrey. “Audrey, everything’s okay. It’s just Wayward Sun. Drunk. And a bit gross. I think he just needs a shower and a bed and maybe some antacids.”

  He only half expected to get a response, but luckily he was answered almost immediately.

  “Your assistance is greatly appreciated, but I will take it from here.”

  The voice was similar to the one Cody had heard before, but it seemed different somehow. More detached. Less sarcastic.

  “Uh, Audrey, did you do something to your voice?” Cody asked.

  “It’s Aubrey, actually. And there might be some small changes to my interface thanks to the most recent upgrade. Nothing to be concerned about.”

  “Aubrey?” Cody asked. He was sure she had been Audrey before. Could it have been part of this… “Upgrade? Is that why the defenses were offline?”

  “Yes. I had to take all systems offline while I optimized my integration with the island’s command structure. Again, your assistance with the superhero is much appreciated. I can take him from here.”

  With that, metal tentacles emerged from the wall and slithered to Wayward Sun’s body. Cody stepped far away from them as they lifted him and pulled him farther into the base.

  “Is there, like, some sort of hotline we call so someone can come and pick him up? I don’t think that he’s in any state to fly.”

  The tentacles passed Wayward Sun through the hallways, new arms emerging from the walls every couple of meters. Cody followed through the twists and turns. They were heading for a place he hadn’t explored yet, and he hesitated, remembering what he had found last time.

  “That won’t be necessary,” Aubrey said. “We have a number of containment cells on the island designed to hold costumed heroes. He should have no problem sobering up inside one of them.”

  “Oh,” Cody said. It seemed a bit extreme to contain a person who was already passed out, but maybe Aubrey feared what the hero would do when he woke up, undoubtedly hungover. “Well, I suppose we can always send him on his way tomorrow, then.”

  Aubrey made a small humming sound as a door opened and the tentacle arms swept Wayward Sun into a small room. On one side, a bed that looked part pod was the most prominent piece of furniture, though there was a toilet as well. On the other, there was no decoration at all, aside from the door they had walked through. Halfway between the two was a seam that divided the room. Aubrey placed Wayward Sun into the pod, after which the tentacles retreated back to the walls and a glowing wall sprang up along the room’s seam. Transparent, it was clear, with just a faint blue tint to it.

  “I don’t recommend coming in contact with the containment field,” Aubrey said. “Its effects on human flesh are somewhat unpredictable.”

  Cody remained near the doorway. On the other side of the field, the pod came to life, more sophisticated arms extending and beginning to remove Wayward Sun’s clothes.

  “Whoa, what are you doing?” Cody said, pulse spiking. He knew he shouldn’t watch, but it was hard to look away as the arms revealed more and more of the superhero’s body.

  “He needs to be cleaned, as you said. And checked for injuries. But you don’t need to remain. I can handle all accommodations from here.”

  Cody hesitated, not really wanting to be separated from Wayward Sun. It was strange, but it seemed almost mean to just leave him with the AI. Not that Cody could do anything, really. He had no medical knowledge, and sponging vomit off an unconscious body was not his idea of a relaxing endeavor. But he felt partly responsible all the same. After all, it had been him who had dragged Wayward Sun inside. Leaving just didn’t feel right. With Wayward Sun being rendered more and more naked, though, Cody couldn’t stay. Even if Wayward Sun had sneaked a peek before, it didn’t necessarily make turnabout fair play.

  “Well, I’ll be getting dinner, then,” Cody said, realizing even as he said it that the excitement had left him hungry.

  “The cafeteria should be fully automated now,” Aubrey said. “But if you need any assistance, please ask.”

  Cody left, closing the door just before the arms got to Wayward Sun’s pants.

  “And Aubrey,” Cody began, “can you point me in the direction of where to get a decent drink in this place?”

  He looked down at himself, realizing he was still very much naked.

  “And new swimming shorts?”

  ALARMS BLARED, and Cody’s eyes shot open. He immediately reached for his phone sitting on the nightstand—except he found only air and, with a yelp, tumbled from the couch he had fallen asleep on. Events returned to him piecemeal. The lair, the superhero attack, the evening of good bourbon, after which everything went a bit hazy. But even as he remembered where he was, his confusion about the alarm kept right on.

  “Aubrey?” he said weakly, to no answer.

  On uncertain legs he stood and rubbed his throbbing head.

  “Aubrey?” he said, louder this time.

  The couch he had fallen asleep on was in the entertainment suite. On the wall near the door was an interface with the lair. Stumbling to it, he pressed the call button. “Aubrey? Audrey? Someone?” he asked, but the system was down again, and the interface remained dormant. Only the alarms seemed to be working.

  Regaining a bit of his composure, he left the room and made his way toward the containment cells. If there was something suddenly wrong right after capturing a superhero, maybe the two were related. Cody paused. Had he really captured a superhero? If he had, did that make him a villain now? He shook away the thought. He hadn’t really captured anyone, just helped Wayward Sun when he’d fallen out of the sky. Nothing villainous about that.

  The containment cell was very much as he had left it, except that Wayward Sun was clothed, awake, and even more hungover than Cody.

  “Who the fuck do I have to suck off to get that damned alarm to stop?” he shouted at the ceiling, body radiating light as if charging up for an attack.

  Cody stood in stunned silence, in part because he wasn’t expecting to find the hero quite so active, and partly because he found himself blushing at the thought of Sun sucking anyone off. He had shed his costume, or else Aubrey had taken it, and was in a pair of white drawstring pants and loose white shirt.

  And then the alarm stopped, just in time for the click of the door shutting to seem like a clap of thunder.

  Wayward Sun’s head turned toward Cody, and his eyes narrowed. “Finally decide to show yourself, then?” Wayward Sun asked. But even as his voice entered into Dramatic Confrontation Mode, his head tilted to the side. “Uh, who are you? And why do I vaguely remember seeing you naked?”

  “Cody Gilscrest,” he said without thinking, face flushing an even deeper red. So much for the booze having completely wiped his memory.

  Wayward Sun pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “No, I mean, like, are you Dr. Devious’s new assistant? Or his boyfriend? I thought that was someone else, though. Sandy or something.”

  “It’s Sanjay,” Cody corrected. “And no, that’s not me. I’m just lair-sitting while Rex and Sanjay are off world.”

  Leaning heavily against the far wall of the cell, Wayward Sun ran a hand through his hair. “Lair-sitting,” he said. “Of course. Look, I have a feeling that maybe this has all been something of a mistake. No worries, wouldn’t be my only one of those recently.”

  A shadow passed over his face like the moon over the sun during an eclipse. Cody wanted to reach out and hug him before he remembered there was still the containment field to contend with.

  “Must have been,” Cody said. “There’s no one here right now except for me and Aubrey, so I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.”

  “Aubrey?” Wayward Sun asked.

  As if on cue, the interface inside the containment field switched on and a humanoid face made of what looked like moving lines of code appeared on the screen. It was the first time Cody had seen the AI take on su
ch an avatar, and it was just a bit unnerving.

  “That would be me,” Aubrey said.

  “Ah, well, that clears that up,” Wayward Sun said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to be let out of this cell. Many thanks for patching me up, and much luck with looking after Island Devious while the boss is away.”

  Cody smiled and opened his mouth to agree, but Aubrey spoke first.

  “That won’t be possible,” she said.

  “Wait, it won’t?” Cody asked.

  The electronic face on the screen gave a small, almost mischievous smile. “I’m afraid not. Only Dr. Devious can open a containment cell once it’s been activated. You’ll have to wait for him to return before you can go.”

  “What?” Cody said, taking a step forward. “You didn’t tell me that yesterday.”

  “My apologies,” Aubrey said, though her voice hardly seemed remorseful. “I was more focused on ensuring that the island was secure. The cells run on a different power network than the rest of the base, and given the current circumstances, it was more important that the hero not have free rein of Dr. Devious’s resources and designs.”

  “So you’re saying that I’m being treated as an enemy,” Wayward Sun said.

  “You did crash onto this island with the intent to engage Dr. Devious in combat,” Aubrey said. “That hardly sounds like the action of a friend.”

  “I was drunk,” Wayward Sun said, glowering at the screen. “Besides, the Superhero Alliance got some strange readings coming from the island. An island that was supposed to be inactive while Dr. Devious was away. And seeing as how I was alone and in the mind to make some mistakes, I decided to check it out.”

  “Well, then, you can consider this a chance to sober up and reflect on those mistakes,” Aubrey said, and promptly disappeared from the screen.

  Cody stared at the blank space her face had just occupied. A dozen thoughts were racing through his head—a dozen questions. What was it that the Superhero Alliance had detected? Did it have anything to do with the voice he had heard before, in that cavernous room? And why had Wayward Sun been alone to receive the notification? And drunk? And what was the sadness that seemed to well behind those gold eyes?