Romancing the Past

by Darcy Burke

  She’d never been this alone with Henry before. Even when they’d snuck around the castle, barely older than children, there had always been other guests or servants moving about. When they’d eloped, there had been other people at the inn, the sounds from the taproom reminding them they could be found out.

  It was quiet, the cold dampening the sounds from below. Up here, at the top of Stratford Castle, it was just them.

  Anna rubbed her hands together to warm them as Henry came up the stairs behind her. Shyly she met his gaze, and from the intensity in his blue eyes, he was realizing what she had.

  What was wrong with her? The feelings and urges he provoked would not be tolerated. She’d already gone down that path, she’d had her fill of him for a lifetime.

  Have I though? Her head tilted to the side as she surveyed him. Blond hair effortlessly brushed back from his face, strong jaw twitching as he clenched his teeth; she longed to reach out, pull his chin towards her, and press herself so tightly against him there was no way of knowing where she ended and he began.

  What in the heaven of heavens? First in the maze, and now in the attic.

  This was a terrible mistake.

  He hadn’t kissed her in the maze, but he might as well have. She could feel him everywhere. Her skin burned in awareness of him.

  Her heart did not stop trying to burst from her chest as it thumped beneath her ribs, pushing desire through her with such a craving she wasn’t sure how she didn’t melt into a puddle on the floor.

  Henry moved past her, brushing against her as he passed and Anna stiffened at the jolt of energy that shot through her. Heaven help her.

  “I hadn’t thought it would be so cold up here.”

  “It’s no bother. We will make do.” She found a trunk and flipped up the lid to reveal a scattering of clothing. She dug around through the trunk to find something to keep her warm, and her betraying thoughts strayed back to Henry.

  It wasn’t just the physical reaction; it was the tugs of longing she felt when she looked at him. She’d missed him, more than she’d realized. She missed how his smile could melt even her chilliest mood, or the way his laughter took over his entire face. The way his eyes had lit up with excitement at the mention of traveling to America. Whatever pulled him there, she knew it mattered a great deal to him. He’d always had a clever mind and had drifted about as an adolescent, never given the opportunity to put his mind to work. He would be successful in America, no matter what it was. He would be fulfilled in a way he never could be if he stayed.

  Finally, she found a set of leather gloves and pulled them onto her hands.

  He’d followed her lead and opened a trunk “I think these are random clothes from past parties. Here, this shouldn’t be too big on you.” He found what looked to be a pile of cloaks. He came closer and wrapped the cloak around her. His warm fingers brushed against her neck as he adjusted the collar. She could smell his cologne or soap, a teasing combination of spice and earth. His hands lingered on her shoulders and she nearly leaned back into his embrace. Desire pulsed through her as her body reawakened the parts of her that had long been ignored.

  “Thank you.” She stepped away. Really, the direction of her thoughts was getting ridiculous. It wasn’t as though she was a green schoolgirl with no knowledge of men. Her interest in Henry was not curiosity—it was firsthand knowledge of what his arms felt like wrapped around her, of what his fingers could do to her, that continued to pull her attentions.

  “Are you going to tell me what we’re doing here? As much as I love a good sneak through a castle and a peek at the attics, I might be of better use in this endeavor if you’d tell me what this is all about.”

  “My father left something in my aunt’s care and I need to find it.”

  Anna stared at him blankly. “And that something is?”

  He chuckled. “A box containing letters. There wasn’t much more explanation given.”

  “When did he entrust her with this box of letters?”

  Henry shrugged. “She doesn’t remember exactly. Sometime in the past ten years, I would surmise.”

  “And she can’t give it to you?”

  His gaze was amused. “She doesn’t remember where she put it.”

  Anna frowned. “It’s not like Lady Stratford to forget such a thing.”

  Henry shrugged and went back to searching the trunk. “She has allowed me to conduct my own search.”

  Realization dawned on her. “That’s what you were doing during the scavenger hunt, when you were poking through things?”

  “I went through the curio room and the library more thoroughly later without success.”

  Anna moved to a different trunk and began to search through it. “How are you to know you’ve found what you’re looking for, when you don’t even know what you’re looking for?”

  He sighed, but the trunk lid blocked her view of him, which was just as well, for it would be difficult to focus when she could be watching him. “I hope it will be obvious. Something that would have meaning to me.”

  Nothing but more clothing in that trunk, so Anna moved on to another. “A box of letters, hmmm? What if it’s a box of love letters?”

  “I doubt that would be something my father would entrust to my aunt. Besides, who would they be between?”

  More clothing. Anna snapped the trunk lid closed. “Your mother and father?”

  Henry shook his head and moved to another trunk. “My parents had a typical marriage arranged for the hefty dowry she brought to the Carrington estates. They were affectionate towards each other, I’m told, but it was not a love match.”

  Ah yes, she remembered. Henry’s mother had died a few days after he was born, never recovering from his birth.

  “Perhaps between Lord and Lady Stratford?”

  He laughed. “That is not something I would wish to be privy to. Also, my father gave them to my aunt to keep for me. If it was something that already belonged to her, she’d have said ‘returned to her’.”

  “True,” Anna admitted. “The devil is in the phrasing isn’t it?”

  The trunk she’d opened contained no clothing, but random items. A broken doll, bits of a wooden soldier, shards of porcelain from a tea set. “Your aunt and uncle are certainly connoisseurs of... completely random things.”

  Henry laughed. “That is most definitely true. I think it’s a byproduct of the Barrow men’s proclivity for exploration. Everything is kept in the event its importance would be discovered later.”

  “It’s no wonder this mystery box has been misplaced. No one could find anything among all of this.”

  Henry’s gaze shifted over the amassing of trunks and crates filling the space. “And this isn’t the only attic.”

  Anna cringed. “I beg your pardon?”

  “There are five more like this.”

  If she was to be rustling through trunks and crates all afternoon, she’d have to find a way to make things interesting.

  Unfortunately, the only interesting thing that came to mind should have felt like a mistake, but the more time she spent in Henry’s presence, the less she found herself caring.

  Henry opened another crate, wondering if this was an impossible task.

  The box of letters was less on his mind the longer he spent alone with Anna. His reaction to her shouldn’t have been this strong, this quickly. He’d slipped effortlessly back into her comfortable presence as if no time had passed. If he found the letters in the next crate would he really leave her again? Would more time together be worse for them in the end?

  The crate contained bits of bonnets and ribbons, hair combs, and pots of rouge and dried lip salves. Henry had to wonder at his aunt and uncle’s sanity for hoarding so much of so little importance.

  He moved to another trunk. Two unmatched china plates, a ball of yarn attached to an unfinished knitting project, and a collection of brass instruments.

  “A bugle?” Anna laughed. “Go on then, play something.”

  He t
hrew her a look and put the bugle down. “Contrary to what you might think, bugling was not standard military instruction.”

  “Really? Would you care to share what is standard military instruction?”

  He shifted the contents of the crate around. “You want my life story now?”

  “At least the past ten years of it. I know all about you before then.”

  Which was true. Those ten days they’d spent together, they shared more than just stolen kisses. He’d told her every bit of himself, and she’d done the same. He’d told her of his childhood growing up with two older brothers, the spare no one needed. His eldest brother, Gabriel, had been sickly since birth, so it was really the middle brother, Edward, who had been groomed to take on the earldom. No one expected Edward to die suddenly after a terrible headache, leaving Henry the only remaining heir to the Carrington earldom. As the youngest, he’d been the freest and the wildest of the brothers. To say not much was expected of him would be an understatement.

  “When we last saw each other, you were studying the sciences at Cambridge,” Anna prompted.

  Henry sighed. “And after we parted my father refused to ‘fund my rebellion,’ as he put it. I went to the Royal Military Academy at Woolwich to train as an engineer. I spent three years with the Corps of Royal Sappers and Miners during the campaigns against Napoleon until his initial defeat in 1814. I took that to be the end of the war and resigned my commission and found work as a surveyor. I made my way to Scotland and was hired as a part of the assembly tasked with designing and building the Caledonian Canal.”

  “And now you’re off to America?”

  He nodded. “An American engineer came to learn from what we were doing in Scotland. He persuaded me to work on the canal they are building in New York along the Hudson River.”

  A gentle smile crept across Anna’s face as she moved across the room. “Henry, that’s incredible. I’m so proud of you!”

  He melted under her praise. Was it incredible? He didn’t think so, but he’d lived it and was not able to view it from the outside.

  “It’s interesting work. I’m happy to help tackle the challenge and be a part of creating a solution.” Henry shrugged, an attempt to add a nonchalant air to the conversation. “Despite being the family ne'er-do-well, I managed to make something of myself.”

  She nodded, seeing more of him than he wanted, but that was always the way with them. She’d seen through his unaffected façade, down to his core where he hid the hurt of being the overlooked brother. With one sickly brother and one groomed to be the golden heir, no one had much time for him. Everyone-- his parents, tutors, governesses, various family members-- all fussed over Gabriel and Edward, and Henry was left to his own devices, which often didn’t turn out in his favor. Attention was still attention even if was negative.

  “It could not have been easy to have your brother leave you as your father’s only heir.”

  Henry snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. “No one in the family was happy about it, that is certain.”

  “I see why going to America is important to you. It’s yours, something you built for yourself, without the assistance of anyone else. Despite what everyone thought of you, you found a way to leave your mark.”

  His mark. Something he’d always wanted but rarely spoken of, except to her. Of course, she remembered.

  “Have you told your family of your plans to go to America?”

  “I have. It went over as terribly as you’d expect.”

  “Did you explain it to them? Or did you make a dramatic announcement without stating your case?”

  Henry shook his head.

  Anna’s brow rose knowingly. “You can always choose love and kindness over hostility, Henry. It doesn’t take much, just you deciding that is what you want to be.”

  “Perhaps. They could also try to understand the earldom needs to change. The finances aren’t what they were, and my father was a terrible investor. Truth be told, if things continue as is, there won’t be an estate for them all to fuss over.”

  “You should talk to your family. It might make things easier if they knew your thoughts and intentions, instead of doing things without explanation. At the very least, it might help them respect you as the earl.”

  “Either way, I’ll not wait for something so farfetched to come to pass. I’ve other things to do.”

  Her eyes met his, and something passed through her gaze that made him pause. It was predatory. She moved towards him, her lips quirking to a smile as she came to stand before him.

  “You, Henry Allerton, are not as tough as you think you are.”

  “Ah, there’s where you’re wrong, love, I don’t think I’m that tough at all.”

  Love. He’d said it without thinking. She didn’t appear alarmed or repulsed by it. In fact, she hadn’t reacted at all.

  “You’re not the stomping-about-Parliament type, no, but I’ve no doubt everyone will come to see what I’ve known all along.”

  Henry’s mouth went dry. His heart thudded hard in his chest. “And what is that?”

  “You’ve a rather remarkable way of seeing the world. You see the value in things most people miss, and you care a great deal about things other people would not think important.”

  “Is that so?”

  She nodded again. She’d moved closer somehow, though he hadn’t noticed when she’d come to be a few breaths away from him.

  “And—” She dropped her gaze dropping to his lips for a heartbeat. “I suspect the way you handle things will save the earldom.”

  “And what about you? Is there someone to save you?”

  She stretched up on her toes and Henry froze, terrified of what was about to happen, but too excited to move.

  She nodded against his lips. “You already did.”

  Anna’s mouth was soft beneath his but with an eagerness and intensity he found irresistible.

  Henry found himself shocked to his core.

  Chapter Six

  Kissing Anna was new and familiar, like coming home after a long time away. The surroundings were comforting but still held an edge of something to explore. Something forbidden.

  He jerked his head away. “Anna, what--”

  Her brows rose. “My actions cannot be a surprise. If I remember correctly, I was the one who pressed you for things before.”

  He chuckled against her lips. “Your boldness does not surprise. Your desire does. I thought you hated me.”

  She shook her head. “Being near you again has reawakened desires I thought gone.” She trailed feather-light kisses along the line of his jaw as she moved closer and pressed her breasts against his chest, her hips against his. “I know you want this. I can feel your interest thickening against my hip. We are not children anymore. We are adults, with adult needs. And we can make adult decisions.”

  His gaze burned into hers. “This is not done.”

  “Neither is eloping to Scotland.” She nipped at the edge of his mouth.

  “This will not end well. This ends in heartbreak and scandal.”

  “I am not a naive nineteen-year-old any longer, Henry. I know what my heart can handle.”

  “And the scandal?”

  “There won’t be a scandal if we are careful. Besides, you won’t be here to hear of any of it.”

  He leaned away from her. “I left you in scandal once before. I don’t want to repeat that mistake.” He didn’t move for a long moment, and he could feel the desire raging through her, the same as it raged through him. He’d craved her touch for a decade, but how could he have her and not be able to keep her?

  “Anna, I am leaving England.”

  She nodded, the tip of her nose lightly trailing along his cheek. “You’ve said as much.”

  “What I mean is, this cannot be anything more. We cannot want anything more.”

  She pulled back to look him in the eyes, and her face was more dear to him than anything. Could he refuse her? Could he forgive himself if he gave in to her?<
br />
  Challenge reverberated through her hazel eyes. “We are stuck at this house party together. That will not change until you find the box of letters. We can spend that time fighting the pull that has always been between us. It will torment us. Not touching you will be unbearable. We’ve been denied a lifetime. Would you not make the most of the time we have together?”

  “Why?” It probably wasn’t the best thing to ask, to challenge her now, but his head was spinning.

  She smirked. “Because I am a grown woman. I am in a position to ask for what I want. And because if I cannot have you forever, I can have you for now.” She leaned up and pressed her lips against the soft pulse of his neck. Her breasts pushed further against him. He could feel her nipples harden beneath her layers of dress, and it made him harder to know he could still cause this reaction in her.

  “Kiss me, Henry,” she said against his lips. “Kiss me like it’s the first time, and the last time, and like you’ve wanted to do for ten years.” She rested her forehead against his. “I promise I won’t break.”

  But I might.

  And he knew he could not deny her, could not deny himself what she offered. He’d been at her mercy since she’d walked into his aunt’s house all those years ago-- since she’d smiled and pursued him and since she’d first kissed him in the depths of the garden maze.

  For a moment he thought he might be able to walk away from her. Leave the house party, forsake whatever his father had left for him, and run as fast and far as he could go.

  That moment was long gone, he realized, if it had ever existed at all.

  “This is a mistake, Anna.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t believe that.”

  “Then I will show you.” He let out an ungentlemanly curse and crushed his lips against hers.

  Her lips parted for him and her tongue danced with his in a familiar waltz, as if they’d never stopped spinning. He didn’t want ten years ago to be the last time he heard the throaty moans reverberate through her, or saw the unfocused stare that overtook her gaze as she slipped into a realm where pleasure was all that mattered.