Romancing the Past

by Darcy Burke

  His arms wrapped around her and pulled her into him. She arched against him, wanting this for the rest of her days, but she needed time to properly think it through.

  She was breathless as she broke their kiss. “My feelings for you cannot overtake my good sense. I’m not saying no, but I am not saying yes. I will think about it.”

  He nodded, his gaze searching hers for some truth she didn’t have the words for. What he was asking of her hinged on insanity, and yet... and yet... she prayed there was a way to make it reality. She’d pined for this man, for his laughter and his caresses and his love, for ten years. This time she was determined to change their story.

  Chapter Eleven

  Henry hadn’t been to a ball in over ten years.

  When he’d last been at his aunt’s house party, he hadn’t attended the Twelfth Night Ball. That was the night he and Anna had eloped.

  That wasn’t to say he hadn’t danced in ten years. There had been plenty of local assemblies during his time in Scotland, but an event requiring formal evening attire such as this was not a part of his norm, even if he did have the proper attire. One could never be too prepared.

  He tried his best not to tug at the crisp white cravat his valet had woven into some obscure knot, but the stiffness of his neckwear and the tightness of his evening jacket was proving very uncomfortable.

  The abundant chandeliers in the ballroom lit the room to an almost glistening effect. The golden light made the red in the mahogany floors seem more red, the cream of the walls glow with warmth. It was reflected in the mirrors and the gems on the ladies’ necks and the pins in the gentlemen’s cravats.

  Henry imagined it must be quite blinding to come in from the darkness outside to the brilliance of the ballroom.

  In fact, he didn’t need to imagine. He’d experienced just such an effect when he’d burst through the doors during the masquerade ball over a week earlier.

  How his life had toppled onto its head since then. A weight of uncertainty hung about him, and it all centered on Anna. Would she accept him? Run away with him again? Or would she deny him, leaving them to part ways amicably, albeit in heartbreak.

  Either way, he was going to America. He just hoped she would come with him.

  He was nervous, he realized, but understanding did not provide relief. Only Anna could do that.

  To have thought he could spend the week with her and not have his feelings resurface was laughable. His pride had made him think himself above it but he was willing to toss caution to the wind if it meant having a life with Anna. He only hoped she’d be willing to take the leap with him.

  He spotted her across the ballroom where she stood with Millie and Percy. He was too far away to hear what amusing conversation made them all snicker, but close enough to see the amusement light up their eyes.

  He’d become fond of the twins over the last few days. They’d charmed, and, in the case of Millie, forced their way into his heart. He understood Anna’s attachment to them. She had done an admirable job raising them despite their father’s melancholy.

  The emerald of Anna’s gown perfectly complemented her brunette hair and the hazel of her eyes. She spotted him across the room, and their gazes met.

  Henry couldn’t breathe. The turmoil that raged through him was nearly unbearable. He needed to be closer to her, he needed to know what she had decided.

  Her expression softened as a smile spread across her lips and he saw her answer in her gaze as she gave him a tight nod. He could see her love for him, her eagerness. He returned her smile with a matching expression and closed the distance between them in a few long strides.

  He didn’t know what to say as he peered down at her, taking in her open face, filled with happiness. He could see a future with her reflected back at him. First America, and then he didn’t know, but he knew she would be beside him, as she should have been from the beginning.

  He allowed himself to feel everything he did for her, for the first time in a very long time. He’d pushed her from his mind for so long; opening himself to her again, to his love for her, was nearly overwhelming. In time, he would wrestle control over his emotions, but for now, he just allowed them to wash over him, settle into his bones until they became a comforting part of him again.

  He slowly became aware of a buzzing surrounding them, and he glanced away from her face, realizing the hum of conversation swirled about them and he hadn’t even noticed. Nor had anyone noticed he and Anna were in a world of their own. Millie and Percy were chattering about something, with a set of friends they’d made over the days of the party, but Henry couldn’t recall their names.

  He looked at Anna again, and she hadn’t taken her eyes from him. “You look lovely.”

  She blushed and glanced away. “I’ve not been to a ball in some time. It was nice to get dressed up for a change.”

  He wanted to touch her, gather her up in his arm, and let her feel his love. But the middle of a ballroom was not the place. There would be time later.

  “Carrington, please dance with my stepmother,” Millie said, pulling Henry’s attention.

  Percy nodded in agreement. “She’s not danced in ages, so she might step on your toes.”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Anna chided, but Millie and Percy smiled brightly despite their teasing.

  Henry offered Anna his arm. “I’m willing to risk it.”

  Henry swept her into a waltz, and Anna was lost.

  Lost her heart, lost her mind. Either way, Henry was here, and that was all that mattered.

  She didn’t know when she’d decided to go with him to America. It had been percolating for a while, and he’d put words to the idea when he’d suggested it. It felt right, despite her initial aversion, but she was done fighting her feelings for him. If they were not meant to be, everything wouldn’t have felt so right.

  Percy was to return to Cambridge for the upcoming term. Millie’s attachment to Mr. Pennex seemed to be progressing, even though Millie had been against marriage a fortnight earlier. Anna could see how Millie reacted to Mr. Pennex, and how her suitor looked at her as though the world revolved around her.

  It was how Henry was looking at her now. Intense, but filled with heat and tenderness, and a passion she felt tingle across her skin. She’d taken one look at him across the ballroom and known she couldn’t let him go. Knowing Percy and Millie would be settled and happy made her decision that much easier.

  “Whereabouts in America are we going?”

  Henry’s eyes lit up. “New York.”

  Anna bit her lip. “I don’t know much about America. Where is that?”

  He chuckled. “The northern end.”

  “I’ve plenty of time to learn, haven’t I?”

  His hand flexed along her back and she could imagine how much restraint it took to not pull her from the room. She was fighting against the same urge.

  A movement caught her attention along the far wall near the doors, and for a moment Anna was distracted as she watched Millie converse with someone on the edge of the ballroom. It looked like Mr. Pennex, though she couldn’t see for sure as they were too far away. The interlude looked heated, though no one close to them took notice. The gentleman set his hands on Millie’s shoulders and she shrugged them off angrily. Millie turned and fled the ballroom, her face in her hands.

  “What on earth....” Anna’s voice trailed off as she stepped away from Henry, nearly colliding with another dancing couple. Her attention was on the doorway Millie had just disappeared through and she barely saw anything else. Percy had apparently witnessed the same exchange she had, and he was through the doorway in pursuit of his sister before Anna made it off the dance floor.

  She didn’t say anything to Henry as she moved through the ballroom, but she felt him behind her.

  In the hallway, Anna spotted Millie and Mr. Pennex stopped further down the corridor, but still she could not tell what was happening. Mr. Pennex tried again to set his hands on Millie’s shoulders, and she stepp
ed out of his embrace.

  Anna didn’t hear what was said, but she watched as Percy caught up to his sister and Mr. Pennex.

  Mr. Pennex said something, but their voices did not travel over the sounds of the music in the ballroom. Whatever was said was not favorable, and Percy swung at him, knocking Mr. Pennex to the ground.

  Anna gathered her skirts into her fists and broke into a run, reaching Percy in moments. “Percy, what have you done?” she demanded.

  Percy loomed over Mr. Pennex as he scrambled to his feet.

  Her stepson looked at her in confusion, his gaze hard in warning before he refocused on Mr. Pennex.

  “You are not to go near her again!” Percy stood straighter, his face inches from Mr. Pennex as they stared each other down.

  Henry stepped between Percy and Mr. Pennex. “Not the way, lads, whatever it is.”

  “You broke my bloody nose!” Mr. Pennex’s nose dripped blood onto his white cravat.

  Henry glanced at him. “Calm down. Your nose is not broken.”

  “This brute had his hands on my sister!” Percy jabbed his finger in Mr. Pennex’s chest. “I demand satisfaction!”

  Anna paled. “Stop this, now!”

  Henry put his hands onto Percy’s chest and pushed. Percy resisted, but took a step back all the same. Henry met Anna’s gaze. “I’ll handle them. Go see to Millie.”

  Millie, of course she should see to Millie. She looked again between Percy, Mr. Pennex, and Henry, and nodded.

  Millie had disappeared into a sitting room just down the hall and Anna found her quickly. Her stepdaughter sat in a wide chaise, her head in her hands as she wept.

  Anna wrapped her arms around the girl and realized she was shaking. “What has happened?”

  Millie shook her head. “I cannot. It is too embarrassing.” She lay her head on Anna’s shoulder and Anna felt her tremble. She turned her face into Millie’s hair as tears pricked her eyes. She’d held Millie the same way countless times when she was a child, after her brother had played a trick on her, or she’d ruined a painting, or when her father had refused to see her. How helpless Anna had felt then, just as she did now, unable to ease the hurt and suffering from Millie’s heart.

  How long they sat like that, Anna did not know, but she heard when Henry and Percy entered the room.

  Percy sat gently beside his sister, brushing the blond locks that had fallen from her coiffure away from her face.

  “He won’t bother you now.” His tone was gentle, and gone was the raging bull he’d been in the hallway. Anna had rarely seen that level of anger or unchecked fury from her stepson, but she knew he possessed it. He reminded her of Henry in that way—even and calm mannered, but able to wield command when warranted.

  Millie’s head rose and she regarded her brother. “I cannot believe you hit Mr. Pennex.”

  Percy was not amused. “I cannot believe you let Mr. Pennex touch you like that.”

  Millie’s face hardened and she sat straighter. “I did not let him touch me, Percy. He grabbed me and I was caught off guard. I tried to shrug him off and remove myself from the situation, but he pursued. And you would fault me for that?”

  From the look of alarm on Percy’s face, he knew he had said something wrong. “That isn’t what I meant.”

  “Then what did you mean?” Millie rose abruptly, her arms crossing over her chest. “Because it sounds like you are blaming me for his actions!”

  Percy stood. “No, no that is not what I—I only meant he must have had a reason to think his attentions would be well met?”

  Anna stood and placed her hand on Millie’s shoulder, hoping to calm her. “Perhaps if you explained your relationship with Mr. Pennex, we might better understand what has happened.”

  Millie’s face didn’t soften as she looked at Anna. “It would hardly constitute a relationship. We’ve been friendly over the past week. We’ve talked of the theater and of riding. We have partnered at cards. I enjoyed his company, but have done nothing to indicate there should be more between us.”

  Tears filled her eyes and Anna knew there was something Millie had not said. She could tell from her behavior towards Mr. Pennex over the past week there had been something brewing between them.

  “But?” Anna prompted.

  Millie looked down at her gloved hands. “But I might have wished there was more. But not... not like this. Not sneaking away during a ball on the last night of the party. I suspected he might want to pursue something more formal, and in the moment, I just wasn’t ready for it.” Millie took a deep breath. “It all seemed wrong. I didn’t expect to approve of anyone at this party, much less seek out their attentions. And yet...”

  Anna smiled sadly. “And yet, you liked him.”

  Millie nodded and her breath caught. “But then I realized he would have to talk to Percy or Uncle Thomas because Father wasn’t here, and I was reminded of how angry I still am at Father for leaving us. And Mr. Pennex could see I was overset and tried to remove us from the room and it was all just too much. And now I fear I’ve over-reacted and ruined everything.” She looked up at her brother. “And then you hit him!”

  “How was I supposed to know? You never said anything!”

  “I wish you’d told us how you were feeling,” Anna said.

  Millie shook her head. “I didn’t want to burden you, Anna. And I didn’t think it was going to come to anything. I didn’t come here to look for a husband, despite that being the purpose of the party. But I know now I am not ready for that.”

  Percy swore under his breath and paced away from his sister. “Millie, I hit the man! I thought he’d accosted you. How could you not tell me about this?”

  Millie turned on her brother. “I am not the only one hiding things, Percy!”

  A heavy silence settled between the twins as Percy’s gaze narrowed into a warning glare. “Millie, don’t.”

  Anna crossed her arms, looking between the two. “What do I not know?”

  Millie’s glare was hard. “There have been enough secrets, Percy. If you don’t tell her, I will.”

  “Millie, this is none of your business!”

  Dozens of terrible things ran through Anna’s head, though none seemed plausible. “Tell me, Percy. Whatever it is cannot be half as bad as the things I am imagining.”

  Percy threw his sister a sharp look before settling his gaze onto Anna. Trepidation washed across his expression as he regarded her. “You remember Lord Loveton, Lord Stratford’s friend who told us about his upcoming expedition?”

  It sounded familiar, but she didn’t remember the specifics. “Go on.”

  “I met him months ago, when he came to Cambridge. We’ve corresponded about me taking a post on his expedition as a naturalist.”

  Anna blanched. “You made these arrangements before Christmas?”

  “No! Well, not entirely.” Percy ran his hand through his hair. “I knew what I wanted to do, I just wasn’t sure it was the right thing.”

  “Well, I can tell you running off is certainly not the right thing to do!”

  Percy regarded her with disbelief. “I was hardly running off. I am not set to leave for weeks yet.”

  “Weeks?” Anna’s tone pitched higher. “Exactly how many is that?”

  Millie pinned him with a defiant look. “Yes, Percy, how long is it?”

  Percy swallowed. “The end of February.”

  “And you’d not made the decision until the past few days?”

  “I’d made the decision. I’d just not informed Lord Loveton yet.” Percy’s gaze focused behind her and Anna knew he could only be looking at Henry. “I received some advice this week that encouraged me to make my decision known.”

  She could only imagine what Henry had said to him to push him towards this. Henry had never wanted to be an earl, had always had his own agenda for his life. He’d found a way to make it work, but that was for his life. She did not want the same complications for Percy.

  “Percy, you haven’t finished y
our studies yet! You’re going to throw away an education to go gallivanting?”

  “What better way to learn about the things I’ve only read in books than to experience them?”

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “And what about the Rycroft viscountcy? You’re going to up and leave that as well?”

  Percy’s jaw clenched. “It is in the capable hands of my uncle. I’m not needed for a few years yet. Plenty of time for me to see the world and make my place in it.”

  “That is not done!” Anna snapped, but she could see how much this meant to him. “This is not the life you were born to. For better or for worse, you are Viscount Rycroft!”

  “As my life is now, I do not want to be Rycroft!” Percy’s face filled with frustration. “I want to have my own life before I’m tethered down by the viscountcy. I need this Anna; can you not see that? I need a bit of freedom.”

  She studied him, seeing the young boy she’d first met so many years ago, his eyes wide and filled with emotion he’d never been able to understand, begging for love and acceptance. Then, and especially now.

  She moved towards him and pulled him into her arms, holding him as she had held him then. He was her son, and even if she only had him for a short while longer, she was not going to let that go.

  Millie was in crisis; Percy had joined an expedition. How could she leave them? How could she run off to chase her own happiness, when she was so clearly needed here?

  Henry.

  Tears pricked at the edges of her eyes as her plans with Henry unraveled into a pile of impossibility.

  She could not go to America. She could not be with Henry if he would not stay. And she would not ask him to stay, not when she knew how important his canals in America were to him.

  Anna felt him behind her, even though he stood a good distance away, politely giving them space. He’d been patient and gentle with her as she worked through her feelings for him. She’d tried to deny them, but he’d been steadfast in his love. She was grateful that had not changed, just as she knew he would understand why she had to stay.