Finn

by Jessie Cooke

  “So you don’t know if he was shot before or after you left?”

  “No idea.”

  “Does Rebekah Golden carry a gun?”

  Finn frowned and said, “You’d have to ask Beck that question.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because I’m not privy to what my president’s old lady carries or not. All I know is that as soon as she saw me holding Caitlin, and her bleeding, she was ready to do whatever she could to help. She led us here to the hospital. If I’d had to find it myself, Caitlin might have died. Now, are you arresting me for being a victim, or can I go home and get some rest?”

  “Don’t leave Phoenix.” Finn rolled his eyes. If the detective only knew, he didn’t plan on leaving the hospital.

  21

  “How much do I owe you for all this?” Finn asked Bubba.

  “Nothing. We got you. All the guys chipped in, except Prez, of course. I didn’t tell him, like you said. He’s in a foul mood anyway, and I have a feeling it’s going to get a lot worse if you get yourself arrested.”

  “I’m not getting arrested,” Finn said. Bubba handed him a small backpack. Bubba had been able to find out that morning that they’d moved Caitlin out of ICU and to a regular room on the fourth floor. Finn thought that was a good sign that she was doing better. There was still a cop outside her door, according to Bubba’s reconnaissance, but Finn had a plan. He opened the backpack and looked back up at Bubba. “I said green. Everyone I’ve seen has been wearing green.”

  “Not on the fourth floor, brother. They wear different colors by department.” Finn sometimes thought Bubba was stupid, and then he’d do something like this...he almost felt bad.

  “You checked?”

  “Of course. I’m not an idiot who’s gonna go buy a pair of scrubs so you can sneak onto a floor without knowing what color the rest of them will be wearing. You’d stick out like a sore thumb in green when everyone else is wearing beige.” Bubba rolled his eyes. Finn smiled at him.

  “Thanks, brother.” He took the clothes into one of the stalls and put them on. Bubba, it seemed, had thought of everything. He’d brought him a long-sleeved, white t-shirt to wear underneath the shirt to cover his tattoos. The scrubs were a little snug, but he wasn’t going to complain. Once he had them on he stepped out, stuffed the hospital gown he had been wearing into the trash receptacle, and said, “Shoes?” Bubba handed him another bag. Finn smiled when he opened it and saw the lanyard and name tag. Fucking Bubba was a hell of a lot smarter than he looked. He sat that aside and pulled out a pair of white clogs with round holes in them. They looked like the hockey mask that “Jason” wore from the Friday the 13th movie. “What the fuck? I’m not wearing these.”

  “It’s what they all wear.”

  “No way...even the men?”

  “Yes, even the men. You want to get in there this time, you gotta do this shit right. There’s a razor in there--you need to shave, and a pair of scissors...”

  “Scissors for what?” Finn reached up and touched his hair. He hadn’t cut it since he was in high school other than the occasional trim. “Oh, fuck no.”

  “You see any nurses running around here with long hair and half a beard?”

  “I don’t mind shaving but...my hair?”

  Bubba shrugged. “You can see your girl or you can get yourself arrested and face the prez and his old lady’s wrath. Up to you.”

  “Shit.” Finn walked over and looked in the mirror. Bubba was right; he looked much too disheveled to be a hospital employee. Besides, the cop at Caitlin’s door would be checking for a guy with long hair and at least three days’ worth of beard. He sighed, picked up the scissors, held out a piece of his hair, closed his eyes, and cut. When he opened them and saw the jagged line that stopped right near his chin, he frowned. Bubba was looking at him in the mirror.

  “Want me to do it?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I cut my own hair all the time.” Bubba had a full beard, but that was it for hair. He was bald, completely shaved. He chuckled when Finn’s eyes went to his head. “Okay, I was kidding, but it’ll be all uneven if you try and do it yourself.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he handed the scissors over to Bubba. The big biker smiled as he took them and just as he was picking up another piece of Finn’s hair, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

  “Occupied!” they both yelled, and then at once realized that whoever was out there was now probably wondering what two men were doing in the bathroom together. Finn sighed, took one last look at his hair, and closed his eyes. He didn’t open them again until Bubba said:

  “And there you go.” He opened his eyes and cringed. Bubba had cut it around his ears, but left it longer in the back, like a mullet. He reached up and touched it and Bubba said, “Now you’re all business in front, but still a party in the back.” Finn rolled his eyes, cringed again, and said:

  “Finish cutting it.” It took Bubba all of five minutes to lop off the rest of it to match. By the time Finn shaved and then combed his now short hair, he almost didn’t recognize himself.

  “Damn, you look pretty.” Finn smacked Bubba in the chest.

  “Shut the fuck up.”

  Bubba laughed. “Seriously, man, if I didn’t know you, wouldn’t recognize you.” He pulled out a tiny camera and said, “Smile.”

  “What?”

  “You need a picture for your name tag. I found this little beauty at Walmart. It’s an instant camera. Cool deal, huh?” Finn sighed, and smiled, sort of. Bubba snapped a picture and a few minutes later he had the lanyard around his neck with the picture in it and a little typed tag Bubba already had in there with the name “Steve” and “Med/Surg RN 4th floor” next to it. “You look like you belong here. I’ll be damned.”

  “Thanks for your help, brother. Go home now, in case they catch me. I don’t want Jace to know you had any part in this.”

  “Ah, he’d figure it out anyway. I’m gonna wait outside, just in case you need a ride or anything. If Jace needs me in the meantime, he’ll call.” Finn reached for Bubba’s hand and gave him a handshake/hug, thanked him again, and left the bathroom first. He was almost to the elevator when the old woman from the ICU waiting room bathroom passed him. Her face was wet with tears and Finn’s heart hurt for her, but he kept walking, until he heard her call out to him,

  “Irish boy?” Finn cringed and turned back toward her. She was smiling. “Well, look at you! I knew there was a pretty boy under all that hair.” Finn wasn’t sure how she’d recognized him and it worried him that maybe his disguise wasn’t as foolproof as he thought it was. He smiled at the little lady, though, and said:

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “Where are you headed looking so sharp?” Finn looked around to make sure none of the people bustling by were listening and then he said:

  “I’m going to see my girl. Didn’t want her to see me all scruffy.”

  The old woman’s sharp eyes traveled down to his feet and back up to his face. She looked sad for a second and said, “I saw them drag you out of there last night. Why don’t they want to let you see her?”

  “It’s complicated, ma’am. But all I want is to see her face and know she’s okay.”

  “I can see it in your eyes,” she said with a little smile. “You care about her very much.” With a little laugh she said, “Nobody would have been able to keep my Barney from me either.”

  “Did they...is your Barney gone?”

  She reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Yes. I let him go this morning. It was hard, but I have to keep reminding myself that at least he’s not suffering. Anyway,” she held out her arm and said, “why don’t you take me up to see my granddaughter?”

  “Ma’am?” Finn asked, wondering if she was suddenly confused.

  “What’s your girl’s name?”

  “Caitlin.”

  “That’s my granddaughter’s name,” she said with a wink up at him.

  “Oh, ma’am, I don’t thin
k I should get you involved in this...”

  “Oh, pish posh, an old woman needs a little excitement in her life from time to time. If you go up there alone and anyone talks to you, you’ll give yourself away the second you open your mouth and that adorable accent comes out. Let me help you. After all, I don’t think they’d question a sweet young man who just happened to be escorting a young lady’s grandmother in to see her, do you?”

  Finn smiled, broadly. “Why would you want to do this for me? You don’t even know me.”

  She smiled up at him and took his arm. “You remind me of my Barney. He was a remarkable man. I miss him already...and all I have left of him now are memories and the hope that I’ll get to see him again, soon, when it’s my time to go. I can see the hope in your eyes that they’re going to let you see your girl. Like I told you yesterday, hope is a powerful drug...it keeps us moving forward. If there’s anything I can do for anyone, to keep them from losing hope, I’ll do it. Now, are you ready?”

  Finn had a lump in is throat. He’d gone through most of his life with the idea that most people were evil, and only out for themselves. Since he came to Phoenix that idea had been dissolving one day and one goodhearted person at a time.

  22

  The old lady was good. She held onto Finn’s arm as they walked up to Caitlin’s room and she smiled brilliantly at the officer outside the door. “Hello, dear. I’m here to see my granddaughter, Caitlin.”

  The officer frowned at first and looked at his clipboard. “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t have you on the list.”

  Instantly, her faded brown eyes were filled with tears. “I knew they would forget me.” She looked up at Finn and said, “I told you they would forget me. Ever since they stuck me in that nursing home in Santa Fe, Caitlin’s been the only one to come and see me. I traveled all this way, and I’m not going to get to even see her.” She sobbed and buried her face against Finn’s chest. Finn didn’t speak; he just patted her back and glared at the officer.

  “I’m sorry, ma’am...”

  “It’s not your fault,” she sobbed. “They’ve treated me like this forever. All I’ve ever been to them is an ATM.”

  Finn saw the officer look around and then he said, “You know what, ma’am. Her family said they wouldn’t be back for a couple hours. I don’t see what it would hurt to let you go in.”

  She pulled her head up and with another dazzling smile she said, “Oh, what a wonderful young man you are! Thank you so much. Steve, give the young man some money.”

  Finn was panicking slightly, since he didn’t have any money. He didn’t even have a wallet to pull out. He was relieved when the officer said, “No, ma’am, please, I don’t need any money. I’m just happy I could help. You go on in.” He looked at Finn and said, “You can wait out here with me.” Finn looked at the old lady. For the first time he realized he hadn’t even asked her name.

  “I don’t go anywhere without Steve. He’s my helper.”

  “Ma’am...” She began to sob, again. Looking flustered the cop said, “Fine, both of you go in, but fifteen minutes only, okay?”

  “Oh, thank you!” she gushed with another smile. The officer pushed open the door and Finn and the old lady went inside. There was a curtain drawn around the bed. She looked at a chair near the door and said, “I’ll wait right here. You have a good visit, and remember, tell her how you feel.”

  “Thank you...what’s your name?”

  “It’s Dorothy, dear, like the one who went to Oz. You can be my Tin Man.”

  He smiled. “Thank you, Dorothy.” Finn went over to the curtain and with a deep breath, he pulled it back. A gasp escaped his throat when he saw Caitlin. She was as white as the bed she was lying in. Her hair was fanned out across the pillow and tubes seemed to be coming from everywhere. She had her eyes closed and aside from being pale, her face at least looked peaceful. “Caitlin,” he whispered, stepping closer to the bed. She didn’t stir and part of him wanted to shake her and wake her up. The other part of him knew she needed her rest. He slipped a hand under the sheet and found hers. Wrapping her small hand up in his, he gave it a little squeeze, and his heart nearly burst when he felt her squeeze it back.

  “Finn?” Her voice was weak and raspy, like she had a sore throat.

  “Yes, love, it’s me.”

  Her eyelashes fluttered and he waited for her to force her eyes open. When she did, he smiled. Her eyes were bloodshot and they had dark circles around them, but he was sure he’d never seen anything so beautiful...especially when she smiled back at him. “You’re here. Your face is so clean...and your hair...where’s your beautiful hair?”

  “Of course I’m here. I never left, love. I had to cut the hair and clean up, so I could...I had to look good to see you.”

  “What took you so long?”

  “I’m sorry, love. I’m here now.”

  She smiled. “I was dreaming about you. We were in a cave, making love.” She was so cute, she blushed when she said that.

  “I’m not sure that was a dream, love. Maybe it was a memory, of us in the tunnel.” She frowned like she was trying to call up a memory and then looking slightly confused she said:

  “I sort of remember that. Joy said I got shot...I don’t remember that.”

  “Sometimes our minds block things out because they’re too horrible to remember.” His had done that about some of the things O’Reilly did to him all those years ago. Sometimes the memories came back to him only in his nightmares...but that was preferable to being there all the time. Caitlin nodded.

  “Are you okay? You didn’t get shot?”

  “No, love, I didn’t. I’m fine. I’m so sorry for all of this.”

  “It’s not your fault. I told Joy and Uncle Tony...it’s not your fault.”

  “Well, if not for me, you never would have been involved in any of this, and you never would have been hurt. For that, I’m so incredibly sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive. You got me out of there...alive. I’m alive, and as long as I’m alive, I have another chance to start over, right?”

  Finn stood up and leaned over the bed and kissed her softly on the forehead. “That’s right, love. A wise woman told me that the most powerful drug in the world is hope. I think she’s right, and as long as we’re alive, we have hope, right?”

  “That’s right,” she said, her eyelids fluttering closed. She forced them back open right away and said, “Finn, don’t leave me, okay?”

  “I would love nothing more than to stay right here with you, love. But...your family won’t be happy if they find me here.”

  “Why?”

  “They’re upset with me, about all of this. I can’t say that I blame them. I would be pissed at me too. I can’t believe you’re not.”

  “I want you here. I told them all it wasn’t your fault, and the police too.”

  “The police talked to you?”

  She nodded. “I told them what I could remember, but it wasn’t much. I told them that you did everything you could to keep me safe.”

  “Thank you, love. But you want to know a secret?”

  “Mm-hmm...” Her eyes were fluttering closed again.

  “You were my strength in there. If not for you, I would have just lay down and died.”

  “Then you’d better not leave me. Who knows when you’ll need strength again?” she said, with a little smile. Her eyes were closed again and her voice fading.

  “I promise not to leave the hospital, love. You get better, and when you’re ready to go home, I’ll be right here, okay?”

  She nodded and then the grip she had on his hand loosened and her breaths deepened. She was asleep again. Finn sat looking at her for a long time, until Dorothy stuck her head behind the curtain and apologetically told him it was time to go. Finn stood up and kissed Caitlin on the forehead. He was still leaning over the bed when he heard the door to the room open and a woman’s voice saying, “Who are you?”

  “You do
n’t know her?” That was the cop. Finn cursed under his breath. He could hear poor Dorothy trying to make something up and he took one last look at his sleeping beauty and stepped outside the curtain. Caitlin’s cousin Joy, looking every ounce the super model, narrowed her eyes at him.

  “You! You’re not supposed to be here! Fine job you’re doing!” she scolded the cop.

  “It’s not his fault, dear, we lied...very convincingly, I might add,” Dorothy said.

  “I don’t care. I want you out of here now! I should have you arrested.”

  “I just wanted to see her. I would never do anything to hurt her...”

  “You already have.” Joy went over, pushing past Finn, and she pulled the curtain open. “Look at her. You did this!”

  “Joy?” Caitlin’s sleepy voice came before she opened her pretty eyes. “Why are you yelling?”

  “I’m sorry, honey,” Joy said, her tone of voice much sweeter. “You go back to sleep, I won’t yell anymore.”

  “Why are you yelling? Finn! Where’s Finn?”

  “I’m here, love.” Joy glared at him as he stepped further toward the bed where Caitlin could see him. She smiled, faintly, but it was definitely a smile.

  “Good.”

  “Caitlin, honey, he can’t be here.”

  “Why?”

  “Because this is all his fault. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. He needs to go, and he needs to stay away from you.”

  Caitlin’s sleepy look was suddenly replaced with one of strength and determination. It was actually quite a sight to see. She leveled her eyes on her cousin’s face and said, “I’m not a child. You don’t get to decide who I see and who I don’t see.”

  “You’re on medication right now. You don’t know what you want.”

  “Bullshit, Joy. I want Finn...here. Please. I don’t want to, Joy, but if you make me choose, I’ll choose him.”

  Joy looked like she’d been slapped in the face. She gave Finn another hard stare before telling Caitlin, “Dad went to the airport to pick up your mom. She’s not going to be okay with him being here. She’s already talking about taking you back to New York.”