by M. E. Parker
I squeezed his hand. “Hey. Stop. When I told you a month ago that you should come out on your own terms when you’re ready, I meant it. That hasn’t changed because we’re dating. If you ever feel like I’m pressuring you to come out, tell me. Because that’s the last thing I want to do. The situation is what it is. I knew that the first night we were together, and I knew it when I said yes to you yesterday morning. We’ll figure it out as we go, we’ll make this work. I want to make it work.” I smiled and searched his eyes for understanding. “I only asked if you wanted to come over earlier than usual because I was thinking I could make us dinner. That’s all it was,” I said, as I ran my thumb across the back of his hand.
His soft laughter rumbled through the cab of his truck. “Okay. Can I have a do over?”
“Sure.” I smiled.
“I would love to come over for dinner. What time?”
“I don’t know. How about eight or eight-thirty?”
Chance looked at his watch. “That’s like three hours from now.”
I shrugged. “I need to run by the store. Good food takes time.”
He shook his head and reached up and touched my cheek. “I’ll give you until seven-thirty. That’s the best I can do.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. My instinct was to lean in for a kiss, but I realized where we were. “Okay, I’ll see you at seven-thirty, but I can’t promise it’ll be ready.”
Chance grabbed my shirt as I stepped out of the truck. “I don’t care if it’s ready. I just want to see you.”
Chapter Six
Chance
I stepped out of my truck and nervously smoothed the front of my red plaid dress shirt. I'd never cared much about what I wore, but being with Andy made me care. I reached inside the truck and grabbed the flowers and bottle of wine that I’d picked up on the way over.
When I reached Andy's apartment, I realized that I hadn't worried even once that someone would see me. I’d just been nervous and excited about seeing Andy. Progress, I thought to myself. Of course, it helped that campus was basically a ghost town.
Letting out a breath, I knocked gently on the door. I heard Andy rustling around inside. He threw the door open.
“You’re early.” Andy looked frazzled, but still completely adorable.
It was only ten after seven. “A little.” I shrugged.
He turned around quickly. He was wearing a white apron and clearly struggling to get it untied.
“What are you doing? Let me see.” There were black words on the front. But I couldn’t quite make them out before he turned his back to me.
He turned around. “Don’t judge me. Cam gave it to me. I wanted a plain white one. I was cooking red sauce and I didn’t want to get any on my shirt.” His face was bright red. He was so fucking cute. It said, Kiss the Cock.
I burst out laughing. “It’s hilarious.”
“Not for a first date,” he mumbled as he scrunched it up and stuffed it in the kitchen pantry.
“It’s hardly our first date.”
“Yes, it is,” he said, smiling at me.
“I took you to lunch today,” I said, smiling back. “And last night, we went for drinks at Clyde’s, and before that we had dinner together at my parents’ house.” I walked towards him. “And yesterday morning, we had breakfast together at your mother’s house. So really, this is like our fourth date. Not to mention, we’ve spent almost every night together for the past month.”
Laughing, he reached up and ran his hand through his hair. “Okay.”
I looked down at him. He was wearing a black dress shirt. I loved the way it fit him—tight through the chest and shoulders. My eyes drifted down his body to his tight ripped jeans and bare feet.
“You look great, monkey,” I said.
“So do you,” he said, brushing his hand against my bicep. “You look good in red.”
I took a step closer and leaned down, nestling my nose against his neck. “You smell good,” I said, breathing in his scent. I gently kissed his lips. “You taste good too,” I said, grinning at him. He chuckled and I kissed him again and whispered against his lips, “I’d be glad to kiss the cock.”
He burst out laughing and slapped me playfully on the arm. He looked down at my hands and his face sobered.
“You brought flowers.”
It was my turn to feel embarrassed. “Yeah. Is it weird? I brought wine too.” I held up the bottle, hoping I hadn’t made a huge mistake.
He snatched the flowers out of my hand. “No, it’s fucking sweet.” I watched as he closed his eyes and smelled the yellow roses and I knew I’d made the right call.
“I really wanted to get you those yellow and black ones. Like the ones we planted with your mom that one summer.”
He smiled at me. “Sunflowers.”
“Yeah. But there was only one store open in town. This place is deserted.”
He blushed. “Sunflowers are my favorite, but I love these too. No one’s ever brought me flowers.” He walked across the kitchen and pulled a glass pitcher out of a cabinet and filled it with water and began to place the roses in the pitcher, one stem at a time. He looked over his shoulder and asked, “Why don’t you open the wine?”
By the time I’d finished opening the wine and pouring two glasses, Andy was standing in front of the stove stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. I paused for a second and looked at him. Sometimes when I looked at him, he took my breath away. It was a foreign feeling for me—to be so attracted to another person. It may have taken me a long time to realize it, but I’d always been attracted to him. The last few weeks had taken those feelings to whole new level.
I picked up a glass of wine for Andy and set it on the counter next to the stove. I couldn’t help but want to be close to him. Gripping his hips with both hands, I leaned in to whisper against his neck, “It smells great.”
Andy’s head fell back and laid on my shoulder. “It’s just spaghetti.”
“You know it’s my favorite.”
“Yeah.” He smiled.
I looked at the freshly-baked bread sitting on the counter next to the stove and reached for a piece. “This is homemade, isn’t it?”
Andy laughed and smacked my hand away. “Hands off, that’s for dinner.”
I kissed his neck. “But it looks so good.”
He tore off a small piece and reached over his shoulder to feed it to me. He was driving me crazy.
By the time we sat down for dinner, all I could think about was getting him naked, so I devoured the delicious pasta. I looked over at Andy’s full plate.
“You’ve barely eaten anything.” I searched his face. Something was bothering him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, unconvincingly.
I reached across the table and lifted his chin, forcing him to look at me. “Tell me.”
“I’m totally fine. I guess I’m sorta nervous.”
“About what?”
He chuckled. “Do you want me to be honest?”
“No. Lie to me,” I joked.
He shook his head. “You know how we said that we would, you know, tonight.”
I smiled. Part of him wanted to make him say it. I wondered what words he’d choose. Have sex. Make love. Fuck. I had no idea what words I’d use. But I didn’t have it in my heart to make him say the words. I reached across the table and grabbed his hand.
“We don’t have to,” I said. “I’m nervous too.” That wasn’t a lie. I was nervous. I’d spent at least an hour online before I’d come over, googling ‘anal sex’, and had come to the conclusion that there was way too much information on the internet. In the end, I’d just convinced myself that everything that Andy and I had done together so far had felt fantastic, and that I wanted to be with him in every way possible.
His eyes widened. “You don’t want to?”
I smiled. “No, I want to. But it doesn’t have to be tonight. We can wait. I don’t want to until you’re ready. I mean, it’s not like I don’t
love …” I stopped myself, trying to collect my thoughts. “I mean, I love being with you in whatever way. There’s no hurry.” I meant it. I knew without a doubt that I wanted Andy to be my first. But I also knew that he’d dated Mark for almost a year and they hadn’t fucked. It was stupid for me to think that he’d be ready to hand me his virginity after we’d been “official” for two days.
He smiled and squeezed my hand. “I want to. I think. I’m just nervous.”
I laughed. “How about we just concentrate on dinner? It doesn’t have to be planned. That’s too much pressure. We just decide when we decide. When we’re both feeling it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, we’ll still have a great night. Seriously, monkey, I’m just happy we’re together.”
Andy shook his head and laughed. “Ugh … stop being so damn perfect. It’s unsettling.”
I grinned at him. “You want me to fart or something?”
“Don’t you dare!”
We laughed and talked through the rest of dinner and Andy managed to eat most of the pasta on his plate. At some point he got up and refilled our wine glasses.
“I made dessert,” he said.
“Please tell me it’s something chocolate.”
“What else would I make for you? It’s a chocolate mousse cheesecake.”
I groaned. “You’re gonna make me so fat. Will you still love me when I’m fat?” The words slipped effortlessly from my mouth. I saw him blush. I was probably blushing too. It was too soon for me to say the words, but I felt them.
He laughed and threw his napkin at me. “Like you’d ever get fat, Mr. perfect six-pack.”
I shrugged. “I’ve worked hard for this,” I said rubbing my belly. “You could undo all my progress with one meal,” I teased.
He rolled his eyes. “Do you want a piece or not?”
“I definitely want a piece,” I said, smiling. “But let me digest for a little while.”
Andy nodded and stood, reaching for my plate.
“What are you doing?” I asked, taking the plate from his hand.
“The dishes?” he said with an arched eyebrow.
“No, you’re not,” I said pushing him back down in his chair. “I’ll do the dishes. You cooked.”
“At least, let me help,” he said, trying to stand again.
I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. “No. You sit there and drink your wine. I got this.”
As I rinsed our dishes and put them in the dishwasher, Andy said, “You remember that movie from the eighties Weird Science? Those kids invent the perfect girlfriend?”
I turned to him. “I think so.”
He smiled at me. “I think if I could invent the perfect boyfriend, he wouldn’t be as good as you.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh my god. That was so cheesy.”
Andy laughed. “It was not. It was a compliment. You should accept it without making fun of me.”
As I put away the leftovers, I said, “You see, I’m not perfect. I’m nowhere near perfect. We both know that.” I couldn’t get the nagging voice out of my head, I’m not out.
“You’re perfect for me,” Andy said, smiling as he took another sip of wine.
As I began to wash the pots and pans, I felt Andy behind me.
“Come here,” he said, turning me around. He had a kitchen towel and he began to dry my hands. “Leave the rest for later,” he whispered before he kissed me. I dropped the towel on the floor and took him in my arms.
Chapter Seven
Andy
We stumbled through my bedroom door within seconds. Chance was unbuttoning my shirt. One painstaking button at a time. Stopping to kiss my chest after each button. I was trying to control my breathing. I was so turned on, I didn’t think I could wait another second to have his skin against mine. After he unbuttoned the last one, he dropped to his knees and unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans.
I put my hand on his head.
“Go Lions,” he said, with a laugh. I was wearing a pair of green briefs that had a white band around them. Gilcrest colors.
“You like?” I teased. He nodded his head as he pulled my jeans down to my ankles. His mouth settled against my throbbing erection. The heat of his breath passed through the green fabric, causing my entire body to shudder. I gently pressed his head back. “If you do that, this will be over in about thirty seconds. Come here.”
He stood and gripped both sides of my face and kissed me. As our kisses became more hungry, I reached between us and tried to unbutton his shirt. My hands shook as I struggled to get each one unbuttoned. Chance lost patience with me and pulled it over his head while I unbuttoned his jeans. As he stepped out of them he pushed me back on the bed. I quickly scooted back.
He knelt between my legs and looked down at me for a second before grabbing the waistband of my briefs and pulling them down.
As I struggled to get free of them, he smiled at me. “I’m so fucking attracted to you.” The intensity of his gaze caused my heart to speed up. “Seriously, there’s not one thing about you that I don’t find attractive.”
I reached over to my nightstand and got out the lube and a condom and put them beside us on the bed. He looked at them and looked back at me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
He fell on top of me and kissed me and began to move his hips against mine. As our hard cocks made contact, I moaned. “I need you to be sure, monkey,” he whispered in my ear.
“I’m sure,” I rasped.
He pulled away from me and studied my eyes.
“What if you don’t like it?” I asked, finally voicing my biggest fear. It didn’t matter that we’d been naked in bed together almost every night for the last month. There was still some small part of me that was terrified he’d change his mind. That he’d suddenly decide that he wasn’t gay after all. It was irrational, but I couldn’t escape those thoughts.
He grinned and scrunched his brow. “What if you don’t like it?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m pretty sure I’ll like it.”
He shook his head. “I’m pretty sure I’ll like it too. But if either of us doesn’t like it, we won’t do it again.”
I nodded nervously. He sat up and knelt between my legs and squeezed some lube onto his fingers. As he ran his slick fingers over my hole, I squirmed.
“We can stop anytime,” he said.
“I know,” I rasped as he pressed one finger inside me. I wanted him. I tried not to moan as he pressed another finger inside me. “Oh god,” I whispered when he found my prostate. I looked down at my cock that was leaking with precum. I wouldn’t last very long.
“Jesus, Andy. This is so hot. Does it feel good?” he asked.
I nodded and moaned and tried to concentrate on the periodic table. It wasn’t working. “Now, Chance. I can’t wait,” I said breathlessly. He pulled his fingers away and I felt empty. Sitting up, he grabbed the condom. His hands shook as he tore it open and rolled it over his hard cock. I reached for the lube and gripped him, coating the condom.
“I want you so much,” he said, looking down at me with a shaky voice. He was kneeling between my legs and let his body fall over the top of mine, bracing himself above me with both hands on either side of my body. He stared down at me. “Do you want to like this?” he asked. “I heard it hurts less from behind.”
I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was worried about me and I loved him for it.
“Who did you hear that from?” I teased.
He smiled. “The internet.”
I shook my head. “I want to see your face.”
“Me too.”
I spread my legs wider and he sat up to guide himself inside of me.
After a few seconds he chuckled. “I can’t get the angle right.” He grabbed a pillow from beside my head. “Here,” he said, pushing it under my hips. It was a little awkward. We were both shaking. Neither of us knew exactly what we were doing. But when he pushed inside me, everything got r
eal.
“Oh fuck,” I rasped.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No. Keep going. Just do it,” I said, as he pushed all the way in.
I let out a breath. The pain was subsiding. He brushed some hair off my forehead. “Do you want me to stop? Am I hurting you?”
“No. I’m good. Are you okay?”
He let out a breath. “It feels fucking incredible,” he said as he began to slowly move. I began to move with him until we found our rhythm.
“Oh god, Chance. Right there. That feels so good.” I looked up at his face.
“I’m not gonna last long,” he said breathlessly.
I laid my head back and closed my eyes.
“Ahh … Andy, you feel so good.”
I tried to stay quiet, but a tiny moan escaped from my throat each time he pressed into me. As soon as Chance moaned, I could feel him pulsing inside me. I looked down as my own release covered my stomach. I hadn’t even touched myself. Chance hadn’t even touched me. I tried to catch my breath as he collapsed on top of me.
“Fuck, monkey,” he whispered beside my ear. I ran my hands up and down his back. “Please tell me you liked it,” he said, trying to catch his breath.
I laughed. “What do you think? We’re going be stuck together in a few minutes.”
“God, that felt so good,” he said, kissing my earlobe before he rolled off me.
“Oh my god,” I whispered.
He leaned up on his elbow and touched my face. “Did it hurt?”
“At first. But then, oh my god.” I smiled at him as I tried to catch my breath.
He smiled back at me. “I’m going to get you a wash cloth. Just give me a minute to recover,” he said as he laid his head back on the bed. A few minutes later he was kneeling beside the bed cleaning me with a warm cloth. “I didn’t think you could—without me touching you.”
“Me neither. I never expected that.” He dropped the cloth on the floor and crawled into bed beside me. Pulling me closer, he wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest.
He kissed the top of my head. “Thanks for giving me that part of yourself.”
