Catching Chance

by M. E. Parker

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chance

  As soon as I jumped to the ground, I grabbed Andy’s hand and pulled him towards the house. Andy loves me. I’m in love. I wasn’t lying, I was happy. I didn’t care about anything else. Either my parents would accept me, or they wouldn’t. The same for my friends and teammates. I just wanted to get it all over with so there wasn’t anything holding us back. I felt like I could breathe. I felt like I was walking on air as we made our way across Andy’s backyard. I wasn’t too excited about facing my mother, but I wanted to get it over with.

  We were halfway to the backdoor when Andy squeezed my hand and stopped. “Hold on. My phone is going off like crazy.” He pulled it out of his pocket. “Cam must be having some kind of crisis,” he said smiling. His eyes got wide as he stared at his phone screen. “Holy shit, I have 689 follow requests on Instagram. What the hell?”

  Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that. He’s going to hate me. Then he’s going to kill me. I shouldn’t have tagged him in the picture. I wasn’t thinking. I had over 30,000 followers. He stared down at his phone.

  “Chance, what the hell did you do?” He held it out to me, as if he was asking whether it was real. I looked down at the screen; I’d posted it a few minutes ago. There were over a thousand comments already. It was a picture I’d taken of Andy and me standing in his kitchen. I was smiling and he was kissing me on the cheek. The post read: I love @andy.michaelson13. In case anyone is confused, I’ll steal a line from Ellen … Yep, I’m gay. #BestBoyfriendEver.

  Five minutes ago I thought it was kind of clever. I thought I was doing the best thing. But when I saw the look on Andy’s face, I was rethinking it all. I probably should have discussed it with him first.

  “Chance?” he asked, waiting for me to respond. I felt my cheeks redden.

  “Ummm … I was thinking I wanted to rip off the Band-Aid. To get it over with, you know. Shit, I shouldn’t have brought you into it. I wasn’t thinking—I shouldn’t have tagged you in it. Are you pissed?” I looked at him staring down at his phone screen. His face had gone completely white. “Andy? I can delete it.”

  He slid his phone back into his pocket. “Come here,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me. “You’re an idiot. But you’re sweet. I can’t believe you did that.” He pulled away and looked at me and shook his head. “Shouldn’t you have told your coach first, and the team?”

  I shrugged. “Probably, but it seemed a lot easier to tell everyone at once. You’re not pissed?”

  He smiled up at me. I studied his freckles and then reached up and touched his nose. “I’m not pissed. But I’m worried about you.”

  I leaned down and kissed him once, gently on the lips. “I’m fine, monkey.”

  He frowned. “Not everyone will be nice, Chance—you know that, right? There are some fucked-up people out there.”

  I shook my head. I knew there would be people who wouldn’t like it, but I was mad at myself for not thinking of Andy. If something happened to him because of me, I’d never forgive myself. “I know that, but I should have been thinking about you. I shouldn’t have put you in the middle of this. I’ll delete it,” I said, pulling my phone out of my pocket.

  He put his hand on my arm. “Don’t you dare. It’s too late. If you delete it, it will become bigger. Just leave it. Plus, I kind of like that everyone at Gilcrest knows you’re mine.” He grinned.

  “I am,” I said, simply smiling down at him.

  He chuckled and shook his head. “Do you know how many people are probably freaking out right now? You should call your coach.”

  “We have our first spring practice tomorrow afternoon. I’ll go early and talk to him before practice. Everything will be fine, monkey,” I said, more to convince myself than Andy.

  He smiled. “I know. But the next few days might be hell. Come on, Lizzy is probably worried sick.”

  When I walked through the backdoor of Andy’s house, my mother practically jumped on top of me.

  “Oh, Chance, I was so worried. Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I was mad at your father, it had nothing to do with you. I love you. Nothing’s changed. I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you’re with Andy.” Her eyes were red and puffy. I felt guilty. I felt guilty for causing so much trouble between her and my father. I felt guilty because she was so upset.

  “I’m fine, Mom. Don’t make such a fuss. I’m okay. Are you okay?” I asked, moving past her in the doorway so Andy could walk in behind me.

  She shook her head. “No, I feel awful. I never knew your father said all that stuff to you when you were a teenager. If I’d have known, I would’ve—”

  “Liz, why don’t you and Chance come inside and sit down in the living room. Andy, can you help me in the kitchen?” Julie said, as she appeared in the hallway in front of me.

  “Sure,” Andy replied. He squeezed my hand before he let go and followed his mother towards the kitchen.

  I put my arm around her shoulders. “Come on, Mom, sit down,” I said steering her towards the living room. We sat down on the couch. I cleared my throat. “I’m fine. Actually, I feel good. Relieved, you know? I’ve been holding it in for so long. I wanted to tell you and Dad together, but you weren’t home and I—well, once Dad and I were face to face, I felt like I had to say it before I lost my nerve. But I’m fine. I knew how Dad would react and I’m okay. Maybe I should have talked to you first. I’m sorry.”

  Her blue eyes were glistening with tears. “Oh, Chance, I’m the one who should be sorry. I just didn’t see it coming. I mean, there was a time, when you were eleven or twelve—Julie and I talked about it. I wondered, you know. You were always such a sweet, sensitive child. You had dozens of friends, but I never got the feeling that you felt like you belonged—except with Andy. So, I wondered. And then you started dating girls and I just thought I’d read the situation wrong. But it was always in the back of my mind, you know?”

  She wiped away the tears under her eyes. “I wish I had talked to you about it before now. I should have made you understand. But honey, gay or straight—it doesn’t matter to me. I’ve never cared who you love; as long as it’s someone kind, with a good heart, it doesn’t matter to me. And Chance,” she reached for my hand and squeezed it, smiling, “I can’t think of anyone with a kinder heart than Andy’s.”

  I smiled at her. “So, you’re okay with all of this?”

  She nodded, her eyes still watery. “Of course. I’m happy for you. I just wish your father would get his head outta’ his ass, you know?”

  I looked down. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t … I didn’t mean for you and Dad to fight over this. I just couldn’t keep it inside anymore.”

  She shook her head. “Oh, Chance, this doesn’t have to do with you, honey. This is your father’s problem. I’m glad you told me. I wish you felt like you could have told me sooner. I’m sorry about Dad, I really am.”

  I nodded and shrugged. “It is what it is. I knew how he felt before I told him.”

  She bit her bottom lip. “There’s something you need to know. I’d rather your father tell you though. But you have to believe me, this has nothing to do with you. It’s stuff from his past that he never worked through. I never pressed him on it. I should have, but he’s gonna have to deal with it now.”

  I furrowed my brow. “What is it? I heard you yelling at him. Who’s Robbie?”

  She let out a breath. “Honestly, I can’t tell you much, but what I know is that your father had a brother, Robert. He was ten years older than your dad. When your dad was about twelve, he died. I don’t know all the details; it all happened before we met. He told me when we were just kids, still in high school, but he never spoke of it again. Over the years, I’ve tried to bring it up, but he refuses to talk about it.” She put her hand over mine. “Robert was gay.”

  I don’t know what I expected to hear, but it wasn’t that. “Oh my god. How could I not know this? He’s never talked about it? What about Grandm
a and Grampa?”

  She shook her head. “They never talk about. Apparently, they wouldn’t let your dad talk about it. I should have forced the issue, but I never did.”

  I swallowed. “Jesus, why?”

  “Why what?” she asked.

  “Why couldn’t he talk about it?”

  “Honey, I don’t know. I hope he’ll share that with you. He never shared it with me. I don’t even know if he knows. He was just twelve when it happened. I’m only telling you this because I truly believe, deep down, he knows what’s right and wrong—he just can’t admit it. I feel like he’s carried all kinds of guilt and fear in his heart for years, but he’ll work through it now. We’ve been married for thirty years. I know the man. He loves you. He’ll figure it out.”

  I shook my head and rubbed my face. I didn’t really know what to make of what she had told me. I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him for telling me that I was wrong, that my feelings weren’t real, that the way I felt about Andy wasn’t love.

  “I don’t know, Mom, but it doesn’t matter now. Either he’ll accept me, or he won’t. It doesn’t matter why. I’m done. I love you. I love Dad. But this is who I am. I’m done pretending and I’m done letting him make me feel bad about that.”

  She reached up and patted my face. “Good. Like I said, this is his problem, not yours. Once he works through it, then maybe we can all get past this. But it’s up to him. But, Chance, I’m here for you. I always will be. I couldn’t ask for a better son. I couldn’t be more proud of you.” She smiled.

  I smiled back at her. “Thanks.”

  “Should we see what Andy and Jules are cooking up in the kitchen?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Andy

  I studied Chance’s expression when he and Lizzy walked into the kitchen; he looked okay. I tried to eavesdrop on their conversation, but my mother kept distracting me.

  “Oh my gosh, did you make macaroni and cheese, Jules?” Chance asked as my mother pulled the cheesy goodness out of the oven.

  “It’s your favorite, isn’t it?” she asked, smiling at him. As soon as she set it down on the middle of the table, she walked over and hugged him. “I’m so proud of you. You’re brave, Chance. I know today hasn’t been easy for you,” she said in a hushed tone.

  Chance shook his head. “Andy’s the one who’s brave. I shouldn’t have waited so long.” He looked at me and smiled. I felt butterflies race through my stomach. I was emotionally spent. I couldn’t believe he’d told me he loved me. I couldn’t believe he came out to the whole world. I felt like I’d won the lottery. I smiled back at him as he pulled out a chair for my mother to sit down.

  She patted his cheek. “Everyone does things at their own pace. I’m happy for you, Chance.”

  He grinned. “I’m happy for me, too. I’m especially happy to be eating your mac and cheese today,” he said as he sat down beside her.

  As Lizzy sat down, she said, “There’s salad and bread also. You boys get some of everything—don’t just load up on macaroni and cheese.” I chuckled under my breath as the four of us ate together. I felt like we were eight again. Even though there was still a cloud hanging over us, Chance’s father to be precise, our mothers were giddy with excitement as they planned a camping trip for the four of us in the summer. They were almost too excited. I wondered if they weren’t secretly planning our wedding, or how many grandchildren we might give them. The thought made me smile. I wouldn’t have even allowed my thoughts to go there a week ago.

  We left sometime in the afternoon after a prolonged tearful goodbye and a lot of begging for us to stay for a “sleepover”. I followed Chance to his truck, still parked in his driveway. He walked around and opened the passenger door for me. I smiled as he closed it and looked down at the bracelet he had given me. As I ran my fingers across it, I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t dreaming. Chance startled me when he opened the driver’s side door.

  “Ah shit.” I looked up and saw Pastor Wyrick jogging towards the truck.

  I reached over and put my hand over Chance’s and gave it a little squeeze. I wanted him to know that he had my support. I was surprised when he intertwined his fingers with mine as he rolled down his window. Chance’s father was out of breath when he appeared beside the truck.

  “Chance. You’re leaving?” he asked as he peered inside the truck. His eyes focused on our hands joined together and his face turned red.

  “Yep. We’re headed back to Gilcrest,” Chance answered with a flat voice, void of emotion.

  He nodded his head. “Okay. Ummm …” he looked down at his feet. “Be careful on the drive back.”

  “I will,” Chance responded.

  He raised his head and looked at me. His eyes looked both sad and defeated. “Don’t let him speed, Andy.”

  I tried to manage a small smile, but I’m not sure if it came across as I nodded my head in agreement.

  “I love you, Son,” he said, turning his attention back to Chance.

  Chance nodded and let go of my hand to put the truck in reverse. “Bye, Dad.”

  “Bye, Son,” he said as he took a few steps back.

  As we drove down the street to leave the neighborhood, I looked at Chance. “Are you okay?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah.” Then he turned and smiled at me. “Yeah, I am. Apparently, I have a gay uncle.”

  “Oh my god, you have a guncle?” I chuckled. “I’ve always wanted one of those. Where is he? Is that who your mom was talking about?”

  He frowned. “I guess I should have said, I had a gay uncle. My dad had a brother named Robert, who was like ten years older than him. He died when my dad was twelve, but my mom doesn’t know any details. She said he’s never dealt with it. I don’t know,” he sighed.

  “Oh god, Chance, I’m sorry. Maybe he’ll work through it. Maybe you should ask him about it.”

  He shook his head and smiled at me. “I’m okay. If he wants to talk to me about it, he will. All I know is that I’m done pretending. Either he’ll accept me, or he won’t.”

  I smiled back. “Well, it could’ve gone worse, right? He told you he loves you. That’s something, right?”

  He chuckled. “He loves all of God’s children, Andy. Even sinners like me.”

  “Still, it could have been worse. Lizzy and Jules seem happy.”

  He burst out laughing. “Oh my god, they’ve probably opened another bottle of wine already and are planning our big fat gay wedding.”

  I snorted. “I was thinking the exact same thing when we were having lunch.” We came to a stop light and Chance looked over at me. “I love you, monkey. Thanks for coming with me today.”

  I couldn’t stop smiling. “I love you, too.” I shook my head. “This all feels a little unreal,” I said, as I reached down and touched my bracelet. I looked over at him, he was still smiling at me. I could already see a change in him. His whole demeanor seemed lighter.

  “It does for me, too. But, god, I feel like a thousand-pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know I have a bunch of shit to face, but I feel free. Mom’s fine. Travis is fine. Dad is Dad. The worst of it’s over. Whatever happens with football, happens.”

  I didn’t want to bring him down, but I was still worried about football. I wasn’t sure how his coach would take it. I wasn’t sure what this would mean for his professional career. He wouldn’t be the first gay football player to enter the draft, but that didn’t mean it would be easy.

  As if he could read my mind, he said, “I don’t think I want to enter the draft.”

  I was shocked. “You don’t have to decide that today. You’ve had a lot to deal with already.”

  He shrugged. “I know. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I may not even get picked, and if I do, it won’t be first round. Someone will pick me up as a backup quarterback and I’ll spend a few years sitting on the bench before I get cut. In the meantime, I’ll be traveling all over the place and I won’t be able to finish my architecture degree a
t Gilcrest. And besides that, I’ll be away from you, monkey.” He looked over at me with a smile.

  “Oh my god, Chance, you can’t worry about me. You love football. We can figure it out. You wouldn’t be the first gay player to enter the draft. It’s not like it used to be—”

  He interrupted me. “Stop. I don’t love football like I used to. And it doesn’t have anything to do with coming out. I was just thinking about you and what you told me today about the pastry certificate, and how much I just wanted you to be happy. I decided I wanna be happy, too. I’ve been trying to please too many people for too long. Staying at Gilcrest to finish my degree will make me happy. Being with you will make me happy. Don’t I deserve that?” He smiled at me.

  I felt a wide grin spread across my face. “Of course you deserve to be happy. If that’s what you want, I fully support you.”

  “So, you won’t be disappointed if I’m not a rich football star?” He turned to me and winked.

  I laughed. “No, I’m all about dating an architect.”

  “So, if I tell my coach about these plans of mine, will you promise to tell your mother about your plans?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes.”

  When we hit another stop light, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Look at us, making all these grownup decisions.”

  I looked over at him as he pulled onto the interstate to head back to Gilcrest. He was hot. Completely hot. I studied his profile. The dark stubble that covered his jawline. His sharp features. His full lips. His dark eyes, as they concentrated on the road ahead. I was completely lost for him—head over heels. I was in love. It wasn’t just the way he looked, it was how we fit together. It was how he knew me inside and out, and how I knew him. It was everything about him. I loved him completely, but I couldn’t help but worry.

  I cleared my throat. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. But are you sure about all of this? It seems sudden. I want you to be sure.”