“There was an unofficial change of plan and the tests were run here.”
“So you’re saying Mom signed up for this?”
“No, not exactly.” Frank finally breaks eye contact, and I think I see doubt cross his face. “They were volunteers, but not for what was done to them, to you. Each of your mothers suffered from miscarriages, or the inability to become pregnant. The tests done were supposed to help remedy that.”
“That is so illegal and despicable…” I shake my head, not sure I have the space in my head to take all of this in.
“I know that it’s easy to think that way, to shelve it off like that and not think of the bigger picture.”
“What big picture? You experimented on our moms, no doubt risking their lives, and now you’ve stolen their children from them. What isn’t despicable about that?”
“We did what was necessary.”
“Fine.” I shake my head, not wanting to have the same argument when my energy is already waning. “So why only nine of us? Why are the five of us from different places?” I ask, not sure where the others are from.
“We only ran ten tests once a year, each year we moved states. We only averaged one success each state.”
“Which is why you’ve been monitoring us since we were born. How many agents were sent to guard over all the babies then? I mean, you couldn’t have known about my dreams for years, and yet you were in my life for as long as I can remember.”
“We knew the successful ones because you survived.”
“You mean the other babies died?” I gasp.
“Yes. Only ten survived the tests. The rest were explained away by miscarriages. One of the survivors passed away a few years ago, which is why there are only nine of you left.”
I shake my head, knowing it’s only a matter of time before I’m sick. “What about Blake? He said he had a twin sister.”
“Yes, that one is still unknown to us. We believe that the experiment worked for Dwells, however his sister remained untouched. If she had not been part of a twin, we think she would have died like the others. We believe Blake being there kept them both alive.”
I wince, wanting to scream at him that he’s a monster and that he works for horrible people who can’t even be classified as human beings, but I don’t. I don’t have the energy and I know that it won’t help me get out of here any faster.
“When can I get out of this room?”
“Not yet, but soon.”
“Then get out.”
“Zoe ple—”
“Get out of this room right now!” I yell, feeling like my throat is ripping apart from the strength of my scream.
“Okay, I’ll leave.” He stands up, stepping away from me slowly. “Just remember that what I‘ve said to you is between us. If you give any hints that you’re aware of what is going to happen, that perhaps something is planned, then I can’t guarantee Montgomery or Nichols will be protected. You have their freedom in your hands.”
He leaves, this time with the light in the room on. I scramble to the toilet and throw up what feels like every bit of water I just drank and then I begin dry heaving.
This whole situation—what I’ve just been told—is too much. How can I possibly keep any of this in? How can I be expected to work for these people? To go on missions and do harmful things in the future? Whatever we did was bad enough that our friends and family went back in time and tried to kill us. Not warn us, but kill us. Now, I’m barreling down this pathway and I don’t know how to stop it. Even if I decide to be selfish and harm myself, I will simply ensure that Rose and Charlie stay here. This way, they get to live a normal life and that is worth anything I have to go through, right?
I rest my head on the ground by the basin, not bothering to move towards the mattress again. I let my mind soak in what Frank has just told me. I try to figure out how my life got so screwed up.
Chapter 17 – THE PREPARATION
March 31st
A guard comes back in long after Frank has gone and awhile after I’ve stopped vomiting. I’m given chicken soup, which I reluctantly eat. It takes all my energy to get up and leave the room I’ve been trapped in for what feels like a lifetime. Ethan is waiting anxiously by the doorway that leads to the stairs, but other than him, I don’t see anyone else.
“Holloway, you look awful,” he exclaims, rushing towards me. He pulls my arm over his shoulder and leans down so he can help support me.
“Thanks,” I mutter, trying to sound sarcastic, but it comes out weak.
“What happened to you? It’s been two days! Rumor has it that you tried to escape?” he quickly asks me, his arm gripping tighter around my side in a painful way.
“Are the others out?” I ask him, ignoring his other questions.
“Not as far as I’m aware.”
I think if I had any tears left, I might have cried hearing that. I’m desperate to see them.
“I think the first stop you need is a shower,” Ethan teases. I can’t even manage to smile for him, though. “And maybe a hairdresser, unless you’re going for some kind of birds nest look?”
“I just want to sleep,” I beg, hoping I’m not expected to have some talk with Martha now, or even worse, training.
“Just trust me on the shower. I bet a change of clothes would do wonders for you right now, too.” Ethan steers me onto the third floor and, although we do stop at mine and Charlie’s room, he only grabs me some clean clothes and then proceeds to walk me down to the female showers.
“Where is everyone?” I ask, noting that there is no one around. I hadn’t noticed the window in the bedroom to see if it is dark outside or not. For all I know, it could be the middle of the night.
“The mock mission started yesterday. It’s a survival one, so most people have left to be taken into the woods. I guess they thought since none of you were in it they could do that one safely. Why the hell did you guys do something as stupid as try to escape?”
“We didn’t. Charlie got into a fight, Will tried to stop it. That’s it,” I lie.
“Yeah, right. Look, I’m not saying that what was done to you the past two days was right, but can you blame them? You keep trying to escape on them! At every facility I’ve ever been in there’s only ever been a handful of guards. At The Jail there were over ten and at this place I’ve seen over twenty. You’re killing their resources and wasting people’s time. You guys needs to grow up,” Ethan chastises me.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I pull my arm off his shoulder, ignoring the bout of dizziness the action causes me. “I think I can take this from here. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I dismiss him, not looking back to see if he leaves as I focus solely on keeping my feet under me.
When I make it to the showers where, as soon as I round the corner, I lean on the side wall, breathing heavily. A shower is the last thing on my mind, but I can’t ignore that I do in fact smell horrible. With no air circulation in that room and, since the door was closed most of the time, it got stuffy and warm. Not a good combination when I stayed in the same clothes for days on end.
I strip off by the shower and then step under the hot water, groaning when I put my head under the showerhead. It really does feel good. For good measure, I shampoo and condition my hair twice. I stay in there until my skin is pink and shriveled. Ethan was right, a shower and a change of clothes does make me feel a lot better.
I stare at myself in the mirror above the sink, noting a new bruise on the side of my face next to my eye. That must have happened when I tried to break up the fight between Charlie, Will and Corby.
I wonder how Charlie is doing, since I already know Will won’t have a scratch or bruise on him. The last I had seen of him, he had been knocked out.
What am I supposed to do with what Frank told me? How am I supposed to act normally when I know I’m going to lose him? Going to lose Rose?
It’s obvious that there is only one thing that can be done to get Rose and Charlie to stop looking for us.
They are going to fake our deaths. Suddenly, that fire I saw in my dream comes clearly into focus. They’re going to burn the building down, and they are going to fake Will and my deaths from it.
Frank is right. I can’t give any warning to Charlie or Rose. They’ll come looking for sure. If they do, then I’ll put their lives in danger. No, I need to let this play out and give Rose and Charlie a real chance at a normal life. I need to stay working for P.A.G.E. and do whatever they want me to do to ensure Charlie and Rose remain safe. That is the right thing to do, isn’t it?
***
I make it back to my room to find one of Charlie’s drawers is open. I rush out of our room and head towards the male showers. It has to be Charlie who did that. That drawer had not been open when Ethan and I went in there.
“Charlie!” I call out, my voice echoing in the large bathroom. I hear water running and, even though Ethan said most people are away doing the mock mission, I realize that he had only said “most”, as in, some people stayed behind, much like he did.
“Zoe?” Charlie rushes out of a shower cubicle, his only clothing a towel wrapped around his middle, drops of water drip down his face, chest and hair.
I rush towards him, not caring that as his arms crush me to him or that I get soaked.
“I was so worried about you! Did they hurt you? Are you okay?” he hurries to ask, his grip around me only tightening from his fear.
“I’m okay,” I choke out, knowing I’m anything other than okay. “Are you okay? The last I saw was you on the ground unconscious.” I pull my head away from his chest, looking up to see the bruises and cuts over his face and neck. He has several bruises over his chest, but none look serious.
“You’re right, that guy is insane,” he complains, a small pout coming over his lips.
“I did try to warn you.” I smile back at him, my hands resting flat on his bare back. Heat begins building inside me standing so closely to him, but it dims when I see a flash of anger cross his face.
“How come you never told me that Corby attacked you again? You lied to me,” he accuses me.
“I’m sorry; I just didn’t want to upset you. It wasn’t as bad as the first time. Will took the worst of it.”
“You still lied to me. I didn’t think we did that to each other.” Charlie’s words cut me deeply because I’m telling him a worse lie then that now. I’m keeping something from him that is so horrific that, if he were to ever find out, he might not be able to forgive me.
“I’m sorry,” I plead, taking a small step back from him while hating myself even more for what I’m doing.
“Whoa, where are you going?” He quickly counters my step, his arms wrapping around me tighter to hold me in place.
“You’re angry at me—”
“I’m not. I promise you I’m not. I just wish you’d told me what really happened. Promise me you won’t keep anything like that from me again, please?” he begs, his words breaking my heart all over again. Tears flood my eyes and my body shakes from the self-hatred rushing through me.
“Hey, it’s okay! We’re okay, I promise.” He moves us over to a bench and sits down, bringing me onto his lap.
“I can’t promise that. Please don’t make me,” I beg, knowing I’ll hate myself even more if I have to break another promise to him.
“Okay, okay, just calm down,” he soothes, his surprise by my response evident.
We sit like this for a long time. My tears eventually dry up and my shaking ceases. When I realize Charlie is the one shaking, I move away from him. He’s still only in a towel and I know he must be freezing.
“You should get changed,” I say, looking down at floor, unable to meet his eyes.
I resist following him into his stall, hating the cold that creeps up inside me when he leaves along with the panic that builds when I can’t see him. I should probably try to get used to this, but I doubt I’ll ever not feel the emptiness and sadness inside me when he’s not around. I’m going to live out the rest of my life wallowing in hatred and sadness. The least I can try to do is hold those feelings back while I still have Charlie. I should be using my time wisely, not crying and hating myself. That can come later.
I mentally give myself a pep talk, wiping my hands over my eyes, wanting to erase any trace of tears.
“Ready?” he asks, his hand taking mine gently.
“Yes.” I smile at him, hoping that it doesn’t look as fake as it feels. Okay, so I might need to work on my smile. I think about all the things I want to focus on while Charlie is still with me, and while a few make me blush, there is one thing I need to do properly. I need to do it carefully so as not to raise any suspicion, however it has to be done.
“I think we need to talk about something important,” I say, trying to think of the best way to word it. We’re moving down the empty corridor, which is eerily silent with most people gone.
“Okay, what is it?”
“I know we failed getting out of here. I don’t know what happened, but it was our best shot and we failed.”
“I know. I know this will kill Rose, but I think we need to stop fighting this place, at least for a while. We can’t risk them breaking us up. I thought for sure we would be split up after this.”
His statement breaks my heart because that’s exactly what is happening to us. “That’s not what I meant. I just think we need to have that talk, the one where we talk about if one of us makes it out of here and the other one doesn’t.”
“Don’t say that. We leave here together, got it?” Charlie pulls on my arm to stop me walking and grips my face so that I see the certainty in his eyes. It takes every bit of mental power to not cry or break down and tell him that it isn’t going to happen that way.
“I know, but being in that room for so long, I realized that, if you got out and were free, I’d want you to do something for me.”
“Do what?” he asks me cautiously, biting his tongue on arguing his point that we will get out together again.
“I’d want you to check on my mom and Drew. Make sure they’re coping okay. Tell them how sorry I am over Dana and how much I love them.”
“Did you have a dream I should know about?” He narrows his eyes at me, sensing I’m hiding something. I blink away more tears, knowing the only way I can get out of this is to lie. I have to lie to him. I’m a horrible person.
“I haven’t dreamt since the hospital. I just had a lot of time to think. I thought that if I was to die in that room, what would happen to my mom and to Drew? I know I can trust you to look in on them. I just needed to say those words, to know that if something happened to me, that they’ll be okay.”
“Nothing is happening to you, I promise.” He brings me forward, hugging me to his chest.
My heart must be completely shattered now. There can’t be anything left, and yet, I can still feel it breaking. I can’t have him making a promise there is no way he can keep. I can’t do that to him.
“Don’t promise me that. Sometimes, things are just out of your power. Fate put us together and it could just as easily pull us apart if it wants to.”
“I’m not going to—”
“Just promise to love me forever. That’s what I need to hear from you.”
Without any reluctance, he answers me, “I promise to love you forever.”
“And I promise that I will love you forever, too.” I finally make a promise I know I’ll keep.
“Are you sure there isn’t something you need to tell me?”
“No, just that I’m tired. I couldn’t sleep without you.” I pull away from his arms, letting his hand take mine. Again, we move towards our room.
When we make it inside we both climb onto our bed where Charlie puts his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest.
“All right, I’ll go along with this.” He sounds nervous. Before I can ask what he means, he keeps talking. “If something were to happen to me, I would want you to visit my dad. I know he would love you.”
“He wou
ld?” My heart squeezes painfully again, a feeling I’m beginning to get used to.
“Yeah, I would want you to check on him, make sure he’s all right.” His voice shakes, as if the thought that he won’t get to see his dad again upsets him a lot. I have to remind myself that soon he will see his dad. Soon he’ll be able to go home and reunite with him.
“I can do that,” I say easily.
“And tell him to reread my letter to him, that I want him to remember my words and follow them.”
“What did your letter say?” I’m not sure if this is too personal for him.
“I told him that I loved him and I was okay. I told him about you. I said I had met you and that I cared about you a lot. I told him that he shouldn’t be afraid to move on from Mom and find happiness.”
A giddiness builds up inside of me at hearing Charlie thought I was important enough even back at The Windmill to tell his father about me, but that giddiness soon fades and the rest of his words bring up something that I can’t bear to think about.
Charlie moving on. It’s selfish not to say it, so I swallow the bile wanting to come up and ignore my inner selfishness wanting me to stop talking.
“If something happens to me, you should try to move on, too.”
“Zoe—” Charlie blanches at my words. His reaction warms me completely.
“I’m serious. I want you to be happy.” I find it easier to say it this time because I do want him to be happy. I hate thinking that he might find that with someone else, yet if he can be truly happy, then I can get over it.
“There won’t ever be anyone else for me except you,” he promises, his arms pulling me over him. I swing my legs over his middle, resting one on either side of him. His hands rest over my hips, holding me in place.
“I know, but I understand if something changes and—”
“Look,” he moves his hands away from my hips and takes hold of my hands, “I get that your dad left you when you were young and Frank abandoned you not much after that, but I’m not ever going to leave you. I love you, Zoe, and nothing is going to change that.”
Taken By Choice (Taken Trilogy Book 3) Page 21
