by Eric Vall
“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” Asmodeus questioned with a raised eyebrow.
“I am,” I confirmed, “I want us to move on the Sixth and Eighth Circles as soon as possible. I want to kill our enemies once and for all.”
“I appreciate the gusto, King Ralston,” Mammon mused as he cleaned out his ear with his pinky, “but I don’t think we’re ready yet. Gressil should go down fairly easily, but even then, there’s still the Seventh Circle between us and Beelzebub.”
Mammon flicked whatever it was he pulled out of his ear onto the floor nonchalantly. Mephisto gave him a confused, annoyed glare as he did so, and Todd made an obnoxious gagging sound.
“Really digging for gold there, huh?” the imp shuddered. “That shit’s probably radioactive.”
“It’s even more complicated than that, I’m afraid,” Lilith spoke up. “Eligor and I have been doing some scouting, and it appears the Sixth Circle has been abandoned.”
“What do you mean, ‘abandoned?’” Sia asked curiously.
“She means Gressil and his forces have packed up and left,” Eligor explained. “All of his dwellings have been abandoned.”
“Fucking coward,” Asmodeus growled. “Of course, he would high-tail it out of his domain the second Baphomet was killed. He knew we’d be coming for him next.”
“So, where does that leave us?” Libidine asked with a sigh.
“It’s both good news and bad news,” Lilith continued. “The Sixth Circle looks like it can be taken with no bloodshed, but that also means Gressil is on his way to Beelzebub to combine their armies in the Eighth Circle.”
“Not with Abbadon in the way,” Mammon chuckled so hard his flab wobbled like pudding in an earthquake. “There’s no way the King of the Seventh Circle would allow Gressil’s army to pass through unharmed.”
“Which means the Seventh Circle is probably a warzone,” Lilith continued.
“Which means it’s even a better time to strike.” I grinned. “If Gressil and Abaddon are at each other’s throats, they might not notice us sneaking through.”
“An entire army trying to sneak through the Seventh Circle?” Asmodeus scoffed. “I trust your judgement, King Ralston, but I think you’re underestimating your enemies here.”
“Not the entire army,” I corrected Asmodeus, “just a small strike team.”
I’m not sure I’m following, Mephisto admitted.
“We’re not going to march our army through the Sixth and Seventh Circles,” I explained. “We’re going to use Gula’s boosting Hellfire to teleport them all to the Eighth Circle.”
“That’s suicide,” Lilith protested. “Even in his current weakened state, you are not powerful enough to take on Beelzebub.”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded. “His followers are all dead. He’s banished to Hell. I’ve got multiple armies and Demon Kings at my side … It’s not going to get any easier than this.”
“Jacob … ” Lilith trailed off lovingly, “I’m only telling you this because I care for you and don’t want to see you killed. We need to build our forces a bit more before we can go in for the final assault on our greatest enemy. Anything less would be foolish.”
“So what?” I argued with a frown. “Do we just sit around and train some more?”
“Not at all,” Lilith clicked her tongue happily. “What we’re going to do is march into the Sixth Circle, liberate it from its former oppressor, and then head into the Seventh Circle. If you could somehow get an audience with Abaddon, perhaps he could do most of the work for you.”
“An audience with Abaddon?” Mammon scoffed. “You want to talk about suicide? I wouldn’t trust that red-skinned bastard as far as he could throw me. And you can probably guess that’s not very far.”
“If he won’t take up an audience with you, then you can just make his life a living Hell,” Lilith suggested, “He’s already dealing with Gressil’s forces in his domain and Beelzebub’s forces threatening from the right. The last thing he’ll want is a three-front war. Trust me on this, Jacob … Abaddon might be insane, but he’s not stupid.”
“What do the rest of you guys think?” I surveyed the group as I sat back in my chair. “Do you think it’s worth the risk?”
I will trust your judgement, King Ralston, Mephisto admitted.
“I’ve always wanted to meet Abbadabbaddoo,” Todd giggled. “Also, I totally wanna meet Serpico. How fucking cool is it that he has one of Pacino’s most iconic roles as his pet?”
Mammon, Mephisto, Asmodeus, and Lilith all exchanged glances, but I quickly shook my head to prevent them from saying anything.
Todd was deathly afraid of snakes, and if he knew Serpico was actually a twenty-foot long demon snake, there was no way he would agree to go on this mission.
“I … I think it’s a crazy plan,” Asmodeus admitted, “but what’s life without a little bit of crazy spice every now and again? There are lots of things I never would have dreamed I’d be into until some of my women convinced me to try them. What the hell? I support your plan.”
Mammon had his arms crossed over his chest, and the look on his face told me he was still unconvinced. However, he gave us a slight nod and shrugged his bulky shoulders.
“Why not?” he sighed. “It’s going to be you and your Demon Lords doing the espionage, anyway. So, I approve of this mission.”
“That settles it, then,” Lilith noted as she stood up from the table, “We shall send our forces into the Sixth Circle tomorrow morning. From there, we can assemble our strike team and launch the mission into Abaddon’s territory.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed. “Thank you all for coming out for this meeting, and we’ll regroup tomorrow.”
Asmodeus and Mammon both stood up from their chairs and wandered out the door. However, the rest of us stayed back to talk about the new plan.
“Who’s going to be taking over the Sixth Circle?” I questioned aloud. “It’s pretty obvious Mammon wants it, and I want to make sure that doesn’t become a problem.”
“We still have a ways to go before we have to decide that, Jacob,” Lilith explained. “Though Gressil has abandoned his domain, Demon Kings are kings for life. Which means--”
“Which means we can’t truly take over the Sixth Circle until he’s dead,” I finished her sentence. “This sounds like it’s gonna be a daunting mission.”
Look on the bright side, my friend, Mephisto interjected, should things go completely south, you might end up with two new domains, rather than just one.
“As much as I’d love to have the Sixth and Seventh Circles under my control, let’s hope that doesn’t happen,” I chuckled. “Fighting Gressil and Abaddon at the same time sounds like a nightmare.”
“I have full faith you would be victorious,” Lilith purred. “You can take on anyone who comes your way. Other than Beelzebub. Or Lucifer. You’re nowhere near close to facing them yet. Now come, Eligor.”
Lilith stood up, motioned to her loyal knight, and the two of them strutted out of the room.
Todd made a whipping motion and sound and then cackled uncontrollably.
“Even all these years later, Tamira still knows how to get you to do what she wants,” the imp observed.
“Nah,” I protested, “we just have mutual interests at the moment, that’s all. I want these fuckers dead as much as she does. Besides, she’s literally the Demon Queen who started this all. If she says I shouldn’t take on Beelzebub yet, I believe her.”
I stood up from the table, looked around at my friends, and smiled widely.
“Come on, guys,” I announced, “we’ve got a strike team to assemble.”
Chapter 9
As much as we all were chomping at the bit to head out for our next mission, we needed to head back to the Fourth Circle first. If we truly wanted to sneak around in other Demon Kings’ domains, we needed to have a team built for espionage.
Plus, Todd claimed he needed to “reload the reeferoo
ni” before we set out on a long journey.
So, in the end, I decided on a team consisting of Libidine, Eligor, Eclipse, Sia, Gula, and Todd.
Liby’s mind-control powers would be useful in case we needed a non-lethal way to get around other demons, while Eclipse’s light-bending powers made her perfect for sneaking past guards. Meanwhile, Sia came along in case we needed any healing, and Gula was our “bard,” as Todd called her. The Sister of Gluttony could give us a temporary power boost with her brown flames, and that was useful in just about any situation.
Eligor was the last piece of the puzzle. She knew the different Circles of Hell better than anyone else on my team, though, so taking her along was a must.
Plus, I just really enjoyed her company.
As for Todd? Well, it wouldn’t be an adventure without the Toddster’s unorthodox problem-solving skills.
Once we were ready to go, we loaded up into our tiny dinghy like a can of sardines and then headed out down the River of Souls. Before long, we made it back to Mephisto’s domain.
“I really wish complete fast travel was a thing in this place, bro,” Todd sighed as we drifted slowly through the waters of the Fifth Circle. “Or at least highways or bullet trains or something to make these trips go faster.”
“We’re working on it.” I shook my head as I looked to the bright blue horizon of the Fifth Circle. “Unfortunately, you can’t make an entire civilization’s worth of progress happen in a few months. At least we’ve got cars in the Fourth Circle now!”
“Yeah, but what good are cars if they can only take you around one stinkin’ city?” the imp retorted. “Hell is in dire need of some infrastructure, Jakey.”
“We’ll have to talk to the other Demon Kings about that,” I promised. “Maybe when all is said and done, we can have a highway that stretches all the way from the Hunter’s Plains to Lucifer’s Castle itself.”
“Lucifer doesn’t live in a castle,” Eclipse spoke up in a deep, somber tone, “he lives in a deep, dark cave. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Lucky bastard.”
“No, no,” Libidine interjected, “Lucifer has no dwelling. His true form is far too large for any physical structure.”
“You’re both wrong,” Eligor scoffed from the other side of the dinghy. “Lilith has told me he lives in a palace made of dark crystal.”
“Hold up, Goldilocks,” Todd said as he made a motion with his hands, “you’re telling me Lucifer’s palace is full of freaky-looking muppets?”
“No, Todd,” I facepalmed, “she just means it’s built out of crystal that is black. Not the literal movie.”
“Thank fuck,” Todd shuddered, “I can handle demons and murderous bear creatures and assassins and that shit, but those fucking Skeksis? Nooooo way, bro.”
“Sia? Gula?” Eligor prompted the other members of the task force, “you guys have any guesses?”
“I cannot say I’ve ever talked about Lucifer’s dwelling,” Sia admitted, “but I’d imagine it’s probably a castle, just like all the rest of the Demon Kings.”
“Maybe it’s an igloo?” Gula suggested. “Isn’t the Ninth Circle supposed to be full of ice and snow?”
“They’re all wrong,” a silver-tongued voice announced from just off the side of the boat. “I live in a Malibu-style mansion. The Ninth Circle always has such good weather … ”
I whipped my head around toward the source of the voice and grimaced when I saw him.
He was there, in his red velvet three-piece suit, with his slicked-back black hair and chiseled features that looked like they’d been carved out of marble. He was walking on top of the water right next to the boat, and I was sure the irony wasn’t lost on the bastard.
It was Lucifer, my father.
And, just like all the other times, it didn’t look like anyone else could see or hear him.
“He’s trying to get inside your head … ” I whispered to myself as I tried to ignore his illusion.
“What’s the matter, son?” Lucifer asked slyly. “You’ve never been one to be at a loss for words. Aren’t you glad to see your pops? You should be grateful, you know. Most of my other children never got to see me until the day I put them out of their misery.”
I could hear the rest of my friends all laughing and talking happily, but it was little more than a dull drone as I tried to push everything out of my head. I bowed my head and closed my eyes as I tried to shake off the illusion.
“You’re not real,” I growled as quietly as I could. “You’re not really here.”
Suddenly, I felt a hand gently grab my hair and lift my head up. My eyes lifted with it, and soon I was face-to-face with the silver-tongued bastard.
He had a look of pure deviousness on his face, including a devilish smile and red eyes that looked like they were lit by pure Hellfire.
“Oh, I’m real, Jacob,” the Devil warned, “and don’t forget I’m always watching. Always making sure my beloved little boy is on the right path. But you’ve been straying from that path, my son … I feel like I don’t need to explain what happens if you go too far off.”
“Watch me,” I said with pure vitriol in my voice.
“Oh, I will,” Lucifer said with a gleeful chuckle. “Have fun on your little vacation. I can’t wait to see what you do with the Sixth Circle. Gressil’s whole ‘flaming tombs of fire’ were so uninspired … ”
I thought about trying to attack the bastard right here and now. However, that would have been a death sentence. If I wasn’t strong enough to take on Beelzebub yet, there was no way in hell I stood a chance against the King of Hell himself. Besides, this was probably just one of his projections.
It wasn’t worth the effort.
“Jakey?” Todd’s voice cut through the tension. “You alright? You look like you just walked in on your parents patchin’ the hatchet wound with industrial chalk.”
Lucifer shot me one last wink, and then his body evaporated into a hiss of gray mist.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Sia asked cautiously.
“Who?” Eclipse questioned as she looked around in all directions. “There’s nobody there.”
“His father,” Sia explained grimly. “Lucifer was just here.”
“Here, in this boat?” Eligor gasped. “Impossible.”
“Apparently, he only reveals himself to Jacob,” Sia continued. “He wouldn’t be caught dead socializing with any of us succubi.”
“That didn’t seem to be a problem when he was pretending to be Plato,” Gula scoffed. “He was very friendly with us then.”
“All part of the facade, I’m afraid,” Eligor sighed. “What a shame he only appears to you, Jacob. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to meet Lucifer.”
“Don’t,” I warned. “He’s a lying, manipulative bastard who loves to play mind games. Every second you spend in his presence just sends you deeper into the spiral.”
“Sounds like my ex,” Todd joked in a Rodney Dangerfield voice. “At least with Lucifer, I bet you didn’t have to worry about catching him in bed with the dude from Geek Squad who was supposed to be fixing his router.”
“I guess not,” I chuckled at the imp’s attempt to break the somber mood, “but I am serious about not interacting with this guy. Nothing good can come of it.”
“What did he say?” Libidine spoke up. “It must have been something truly important if he came all the way out here to the Sixth Circle to talk to you.”
“Not really,” I sighed, “he told me he was always watching, and that I needed to be careful not to stray too far off ‘the path.’”
The color seemed to drain from Eligor’s face as she listened to my story.
“So, does that mean … he knows Lilith is on your side?” she asked in a horrified tone.
“He has to,” I shrugged, “if he’s been watching, then that means he knows everything.”
“Even your ‘master plan?’” Gula gasped. “If he knows that, why the hell are any of us still alive?”
; “I don’t know,” I admitted, “my father works in mysterious ways.”
“Unless … ” Sia trailed off in horror. “This is what he wants us to do.”
“You think he wants us to try and overthrow him?” Eligor retorted. “Highly unlikely.”
“Perhaps he wants us to try,” Sia pondered aloud. “Perhaps he thinks we will fail, but he wants us to do his dirty work before he kills us.”
“That does sound awful Lucifer-esque,” Eligor admitted. “But why would he want us to kill off his other Demon Kings? They’ve been loyal to him for millennia.”
“That’s the question of the hour,” Sia sighed.
“Maybe you could like, I dunno, ask him next time?” Eclipse suggested. “I’ve met plenty of smooth talkers in my day, and the quickest way to cut through their bullshit is by getting straight to the point.”
“Maybe I’ll try that next time,” I shook my head, “but right now, we need to try and focus on the mission ahead. And on figuring out a way to keep him from eavesdropping in on every conversation.”
“What is the mission again, Jakey?” Todd asked innocently. “Like, I totally remember, but I think the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo over there totally forgot.”
Eclipse shot the imp a dirty look, but he completely ignored it.
“We’re going to scope out the Sixth Circle, secure it, and then move on to the Seventh,” I repeated the objectives for the hundredth time.
“But, uhhhh, how are we securing the Sixth Circle?” the imp continued, completely clueless. “Isn’t Green Goblin already outta there? Again, I totally get why we’re doing it, but, ya know, Lizbeth … ”
“You joke,” Eclipse shot back, “but I take that comparison as a compliment.”
“We have to clear out any of the remaining forces Gressil left behind,” I explained. “Even if he completely abandoned the Circle himself, there’s no way he just left it empty.”
“And even if he did,” Libidine added, “he wouldn’t have messed with any of the Shades or demons who are locked away in the brimstone tombs. If we could liberate some of them, perhaps we could grow our forces even more.”
