by Eric Vall
“Right, yeah,” Todd mused. “See, Lizbeth? It’s totally a simple plan.”
Eclipse rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was somewhat charmed by Todd’s antics. It took most of the new succubi a bit of time before they fully got used to the imp, but they always came around to him in the end.
After a few more minutes of traveling, we came to the waterfall of pure Hellfire that separated the Fifth and Sixth Circles.
Or, at least, the spot that used to house the deadly gateway between the two domains.
King Mephisto must have felt it didn’t fit in with his aesthetics, so he had it modified. Now, there was a massive, aqueduct-like structure that funneled the deadly liquid Hellfire off to each side and into the blue water below. It appeared to be built out of traditional brimstone, but it was then painted white to resemble the Greek temples of old. The red flames trickled down the sides of the structure and then sizzled as they struck the waves and evaporated into little more than hot steam.
The air around us was now completely dense with the thick mist, and I could even feel the damp warmth of the evaporated water beading on my skin.
Thankfully, this new addition meant we didn’t need to part the waterfall like we’d always done before. Instead, the large, swirling portal of green Hellfire stared us right in the face.
I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, pointed in the direction of the gateway, and commanded the ship to set sail.
We passed through the interdimensional portal without incident, and our bodies felt weightless as we traveled through space and time. Finally, our boat plopped down in the water of the Sixth Circle, and I quickly realized we were no longer in the perfect utopias we had attempted to create in the Fifth and Fourth Circles.
The sky was blood red as far as the eye could see, and the landscape was about as desolate as the Sahara Desert. The ground was completely sandy, with only the occasional dead plant or rock jutting out of the ground and brimstone tombs that looked like a set of scattered dominoes.
Most importantly, however, the place was empty.
“Maybe Gressil really did take all of his resources and leave,” Eligor noted as we drew closer to the shore of the river.
“Where the fuck do we even begin?” Eclipse pondered as she looked over the desolate horizon. “There’s got to be thousands of these tombs. There’s no way we can open them all by ourselves.”
“We don’t have to,” Eligor explained. “My mistress has informed me there is a spot in the Sixth Circle where the more … high profile heretics were locked away. We can open those to begin with and then have them lead the effort in opening up the rest.”
“If they swear their allegiance to us,” I reminded the knight. “If they don’t, I’m not going to fuck around. I’ll kill them right on the spot.”
“What about them being Shades?” Sia asked. “They technically cannot be killed.”
“Then they go right back into the tomb where they belong,” I explained. “With a big note in both English and Latin on the front that says ‘do not open’ or something like that.”
“Dark, but I like it,” Todd mused. “Kinda a ‘give me loyalty or give me death’ sorta situation.”
“Liberty,” I corrected the imp. “I’m pretty sure Patrick Henry said ‘give me liberty or give me death.’”
“Pfffft,” Todd scoffed with a wave of his hand, “loyalty, liberty … same thing.”
“It’s actually not,” Gula interjected, “it’s actually the total opposite.”
“We were liberated from Earl and Azazel,” Sia explained, “we are loyal to Jacob. They are polar opposites, Todd.”
“Well, shit,” he announced with a tone of discovery, “no wonder I flunked outta sophomore history class. Then again, I was totally okay with it. Mrs. Carter was a babeasaurous rex. I wouldn’t have minded getting a little bit of ‘extra credit’ from her, if you get my drift.”
“Of course we get it,” Eclipse said with a raised eyebrow, “you’re not exactly being subtle--”
“I totally would let her ring my Liberty Bell,” Todd interrupted with a snicker, “I woulda stormed her beaches. Let her see my Tricky Dick. Maybe even shown her the ‘ol Homo Erectus. I said ‘extra credit’ earlier, but what I really meant was I wanted to get a bunch of extra clit-it.’”
“We get it, bro,” I shook my head as the dinghy bumped against the sandy shore, “you wanted to bang our teacher. But seriously, how did you fail if you remember all that shit even now?”
“Because I had to take the class a second time,” Todd shot back, “duh, bro.”
The group exited the dinghy, pulled it up far enough onto the shore so it didn’t float away, and then turned toward the horizon.
“So, where is this area of ‘special’ heretics?” I asked Eligor.
“It’s called the Graveyard of the Dissenters,” the blonde knight explained, “it’s all the way to the far east of the Sixth Circle, in the one area where plant life actually flourishes.”
“Lead the way, then.” I smiled at the woman before I stepped aside, bowed, and held out my hand.
Eligor shook her head and chuckled before she sprouted her wings from her back and then took to the sky.
There was a lightshow of purple as the rest of the succubi called on their own wings, except for Sia who was carried by Gula, jumped up into the air, and then joined Eligor.
“I’ll get Jacob!” Libidine called out rather aggressively, almost as if she wanted me all to herself.
Before anyone could say another word, the Sister of Lust swooped down, threw her hands under my armpits, and then lifted me up into the sky.
“I dunno what other Hellfire powers you can unlock, bro,” Todd observed as he flew up next to me, “but we gotta figure out how to get you flying. I’m sure the girls don’t really like being your free taxi service.”
“I actually don’t mind,” Libidine admitted, “it gives me a good bicep workout, and it allows me to press my body firmly up against Jacob’s, which is something I’ll never say ‘no’ to.”
“Suit yourself,” Todd shrugged, “but the Toddster’s not getting in on the action. I may have the schlong of a horse, but I’m still more of a compact model. It’d be like trying to Uber with a fucking clown car, bro.”
“Follow me,” Eligor called out as she scanned the landscape to our right.
The Knight of Hell took off in a flash, and the rest of us were right behind her. We soared over the desolate plains as the dry, brisk wind whipped against our faces, and after about twenty minutes of flight, Eligor finally pointed to a dark patch off in the distance.
“There!” she shouted. “That’s the Graveyard of Dissenters.”
As we got closer, I realized this place was basically the equivalent of an oasis in this vast, barren wasteland of Hell. Lush, overgrown green grass rose up from the sandy ground, and each of the tombs were covered by a series of leafy vines.
There were a number the tombs spread out across the graveyard, but here they were much more organized. The sarcophaguses were laid out, one-by-one, in rows of ten, and at the very center of it all sat a large fountain that seemed to be spewing Hellfire in place of water.
Even stranger, large trees sprouted from the ground that reminded me of the honey locusts back in my hometown. They must have been at least fifty feet tall, with dark green leaves and branches that outstretched in every which way. However, what made these trees stand apart were their vines. Each one was a dark shade of crimson, and they all were covered with large thorns that would easily rip the flesh from the bone if somebody was dumb enough to fall onto them.
When we got a little bit closer, I let out a gasp of surprise.
“Are my eyes playing tricks on me,” I asked Libidine as we approached the Graveyard of Dissenters, “or are the vines on that tree moving?”
“Those would be Lacerating Lamphs,” Eligor warned over the sound of the wind. “Stay as far away from them as you can.”
“Sister Ira lo
ves those things,” Libidine giggled as she began to descend, “but I wouldn’t want to be caught anywhere near them when they start to flail around.”
“At least Sia is here to heal us up,” I noted with a chuckle.
“Sister Superbia can only do so much,” the dark-haired succubus’ tone turned serious as we finally landed in the grass. “She can’t really heal you if your head and spine have been torn out of your body.”
“Lacerating Lamphs are no joke,” Eclipse added as she walked over to our position, “I once saw my former master use one of those things to torture his Shades. They ended up as mangled heaps of ripped muscle, torn flesh, and broken bones. But you wanna know the worst part? Since they were immortal Shades, they’re still alive to this day, stuck in their tortured current form since their mangled bodies aren’t given the chance to heal.”
“Fucking brutal,” I shuddered as I watched the tree’s spiny vines curl up around one of its branches. “What the hell are they doing here, though?”
“I’ll give you three guesses,” Eligor joked as she pointed to the trunk of the Lacerating Lamph.
There, tucked away in the shade of the deadly tree, were three black brimstone tombs.
“Those things are holding Gressil’s stash of nudie mags?” Todd guessed, completely proud of himself.
“N-No … ” Eligor sighed, somewhat taken aback by the imp’s comment. “I’m just saying those must be important prisoners. Why else would they be tucked away underneath a tree that could literally rip the flesh from our bones?”
“Maybe they ran outta room?” Todd suggested with a shrug, “you know there’s a real crisis up on Earth with the cemetery industry. They’re totally running out of space to bury all the bodies our planet is producing, Goldilocks. Soon, we’re probably gonna see mandatory cremation or some shit like that and, I dunno about you, but I don’t want my body melted down into cream and fed to the fucking cows. Nuh-uh. The Toddster is not gonna become a cow fart when he dies.”
“Is that what you think cremation is?” Sia questioned with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, what else could it possibly mean?” Todd retorted without missing a beat. “I mean, ‘cream’ is right there in the name, Strawberry Shortcake.”
“Cremation is when you burn a body into ash,” Eclipse explained.
“Pfffffftttt,” the imp scoffed, “it ain’t called ‘Ashmation,’ is it? Get real, Lizbeth … ”
The tattooed succubus just rolled her eyes and then turned back to the sprawl of sarcophaguses.
“Well, which ones do we try first?” she pondered aloud. “These are all supposed to be the biggest heretics in history, right? Surely there are some good allies around here somewhere.”
“Only one way to find out,” Eligor admitted as she strutted up to the first tomb, bent down, and squinted at the carvings written on it. “Huh. It says that in life, this person was a devout man of faith. I wonder why he’s locked away with the rest of the heretics … ”
Without another word, Eligor stood up straight, unsheathed her swords, and stabbed the tips of the blades into the crevice between the lid of the coffin and its base. The knight of Hell grunted as she tried to pry off the top, but nothing seemed to happen.
Finally, Gula stepped forward.
“Let me help you with that,” she announced and then summoned brown Hellfire into her hands.
The Sister of Gluttony took a power stance, thrust out her hands, and engulfed Eligor with her boosting spell. The second the dark flames touched the blonde woman, she suddenly seemed to turn into the Hulk.
Eligor let out a primal roar of determination as she pushed down on the hilts of her swords, and the top of the sarcophagus flew off with the velocity of a jet plane. Then the Knight of Hell stepped back, sheathed her swords, and awaited the person inside to emerge.
Suddenly, a large, bearded man popped out of the tomb, still ablaze with red Hellfire. He leapt over the side, smashed into the ground, and rolled around like a maniac as he shrieked in pain. Finally, when the flames were out, he slowly pulled himself back to his feet, and we could see him in all his glory.
He was a pleasantly plump dude, with a dark red chest piece studded with white jewels all throughout. Over this, he wore an overcoat with large, rounded shoulders that made his arms look like two giant turkey legs jutting out from his shoulders. On his lower half, he wore a pair of brown tights and a codpiece almost three times the size of my fist.
However, the dead giveaway was the hat atop his head.
It was a black, circular hat that came just an inch or two off his skull. On top of the whole thing was a large white feather, and I instantly recognized this guy from my history textbooks.
“Henry the fucking Eighth,” I sighed, “of course he was the ‘godly man’ who was considered a heretic.”
“Thank you for removing me from mine ungodly fate.” Henry nodded as he brushed a bit of ash off his shoulder. “Why, I hath been betrothed to that dreadful place for, well, an inconceivable number of sunsets.”
“Uhhhhh, does he know English, bro?” Todd whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.
“I speaketh Englysh!” Henry protested. “What foreign tongue doth yee speaketh?”
“English, my man,” the imp shot back. “Like, real English.”
“Nonsense,” the man scoffed. “You speak with the tongue of an imbecile.”
“Alright,” Todd grumbled as he walked forward and pretended to roll up his sleeves, “you’re goin’ back in the tomb.”
“Hold up, Todd,” I said as I threw up a small wall of Hellfire to block the imp. “We could use somebody like him.”
“Why the fuck do we want a dude who killed six of his wives?” Todd protested. “That’s doesn’t exactly scream ‘good decision maker,’ bro.”
“Why doth everyone keep harking on that?” the former king sighed. “There was more to mine life than the fate of my barren wives.”
“Uhhhh, I’m pretty sure you were shootin’ blanks, bro,” Todd argued, “like, you must have been trying to fire syrup through a squirt gun.”
“Henry the Eighth was a great military leader,” Superbia explained to the rest of the group. “He could easily be a good figurehead for the Shades of the Sixth Circle to rally around.”
“I would be honored to serveth the ones whom freed me from my woeful agony,” Henry promised. “Just inform me on what I should undertake, and I shall make haste.”
“Well,” I explained, “we’re gonna open a bunch more of these sarcophaguses and release all the Shades inside of them. Once that happens, I want you to take them around the Sixth Circle and open up as many of these damn things as you possibly can, and by whatever means necessary.”
Henry gave me a feminine curtsey, and Todd burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
“Then that doth be what I shall do,” the former king agreed as he shot a dirty look at the imp.
We spent the next hour or so going around and popping open the rest of the tombs in the Graveyard of Dissenters. Much to our dismay, almost all of the brimstone sarcophagi were filled with just average Shades. They were all from different time periods of history, and each of them seemed to be fairly important figures in their own time. Every single one of them thanked us for saving them and then pledged their allegiance to our cause.
However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the fact that there were no demons in these things. We had come here searching for potential new Demon Lords, but there were apparently none to be found.
Unless …
“Who do you think are in those tombs under the Lacerating Lamph?” I asked my team somewhat rhetorically. “Probably some people who are really important, right? Perhaps some powerful demons?”
Eligor grunted as she and Gula popped the lid off the final tomb in our vicinity, and then they both watched as the Egyptian-dressed Shade popped out and celebrated his freedom.
“Jacob … ” Sia warned, “I know what you are thin
king. It’s not worth the risk.”
“Of course it’s worth the risk,” I retorted. “Lilith says we’re not strong enough to take on Beelzebub yet. I count three tombs under that tree. If all three of them contain a demon who could potentially be brought on as a Demon Lord, that’s going to make us all the more powerful.”
“I dunno, bro,” Todd mused as he watched the Lamph move around gracefully, “I remember what happened when Harry and his friends tried to go through the Whomping Willow. I’m not letting my broomstick get broken, if you know what I mean.”
“We have to try,” I shrugged, “if not, then--”
“I totally meant my dick, bro,” Todd interjected, “just in case I didn’t make it clear.”
“Right,” I rolled my eyes, “what I was saying was we need to have all of these tombs liberated eventually. We could try to make the Shades do it, but that would just cause needless suffering and could put these guys as close to death as they could possibly get. I don’t want to do that.”
“Sooooo, we’re gonna risk our necks instead?” Todd questioned. “I’m not one to doubt you, Jakey, but that seems kinda crazy.”
“What else is new?” I shrugged and then turned back to look at all the freed Shades.
They had all gathered behind Henry as they chattered and praised whatever deity they worshipped for their freedom. The Shades quieted down, though, when they saw me approaching their position.
“Alright, my friends,” I announced to the group, “my name is King Ralston of the Fourth Circle. You are free now, but I have one thing I ask of you in return for your emancipation … I want you to free your brethren. Follow Henry here--”
“The dude with the totally-realistic codpiece,” Todd interjected.
“Right,” I rolled my eyes, “follow Henry and liberate the rest of this Circle’s Shades. Gressil has fled this place, and as soon as he is taken care of, the Sixth Circle will be under new leadership. We’re going to make this place a paradise in Hell, but to do that, we need all hands on deck. Now, who’s ready to take back the Sixth Circle of Hell?”
