Summer of no Regrets

by Kate Mallinder

  Nani hung up and walked into the kitchen. ‘Pop the kettle on, there’s a love. All that chatting has dried me out.’

  I flicked the switch and put a mug next to mine.

  ‘Nani?’ I said. ‘I’ve had an idea.’

  ‘Really? Let’s hear it then.’

  I stopped myself. Despite Nani having encouraged us to grab life, she may not like the idea of going to Paris. I could imagine her listing excuses. And, if I told her and she said no, that would be that. Nani could be very stubborn sometimes.

  ‘Um, actually, it’s nothing.’

  Nani looked at me for a moment.

  ‘Really. I thought it was an idea, but it’s not. Forget it.’ I handed Nani her cup of tea and smiled at her. This needed to be very carefully planned.

  That afternoon, as soon as the tide was high enough, Sasha, Cam and I went out on Papa John’s boat. There wasn’t much breeze, so we had to motor most of the way, but the three of us took it in turns on the tiller. The sky was cloudless and the sun shone down like it was supposed to.

  Once clear of the estuary and onto open water, Cam anchored up and we leaned back, soaking up the sun and enjoying the gentle rock of the boat.

  ‘Did I tell you what Maisy did yesterday?’ said Cam.

  ‘No,’ I said, without opening my eyes.

  ‘She gave me a card and she’d drawn a massive picture on the front. It had her mum and dad on it and her and Erin. And she’d drawn me, right in the middle.’

  ‘That’s cool.’ It was odd, but in a good way, hearing Cam talk about her sister.

  ‘How did you know it was you?’ asked Sasha.

  ‘Pink hair, obviously.’ She sounded like she was smiling.

  ‘So, things are going well then, with Phil?’ said Sasha.

  ‘Really well. I can’t believe it. I keep wanting to pinch myself, just to check it’s real. And I know, before you start, it might not always be perfect. Jackie keeps saying that. But, you know what? I’m going to flipping enjoy it while it is good.’

  ‘Your no-regrets summer worked out then,’ said Sasha. She was leaning back on her elbow, her hand tucked into her hair. ‘What about you, Hetal? Have you got any regrets about our no-regrets summer?’

  We all laughed.

  I thought about it. ‘Nope. I mean, I missed you all when I was at camp but, honestly, it was awesome. I’d never have known without trying. I had planned to go to Exeter or Plymouth for uni, so I could stay at home, but now … now maybe I’ll try for Oxford or Cambridge.’

  ‘You’d totally get in,’ said Cam. ‘They really love geeks there.’

  I threw a towel at her.

  ‘And you did meet Finn,’ Sasha grinned. ‘That’s got to swing it.’

  I laughed. ‘Ah yes, I’ve got no regrets about Finn. What about you, Sasha? Was Switzerland a good thing?’

  Sasha paused a moment. ‘Well, I thought it was a massive mistake. I mean, I was trapped with my dad, who ignored me. Then there was his ridiculously young girlfriend – it was hardly in my top ten summers. But, I guess I do now have a better relationship with my dad and I am going to see him more regularly because of it, so perhaps it was worth it. And I totally fell in love with Switzerland. And travelling on my own was a killer buzz. Perhaps after my A-levels I’ll barista my way round Europe for a year or two. So, no, despite it not all being amazing, there’s no regrets from me.’

  No one spoke for a moment, the only sounds were the lapping of waves on the hull and the distant squawk of a young seagull.

  Cam was the one who said what we were all thinking. ‘I’m not sure the no-regrets thing’s worked out for Nell.’

  Nell. Lovely, strong Nell.

  ‘What did she say when you asked her to come along today?’ I asked.

  Cam frowned. ‘She said she was having a few quiet days at home.’

  ‘Sounds reasonable,’ said Sasha.

  ‘Sounds boring more like,’ Cam replied. ‘I’d go mad stuck in all day.’

  ‘Perhaps she’s just taking things steady.’ I wasn’t as sure as Cam. I liked being at home.

  ‘Since when was meeting up with us hard work?’ said Cam.

  ‘Anxiety can make everything seem like hard work,’ I explained.

  Sasha had been listening to us.

  ‘OK, so how can we help her?’ she said. ‘If there’s one regret I don’t want, it’s that we didn’t do everything we could to help her. And this whole afternoon has been lovely, but we’re missing one of us. It feels wrong without her.’

  She was right.

  ‘We need to do something. The best thing to do is to keep texting, even if she doesn’t always reply. Just so she knows we’re here for her.’ I would start as soon as I had a signal again.

  Cam was nodding. ‘OK, we’ll keep in touch, be supportive. Think we can all manage that,’ she said. ‘Right, let’s do what we came for – let’s swim.’ And she jumped into the water, making the boat rock violently. When she surfaced, she splashed water at us till we joined her.

  Chapter 30

  Cam

  We were crammed into Hetal’s room again, duvets and sleeping bags piled everywhere as they always are at sleepovers.

  ‘What do you think? You can see my roots.’ I pulled my hair apart so they could see the light brown showing through the pink. ‘Do I have it re-done or let it grow out?’

  ‘What do you want to do?’ asked Sasha. ‘That’s the question.’

  She was right. Did I want to start college with pink hair and be instantly labelled, or blend in with my oh-so-standard brown hair?

  ‘I want pink hair,’ I said. ‘I feel like I’ve found my true self since I’ve had it done. And, besides, Maisy and Erin think it’s cool and who am I to destroy their hero worship?’

  Everyone laughed.

  ‘I owe you one, by the way.’ Nell’s dark eyes were fixed on me. ‘You talked to Wendy for me.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. What did she say?’

  ‘She was cool. Got to keep my job on one condition.’

  ‘Which was?’ said Sasha.

  ‘I had to sing Gloria Gaynor with her.’

  ‘What?’ said Hetal.

  Nell laughed. ‘We used baguettes as mics. And that boy was there too. His name’s Tom. Anyway, when we were done, she said, “Welcome back,” and gave me the biggest hug, as if that was all completely normal.’

  ‘She sounds like the nice sort of bonkers,’ said Sasha.

  Nell laughed again. ‘She is.’

  I’ve missed hearing Nell laugh. Sasha’s right. We’ve got to find a way to keep Nell laughing. I’d not really realised what she’d been going through. She’d always seemed so happy to conform. I think of all of us, Nell had made the biggest changes, made the hardest choices, and had the toughest time this summer.

  ‘You know, Nell,’ I said, ‘I think you’re amazing. You are so much stronger than you think.’

  Nell smiled a wobbly smile. ‘Thanks. I think I’m getting better. Or at least I know what’s going on in my mind, and that really helps. But it’s hard.’

  I thought back to her accident. How she’d appeared to bounce back so easily afterwards. Perhaps minds take longer to heal than arms.

  ‘Well, I’m here for you. Whatever you need, whenever, OK?’ I wished I could just magically make her feel better, but there was no quick fix. I vowed to be the friend who was going to be there for the long term.

  ‘There’s one person I think we need to stop from having a regret,’ said Hetal.

  ‘Really?’ Sasha sat up. ‘Who?’

  ‘Nani.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘You know her friend, Elsie?’

  We all nodded.

  ‘Well, she’s in Paris next week. She’s doing a tour round all her family. Like a farewell trip, I guess. And she’s at her son’s in Paris.’

  ‘Your nani could go and see her,’ said Sasha.

  ‘I know. But I reckon she won’t want to.’

 
; ‘Why not?’ I asked.

  Hetal shrugged. ‘She wouldn’t want to travel all that way on her own. I mean, I could go with her to the station in London and Elsie could meet her in Paris, but even the train might be too much.’

  ‘That’s a shame. She was so sorry she was never going to see her again,’ Nell sighed.

  ‘But this is the summer of no regrets. She was the one who inspired us,’ I said. ‘There’s got to be a way to persuade her.’

  We thought hard.

  Then Hetal snapped her fingers. ‘What if we all went with her? We could carry her luggage, make sure she got the right train, stuff like that.’

  I looked at Hetal. She was a genius. Obviously not new news, but still. Freakin’ genius.

  ‘Wow, you’ve changed your tune!’ said Sasha. ‘A few weeks ago, Wales was too far away, now you’re casually suggesting we all pop across to Paris.’

  Hetal threw a cushion at her in reply, then pulled out her phone, no doubt to find out the cost of tickets. But what about Nell? I looked across at her. She was smiling but I was pretty sure it was fake.

  ‘There’s no way you can let her miss this chance,’ said Nell.

  ‘Let’s do it!’ Sasha said.

  ‘Hang on.’ Hetal stared at her phone. ‘I’m looking at prices. It’ll be easiest if we used one card to pay for everything.’

  My heart dropped. It would cost quite a bit for us all to go.

  ‘It looks pretty expensive.’

  ‘I’ve got a bit saved from my job,’ I said.

  Sasha smiled. ‘And I hardly spent any of the money Mum gave me for Switzerland.’

  ‘And I’ve got my first pay packet. You can have what’s left after I’ve paid Cam back what I owe her,’ said Nell.

  I frowned. ‘Aren’t you coming, Nell?’

  She faltered. ‘No. I can’t. But I definitely think you all should. And I’ll help plan it. You’ve got to. For Mrs M.’

  Hetal leaned over and gave her a hug. ‘Are you sure? It won’t be the same without you.’

  ‘Rubbish.’ Nell moved away from Hetal. ‘Now let’s get planning.’ We all knew she was deflecting.

  Hetal went back to scrolling, every now and then murmuring, ‘that’s interesting,’ and ‘the coach is cheaper,’ and jotting things down on a scrap of paper.

  ‘What do you think?’ asked Sasha.

  Hetal looked up. ‘I think,’ she said, chewing her lip as she added up some figures on the paper, ‘it’s just possible. If we get railcards, and Mum’s still got her mad stash of supermarket points. Come on, let’s talk to my parents.’

  We ran down the stairs in a flurry of dressing gowns and slippers and crowded into the lounge where Hetal’s parents were watching TV.

  ‘Good evening, girls,’ said Hetal’s mum.

  ‘Mum, Dad, we have an idea. We want to take Nani to Paris to see her friend.’

  ‘Elsie’s in Paris?’ said Hetal’s dad.

  ‘Yes. She’s seeing her son.’

  ‘And you want my help with paying for it, I suppose?’

  ‘We’ll pay you back, we just need to use your card.’

  ‘You girls are so thoughtful,’ said Hetal’s mum. ‘And Nani would love that. She’s been so down since she heard about Elsie. I think it’s a wonderful idea. But it will be very expensive. When are you planning to go?’

  Hetal checked on her phone. ‘In a few days’ time. Elsie isn’t in Paris for long. You don’t still happen to be collecting points do you?’

  Her mum nodded. ‘Been saving them for years. Never quite figured out how to spend them.’

  ‘Well, we might need some, or rather, a lot of them,’ said Hetal.

  ‘Sounds like it’s all sorted then,’ said Hetal’s dad, chuckling. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed over a card. ‘Just don’t go crazy. Let me look at the prices you’ve got.’ He pulled his glasses out and perched them on his nose. ‘My word, Hetal, you’ve found some good prices. I’m going to get you to organise all my travel arrangements from now on.’ He chuckled. ‘Just don’t forget to pay me back!’

  ‘Of course,’ said Sasha, as Hetal hugged them both.

  We ran back upstairs. We still had to check with our parents, email Elsie, book tickets and plan where to stay – there would be even less sleep happening than usual at this sleepover.

  The only niggle was that we’d be going to Paris without Nell – and that felt like a pop song without a beat.

  Chapter 31

  Sasha

  I met up with Cam down the road from Hetal’s house and walked with her the last bit. My suitcase was rumbling loudly along the pavement and my whole body was twitching with excitement. I love anything like this, surprise parties, unexpected trips. Fingers crossed Hetal’s nani would like it too.

  Cam rang the bell and we waited, grinning nervously on the step.

  We heard Mrs M walking to the door.

  ‘Good morning, girls!’ She smiled when she opened the door. ‘You’re both up rather early, aren’t you?’

  ‘Mrs M,’ Cam said, looking all flustered. ‘We’ve got a plan and you can’t say no.’

  ‘Because you helped us with your great advice,’ I added.

  Hetal appeared behind her nani, grinning. ‘And now it’s our turn to make sure you don’t have regrets.’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Cam. ‘Because no one wants those.’

  Mrs M looked a bit bewildered. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Paris,’ said Hetal.

  She shook her head. ‘It’s too much for me to manage. I couldn’t.’

  ‘But we’re coming too. We’ll help,’ said Cam.

  She looked around at us standing in front of her. ‘You’d do that for me?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ I smiled.

  ‘Definitely,’ Cam agreed.

  Hetal was nodding. ‘Say yes, Nani, please. Just imagine seeing Elsie again.’

  Hetal’s nani was very still for a moment, then nodded. ‘OK, you’re on. But we’ve got lots to arrange – she’s only in Paris until next week.’

  ‘There’s nothing to arrange, Nani, we’ve done it already,’ Hetal laughed. ‘All you have to do is pack a bag. We’re leaving in an hour.’

  Mrs M gave a little shriek, and flung her arms around Hetal. Then she held her arms wider and pulled me and Cam in too. Reckon she liked the Paris plan.

  Hetal was busy looking through her colour-coded files and giving instructions to her dad. He was replying that he’d lived all his life, all fifty years of it, in the South Hams, and that he knew his way to the coach station. I grinned as Hetal shrugged and checked her map against the signposts.

  Cam and I were chatting about which bits of Paris we wanted to see and Mrs M smiled non-stop. It was still early when Hetal’s dad pulled into the coach station and stopped. We jumped out and went to get our bags from the boot.

  ‘Now, has everyone got their passport?’ Hetal’s dad asked, but Hetal cut him off.

  ‘It’s all fine, Dad. Everything’s under control. OK, this way,’ called Hetal, flapping her folders at us.

  ‘When did you get so bossy?’ Cam demanded.

  Hetal looked at her over her glasses. ‘Quiet in the ranks,’ she said. ‘I’m the trip guide. I have the schedule. I am The Boss.’

  ‘Give a girl a folder, and she thinks she’s in charge,’ joked Cam.

  ‘If you feel you could do this better?’ Hetal offered her the folder, eyes twinkling.

  ‘Not a freakin’ chance!’ laughed Cam. ‘We’d be lost before we started.’

  ‘Hetal, honey, I think you’re doing a fantastic job,’ said Mrs M, who was looking stunning in her bright sari.

  ‘Thanks, Nani,’ Hetal said, grinning at us both. ‘Right, let’s check we’ve got everything out of the car, and don’t forget to thank the driver.’ She gave her dad a wicked grin and hugged him. ‘Thanks Dad.’

  I caught him saying, ‘No, thank you, I’ve not seen Nani look this happy in months. Now go safe a
nd have fun.’

  Cam and I chorused our thanks and we trundled off to find the coach that would take us to London.

  Chapter 32

  Nell

  I’d woken early. I rolled over to check the time. The others would be on the coach by now. Just. If they’d made it in time. But, of course, they would have: Hetal was in charge. My heart twinged a bit. Part of me wanted to be with them, but the rest of me knew it would be too much. I wasn’t up to it yet.

  I was halfway through my second piece of toast, catching up on my messages from the girls, when Mum appeared in the kitchen, yawning.

  ‘Morning, gorgeous,’ she said as she kissed the top of my head. ‘How did you sleep?’

  A month ago, I’d have felt defensive that Mum was checking up on me, monitoring my sleep, like a nurse would, but now things had changed. I’m not exactly sure when, or whether it was me who had changed or her, but it felt … better.