Charlie Morphs Into a Mammoth

by Sam Copeland

  ‘Is that a bear?’ asked Flora.

  Mohsen nodded. ‘I mean, it’s small but it looks like a bear.’

  ‘A koala?’ suggested Wogan.

  ‘No, it’s bigger than a koala,’ said Flora. ‘Maybe a baby grizzly?’

  ‘What’s a baby grizzly bear doing round here?’ asked Wogan.

  No one had an answer to that, so they watched in silence as the bear lurched towards the chicken coop. They braced themselves to watch the bear eat the chickens, but then, just as it reached the coop, the footage abruptly cut out.

  ‘What happened?’ asked Mohsen.

  ‘The recording stops there,’ replied Charlie, desperately clicking the mouse. ‘Just at the wrong moment.’

  ‘We should get Dylan to tell his dad to mend his rubbish security cameras,’ said Wogan.

  ‘Well, at least we know it was a bear that ate the chickens,’ said Mohsen.

  ‘Hmm,’ hmmed Flora.

  ‘I had a feeling you were going to hmm,’ said Mohsen. ‘It’s been ages since you hmmed, so I thought you were due one.’

  Wogan nodded. ‘Yeah, Flora. You’re getting a bit predictable with the hmming. Maybe you could introduce a few new noises? Like … “Ooooooh”?’

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Mohsen. ‘Or … “Ah-hah!”’

  ‘Good one,’ Wogan said. ‘Or how about –’

  ‘DO YOU WANT TO HEAR WHY I HMMED OR NOT?’ Flora snapped, glaring at Mohsen and Wogan. They nodded, mouths clamped tight shut.

  ‘Well,’ continued Flora, ‘I was thinking that it certainly looks like some sort of bear got to the chickens. But if you remember, whoever wrote the lost pet notice said it was a large feline paw print that they found, like a lion or a tiger. Bear prints are totally different.’

  ‘How on earth do you know all this stuff?’ asked Mohsen admiringly.

  ‘So what are you saying, Flor?’ said Charlie.

  ‘I’m saying it’s highly unlikely there’s both a bear AND a lion on the loose.’

  ‘Ah, so you do think Charlie’s eating chickens and pets and cute little zoo animals and stuff?’ asked Mohsen.

  ‘WHAT?’ Charlie exploded. ‘I CAN’T –’

  ‘No!’ shouted Flora, looking red in the face. ‘I’m sure it isn’t Charlie.’

  ‘Even though all the evidence points towards him,’ said Wogan, matter-of-factly.

  ‘IT WASN’T ME!’

  ‘Of COURSE it wasn’t, Charlie,’ said Flora, soothingly. ‘I’m most definitely not saying it was you, thank you very much, Wogan and Mohsen. I’m saying there’s something else going on. We just need to work out what. A bear AND a lion? Unlikely. There has to be some other explanation.’

  The door of the office suddenly burst open, and Mr Wind and Miss Fyre fell in, laughing.

  When they saw the four friends, they froze.

  ‘Wha-wha-what are you children doing in here?’ Mr Wind stammered.

  The friends found they didn’t have a single excuse.

  ‘Mr Wind and I were … just about to review the security footage,’ Miss Fyre said.

  The children stared, not daring to say a word.

  ‘WELL!?’ shouted Miss Fyre. ‘GET OUT OF HERE!’

  The children ran out of the office, not looking back.

  When they stopped running, Charlie turned to Flora.

  ‘How on earth did we get away with that?’

  ‘I have NO idea,’ said Flora.

  Charlie was busy in the kitchen on his laptop, glumly designing a ‘Missing’ poster for the Great Catsby (who still hadn’t turned up) when his parents dropped their latest, and worst, bombshell. SmoothMove was sitting next to him, playing Zelda on his Nintendo Switch, when their mum and dad walked in, solemn looks on their faces.

  ‘Guys,’ said Dad. ‘I’ve something to talk to you about.’

  What now? thought Charlie. From his dad’s tone of voice, it sounded like more bad news and Charlie didn’t think he could face more bad news.

  ‘So,’ continued his dad. ‘I’ve been looking for somewhere to live once I move out and I’ve found a nice flat. It’s happened a bit quicker than I’d have liked but I didn’t want to lose it, so I’ve put the deposit down.’

  SmoothMove said ‘Great’ sarcastically under his breath and turned back to his Nintendo. Charlie sat in stunned silence. He had a million things to say but knew if he started speaking, the words would break up in his throat.

  ‘It’s a new build,’ his dad continued. ‘On the estate on the other side of town.’

  That’s miles away! thought Charlie. I’ll be miles from my friends when I’m staying with him.

  ‘It’s right by a lovely park.’

  ‘When are you moving out?’ SmoothMove asked.

  ‘April 21st,’ their dad replied. ‘You’ll both be spending every Wednesday night and weekends with me. And you’ll get to share a bedroom. Which will be fun,’ he finished, unconvincingly.

  Again, Charlie wanted to say so much: That’s the day after the school dance! How am I supposed to enjoy that now? And, If I’m at Dad’s every weekend, how can I play with my friends? And, Have you even thought about me? And, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHY?

  Charlie couldn’t bring himself to ask any of those questions, though. He could only turn back to the laptop, hiding his face from his family, blinking back tears.

  His mum came up behind him and placed a soft kiss on the top of his head. Try as he might, Charlie couldn’t stop the tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. He wiped his eyes, hoping no one had noticed.

  Charlie knew he wasn’t in danger of changing: he wasn’t feeling stressed or afraid or anxious or even angry. Right now, he was just feeling hopelessly sad.

  ***

  Please stop being kind to me, Charlie thought. If you don’t stop, I’m going to cry again and I don’t want to do that in front of Dylan.

  Charlie was in the playground, his friends huddling round him.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with crying,’ said Flora, seeming to read his mind.

  ‘I know,’ said Charlie. ‘It’s just –’

  Mohsen nodded. ‘Flora’s right. I cry all the time. Like when my grandma died.’

  ‘And like when my older brother went to university. I cried loads,’ said Flora.

  ‘Yeah!’ said Wogan. ‘And like when I went to the toilet last week and caught my winky in my zip. I cried for ages then.’

  ‘Wogan!’ gasped Flora. ‘What is wrong with you?’

  ‘Yes, what’s wrong with you, Wogan?’ said Mohsen. ‘“Winky”? That’s a very babyish name for it. It’s called your “dangly-wangly”.’

  ‘No, it isn’t! It’s called a “winky”!’ shouted Wogan. ‘Although my cousin calls it a “ding-dong”,’ he continued thoughtfully. ‘So I –’

  ‘Can you STOP talking about winkies and dangly-wanglies and ding-dongs?’ blurted Flora. ‘What is wrong with you? We are trying to make Charlie feel better, if you hadn’t forgotten!’

  ‘What are you four imbeciles talking about then?’ Dylan had sidled up without anyone noticing. He still had a plaster on his face.

  ‘Nothing!’ they all replied instantly.

  ‘Yeah, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all. Anyway,’ said Dylan, ‘Charlie, I want a word with you. Alone.’

  Charlie shrugged at his friends and walked into the corridor with Dylan, who Charlie noticed was limping.

  ‘Why are you limping?’

  ‘I … erm … don’t know.’

  ‘What do you mean, you don’t know?’

  ‘I mean, of course I know! I have a sore leg because … I fell off a … unicycle.’

  ‘You fell off a unicycle?’

  ‘Look, it doesn’t matter. That’s not why I wanted to talk to you.’

  ‘Yeah, what do you want, Van der Gruyne?’ Charlie eyed Dylan suspiciously.

  ‘I just heard your parents were separating.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘Well, I know what it’s like.’

  �
��How?’ Charlie snapped. ‘Your parents are still together.’

  ‘I know. But sometimes I don’t think they should be.’

  A long look passed between them, deep and unspoken.

  ‘Oi, Charlie!’ Wogan shouted suddenly, breaking the silence, his head poking out of the classroom door. ‘When you’ve finished talking to that useless sack of soggy broccoli, can you help me with the spellings?’

  Dylan was back to sneering at Charlie, as if he had just remembered he hated him.

  ‘But don’t think this changes anything between us, McGuffin,’ Dylan snarled, extra venom in his voice. ‘We’re still mortal enemies.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘Because,’ said Dylan. ‘I’m evil. On the outside, anyway. But I’m like an onion, McGuffin. I have layers. And peel those layers back and … I’m exactly the same evil onion in the middle, and I also make you cry.’

  ‘But you don’t have to be an evil onion!’

  ‘Of course I do,’ said Dylan, a hint of weariness and resignation in his voice. ‘Because every story needs a hero and a villain. And I am this story’s villain.’

  ‘Dylan. You’re not a villain. You’re a schoolboy who watches too many movies.’

  ‘Oh, Charlie. You have NO idea how much of a villain I am. You don’t even know what you don’t know. That’s how much you don’t know.’

  ‘Oh, I know EXACTLY how much I don’t know.’

  But little did Charlie know how little he knew about how little he knew.

  Dylan limped off, cackling like a wicked witch who had changed herself into a wicked limping schoolboy.

  Charlie followed a moment later, once again despairing at Dylan. But he couldn’t help feeling a little disturbed by what Dylan had said. He was left with a small, nagging suspicion that he actually didn’t know how much he didn’t know about how much he didn’t know.

  He arrived back in his classroom and his three friends were looking at him, clearly burning with curiosity.

  ‘What was that about?’ Flora asked.

  ‘Nothing,’ replied Charlie sullenly.

  ‘What do you mean, “nothing”? It had to have been about something.’

  But before Charlie could say anything more, Daisy walked up to them.

  ‘Hello, you lot,’ she said. ‘Been struggling to open any other doors recently?’

  ‘HA HA HA HA!’ Wogan laughed, rather too loudly.

  ‘So,’ continued Daisy, ignoring Wogan. ‘Message for Mohsen: Mohsen, Lola says she’s really sorry but she can’t go to the school dance with you.’

  ‘Ah,’ said Mohsen, visibly deflating, like an old balloon. ‘OK,’ he added to Daisy’s back as she walked off.

  Wogan put his arm round Mohsen. ‘I feel your pain.’

  ‘You know,’ said Flora. ‘Those girls are really starting to annoy me.’

  ***

  The following Sunday, Mohsen, Wogan and Charlie were piling into the back of the McGuffin family car. Charlie’s mum was dropping Mohsen and Wogan back home after a play date and the boys were discussing the school dance.

  ‘There is absolutely no way I’m doing any dancing,’ announced Mohsen. ‘I’ve got two left feet.’

  ‘What?’ gasped Wogan, looking down. ‘I’ve never noticed! How do you get shoes that fit?’

  ‘I don’t actually have two left feet. It’s just a phrase. It means –’

  ‘Shush!’ blurted out Charlie, suddenly. ‘Mum, turn up the radio!’

  ‘What –’ Mohsen started.

  ‘Just listen!’ Charlie said.

  Charlie’s mum turned up the radio.

  ‘And we’re going over now live to the zoo, following earlier reports of a break-in there,’ said the news presenter in a grave voice. ‘Holly, what can you tell us?’

  ‘Well, Dan,’ Holly the reporter replied. ‘It does indeed appear that the zoo was broken into yesterday night and a number of animals have disappeared.’

  ‘And could you tell us what animals have been stolen?’ Dan asked.

  ‘Yes, I could, Dan.’

  ‘Well … will you tell us what animals have been stolen?’

  ‘Ah yes,’ replied Holly. ‘I see. Of course. A number of penguins are missing, together with two eagles, a goat and a llama. Some gnawed bones were found in the Pit of Penguins, leading police to fear the worst. The zookeepers are distraught and can’t imagine who – or what – is behind it.’

  ‘Did you say “what”, Holly?’ Dan asked, his voice laced with shock.

  ‘That’s right, Dan. One theory the police are working on is that a wild animal broke into the zoo and ate these poor creatures. Or worse.’

  ‘Worse?’ asked Dan. ‘What could be worse than being eaten by a wild animal?’

  ‘Being eaten by two wild animals, Dan,’ replied Holly. ‘And police are looking for evidence that there could be more than one animal terrorizing our town. Unfortunately, the zoo’s security system seems to have broken, so there is no video footage that the police can look at to confirm this theory.’

  ‘What extraordinary bad luck,’ said Dan. ‘Could there be any connection between this latest attack and the polar bear that was sighted in a residential area a few months ago?’

  Holly nodded. ‘We can’t rule it out. The ravenous beast – or beasts – could be any sort of wild animal – a polar bear, a tiger, even a large dog. Rest assured, though, the police are following every possible lead.’

  ‘I don’t think this is a time for jokes, Holly.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Dan.’

  ‘Well, Holly, let’s hope the animals are soon found safe and well, and we can put this beastly business behind us.’

  ‘I thought you said this wasn’t a time for jokes, Dan.’

  ‘You’re right, Holly. I’d like to apologize to all listeners.’

  Charlie gasped. ‘OK, Mum, you can turn it down now.’ He turned to his friends and whispered anxiously. ‘OK, I’m REALLY worried about the Great Catsby now!’

  Mohsen and Wogan looked back at Charlie with very serious faces.

  ‘What are you both looking at?’

  ‘Charlie,’ said Wogan slowly. ‘More animals possibly eaten? In unexplained circumstances? And we were all just at the zoo the other day.’

  ‘And? So what?’ Charlie replied crossly.

  ‘Maybe,’ said Mohsen gently. ‘Maybe it’s you but you don’t remember doing it.’

  ‘It wouldn’t be your fault then,’ Wogan added quickly. ‘You wouldn’t be to blame.’

  ‘IT’S NOT ME!’ Charlie shouted.

  ‘What’s not you, dear?’ asked Charlie’s mum.

  ‘Nothing, Mum,’ Charlie replied, then turned back to his friends and hissed, ‘OK, I know it looks suspicious, but I PROMISE it’s not me.’

  ‘Well, anyway,’ said Mohsen. ‘I bet I know what Flora’s going to want to do.’

  ‘You’re right,’ groaned Charlie. ‘I can already guess what her plan’s going to be …’

  ‘What?’ asked Wogan.

  ***

  ‘So, here’s the plan,’ announced Flora at school the next day. ‘We break into the zoo!’

  ‘What an enormous surprise,’ said Charlie, once again sounding the very opposite of surprised.

  ‘That’s right, Charlie. What a tremendous shock,’ agreed Mohsen.

  Wogan clapped his hands. ‘You guys were right!’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ asked Flora, looking perplexed.

  ‘We’ve noticed that EVERY time we need a plan, you ALWAYS say that we have to break into somewhere,’ said Wogan.

  ‘Well if anybody has any better suggestions, I am quite open to hearing them,’ said Flora, crossing her arms.

  ‘No!’ cried Charlie. ‘It’s a great plan, Flora!’

  Dylan suddenly walked past, glaring at them, dragging a sack behind him. He had a bandage wrapped round his head, and scratches all over his face.

  ‘What happened to him?’ Charlie said.

  ‘Fell off a skate
board, apparently,’ replied Mohsen.

  ‘Since when does Dylan skateboard?’ asked Charlie. ‘He said he fell off a unicycle the other day as well. And why’s he by himself all the time these days?’

  ‘Reckon he must have had a falling-out with Teddy. I haven’t seen them together in ages,’ Mohsen replied. ‘In fact, I haven’t seen him playing with anybody in ages.’

  The gang were quiet for a moment.

  ‘Poor Dylan,’ said Flora.

  ‘What do you mean, “Poor Dylan”?’ gasped Wogan. ‘Have you forgotten what a total and complete doofus-head he is?!’

  ‘I’m not saying he isn’t a total and complete doofus-head,’ said Flora. ‘But it can’t be nice being alone all the time.’

  That sent the gang quiet again, lost in thought for a moment, until Charlie broke the silence.

  ‘Anyway, back to the plan,’ he said. ‘Why do we need to break into the zoo?’ he asked. ‘We already know the security system didn’t get any video footage.’

  ‘Ah!’ said Flora, waggling her eyebrows. ‘We have a secret weapon …’

  ‘Is it a rocket launcher?’ asked Wogan. ‘I bet it’s a rocket launcher.’

  ‘No, Wogan. It isn’t,’ replied Flora to Wogan, who looked crestfallen. ‘It’s Charlie.’

  ‘Argh, he’s rubbish compared to a rocket launcher.’

  Flora ignored him.

  ‘So, here’s what we do: we break in and Charlie changes into an animal, then asks the other animals if they saw anything. Or anyone.’

  ‘Now, that,’ said Charlie, ‘is actually quite a brilliant plan.’

  A small smile sneaked on to Flora’s face.

  ‘Totally!’ said Mohsen. ‘We can finally find out if it’s Charlie eating the animals!’

  ‘IT’S NOT ME!’

  Puffin Books

  80 Strand

  London

  Dear Mr Copeland,

  Just to remind you, we are half-way through this book, and still no mammoths.

  We don’t believe that you will pull the same stunt again – not after how much trouble you caused last time.