The Darkest Hour

by Roberta Kagan

  Stavros came up behind me and gently tugged my shirt for me to stop. He indicated his crossbow and then pointed to the barn. I didn’t expect we would find anyone in the barn, but then we are in a war. We approached the barn, but we shouldn’t have been worried. It was missing a door, and no one was inside. Nothing was inside other than a few overturned drums.

  Stavros glanced down at his watch. “We can’t hunt together. We need to split up.” He put his crossbow at his feet and turned to me. I was taken by surprise when he cupped my face in his big hands. “Listen to me. Do you have a gun on you?”

  “Where am I going to hide a gun? No. Just my crossbow and my knife.”

  “Good. Don’t yell in triumph when you kill an animal…” Stavros pinched my lips shut before I had a chance to say anything. “I know how you are. You think it’s a great victory. You will alert the soldiers.”

  I sighed and nodded. I was too tired to argue with him. He let go of my lips just in time. I was going to bite him if he continued to hold them.

  “All right, you go left, I go right.”

  I nodded and did as I was told. I felt a heavy weight settle on me as I made my way through the brush. Hunting was what I did with my brothers and father. They were always beside me and teaching me the correct way to hunt for food. They taught me how to end an animal’s life without causing it to suffer. Now I was on my own. I crouched down behind some thick brush and waited. My stomach growled, but there was nothing I could do about it. Just when I was getting a little sleepy, I thought I saw a rabbit.

  A big fat rabbit. How in the world did she become so fat? It didn’t matter. I raised my crossbow and waited until the rabbit was in position. I was about to fire when I heard a gunshot ring out, and the rabbit scampered away.

  God dammit. Stavros told me not to shoot, and then he goes and fires his gun. I should have stabbed his foot with my knife. I was getting up to confront him when I heard someone running down the path towards me.

  No sooner had I stood up, I was slammed to the ground. It wasn’t Stavros. It was a young woman that barreled into me, and we both fell over. She lay on top of me, and I looked up to find brown eyes staring back at me.

  “You have to protect me!”

  I was on my back with a woman over me. How did she think I could protect her? I was going to try, but I couldn’t do anything while I was lying on the ground. I pushed her off and sat up to find her looking back from where she had just run away from. I have an excellent memory for faces, and I didn’t recall ever seeing her around Farsala.

  “Who are you?”

  “My name is Sterina.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “I’m a Greek! That’s all you need to know,” Sterina snapped back, which didn’t endear her to me.

  “Did you fire the gun? You’re going to get the soldiers coming towards us.”

  “I was running away from the soldiers! Let’s get out of here; they are coming!”

  Whoever was coming was making a lot of noise. Just my luck that Sterina and her pursuers would interrupt my hunting. Now we had a more significant problem than being outside of curfew hours.

  I took hold of Sterina’s hand and pulled her into the thick brush. I didn’t know where Stavros had gone, but I sure hoped he hadn’t stumbled into the soldiers. Just as we hid behind the bushes, a snarling dog came bounding towards us.

  God dammit.

  I pushed Sterina further into the brush, and I pointed my crossbow at the snarling dog. I really didn’t want to kill him. I like dogs, even the snarling type. He was going to launch himself at me, and I reluctantly fired and shot him in the chest. My heart broke on seeing his beautiful eyes close and the pain I caused. He dropped to the ground and whimpered. I hated myself for shooting this beautiful beast. I hated the Italians for making me do this. I have killed animals before, but this was different. It wasn’t a clean kill, and the dog was in pain. I couldn’t leave the dog to suffer. I just couldn’t.

  “I’m sorry, puppy.” I caressed his head as he lay dying. He tried to snarl, and the fight in him was still there. I liked that about him. Feisty till the end. I reluctantly ended his life and dragged his body onto the opposite side of where we were. He was a magnificent dog and didn’t deserve what I did to him. I wanted to bury him, but the soil was too hard, and I didn’t have anything to break the ground. I covered him with leaves and left. The soldiers still hadn’t arrived, which surprised me. While I was wondering where they had disappeared to, I sniffed the air. The reason for their absence was clear. They had set the forest on fire.

  The situation was spiraling out of control, and I still didn’t know where Stavros had ended up. Sterina was crying, and I was at a loss of what to do.

  I could make a run for it out in the fields, but the dogs would catch me, and that would be certain death. I could climb the tree, but what good would that do? The Italians have eyes, and they can look up. Not to mention the fire that would consume everything in its path.

  “What are we going to do?”

  “That’s a good question, Sterina,” I muttered and took her hand. We were going to run and hope the horse was where we left it. This was not the way I expected the night to go. Sterina stumbled several times, and she was slowing us down. She was a bumbling mess.

  We pushed through some thick brush and came to a clearing. Right in front of us was an Italian soldier relieving himself. Could my night get any worse? Sterina gasped, causing the soldier to turn around. His hand was on his ‘thing,’ and he had the most surprised look on his face. My eyes went from his face to his hand and back up to his face. I laughed.

  I don’t think that was the smartest thing I could have done. Once the soldier got over his shock of finding us barging through the bushes while he was pissing against a tree, he grabbed for his rifle. I already had my crossbow loaded and ready.

  I was faster.

  One dead dog and now a dead soldier.

  “He’s dead! You killed him!” Sterina screeched. Of course, I killed him. Didn’t she see the gun or that he was after her? This must be one stupid girl. She was running away from him, and now she’s sorry he’s dead? God help me, I may end up shooting her.

  “Shut up! Do you want the soldiers to find us?”

  “Zoe, I knew you would be involved in this!”

  I turned around to find Stavros coming towards me. “I shot a soldier.”

  “I can see that! I told you not to attract attention. Don’t you think his friends across the field will come looking?” Stavros said as he leaned over the dead soldier. He dragged the body into the thick brush.

  “What are we going to do?”

  “Strip him off his uniform, steal his boots and his gun; they are of no use to him now,” Stavros replied as he started to strip off the man’s uniform. He gave the man’s boots and gun to me. “I told you to be quiet.”

  “It’s not my fault! We have a visitor.” I stepped aside to show Stavros my new friend. Unfortunately for me, Sterina was terrified and ran away screaming at the top of her lungs. I sighed. The night was not going well.

  “She’s an escaped Jew.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “How I know is not important right now. I’m not going to wait for the soldiers, Zoe. Come along.” Stavros pulled me by my shirt and I almost fell over my own feet. We managed to get to the cart and the horse before we heard gunshots.

  “Well, that takes care of your new friend.”

  “Stav!” I hissed.

  The air was getting thick with smoke and I could taste it, which made me want to throw up. The smell of burning brush is one of my least favorite smells and being near it was even less appealing to me.

  “The Italians are insane. They are burning the forest!”

  “There must be more Jews in the forest, and they want to burn them. Let’s get out of here. Shut up and move.” Stavros hauled me onto the cart, and he led the horse out of the forest and away from the oncoming inferno.

  He
stopped just before we left the bush. “Give me your quivers.” I was about to protest that it was pointless to throw away my arrows. Stavros just ripped them out of my hands and threw it back into the bush. “The last thing we need is for the Italians to come looking.”

  “How in the world are the Italians going to match my quivers with the dead soldier? Do you know how many Greeks have the same arrows?”

  Stavros’ head fell forward and sighed before he turned his attention back to me. “How many Greeks have their initials on the arrows?”

  “Good point but…”

  “Zoe, we don’t have time to debate this. Do you want me to throw the crossbow in the fire as well?”

  “No. I suggest you stop talking and get us out of here.”

  The air was becoming difficult to breathe and flying embers landed on the cart where I stomped them out with my foot. I looked back into the forest where the trees exploded and thought of the Jews who were trapped in there. I could hear their screams now and gunshots. Maybe they would be saved from being burned alive by getting shot. I know what fate I would prefer. The Italians are a barbarous people and I will never forget their insane lust for blood.

  I turned away from the carnage. We made good time on getting away from the area. As Stavros led the horse around a corner, we looked back to find the forest was completely engulfed in flames. Luckily, the path leading to the forest was a dirt road, and it was open fields with no crops. There was no chance of the forest fire spreading because it had hit a natural barrier.

  I looked down at my clothes, which were covered in blood from the dog and the Italian soldier. I wiped my hands on my shirt, but the blood couldn’t be wiped off.

  “Stav, I killed a dog and buried him under the brushes…” I found myself unable to finish my sentence. I welled up, and tears streamed down my face for a dog I didn’t know. His life was worth more than the miserable son of a bitch I killed. It was worth much more.

  Stavros slowed down the horse as we neared the farm. He turned to me and put his arm around me. He kissed the top of my head. “There will be more of that before this nightmare ends.”

  I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I’m in the Resistance, and I must be like Laskarina. I must be brave. My eyes welled up again on seeing my mother standing at the gate, but I willed myself not to cry.

  I was no longer a child. I became Laskarina.

  Chapter 7

  Do mothers have a secret way of knowing things? It seems that way. I know Stav didn’t tell her what happened because he didn’t have time to say anything to her before he brought the horse into the farm. Mama was waiting for us; she must have been awake this whole time, and when I looked back towards the forest, you could see the flames and smoke billowing up into the heavens. Mama didn’t say a word; she just pulled me to her embrace and hugged me until I felt like she was trying to absorb me into her. After I reassured her multiple times that I was all right, she drew a bath for me. I stank of the smoke from the fires, and I couldn’t get the clothes off me quick enough. I hate fire, and the smell only accentuated my disgust. I was so tired that I almost fell asleep in the bathtub. I forced myself out of the tub and went into my room. I don’t remember falling asleep. I woke up still smelling the smoke.

  I heard my mother’s voice. She was angry, and whoever she was directing her anger at was not talking, because all I could hear was her voice. I winced when I realized Mama was yelling at Stavros. It wasn’t his fault that Sterina ran into me or that I found the soldier. Mama was blaming him for all of it, which was unfair. I needed to tell her the truth.

  Silence descended in the house and that’s when I heard the back door open and close. Stavros would have been banished until Mama could control her temper.

  When I finally got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, Mama was trying to make some food with the meager amount of ingredients that we had. I heard that the British were blocking supplies from reaching us. What were those fools trying to do? You can’t starve the Germans and Italians; they are demons. The blockade was killing Greeks. The rumors could be just that, rumors.

  I walked into the kitchen and Mama stopped what she was doing and wiped her hands on a hand towel. She put her arms around me and held me until I felt I couldn’t breathe.

  “I’m going to faint from not breathing.”

  She sighed and kissed the top of my head and led me to the sofa. “I am so proud of you. Papa would have been so proud of you. You’re our brave little soldier.”

  “I didn’t do anything. I let the poor woman die…”

  “You didn’t let her die. You tried to protect her.”

  “I was useless. I didn’t know how to protect her, and she died. Did Stavros tell you about the soldier? Was that why you were yelling at him?”

  “Stavros’ job was to protect you, little one. His job was to hunt with you and not let you go off on your own…”

  “It was easier to hunt separately. The soldiers were at the edge of the field, and if we hunted together, we may have attracted more attention.”

  My mother sighed heavily. Her emerald colored eyes were glistening with unshed tears. She appeared to take a moment to compose herself. “The last thing I wanted you to do was to engage the enemy, Zoe. You are too young…”

  “Sterina was my age. Was she too young as well?”

  “No, that’s not what—”

  “You and Papa have always told me that I needed to be as brave as Laskarina. Whenever I got scared, you told me about the Spartan children and how brave they were. I didn’t need to be brave in peacetime, but I need to be brave now. I need to learn how to fight.”

  “No. You will not learn how to fight and kill.”

  “I have already killed a soldier and I’m not sorry I did, because—”

  “Zoe, killing is never the answer. Father Haralambos tells that God asks us not to take revenge but to leave room for God to take care of it.”

  “God did not take care of Papa. We left it to God and he abandoned us.”

  “Oh, my dear child.” Mama cried, and I was sorry I brought up Papa because my mother’s tears have never stopped since his death. Now I just added to the anguish.

  “I’m sorry…”

  “No, it’s not your fault, my darling. The thought of you putting yourself in harm’s way breaks my heart. We lost your brothers and your papa…I can’t lose you.”

  “You won’t lose me. I will learn how to fight, and I’ll become better at—”

  “At killing? No, Zoe. I don’t want you to be a better killer.”

  “I’m going to protect you. You are putting yourself in harm’s way by being in the Resistance. Why can’t I be?”

  “You’re thirteen years old.”

  “Remember when you told me the story of the French girl that led an army? Remember that? You told me she was my age and she was a brave woman.”

  Mama sighed. She was used to my stubbornness. I was determined to stand my ground because we were in a war for our survival. I was determined never to be in a position where I was helpless against a bigger opponent again. I got lucky last night. I fear that I’m not going to be so lucky again.

  “I don’t want you to learn how to fight…” Mama stopped and held up her hand to forestall my objections, which were considerable. “I know it’s an impossible wish for that to happen because we are at war. If you want to learn how to fight, I will ask a woman I know to come and show you.”

  “What woman? Do I know her?”

  “No, you don’t. She’s a local commander of the Resistance. She has been helping our allies and the Jews to escape.”

  “She’s not doing a good job of helping Jews escape then. Sterina and many other Jews were murdered in the forest fire last night.”

  “I know. They escaped from a convoy that was ambushed by the Resistance.”

  That’s why I hadn’t recognized Sterina. She wasn’t from Farsala. That brought up another question. “Where were they being sent?”

  �
��Thessaloniki, to be delivered to the Germans.”

  “That’s why they ran into the forest.” It all started to make sense. “When can you talk to this commander? I want to learn how to fight.” I didn’t think we had the luxury of time for me to get better at fighting with soldiers. I’d have to practice.

  “I will contact her, but it’s going to take some time.”

  I didn’t have time, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. After she gave me a kiss and a hug, Mama gave me Papa’s gun and asked me to bury it in his grave. I didn’t understand why I needed to hide the weapon. The Greeks could use any gun because every firearm was useful even if it was old, and I was going to bury one? There was a reason for what I was going to do, and Mama said that it was one of Papa’s last requests. He wanted the gun that saved his life to be buried with him.

  My mission that afternoon was to give my father what he wanted after he died. While I didn’t get enough sleep, I was determined to get it done. As I walked along the dusty road leading to the cemetery, I spent some time thinking about the Italian soldier I had killed. I didn’t feel anything for him other than I was glad it wasn’t me bleeding on the ground or being consumed by fire. I shuddered at the thought of fire eating away at my flesh. I shook my head to try to get the image of the flames that had almost caught us out of my mind. I remembered the soldier’s blue eyes as they widened in surprise when he realized I was going to kill him. He was bigger and stronger than me, but he wasn’t fast enough. Stav said that there will be more like him that I will end up killing. We are in a war, and this is what Laskarina faced. Being brave as Laskarina is hard, and I wonder how she battled the Turks and came out on top. I had survived my first battle. I was fortunate even though I was unprepared, but that won’t happen next time. I have to be ready, and I must learn how to defend myself against someone bigger than me.

  I’ll admit I was scared. Not as scared as Sterina, but then I’m not a Jew running through a forest with the Italians after me. Why didn’t the Jews just take up arms and shoot those bastards? Why do they allow themselves to be herded into those camps? I’m not sure why the Italians and Germans hate the Jews so much. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.