“Of course not.”
“I mean it,” Evie said, and suddenly was worried that might happen. She was a little surprised at herself, at how seriously she was taking this. “Just don’t, okay?”
Natalie nodded. She seemed serious too. “I won’t,” she said. “I promise.”
They looked at each other. A slow moment passed.
“So okay,” Evie said suddenly, and squashed her cigarette out on the edge of the saucer, even though she still had several more puffs to smoke. She squashed it out, despite it not being finished, then looked back up at Natalie.
And Natalie leaned forward and kissed her.
Natalie kissed quickly, as if she wouldn’t have the courage to if she didn’t right then. She kissed so quickly that Evie was taken aback, surprised, despite that she’d suspected Natalie was about to. Evie was startled enough she didn’t actually move her lips, and just sat there while Natalie pressed their mouths together. It wasn’t even really a kiss, Evie thought, not one that counted. It was a bump, an accidental pressing together. Natalie bumped, and Evie didn’t move, and Evie not moving seemed to give Natalie completely the wrong idea about how interested Evie was.
Natalie stopped. She looked embarrassed. She stepped back away from Evie and said, “I’m sorry. I misunderstood.”
“You didn’t,” Evie said.
“Shit,” Natalie said. “Just, shit.”
“I wanted you to,” Evie said, desperately. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t looking.”
“Oh.” Natalie sounded surprised.
“I really did,” Evie said. “I promise.”
Natalie seemed self-conscious, suddenly flustered. Suddenly embarrassed, Evie thought, as though she thought she’d just made a fool of herself.
Evie wanted her not to think that. It was Evie’s mistake, and suddenly it was quite important that Natalie didn’t think she’d done something wrong.
“I really wanted to,” Evie said. “Please believe me?”
Natalie nodded.
“You’re good at this,” Evie said. “How you did it. With the waiting and everything.”
Natalie looked at her for a while. “Thank you.”
“You are,” Evie said. “And I want to kiss you. I just didn’t see you coming.”
“It’s all right.”
“I’m sorry,” Evie said. “I just spoiled it, didn’t I?”
“Not at all.”
“Yeah I did. You’re just being nice.”
“You didn’t. It’s fine.”
“Except you went to all that trouble. With the waiting to kiss.”
Natalie shrugged.
“You did,” Evie said, and didn’t know what to say next. Something had changed. The flirty mood was gone. Now it was just awkward and a little sad. Evie wanted to fix it, but didn’t know what to do. She needed to say something, or else just walk away now. She needed to say anything, so she decided to tease. Even if teasing didn’t fix everything, she thought, it couldn’t really make anything much worse.
“There is something, though,” Evie said.
“What’s that?”
“Something I was just wondering.”
Natalie waited.
“After all that trouble,” Evie said. “After everything you did. What if I still said no?”
“Then I’d pay you,” Natalie said.
Evie started to grin, assuming Natalie was joking, was teasing her back. “Oh would you?” Evie said.
Natalie nodded. “I would.”
“And I’d let you,” Evie said, still smiling.
“I really would,” Natalie said. “I’d pay you. If you wanted me to.”
Evie suddenly realized Natalie meant it. Natalie wasn’t smiling, she wasn’t joking around.
Natalie had just offered her money to fuck.
Evie sat there for a moment, taken aback. “Um,” she said. “What?”
“Oh shit,” Natalie said. “You weren’t serious…?”
Evie shook her head. “Why would I be serious?”
Natalie opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She didn’t seem to know what to say. Evie was quiet as well, thinking what to do now. She ought to be upset, she thought, she ought to be deeply offended, but she didn’t actually seem to be. She ought to be leaving, but instead she was just sitting right there, staring at Natalie, wondering what to do now.
“Do you mean what I think you mean?” Evie said, wanting to be sure.
“No,” Natalie said sharply. “I… shit.”
“You didn’t?”
Natalie just looked at her.
“So if you didn’t,” Evie said, thinking. “Then what did you mean?”
“Can we just forget I said that? Please?”
“Nope,” Evie said.
“Please?”
“I really don’t think we can.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Pay me for what?”
“For nothing,” Natalie said. “For nothing at all. I promise I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes you did,” Evie said, and Natalie just looked at her, stricken.
Natalie was upset. Evie could see she was upset. Natalie seemed confused, and slightly panicked too, realizing she’d just made a terrible mistake. Evie was thinking, trying to work out why Natalie would say something like that, even when she was tipsy. It must be a self-confidence thing, Evie decided. That was the only thing that made sense. Natalie wanted Evie, and was faking all her confidence and smooth. Natalie wasn’t confident at all, so much so that some part of her thought that the only way she could get Evie was by paying her. It was an odd thing to think, but in a way, Evie understood. She’d sometimes had her doubts about herself too.
Evie decided she wasn’t offended. She wasn’t sure what she was, but she wasn’t offended, and part of her did want to know exactly what Natalie was asking her to do.
“So,” Evie said. “What do you mean? Pay me for what?”
Natalie shook her head, like she didn’t want to answer. She still seemed embarrassed, and nervous as well, but she was also still talking, Evie noticed. She was still hoping this would work out, not just saying sorry and could Evie please leave. It was as if part of Natalie expected Evie to walk out, but part of her hoped Evie wouldn’t. It seemed very Natalie, Evie thought. A mix of confidence and shyness. Evie was starting to quite like that.
“You’re going to have to tell me,” Evie said.
“No I’m not,” Natalie said.
“You are. You owe me that.”
Natalie folded her arms. She looked at Evie, almost glared, as if somehow this was becoming Evie’s fault.
“Hey,” Evie said. “You said it. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Sorry,” Natalie said, and sighed.
“I don’t mind,” Evie said. “I’m not offended. I promise. I’m just curious, is all. Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know.”
“I should be upset. Really upset.”
“You probably should,” Natalie said.
“Yeah,” Evie said, thinking. “I should.”
There was a silence. Natalie looked up, biting her lip slightly. She looked up at Evie, and opened her mouth, but then she didn’t speak.
“What?” Evie said.
“You should be upset,” Natalie said. “But you aren’t.”
“I’m not.”
“So why not?” Natalie said.
“I don’t know.”
There was another long silence. A waiting silence, now, like Natalie’s waiting before the kiss. Something had changed, and Evie didn’t feel like it was awkward any more.
“So,” Evie said, still thinking. “Did you mean it? What you said?”
Natalie didn’t answer.
“Did you?” Evie said, insistent.
“I think I did.”
“Oh,” Evie said, quite surprised, suddenly lost for words. She had no idea what to do next, except to sit where she was. She ought to leave, she knew she o
ught to leave, except that apparently she wasn’t going to.
Apparently she was staying right where she was.
She sat there, and looked at Natalie, and wondered who on earth she’d just become, in the last few minutes. She thought. She thought very hard, for what seemed like a long time. “I’m really not upset,” she said, and it was a surprise to her as much as it seemed to be to Natalie.
3: Evie
Evie sat, and thought. She wasn’t sure why hadn’t left. She wasn’t sure why she wasn’t utterly offended and angry. For whatever reason, though, she didn’t seem to be.
It might be that she wasn’t sure how serious Natalie was, or even whether she wanted Natalie to be serious. A little part of her did, she thought. A sneaky, secretive little part of her liked the idea of being propositioned like this. It was completely wrong that Natalie had, and it was awful for Evie to think that she wasn’t offended, but in a strange and sordid way, it was flattering. It was flattering that someone like Natalie would want to pay Evie for sex.
Evie looked at Natalie, who seemed to have been thinking too. Natalie seemed to have been thinking worse things than Evie, perhaps worrying because Evie had gone quiet. She was standing in front of Evie, looking upset, almost looking confused.
When Evie looked up at her, Natalie scraped one hand through her hair, and then said, “Fuck.”
“Don’t,” Evie said.
“I’m sorry,” Natalie said. “I’m so very sorry, I didn’t mean that how it sounded.”
“Yeah you did,” Evie said, a little puzzled as to why Natalie had bothered saying that, when it so obviously wasn’t true.
Evie wanted to talk, to ask if Natalie actually meant it, or had just blurted something out. She wanted to know, and decided to push a little, to try and make Natalie explain.
“Stop it,” Evie said.
“Stop what?”
“Trying to change your mind,” Evie said. “Because I’m not going to let you.”
“I…” Natalie said, and stopped. “I wasn’t.”
“Yeah you were, but don’t.”
Natalie still seemed confused, and that confused Evie. Evie suddenly started to wonder if somehow she’d misunderstood, or if she was taking this all too seriously. Whether Natalie had half-meant it as a joke, and Evie was acting like it was some meaningful offer.
“What’s wrong?” Evie said.
Natalie just looked at her.
“You did mean it, didn’t you?” Evie said, suddenly uncertain. “What you said, you meant it?”
Natalie didn’t answer.
“Maybe?” Evie said.
“I don’t know,” Natalie said. “I really don’t.”
Evie felt suddenly, quite strangely, disappointed. If there was anything worse than being offered money for sex, she thought, it had to be thinking you were being offered it, and being wrong.
Natalie looked at her, then sighed. “No,” she said. “I meant it.”
Evie was even more confused.
“If you’re going to look like that,” Natalie said. “I meant it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I meant it, just leave it at that.”
“You do want to pay me?” Evie said. She suddenly felt a lot better.
“Yes,” Natalie said, uncertainly.
“Pay me for what?”
Natalie shook her head.
“For what?” Evie said, confident again, pressing her.
“For nothing,” Natalie said. “For I don’t know. Could we just forget this please? I think I’ve made an awful mistake.”
“No you haven’t.”
“I really think I have.”
“Nope,” Evie said. “It’s good. It’s fine. We’re going to talk. What do you want to pay me for? Exactly what?”
Natalie bit her lip. “I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Yeah you do.”
“I do, but don’t want to say.”
“Yeah,” Evie said. “Okay. But I want to know.”
Natalie shook her head.
“Please?” Eve said.
“I can’t,” Natalie said. “I really can’t.”
Evie had a competitive streak. She knew she did. It was probably why the law appealed as a career. She was competitive, and somehow, because Natalie wasn’t explaining what Evie wanted her to, this had just become a competition. Evie wanted to talk, and Natalie wouldn’t explain, and suddenly a big part of why Evie wanted Natalie to talk was simply for the sake of winning. Evie wanted to hear what Natalie had meant, and she wanted to so strongly that she began feeling reckless. She was feeling very reckless, and very pushy as well. She wasn’t unsure of herself any more.
“Tell me,” Evie said. “Tell me or I’ll leave.”
“Aren’t you going to anyway?”
Evie sat there for a moment, looking at Natalie, realizing why Natalie had been acting strangely. Natalie thought Evie was leaving, that Evie couldn’t possibly stay after what had been said. Which made sense, Evie thought, since Evie herself didn’t know why she was still here. Natalie probably didn’t want to say any more because she thought Evie was going, and that anything she said would just make the situation worse. Because Natalie didn’t know that Evie had apparently decided to stay.
“Aren’t you going?” Natalie said.
“Probably not.”
“Oh,” Natalie said, surprised, and suddenly seemed a little more hopeful.
“I’m still trying to decide,” Evie said. “Decide everything. What I think about all this.”
“Don’t think anything. I take it back.”
“No you don’t,” Evie said. “I’m not letting you.”
Natalie started to smile. Then she shrugged.
“I am,” Evie said. “I can.”
“All right,” Natalie said. “Fine.”
They looked at each other for a moment, and Evie started to smile too. She didn’t quite know why.
“I’m staying for now,” Evie said. “Just so you know.”
“All right.”
“Because what’s the harm if I do?” Evie said.
“Do what?”
“You know what. Everything we’re talking about. What’s the harm, really, if I do?”
“Maybe none. Maybe a lot.”
“Maybe,” Evie said. “But maybe you would say that. The first part, the none part, at least.”
Natalie smiled again.
“But thinking about it,” Evie said. “We don’t know each other. We’ll probably never see each other again. So what’s the harm, really, if I do?”
Natalie didn’t answer. She was looking at Evie quite intensely.
“But I think we need to say what we’re actually talking about,” Evie said. “I think you need to tell me.”
“I really don’t know I should.”
“I’m not going to be offended,” Evie said. “I’m already not offended. But I’d kind of like to hear it, just so I know. And I’d kind of like to know why you want to, as well.”
Natalie stood there, and bit her lip, and didn’t speak.
“I’d like to know,” Evie said. “Just to know.”
“I can’t…”
“Please? Just explain?”
Natalie hesitated.
“Please?” Evie said again.
“Fine,” Natalie said, and then was silent again.
Evie waited for a moment, then said, “So….?”
Natalie sighed, and shook her head, but seemed to be thinking.
Evie waited.
*
Natalie was looking at Evie, thinking. She didn’t seem to know what to say.
“Just tell me,” Evie said. “Just try. Please?”
“I will.”
“Now?”
Natalie nodded slowly. “You,” she said. “Are interesting. The most interesting person I’ve met in a long time. And this is the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in even longer.”
&nbs
p; Evie looked at her. “Okay.”
“I’m older than you, though. Too old.”
“Not really.”
“Don’t be polite,” Natalie said. “I am. I was with someone for half my life, and was faithful to her, so the last time I flirted with someone she looked like you, not like me.”
Evie didn’t understand. “Like me? Like hair and eyes or something?”
“Your age, rather than mine.”
“Oh,” Evie said.
“I don’t look at the right people, any more,” Natalie said. “I’m not attracted to the right people. People the right age.”
“You’re not that old.”
Natalie just looked at her.
“You’re not,” Evie said.
“Stop it,” Natalie said, almost sharply.
Evie shrugged, and decided that was an argument to have another day.
“I’m old,” Natalie said. “We both know I am. But that’s all right. Because I have money.”
Evie waited, but Natalie seemed to have stopped.
“Keep going,” Evie said.
“No,” Natalie said, quite firmly. “That’s all. You asked why, and that’s why.”
“I asked why, and what you wanted to do.”
“And I’m only answering why.”
“Please?” Evie said, but Natalie had gone quiet.
Evie thought for a moment, and decided she wanted to know. She could probably push a little more, would possibly have push quite hard, to get Natalie to talk about what she wanted to do.
“Do you want me to do this or not?” Evie said.
Natalie looked at her. She seemed to be thinking, perhaps reconsidering what she had been assuming. “Why?” she said. “You mean you would?”
“Maybe,” Evie said. “Perhaps. But only if we do it my way.”
“Of course.”
“Which means telling me what you want to do. Telling me exactly.”
“Oh,” Natalie said. “I see.”
“I promise you,” Evie said. “I won’t tell your friends, I won’t tell your work, and I won’t call the police. But I want to hear you say it.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“Okay,” Evie said, and slid herself towards the front of the counter, about to jump down. “Then I should go.”
Natalie looked at her.
“I will,” Evie said. “I mean it. I’ll leave.”
Evie's Job Page 6
