“I’d like you to not feel awful about this,” Natalie said, after a moment, deciding to just be honest.
“Why should I feel awful?”
“No reason,” Natalie said. “No reason at all. Except how you reacted the other day.”
“I overreacted. I admitted I overreacted. I was surprised, that was all. I’m fine now.”
“You’re sure?”
“Completely. I hope it works out for you. I really do.”
“Thank you,” Natalie said again.
It seemed like they’d talked, and Meredith had apologise, and that should be the end of it all. It seemed that way, but Meredith still didn’t hang up. Natalie waited, wondering if she should instead. Wondering if she should just say that she needed to go, and end this before something went wrong.
*
“I’m glad we’re actually talking,” Meredith said, sounding a little like she was saying it just to be saying something.
“I am too,” Natalie said, probably sounding the same way.
“I miss you sometimes,” Meredith said.
Natalie didn’t answer, and Meredith probably knew that she wouldn’t. Meredith had said such things before, and Natalie had always stayed quiet when she did. “Perhaps I should go,” Natalie said instead. “I’m a little busy…”
“What does she do?” Meredith said.
“Who?” Natalie said, surprised. “Evie?”
“Of course Evie.”
Natalie wasn’t sure how much to admit. “She’s a student,” she said, in the end, deciding that wasn’t especially revealing, since a lot of people Evie’s age were.
“Yes,” Meredith said. “I imagine she is. Studying what?”
Suddenly Natalie felt wary. She wasn’t sure whether to lie. She didn’t want to, because lying made her uncomfortable, so she didn’t unless she absolutely had to. She didn’t think it was sensible to lie to Meredith, either. Meredith probably still knew her well enough to catch her, even now. She didn’t want to lie, but she also didn’t want to be obviously evasive either, in case that gave something away too.
“Forget about Evie,” Natalie said, in the end. “Just leave that all alone, please. Talk about something else instead.”
“Fine,” Meredith said.
“Tell me how you’ve been.”
“How I’ve been?” Meredith said.
“Yes, tell me that.”
“Not sleeping with a twenty-year-old, for one thing.”
“Meredith…”
“But perhaps I should. If it’s that much fun.”
Natalie sighed. “Stop it.”
“I was teasing.”
“Don’t.”
“Sorry,” Meredith said, after a moment. “I didn’t mean…”
“Yes you did, but don’t. Please.”
“I’m sorry,” Meredith said. “Perhaps I should go after all…”
“Perhaps you should.”
“Before this all goes wrong. Before we have a fight.”
“Yes.”
“I’m glad we’re talking though. And I’m glad for you, that you’re happy. It’s not what I expected, but you should have someone.”
“Thank you,” Natalie said, and bit back anything else. Meredith was being patronising, but she probably didn’t realize, and telling her so would just cause trouble.
“What’s her name?” Meredith said. “Evie’s name.”
“Evie. Why?”
“Evie who?”
“Why?” Natalie said again, suspiciously.
“No reason.”
Natalie thought about that. “Meredith,” she said sharply. “Why do you want to know?”
“I wondered. I wanted to check up on her.”
“Why would you need to do that?”
“To see if she’s likely to hurt you. Since it’s you, and you’re living together so quickly. To see if she’s taking advantage of you, I suppose.”
“Taking advantage of me?”
“I’m worried. I wanted to make sure.”
Natalie took a breath, and made herself not say what first came to mind. “You don’t need to do that,” she said, trying to stay calm. “Thank you, but just don’t.”
“I think perhaps I do.”
“You don’t,” Natalie said. “I promise. And what does since it’s me mean?”
“Since what’s you?”
“You just said that. Since it was me, you wanted to make sure.”
“Oh,” Meredith said. “Well, you know how you are.”
“I really don’t,” Natalie said.
“You might not be thinking clearly right now.”
“Oh, I’m thinking clearly. So clearly I’m about to hang up.”
“Nat, wait,” Meredith said, then corrected herself. “Natalie I mean. Please don’t. I’m concerned about you, that’s all.”
Natalie waited, surprised Meredith had called her Natalie. Surprised enough to keep talking. She didn’t hang up the phone, but she was still getting angry all the same. “It’s not your place to be concerned any more,” she said.
“I know, but god, Natalie, a law student?”
Natalie opened her mouth, then stopped, wondering what to say. She was too surprised to argue. She tried to work out how Meredith had known.
“Natalie?” Meredith said.
“What makes you think Evie’s a law student?” Natalie said carefully. Being evasive, but still not lying.
“My eyes,” Meredith said.
“What?”
“The textbooks all over your kitchen table.”
“Oh,” Natalie said. “Fuck.”
She thought for a moment and decided it wasn’t worth arguing. She was caught. Of course Meredith had seen Evie’s books when she was there for the receipt, and of course Meredith would recognise what they were.
“Don’t you dare do anything…” Natalie said.
“I won’t.”
“I mean it. I don’t want you interfering. I’ll never forgive you if you do.”
“Nat, I won’t.”
“You’d better fucking not,” Natalie said. “I’d never speak to you again.”
“I know,” Meredith said. “I can imagine. And I won’t interfere.”
“Good. Thank you.”
“Can I just ask one thing, though?
“No,” Natalie said.
Meredith waited. She didn’t say anything more. She still knew Natalie well enough to know Natalie would be curious and change her mind. Natalie knew she would too, and that was irritating in itself. She didn’t like being that predictable, even though she was.
“What?” Natalie said, after a moment, despite herself.
“How much do you actually know about Evie?” Meredith said.
“I have no idea,” Natalie said. “Enough.”
“Are you sure?”
“Completely sure. I know enough.”
“Because a law student…”
Natalie sighed, impatient, wanting this conversation done with as soon as possible. “Just tell me what you mean,” she said.
“Evie might try to take advantage of you.”
“She hasn’t. She won’t.”
“And of course that makes it certain that she never will.”
“Yes it does,” Natalie said.
“You think so, you hope...”
“Of course I do.”
Natalie was becoming irritated. Meredith was saying exactly what Natalie would expect her to say, and doing it a difficult, obnoxious way. Talking to Meredith wasn’t helping, it wasn’t even very nice. Even talking politely to Meredith was starting to seem impossible.
“I’m not on the firm’s hiring committee anyway,” Natalie said, hoping to end the conversation, to make that point so Meredith would leave her alone. It wasn’t a very good point, and saying it didn’t help. Meredith just laughed, and Natalie supposed she would have laughed too. Natalie was a partner, she could make things happen if she wanted to. She ask for a particular hire, or call in favo
urs, or manipulate the hiring process in pretty much any way she liked. She and Meredith both knew that.
“If you say so,” Meredith said.
“Stop it,” Natalie said. “Evie isn’t going to take advantage of me, and we’ve talked about this enough.”
“I said if you say so.”
Natalie was getting irritated. She was having to bite back anger. She wasn’t sure why she cared so much what Meredith thought, but she felt like she needed to defend Evie’s good intentions.
“Evie won’t take advantage,” Natalie said. “I’m absolutely certain of that. And I’ve had it with you implying she will.”
“Now you’re angry.”
“I’m sick of talking about this.”
“You said I could ask.”
“Which was my mistake,” Natalie said.
“Could you just think about what I said?”
“Not for a moment.”
“Even though you don’t know her at all?”
“I don’t want to talk about this any more,” Natalie said.
“So you admit you don’t know her very well?”
“I know her well enough,” Natalie said. “I don’t need to know more.”
“Why won’t you…”
“Stop it.”
“Nat…”
“Stop being such a fucking barrister,” Natalie said, and almost hung up her phone.
It was an old complaint. Natalie was a solicitor, and wrote carefully reasoned arguments, while Meredith, a barrister, just stood up and talked. Talked on and on, until she wore everyone down, the opposing counsel and the judge and the jury if there was one, until everyone did exactly as she wanted.
Natalie almost hung up. She started to, then changed her mind, and decided that wasn’t sensible. It wouldn’t help much with keeping everything calm.
“Please stop it,” Natalie said. “I’ve had enough. Just stop all this, please, and let it alone.”
“I will,” Meredith said, sounding calmer. “I am. I promise.”
“You’ve said what you wanted to say, so now just stop.”
“I have.”
“And leave Evie alone, too.”
“Of course.”
Natalie sighed, wondering if that was true. She didn’t want to ask. She didn’t especially want to talk to Meredith any more right now. Talking further probably wouldn’t help, she thought. Meredith would be bossy and snide at once, and Natalie would get upset, and then angry, and they’d fight, and then Natalie wouldn’t want to speak to Meredith again for months, and that would probably make Meredith angry enough to start something with Evie.
“I need to go,” Natalie said. “There’s someone about to walk into my office.” She was lying, but she needed to stop the conversation, and it wasn’t as bad as lie as it could have been.
“Of course,” Meredith said, in a slightly odd tone, as if she guessed that Natalie wasn’t being truthful. She didn’t argue, though, so Natalie said, “Bye.”
“Take care,” Meredith said, and was gone, and that was that.
Natalie put the phone down, and looked out her window, and wondered whether she ought to tell Evie about that conversation too. If Evie had actually been worried about Meredith, then this all might help. Or perhaps it might not, since Natalie didn’t know exactly what Evie had been worried about, or whether she even was.
*
In the end, Natalie went home and told Evie that she’d talked to Meredith. She said that Meredith had phoned and apologised, and they had then talked a little longer, and that Meredith seemed calmer, and probably wasn’t going to do anything awful. Evie could relax, Natalie said, if she’d been worried at all.
Evie listened. She kept looking at her books, and then, when Natalie had finished speaking, she said, “Oh.”
Just oh.
“What is it?” Natalie said. “What’s wrong?”
Evie shrugged. She was studying her book quite intently. Pretending to study, Natalie thought, but she wasn’t quite sure why.
“I just thought I should tell you,” Natalie said, feeling a little defensive. “In case you wanted to know.”
“That she rang you?”
“Well, yes. You seemed worried the other day.”
Evie looked up. “And that’s all you both said? That she’s sorry and no-one’s going to be unkind?”
Natalie didn’t understand what Evie meant. “Well, yes,” she said. “Mostly, that’s all.”
“Nothing else?”
“I don’t understand.”
“There was nothing else said that I need to know?”
Natalie was confused. She shrugged, a little helplessly. “Well, no,” she said. “Just that Meredith might have reacted badly, and she’ll leave you alone.”
“Good,” Evie said, and seemed relieved. “Then thank you,” she said. “For telling me.” She sounded a little strange.
“What’s wrong?” Natalie said.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Something is, but I don’t know what.”
Evie looked at her, thinking, as if deciding whether to answer. Natalie needed an answer, she needed some explanation, because she didn’t understand what was happening. Something was obviously wrong. Evie was worried, or hurt, or upset, but Natalie couldn’t even decide which of those it was.
She decided to guess, because she was so concerned. She guessed the most obvious thing. “Are you upset because I talked to Meredith?” she said.
Evie shook her head.
“But you are upset,” Natalie said.
“I’m not upset with you.”
“But you are upset,” Natalie said. “So could you tell me? Please?”
“I don’t know if I should.”
“Please do,” Natalie said, hoping Evie would. She didn’t want to become irritated with Evie, too.
“It’s just,” Evie said. “I don’t think you should keep talking to Meredith. I don’t think she’s very good for you, that’s all.”
There was something quite odd, Natalie thought, that Meredith was telling her how to be with Evie, and Evie was doing the same about Meredith. It was odd, and a little exasperating, but it was also probably a fair point to make, at least when Evie did so.
“I don’t either,” Natalie said. “Think she’s good for me.”
Evie looked up. “Oh.”
“I honestly don’t know if I want to talk to Meredith very much at all,” Natalie said. “She’s hurt me a lot, and she keeps doing it, and sometimes she isn’t a very nice person.”
“But all the same you keep talking to her. Like today.”
“Today I did, yes.”
“Perhaps you should stop,” Evie said. “Just maybe.”
“Well, she phoned me. And in a lot of ways it’s easier to get on with her, than to push her away and start a fight and keep on hating her every day of my life.”
Evie thought for a moment. “You hate her?”
“Sometimes? Yes.”
“I would too,” Evie said, and got up, and came over, and kissed Natalie for a moment. “Be careful of her.”
“I will.”
“Just do, okay?”
Natalie nodded.
Evie went back to her reading, and didn’t say anything more about Meredith. She was concentrating, Natalie thought, lost in her books, making notes about intellectual property law. They had dinner, and Evie still didn’t mention Meredith, not while they ate, and not afterwards either. She didn’t mention Meredith again until hours later, when Natalie had gone to bed, and Evie had followed her in to say goodnight. Then, Evie sat on edge of the bed, and seemed to be thinking, and Natalie looked at her, waiting, wondering what Evie was about to say.
“I’m sorry about before,” Evie said. “I got a little weird.”
“Don’t be. And you didn’t. And you don’t need to say sorry for anything.”
“I do,” Evie said. “I was weird. I had a horrible feeling you were going to say you’d decided to get back together with Mer
edith or something.”
Natalie was stunned. She was so surprised she was speechless. She didn’t have words, so she leaned forward and hugged Evie instead. She held onto Evie for a moment, then let her go. “Why would you think that?” she said.
“You were married to her. That’s kind of a big deal.”
“Not married,” Natalie said. “We were never married.”
“Same as.”
“And then we weren’t. Then she left me. So that doesn’t count any more.”
“She still says she’s your wife.”
“She does,” Natalie said. “Yes she does. She means ex, though. She’s just being… I don’t know, lazy.”
“No she isn’t,” Evie said. “She’s playing some kind of game. She’s doing it on purpose, to make a point to everyone who hears her. Like me.”
Natalie was surprised Evie had noticed, but knew she was probably correct. Meredith was like that, Natalie thought. Meredith was exactly like that. Meredith constantly played odd little games, games such as making people take uncomfortable chairs in meetings, or sit facing into the sun. Now that Natalie thought about it, deliberately misusing the word wife was exactly the kind of thing that Meredith would do.
Evie was right that it was deliberate, Natalie thought, but she wasn’t right about why. Meredith didn’t mean anything by her games. They were simply a habit, how Meredith was. Evie was there, and faintly irritating to Meredith, so Meredith tried to upset her. It didn’t mean anything more that that, and certainly didn’t mean that Meredith wanted Natalie back. Meredith didn’t. Natalie was almost sure of that.
Natalie looked at Evie, trying to decide what Evie was feeling. Whether she was hurt or angry or something else entirely. Evie was quite self-controlled, so it was sometimes difficult to guess her mood. She was either upset that Meredith was being hurtful for no real reason, or she was angry Meredith was claiming something that was no longer hers. Natalie couldn’t decide. She would have to ask.
“That bothers you?” Natalie said.
“Of course it does. It bothers me because it might mean she wants you back.”
“She doesn’t,” Natalie said. “She really doesn’t. She might be playing some kind of game, but she doesn’t want me back.”
Evie's Job Page 40
