I could see in his eyes he didn’t want me to go, but he nodded and rose, holding his hand out to me. I took it and let him help me up.
His hand caressed my face. “I never stopped thinking of you.” He leaned forward, giving me a soft kiss that made my heart weep for all that we’d lost.
“I need to think about all this.”
He nodded.
I rushed out, and left the office, sucking in the fresh air wishing it would clear out the torment in my mind. I drove out to the park by the river and simply sat as I considered what August had done. It wasn’t just that he’d kept me and Jude apart, which wasn’t surprising. What really shocked, saddened and pissed me off was that he’d known that Jude was Maya’s father, and he’d still made sure Jude stayed away and never knew about her. August had done some questionable things in the past, but this, purposefully keeping a man away from his child, that seemed heinous for him. And poor Maya had gone all these years without a father. I wanted to drive over and throttle August.
Instead, I drove back to Petal’s place.
“Long day at the office?” Petal said with an eye waggle suggesting she guessed I’d had sex with Jude. Then she frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you over copious amounts of wine. First, where’s Maya?”
“She just got out of a tub full of bubbles and is putting on her pajamas.” Petal pulled out wine from the refrigerator.
“Thank you for picking her up and taking care of her. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I gave her a hug.
“Hey, of course. It’s nothing. I love that kid, you know that. And I love you. So, whatever is going on, we’ll get through it.”
I let out a little laugh, knowing she might rethink that when she learned the truth.
I found Maya in her little pink nightgown reading one of her books about horses.
“Hey baby, how was your day?”
Maya perked up when she saw me. “Hi mama. We had a mini-Olympics at camp today and I won the running.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and helped her in. “You’re so fast.”
“Do you think I could go to the real Olympics someday?” she settled into her pillow as I put her book aside.
“I don’t know why not. You’ll have to practice every day.”
“I can do that.”
I kissed her head. “Sweet dreams, baby.”
“G’night mama.”
I turned out and the light and closed the door. I returned to the living area. Petal had set the bottle of wine and a couple of glasses on her coffee table.
“I wasn’t sure if you ate, so I put some cold cuts out for you too,” she said, sitting in the chair across from the couch.
I sank into the couch, grabbing a cracker and cheese to eat. I chased it with half a glass of wine.
Then I sighed and sat back. “Oh Petal.”
“What happened? Things go badly with you and Jude?”
“He has a letter from me breaking up with him.”
She frowned. “What?”
I started from the beginning, including our sexual encounter in his office, my insistence that it had to stop, and our squabble that ended in the realization that Jude never got my letter about Maya and instead got something else.
When I finished, Petal stared at me, her mouth agape. “I’d never think August would do something like that.”
“I wouldn’t either, but it’s the only explanation.”
“Wow…that’s so…”
“Petal, it means Jude never knew I was pregnant.” God, what was he going to do when he found out? He’d have every right to kick the shit out of August. But what really concerned me was how devastated he’d be.
“I hate that August hurt you and Jude, but keeping Jude from knowing about Maya and Maya knowing Jude, that’s the worst.”
I nodded in agreement.
“What did he say when you told him?” she asked.
I winced and finished my wine. “I didn’t.”
She arched a brow. “Why? April, he deserves to know.”
“I know. I just…I was in shock…I couldn’t think. I had to get out. I went to the river to think. I nearly drove out to the house to clobber August. I still don’t know what to do about him.”
“He’s the least of your worries,” Petal said with disdain.
“Well, I have the weekend to figure out how to start putting this all right. I guess I’ll talk to Jude before I tell Maya.”
She nodded. “The sooner the better.”
I poured more wine, wondering if she had another bottle as this wasn’t going to be enough.
“Aside from learning life altering truths, how was your evening?” Petal asked, wagging her brows. I knew she was referring to my primal encounter with Jude on his desk.
I gave her a coy smile over my wine. “Quite satisfying.”
17
Jude
Thank goodness I was moving today because without the physical and mental distraction that moving involved, I’d either be over at August’s giving him a beating of a lifetime or I’d be begging April to give me a chance.
I wanted to give her space that she seemed to need. I hoped that now she knew I’d tried to reach her and never got her letters, maybe she’d forgive my perceived infraction. I forgave her. Hell, I’d forgiven her even when I thought she’d sent that letter, which brought me back to August. Jesus…he’d been my friend. Why would he have purposefully gotten in the way of me and April?
I knew why. He didn’t think I was good enough for her. It was possible he was right, but it wasn’t for him to decide. The more I thought about it, the more pissed I got. April and I might have been young but what we had was special and he’d made sure that we each were hurt by the other. Fucker!
I didn’t own a lot so moving was fairly easy. I had some pieces of furniture ordered and delivered. The moving people set the couch and chair in the living room, a small dining table and chairs in the dining area off the kitchen, and the king-sized bed in the one bedroom. The box of pots and pans, and a four-place setting of plates arrived at the office the other day. I had the basics. It wasn’t a home really, but it was mine.
It was before noon and I was hungry. The cupboards and refrigerator were bare, except for some beer, so I headed out for some food. I remembered a cupcake place down the street called Petal’s and I wondered if that was owned by April’s friend. Perhaps I could learn something through her that would help me win April again. I took a quick shower with the hotel samples I lifted of shampoo and soap. I really needed to go to the store.
“Well as I live and breathe, it’s Jude Mason,” the woman behind the counter said when I entered.
“Petal, how are you?” I said. Like April, she looked mostly the same. She had fiery, wild red hair and a mischievous smile. I’d always liked her, and I’d gotten the feeling she’d like me, as April’s boyfriend, too.
“Oh, I can’t complain. What can I get you?”
I looked over the assortment of cupcakes. “Quite a place you have here.”
Her green eyes watched me, assessing me, and I wondered what April had told her. “I do alright. Are you still a big fan of lemon bars?”
I grinned, surprised she remembered how I’d always buy her out when she’d have a table at some fair or the farmers market. “I do.”
“I have a limoncello cupcake with lemon curd you might like.” She opened the class case and took out a cupcake with fluffy frosting and candied lemon on top.
“Looks delicious. What do I owe you?”
“On the house. In honor of your service.”
I arched a brow. “You know about my service?”
“Petal knows all.”
I laughed. The bell over the door dinged. I turned and my heart stopped in my chest as April walked in. I wondered if it would stop doing that when I saw her.
It took me a moment to notice the young girl with her. She was a pretty little thing. In fact, she reminded me a lot of April. T
he ramifications of that had me stilling. April was a mother? Why hadn’t she said anything?
April stopped short when she saw me. “Jude.”
“Jude was just getting a complimentary cupcake,” Petal said, her voice sounding forced.
“I want a cupcake,” the little girl said. She looked up at April. “Can I, mama?”
Jesus, she was a mother.
“Hey munchkin, why don’t you come back and help me decorate my latest batch of cupcakes,” Petal said coming around the corner and holding out a hand to the little girl.
“Can I, mama?”
“Yes, baby,” April said, her gaze looking a bit shell shocked as she watched me.
The little girl went with Petal to the back of the bakery.
“You’re a mom,” I said feebly.
She nodded.
“You never mentioned it.”
She simply stared for a moment and then sighed. “Do you want to take a walk at the park?”
An unsettled feeling moved through me, but I nodded. “Yeah, sure.” I held the door open for her and followed her out. We walked the two blocks to the park in silence.
When we got there, I couldn’t take it anymore. “What’s the big secret, April? After your letter, I didn’t think you were waiting for me. I suspect there were many men in college who were attracted to you.” I had no idea how to judge the age of kids, but if I were to guess, I’d say she probably got pregnant in college.
She stopped and looked down. “August messed everything up, Jude.”
My jaw tightened as anger roared through me again. “I know.”
She shook her head and looked down. “You don’t know. Not the extent of it.”
“So, tell me,” I said, feeling a little bit like the ground underneath me was crumbling.
She closed her eyes for a moment like she was gathering strength. Then she looked up at me. “Maya, that’s my daughter, she’s seven.”
I waited for the punchline but she just stared at me.
“Jude. You’re Maya’s father.”
I staggered back as I felt like I’d been kicked in the chest. “What?”
She nodded.
It took a moment for me to find my bearings or at least to wrap my head around what she said.
I stepped up to her. “Why didn't you tell me?” Anger and pain like I’d never felt, not even when I got that letter from her, lanced through me, gutting me.
“I did. But August…”
“I’ve been here for a while. You fucking work for me, and didn’t bother to mention it.” Jesus, the ground was falling away.
“I thought you got my letter about the pregnancy and didn’t want me or the baby. August told me you probably thought I was lying so you’d come home.”
“August! After what he did? You knew I was leaving to make something of myself because he didn’t think I was good enough for you. I did it because I did want you.” I shook my head, wondering how she could have doubted me. Yes, I doubted her, but I’d gotten a fucking letter.
“My trust was misplaced, but how was I to know that, Jude? He’s my brother. My parents had just died. He was all I had.”
“No!” I jabbed my finger into my chest. “You had me.” I turned and paced as I worked to control the overwhelming emotions roaring through me.
“When you didn’t ask about it since coming home again, I figured you’d forgotten or August was right in that you thought I was lying.”
I whirled on her. “First, why would I ever believe you’d lie to me? I loved you.” I scoffed as I realized that she sort of had lied. At least a lie of omission upon my return. “It didn’t occur to you that I didn’t ask because I didn’t know?”
She shook her head. “I had no way of knowing that you didn’t get my letters.”
“Oh, I got your letter…”
“That wasn’t from me, Jude.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, not sure what to believe. Who to believe. But that didn’t matter. Jesus fucking Christ, I was a father. I stopped and looked at her. “I want to meet her.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“I will be a part of her life, April. I don’t give a fuck what August does.” I let out a frustrated growl. “That fucking asshole stole my kid.”
She let out a gasp and cried. “Jude, I’m so, so sorry.”
I started back to the bakery.
“Where are you going?”
“To meet my daughter.”
“Wait.” She took my arm, stopping me.
Anger flared. “You’ve had seven years, April. I’m not waiting any longer.”
“Jude, you have to get your anger under control.”
“Why? I’m pissed.”
“I know. And you have every right to be, but Maya is innocent. She doesn’t know any of this.”
She was right. If I walked in there now, I’d probably scare the kid.
I looked at April, wondering how much she was a part of this. Maybe she thought I’d abandoned her, but she’d had plenty of time since my return to say something. Even if I was a fucking bastard that ignored her being pregnant, she should have said something.
“Fine. I’ll wait. But not long, April. I’m tired of you and August fucking with me. Of making me feel like I’m a piece of shit just because I don’t have money.”
“Jude, I’ve never thought that—”
“Right. You think I’m a catch. That’s why you didn’t bother to mention I had a daughter. That’s why you’re entertaining advances from Matt fucking London.”
“Jude, no—”
“I’m going home, April. But tomorrow, I want to see her.” I jabbed my finger into my chest again. “I’m her father. Not August. Not Matt. Me.”
She nodded and sniffed. It was only then I noticed she was crying. My instinct was to comfort her. But I chose to hold on to my anger and stormed off.
18
April
I watched Jude walk away, my heart breaking for him. And for me, if I was honest. I walked back to the bakery, working to get my tears out so I could put on a brave face when I saw Maya. I didn’t want her to know about all the turmoil. And turmoil was what I felt. He was right, even if he was a jerk, which he wasn’t, I should have said something to him about Maya.
Now he was mad at me and probably distrusted me like he distrusted August. Any future we might have had was likely gone. Funny, I’d been so adamant about keeping our relationship business only, but now that he likely hated me, my heart broke. Turns out it still wanted him.
Would he ever forgive me? He seemed to want to have a relationship even when he thought I’d sent that break up letter. So maybe there was hope?
I wiped my face as I entered the bakery.
Petal appeared from the back room. She looked behind me and then at me when she realized Jude wasn’t there.
“How’d it go?” she asked.
“Not great.”
“He’s not here. Does that mean he’s shirking his responsibilities?” She arched a judgmental brow.
“No. He was angry at August and me—”
“You? You didn’t do anything. You wrote to him.”
“But I didn’t say anything once he came back.” I sank down into one of the chairs at the tiny table. “I told him that he needed to meet her when he wasn’t so raw.”
She nodded. “Good point. No reason to scare the kid.” She came to sit across from me. “You know, now that everything is out in the open, maybe you and Jude have a chance. I know you’ve been telling him and me and yourself that it’s in the past, but let’s face it, you still love him. And it sounds like he still loves you.”
“If he did, he probably doesn’t anymore.” I scrapped my hands over my face. “I’ve really messed this up.”
“No, you didn’t. Life is messy, April. If anyone is to blame, it’s August. It doesn’t seem smart of him to piss off a Navy SEAL…”
I let out a small laugh. “August would probably pee his pants if Jude went full-on SEAL.”
“Listen, I’ll watch Maya. Why don’t you go talk to him? Even if it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be co-parenting. But if he forgives you, and you end up spending the night in his bed, that’s okay too. Maya and I have many cupcakes to decorate. Speaking of which, I should probably go check on her.” Petal stood.
I rose with her to follow her back.
“Hi mama.” Maya looked at me. She was wearing a chef’s coat that swallowed her up and she had a streak of icing on her cheek. It was so adorable, and I could feel the tears coming again that Jude was missing this. He had missed so much of Maya’s life. Before I’d blamed him for that since he ignored my letter, but now I knew different. Now I knew August had taken that from him.
“Hey baby. Are you helping Petal?”
“Yep. Look at all these I did.” She waved her hand over a line of cupcakes.
“Do you mind sticking around and helping me more?” Petal asked Maya.
“Can I mama?”
Petal gave me a look that said I needed to go and talk some more with Jude. She was right although I wasn’t sure what I could say.
“You didn’t betray him, April. He’ll calm down and realize that.”
I shook my head. “He probably never wants to see me again.” Maybe I needed to spend the weekend looking for a new job.
Petal put her hands on my shoulders and gave me a shake. “You’re a strong, beautiful woman. You can do this. For you. For him. And for this sweet munchkin.”
“What are you talking about?” Maya asked.
“Boring stuff,” Petal said. She turned to me. “Here, bring him these.” She handed me a box. “It has half a dozen limoncello cupcakes.”
I smiled remembering how much Jude liked her lemon bars. “Thank you. Really Petal. You’re a saint.”
“My wings are under my chef’s coat.” She winked. “Go get ‘em, April.”
Eight Long Years: A Second Chance Secret Baby Romance (Heart of Hope Book 5) Page 10
