I didn’t have her confidence that Jude would come around, but she was right in that we needed to talk and sort things out.
I started toward my car to go to his hotel, but then I remembered he was planning to rent an apartment. Several boxes of household wares had shown up at the office this week. Since the apartment was close by, I decided to walk. As I did, I practiced what I’d say. Or I tried. I didn’t know what to tell him that hadn’t already been said. I stopped mid-stride and realized rehashing what August had done and what we lost wasn’t the answer.
I turned and went back to my car. I drove home, hoping beyond hope that August was working as he did most weekends. His car was gone, thankfully, so I went into the house and gathered up a variety of items, putting them in a bag.
Then I drove back to the apartment complex hoping Jude was in the one-bedroom we’d seen during the tour.
I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. When he opened it, his expression was so raw and in pain it made my heart weep. I’d been sad and angry when I thought he’d simply abandoned me, but at least I had Maya. He was cruelly abused by my brother, and had no one.
He looked at me and without a word opened the door. I stepped inside, and noted the single couch and chair in the living room. I walked in, and sat on the couch, putting my bag on the floor beside me.
He looked completely wrought as he paced. “Say your peace.”
Where did I start? “I’m sorry, Jude. I really am.”
“For what? That I came back? That I found out the truth?”
“No.” I shook my head, fearing I wouldn’t get through to him. “That you were hurt. That you didn’t know about Maya. That you thought I’d broke up with you. If I’d known what August had done…but I didn’t. I thought you didn’t want me or the baby.”
He stopped and glared at me. “Seriously? You thought that? After everything I’d told you. Fucking A, April, I left so that I’d have something to offer you when I got back. We had a plan.”
“You thought I broke up with you,” I argued. “After all I’d told you. After we made a plan.”
“That’s different,” he said pacing again.
“Why? Why am I supposed to give you the benefit of the doubt but you won’t give it to me?”
“The letter.”
“I didn’t write that letter. And in my defense, I heard nothing from you. I wrote to you several times. I told you I was pregnant. I heard nothing back. I even told myself that you were busy in bootcamp. But as time went by, nothing. Not a word, Jude. What else could I think?”
“Fuck!” He roared it and I flinched in surprise at how feral it sounded. His frustration and anguish were out for all to see and here. Finally, he turned. “He won’t get away with this, April. He might have effectively ruined our relationship, but I won’t be kept from my daughter. And no amount of money or lawyers will stop me.”
My heart split at his saying our relationship was ruined. It made me think of the adage about being careful what you wished for. I’d spent the whole time Jude was back, trying to avoid a relationship, and now that I knew I succeeded, I was heartbroken over it.
“I don’t want to keep her from you,” I said.
“And August?”
“August doesn’t have a say,” I assured him.
He stared at me with disbelieving eyes. “He controls you, April. My mistake was in leaving here and letting him. But—”
I held up my hand. “I know that I let August control me, but not anymore. I left the firm. I’ve left the house. And I’m not going to keep you from Maya, but August loves her and she loves him. I won’t let her be a pawn for you to use against him.”
His eyes narrowed into slits. “You have some fucking nerve, April.”
I flinched again at the menace in his voice.
“August ripped us apart. Stole my child from me. And you’re lecturing me on using her as a pawn? The idea that you think I’d do that proves I was an idiot to think we might have been able to salvage what he took from us.” He let out another frustrated growl, and I took a breath wishing I was handling this better.
He whirled back around to me. “I don’t want to hurt Maya. But if you think I’m not going to fight if he gets in my way, you’re both sadly mistaken. And if he pulls any bullshit like he did with us to keep her away from me, I will ruin him.”
I believed him. And I couldn’t deny that August would deserve it. “My only goal here is that Maya doesn’t get hurt.”
He laughed derisively. “There you go again, thinking I’d do that.” He shook his head. “Why are you here? The knife can’t be twisted any deeper, April. You and August have effectively broken me.”
“Jude, no.” God, I wish I could make him see. “I don’t want to hurt you. It breaks my heart to see your pain.”
He shrugged. “Have you told her?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. But she’s going to be so happy about it, Jude. She’s wanted a dad.”
“She’s always had one.” He snarled. “Although I imagine August has taken that role with her.”
“He’s her uncle.” I blew out a breath. “I brought some things you might want to see. I don’t know. Maybe it will make it worse, but…” I pulled the photo album I’d picked up at the house from the bag.
He looked at it for a minute like he wasn’t sure it would help or hurt either. But then he sat down next to me on the couch, and I opened the album to the first page, showing a very pregnant me in one photo, and then the next was me holding a newborn Maya. His breath hitched as he took in the picture.
I turned the pages, each one showing Maya as she grew. August was in a few pictures with her, and I wished I’d thought to take them out before I’d showed Jude the album. Each time August appeared in a photo, I could feel the anger radiating off Jude.
We got to the last page, which was Maya’s first grade school picture. She had a large grin that exposed the missing tooth she’d lost the night before school picture day.
I took the photo from the album and handed it to him. “You keep this.” It seemed like too little way too late, but I hoped he accepted it.
He studied the picture. Anguish and anger mixed in his features and I wished I could console him. He stood, and walked over to the window, looking out but I was sure he didn’t see the view. Finally, he looked at the picture again and then turned to me.
“I want to see her. Now.”
At first, I just looked at him, not sure it was a good idea.
His features darkened. “Seven years is enough, don’t you think, April? Are you really going to deny me any longer?”
I realized I’d been hurting him as much as August had by making him wait. Yes, he was angry, but that wasn’t going to go away any time soon, and would only get worse the longer I made him wait. It was wrong to keep him and Maya apart any longer.
I stood and nodded. “I can get her and meet you at the park.”
He nodded. “Good.”
I wanted to give him a hug, but knew I couldn’t. So, I left, heading back to the bakery to get Maya.
My next issue was in how to tell her what was happening. As I walked into the bakery, I’d decided to tell her about Jude first, before we saw him. I determined it was better for her to know first than to have the shock of it in front of him.
“You’re back sooner than I expected,” Petal said as she and Maya were putting cupcakes in the display case.
“I’m taking Maya to the park.”
Petal arched a brow. “I see. Okay.”
“I’m not done with the decorations,” Maya said.
“You go to the park with your mom. Child labor enforcement might show up if you work too much more,” Petal joked.
I held Maya’s hand as we left the bakery and walked to the park. My brain was a jumble as I tried to figure out the best way to tell her about Jude.
We reached the edge of the park and I stopped. Maya stopped too and looked up at me.
I squatted down to look at her.
“Maya, baby, remember how you said you wished you knew your daddy?”
She nodded. “Yep.”
I blew out a breath. “Well, he’s here.”
Her eyes widened into the proverbial saucers. “Here?”
I nodded. “Yes. He very much wants to meet you.”
She frowned a little bit. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
I couldn’t believe it was possible for my heart to bleed more. “Oh, baby he loves you. He hasn’t met you yet, but he already loves you so much.”
She looked at me blankly. “But, where was he? Why wasn’t he here?”
God, how did I tell her the evil her uncle had done. I decided to stick to the basics. “He didn’t know about you. He never got my letters. He just found out today. He feels so sad at having not been here, Maya. And he might be a little angry—”
“At me?”
“No baby. Not at you. But just like you might be upset that you didn’t get to grow up with him, he’s upset about that too.” I pushed her hair back from her face. “He’s here at the park waiting to meet you. Are you ready?”
She nodded, but I saw apprehension in her eyes that had me second guessing if I was handling this right. Maybe I should have let her meet him first and then told her. It was too late now.
I took her hand and walked with her toward the park bench where I saw Jude sitting, his forearms on his thighs, his head bent looking toward the ground. I took a breath and crossed my fingers that this went well.
19
Jude
I had experienced pain in my life. Up until today, I’d thought the worst had been getting that letter from April telling me she didn’t love me anymore. Learning that she hadn’t sent it, had lessened the pain of it, and gave me hope that she and I could find our way back to each other.
But learning I was kept from learning about my child; that pain was beyond anything I’d ever felt in my life. All I could think about was how much I missed of Maya’s life. Especially after seeing the pictures of April pregnant, the tiny life she held in her hands after Maya was born, and then watching her grow in pictures. I hadn’t been there for her first steps. I hadn’t reassured her on her first day of school.
I understood that April believed I’d received her letter about being pregnant and had chosen to ignore it. While it ticked me off that she thought I was the type of person who’d do that, I understood it because I’d fallen for the break up letter August had forged.
But I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that now I was back in town, she hadn’t said anything. Even if I was an asshole that had denied his child, she should have said something.
All that was running through my head as I sat on the park bench waiting to meet my child. Fucking A…my child. My heart was so filled with love for a being I’d seen but never met. I was also terrified that she’d be angry at me for not being there all these years. Or maybe she wouldn’t like me.
I needed to put that aside and focus on the positive. I was a father about to meet his precious child.
Movement in front of me had me lifting my head. April approached holding Maya’s hand. Maya’s eyes watched me in a way that had me thinking April had told her what was going on.
I stood, taking in a deep breath as they drew closer.
“Maya, this is Ju—this is your father.”
Holy shit, I’d never felt like a moment mattered so much in my life. I squatted down so I could look into Maya’s eyes.
“Hi Maya.” I managed, unsure as to what to say.
“Hi.” She bit her lip.
Being the adult, I figured it was my job to carry this conversation. “I’m so happy to see you, honey.” She was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. The idea that I’d helped create this precious being filled me with awe.
“My mommy says you didn’t know about me. That’s why you’ve been gone.”
“That’s right. If I’d known, I’d have been here day one.” God, I hoped she believed me. “Now that I do know about you, I’m here. I’m so happy to be your father.”
“Where were you?”
“I was a soldier.”
Her eyes widened. “Were you in a war?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
She stepped closer to me, her blue eyes, the one thing I noticed that she had of me, studied me. “You’re brave and strong.”
I didn’t feel brave or strong at the moment. “I try to be.”
“Are you fast? I like to run and I can run fast.”
I smiled as the tightness of worry in my chest loosened. “I’m pretty fast, although I don’t know if I’m as fast as you.”
“She takes after you,” April said. “She’s smart and athletic.”
“I’m going to the Olympics,” Maya said.
I arched a brow. “I don’t doubt it.”
“Do you want to see how fast I am?” Maya asked.
“I do.” I straightened as she walked a few steps away, got into a running stance, and then shot off. She had a long, graceful stride. She ran to a tree, turning around to look at me. I shot my arms up in a victory pose and then clapped.
She grinned, and my heart filled with so much love, I was sure it was coming out of my pores. She raced back to me. Coming closer and closer, until I wasn’t sure she was going to stop.
I lowered down, bracing myself, and she launched herself into my arms. I staggered back and then twirled.
She laughed, and it was the most glorious sound I’d ever heard.
“Daddy, will you push me on the swing?”
I was wrong. Hearing her call me daddy was the most glorious thing I’d ever heard. “I’d love to.”
I glanced over at April, making sure it was okay. She wiped a tear away, and smiled. Deciding it was fine, I carried Maya to the swings and pushed her, her shouts of glee making me feel elated. We played tag, went down the slide, and climbed on the bars.
It was all perfection, although my gut clenched when she told me how high her uncle Auggie would push her. He’d taken what was mine, I couldn’t imagine ever forgiving him for that. But I was well aware that I’d need to keep my rage about August from Maya.
“Are you two monkeys hungry?” April asked. “While you’ve been playing, I went to the deli and got some sandwiches.”
She’d left? She’d trusted me enough to leave me with Maya. I was still hurt, but I appreciated her trust.
“I’m hungry,” Maya said. “Are you hungry, daddy?” She took my hand, and I felt like I was in fucking heaven.
“Starving.” I realized I hadn’t eaten. All this started today when I went to the bakery to find food and hopefully learn something about April that would help me win her back. It was crazy how life could change in an instant, which it did when April walked in with Maya.
We had lunch at a picnic table. Maya shared with me her dreams in life which not only included running in the Olympics, but also becoming a scientist. She told me about her day camp, and how she was going into second grade this fall. Then we played some more.
“I hate to interrupt all this fun, but it’s getting late,” April said.
I looked at my watch. It was nearly five. We’d played all afternoon. But I still wasn’t done. I had seven years to make up, after all.
“We should be going soon,” April finished.
“Why don’t you both come back to my place? We can order pizza for dinner. Do you like pizza, Maya?”
She rubbed her belly. “I love it.”
April’s expression looked unsure.
“This is the best day of my life, April. Don’t ruin it for me. Please.”
Her eyes softened. “Pizza it is.”
“Yay!” Maya’s hands shot up in victory.
“We have cupcakes too,” April added.
We walked to my place, Maya between us both, holding each of our hands and swinging. It made me long to be a family. The type of family I’d never had. The type April and August had had. I wondered if her parents had lived, if things would have
turned out differently for me and April. I’d always liked them and felt supported by them. But maybe I was wrong. I was wrong about August, after all.
We got back to my place and I realized I only had the one-bedroom. If I was going to spend time with Maya, I’d need two bedrooms so she’d have a place to sleep and keep her toys. I needed a yard too. Perhaps I should do like Cyrus did and look for a home.
I ordered pizza to be delivered and then my next concern grew. I didn’t have any toys for her to play with. Next time I was with her, we’d go toy shopping. Fortunately, I’d arranged for my internet to go on today, so we were able to stream in a kids movie to watch after we ate our pizza.
We sat on the couch, Maya between us, like a real family. A few times I looked over at April who smiled. I hadn’t spoken much to her since all this went down. She’d been great, giving me and Maya space to get to know each other. I was pissed at what had happened, but I couldn’t deny that Maya was a great kid, and that was because April was a great mother. She’d been pregnant at eighteen and thought I didn’t care, and yet, she still managed to get her degree and raise a wonderful child.
The credits of the movie started to run. I looked at Maya ready to ask her what she thought, but she was sound asleep, her head resting on my arm.
“She’s exhausted. I should get her home,” April said.
I didn’t want Maya to leave. As I looked over at April, I realized I didn’t want either of them to leave.
“We should talk,” I whispered.
She studied me for a moment, but then nodded. “Okay. Do you have a blanket so Maya can sleep on the couch?”
Surely, I had a blanket. I found one and brought it to April who’d maneuvered Maya to lay down and covered her.
I went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of wine. I handed one to April when she joined me.
“She’s a wonderful kid, April. You’ve done a great job.”
She gave me a wan smile. “Thank you.”
“You thought I’d abandoned you but you never told her that?”
“No. And I forbade August to talk about you with her or in front of her. I didn’t want her to have negative ideas of you.”
Eight Long Years: A Second Chance Secret Baby Romance (Heart of Hope Book 5) Page 11
