Eight Long Years: A Second Chance Secret Baby Romance (Heart of Hope Book 5)

by Ajme Williams

“Or,” Jude continued. “Instead of seeing this as losing a sister and being alone, you could have and still can see it as gaining a brother or a friend. I was never going to take April from you. I was hoping to join your family.”

  I looked at Jude, realizing I’d missed that point as well. Jude’s own family was dysfunctional which was probably why he was over at our house so much back when he and August were friends.

  “We all need each other, August,” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. “All of us are a family now, whether you want to still be a jerk about it or not. But imagine how much better it would be if you could let go of all this bitterness. If not for me or Jude, how about for Maya. Because despite the fact that we’re all not worthy, she loves us all to death. She deserves for us to be better. Do better.”

  August scrapped his hands over his face. “I was trying to look out for you and Maya.”

  “I know. And you did, August. You made some hurtful choices—”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to lose you. Not you too.” August’s expression begged for me to understand his fear of losing me and Maya, after the loss of our parents. Then he turned to look at Jude.

  Jude inhaled a breath and exhaled. “I’m sorry for betraying you, August. But I love April. I wish you could see that.”

  I moved in front of August. “I love you, August. I really do. But you can’t make me choose between you and Jude. If you do—”

  “I’ll lose.” He looked down for a moment. He took a breath and then returned his attention to Jude. “You hurt her or Maya, and I’ll destroy you.” He turned away and I got the feeling he wasn’t just giving in, he was giving up. He was planning to withdraw from us all. I suppose that reflex ran in the family as I’d tried it with Jude.

  “August.” My heart screamed out. Why couldn’t we all get past this and be a family?

  “August,” Jude barked. “Don’t be a martyr.”

  August jerked and looked back.

  “Do you hear what we’re saying? Or do you hate me so much that we can’t make this work for all of us?” Jude asked.

  “Daddy, is it time to put the pizza in?” Maya said quietly from the kitchen. I hated that she was having to hear all this.

  Jude turned to her picking her up. “Yes. I’m starving.” He took her into the kitchen.

  Left alone with August, I went to him. “Please August. Why is it all or nothing with you?”

  “I don’t belong. The three of you are a complete unit.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You are so melodramatic. You’re part of the unit too. Are you really going to walk away from me and Maya because you’re mad or jealous of Jude?”

  “Jealous?” he scoffed.

  I nodded. “I understand not wanting to be alone. And I appreciate all you’ve done to look out for me and Maya, but maybe it’s time for you to start looking for other people to build your unit too. Me and Maya will always be here for you. Even Jude. But now that I’m grown up and a capable woman, you don’t need to sacrifice your life for me and Maya. We’ll be okay.”

  August pulled me into his arms and kissed my forehead. “I don’t know how to do that.”

  “Good thing you have a family to help you.” I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed.

  Maya came running into the living room. “Are you staying for pizza?”

  “We’ve got just enough,” Jude said from the kitchen doorway.

  I looked at August. “Lesson number one, have pizza with your family.”

  August looked uncomfortable, but he nodded. The victory wasn’t complete, but it was a start. As we sat to eat pizza, Maya chatted away, August continued to look like he felt out of place, and I wondered where things stood with me and Jude. Had he been too hurt to let me back into his heart?

  After dinner, the awkwardness continued between the adults, but Maya continued to chat away like this was the most natural thing in the world.

  “I know Maya is supposed to be visiting with you, but I wonder if I might take her for ice cream,” August said to Jude. “I haven’t spent much time with her lately.”

  Jude’s jaw tightened and I could only imagine that he was thinking about all the time August had taken from him.

  But he nodded. “Of course. I need to talk to April anyway.”

  “Thank you.” August managed stiffly.

  “Yay. I love ice cream.”

  I watched August and Maya as they left Jude’s apartment. The door shut behind them, but I wasn’t able to turn around toward Jude as I was afraid what he might say. Had I pushed him away one time too many?

  I heard him in the kitchen and suspected he was getting a drink. He returned with two glasses of wine. He set one on the coffee table, and the other he kept as he sat on the couch.

  Resigned to accept whatever he said, I took the wine on the table and sat in the chair across from him.

  “Thank you for forgiving August,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t go that far. But I’m grown up enough to know that he’s important to you and Maya.”

  I sipped my wine. “If only August was so mature, huh?” I said it trying to have some humor, but I didn’t quite manage it.

  “I don’t trust him, April. I can’t tell you how much strength it’s taking me not to follow him to make sure he doesn’t run off with Maya.”

  My head snapped up. “What? No. August would never—”

  “Wouldn’t he? He sent me away. He forged a letter from you ending things with me, knowing you were pregnant. He intercepted your real letters to me.”

  I looked down into my wine. “He won’t do anything to hurt Maya.”

  “Why? What better way to get back at me than through her?”

  “She loves him unconditionally. He knows that and won’t do anything to ruin it.” I sighed. “I know what he did was unforgivable. My heart aches for how much time you and Maya lost. August has given his life to me and Maya. He’ll be lost—”

  “Don’t, April. Don’t you dare try to make me feel sorry for him. He knew what he was doing. He was selfish and cruel.”

  “Yes. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for him. I’m just trying to explain his behavior.”

  Jude leaned forward. “I don’t give a fuck about August.”

  I flinched, as I realized I didn’t catch just how angry Jude was. I supposed he tamped it down for Maya’s sake.

  “What I care about is Maya,” he finished.

  I nodded, well aware that he didn’t include me in what he cared about. “Yes. Of course.”

  He sat back. “Why are you here?”

  “What?” His question caught me off guard.

  “I thought I’d have the night with Maya, and then August and then you showed up. Why did you come here?”

  “I’d gone home to talk to August. He wasn’t home so I went to the office, when he wasn’t there, the only other place he could be was here. So I took a chance and came here.”

  Jude finished his wine and looked at his glass like he wished he had more or something stronger. “What were you going to talk to him about? Going back to work for him?”

  There was no missing Jude’s bitterness.

  “Yes. I was going to tell him that I’d go back to work for the firm, not for him. That I’d do it only as COO, and not as an employee.”

  Jude’s brow arched.

  “I was also going to tell him to move out of the house, and give it to me and Maya. It’s time he figured out how to have his own life.”

  Jude’s lips twitched upward slightly, and I told myself he was proud of my new found assertiveness.

  “Finally, I was going to tell him to give me control of my part of the trust or I’d take him to court.”

  “Good for you, April.” His tone was flat. He understood that what I was going to give up my relationship with him as part of my negotiation with August.

  Jude stood and went back to the kitchen. I sat, wondering what was going to happen next.

  When he returned, he ha
d a glass filled with something more potent looking than wine.

  “And that’s what you’ll do when August returns with Maya?” he asked, continuing the conversation.

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure anymore.”

  He frowned. “Why not?”

  “Things have changed.”

  He simply looked at me.

  “For one, I have a job already.” I held my breath as I waited to see his reaction. Would he tell me I didn’t? That I’d forfeited it when I walked out on him at Petal’s?

  His steely blue gaze held mine.

  “But I will tell him to give me my trust. I need to take control so that he doesn’t have leverage over me. He needs to learn to trust that me and Maya care for him, and he doesn’t need the money and control to keep us close.”

  Jude sipped his drink, his eyes going flat as he did. “Blood is thicker than water.”

  I realized he interpreted my comment as my choosing August over him.

  “Maya is our blood, Jude.”

  He nodded.

  It was time for me to be clear. I couldn’t skirt around the issue and hope he’d catch on. I needed to risk my heart.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  He shrugged. “You’re between a rock and hard place. I get it.”

  “I’m not though. Not anymore.” Taking a chance, I stood, putting my wine glass on the coffee table and moving to sit next to him on the couch, his gaze on me intently the entire way. “I was wrong not to trust you.”

  He simply kept staring at me.

  “Jude?”

  “Yes.”

  “I love you.”

  His breath hitched and for the first time since this afternoon, I saw his guard go down and hope return to his eyes. At least I believed it was hope.

  “I should have said it earlier. I was wrong about that too. I suppose in some ways August and I are alike.”

  “No.”

  “I thought I was protecting you, and instead I was hurting you. August thought he was protecting me too—”

  “August was being selfish. You were being selfless.” He stared at me for a long moment. “Do you believe what August said? That he thought I was his friend for you or money?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t believe that about you, but I’m not surprised he felt that. Not at first, I don’t think, but he’s insecure and I can see him wondering why someone like you would be his friend.”

  “I’ve had eight years to wonder that myself.” He ran a hand through his hair. “He felt betrayed by me, I get that, but I’d trust him too, and I still can’t wrap my head around all he did to hurt me.”

  I put my hand on his thigh. “I’m so sorry, Jude. I wish I’d realized it sooner. August caused us both a lot of pain, but I know that I could have done things differently too. I could have hunted you down for one.”

  He nodded. “I could have come home during a leave and confronted you. I suppose a part of me believed him when he said I wasn’t good enough for you. You were going to college meeting men who were more up your alley.”

  “I got my education, but I was suffering morning sickness the first semester.”

  His eyes flashed with pain, and I hated to see it. “I should have been there.”

  “You’re here, and whatever happens, I know you’ll be here for Maya. I won’t get in the way of that, and I won’t let August either.”

  He stared at me like he wasn’t sure he could believe me. I couldn’t blame him. “I know I haven’t been very good at standing up to August, at asserting myself, but I assure you, I’m ready to do so now.”

  “You gave into him today.” His voice was flat and I could feel myself losing him again.

  “I wasn’t choosing him, Jude. I was choosing you. You’d had so much pain and loss because of August, and I thought if I negotiated with him, he’d back off and you could build your business and live your life without his interference.”

  “That wasn’t for you to decide. I told you earlier that losing you, not having you, that’s what August wanted and so you let him win again. And it pisses me off that you don’t trust me or think I’m capable of defending myself.”

  I let out a sigh and looked down at my hands in my lap. He was right, of course. My intentions were good, but they’d still hurt him. And apparently, made him decide I wasn’t worth the effort after all.

  “I’m sorry.” What else could I say? “I handled it wrong.”

  “What do you want, April.”

  I looked into his eyes. “I want you, Jude. I’ve always wanted you. I just...I thought I couldn’t have you. I thought you’d resent me if August messed things up for you again.”

  “There you go again, underestimating me and my love for you.”

  My heart leapt that he was using the word love in the present tense. “Do you still love me?”

  “I will always love you.”

  I wanted to be happy at those words, but there was a sadness underneath them. “But?”

  “I’m having a hard time letting myself trust that you won’t change your mind, like you keep doing.”

  I nodded. “Then I’ll earn your trust.”

  He arched a brow. “Oh?”

  “I prove to you that I’ll always love you too, and from now on, I’ll choose you, and if I’m worried about August, I’ll talk to you. I believe you can handle him and yourself. I just...felt guilty that you’d have to. I wanted to protect you from that.”

  “I don’t need your protection, April.”

  I nodded.

  He used the crook of his finger to lift my chin to look up at him. “I might have been a naïve kid when I left here, but the military has a way of turning boys to men.”

  I smiled. I couldn’t even imagine what he’d endured to become a SEAL. What he’d experienced while being a SEAL.

  “You’re definitely a man.” My gaze inventoried all the hard hunk of man sitting next to me.

  His brow arched. “Are you checking me out, April?”

  I looked up into his blue eyes, noting an upbeat in his tone that had me hopeful. “Yes.”

  He leaned closer, his sexy scent wrapping around me. “Do you like what you see?”

  I shrugged nonchalantly. “I suppose. I think I might need a closer examination.”

  “Well then.” He put his drink down. Then, he stood, helped me up and tossed me over his shoulder.

  “Jude!” This was a good sign.

  He smacked my ass. “Let’s go give you a closer look.”

  Despite being over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, my libido shot to life. I realized this position offered some advantage.

  “The view here isn’t bad,” I said as I smacked his ass too.

  “That’s it, woman.” He said, unceremoniously tossing me on the bed. “It’s time to get naked.”

  27

  Jude

  My heart had been on a fucking roller coaster ride today. I’d been high on love and broken by heart ache in a matter of hours.

  In between, I’d been shocked by some of the things August had said. Did he really think I’d used him to get to April or her money? Or was that simply what he told himself to justify his actions? I’d clearly underestimated him eight years ago.

  In the end, all that didn’t matter. What mattered was that he’d stolen two precious things from me; April and Maya.

  He’d left that night giving me the impression he was going to back off on intervening between me and April, but I wasn’t sure that was going to be an issue anymore. Not that I didn’t love her or want the dream we’d once had. But I couldn’t be sure what she wanted or if I could trust her to stick if August started on his antics again. It was wholly possible that he’d act supportive of me and April, but instead continue to try and ruin my business.

  So I held my feelings in check when he left me alone with April. I’d been sure that she was going to reiterate how it was best for all of us that she and I cool it when it came to our relationship. While I didn’t agree, a par
t of me was relieved because my heart couldn’t take the highs and lows it was enduring by being with her.

  And then, she surprised me.

  Jude? I love you.

  She hadn’t said those words back to me when I’d said them earlier in the day. When I realized it at the time, I knew that while she liked to fuck me, she wasn’t wanting me beyond that.

  And then, hours later, she was saying the words. She was telling me that she was choosing me. Trusting me. And as much as my brain continued to caution me, my heart couldn’t deny what it wanted, what it needed. April.

  And now she was in my bed, looking up at me with those gorgeous flirty hazel eyes. “Show me the beefcake, Jude.”

  I wasn’t a male stripper, but I did try to give her a show as I shirked off my t-shirt and tossed it to her. She pulled the cloth to her face and inhaled deeply and then made a long mmm sound that sent my libido skyrocketing.

  I undid my jeans, pushing them down. I stood before her in my boxer briefs. “Are you going to stuff money in my underwear?”

  She smiled, sitting up and hooking her fingers in the waistband of my shorts. “I’ll do better than that.” She tugged the briefs down, my dick popping out right to her mouth.

  “Fuck, April.”

  “We’ll get to that,” she murmured as she licked a bead of precum on my dick, making me see stars.

  I threaded my fingers through her luscious hair, holding her to me. “Suck it, baby.”

  She made that mmm sound again, only this time my dick was in her mouth, so the vibration of it reverberated through my body. It was like sticking my dick in a light socket, electricity shot out to every nerve ending in my body.

  My hips moved, back and forth, fucking her mouth. It was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen as my dick appeared and then disappeared into her mouth.

  “Yes, baby…fuck so good,” I said, encouraging her. But as good as this was, I didn’t want to come in her mouth. Not this time. This time, I wanted to join my body with hers. I wanted to look into her eyes as we moved as one. I wanted us to work together, seeking pleasure as one, coming together.

  I stepped back, my dick screaming at me to keep going. April looked up at me with those lovely eyes.