by Lilah Rivers
“I suppose any woman who is running away from her life has her reasons,” Miss Collins said.
“Running away?” Amos echoed, surprised by that choice of words.
Miss Collins spluttered.
“N-no, I mean…that’s not what I meant,” she said.
“Then what did you mean?” Amos asked.
“Well, I only meant that it is difficult for a woman, any woman, to learn where she belongs and all of that,” Miss Collins said.
It made no sense and Amos figured that she was certainly lying. There was definitely something about her statement that struck with him. What was his wife running away from? What was it that had caused her difficulty?
“Please, Miss Collins, tell me more. If this woman who is to be my life is so different, there must be something you can tell me in order that I might be more empathetic towards her,” he said.
“I would just tell you to be patient. Remember that she is not from here and it will be difficult for her to adjust,” she said.
“Why yes, of course,” he said. “I intend to be very patient with her.”
“That is very well, then. I trust that you will be a good husband for her,” Miss Collins said.
“I hope that I will be. She is decent enough, only she still appears frightened and that’s part of why I want to know more, so that I can make her more comfortable,” he said.
“She will grow comfortable with time,” Miss Collins replied.
“I think I should make her some of the food that she is used to,” he said.
“Oh, yes, that would be good,” Miss Collins added.
It was something small, but Justine had said that she was more than happy to do it and her cooking was excellent and Amos knew that she could make whatever Miss Temple might desire.
“Is there anything else that we might do to make her feel more at home?” Amos asked.
“Just be as kind as you are able. That is what she really needs. More than reminders of home, more than getting to know her, give her a bit of kindness for these days in which she may feel alone,” Miss Collins said.
“And you will not tell me what you meant about her running away from something?” he asked.
Miss Collins looked at him sternly.
“Mr. Thompson, nearly every young lady who comes here from England is running away from something. It is up to you to learn what it is that has captivated your wife away from her home. I can only bring her to you and trust that you will do the rest,” she said.
Amos nodded, understanding that he would get nothing more from Miss Collins on the matter and it was up to him to try and figure out. He would learn everything he could about Miss Temple before they married, but the marriage was set to happen very soon.
Until then, he would give her space, try to observe, and wait for her to be willing to open up to him about what it was that had led her to leave everything behind and start a new life with him.
Chapter 8
Gemma pulled out the gown that had been reserved for Lord Linton. Her mother had ensured that it had been designed to the specifications of the latest fashions and that it was exactly what a young lady in England would wish to wear for her wedding.
It was very different from what she was seeing young ladies wear in America, but Gemma tried to ignore that fact. She wanted to look beautiful, even if she knew so little about the man she was trying to look beautiful for.
It was not easy, going through all of this. And here she was, binding herself in a marriage commitment to a man she did not know and who had spent the whole week treading very carefully around her, but often stared as if he was trying to figure her out, to study her.
But Gemma knew that this was going to be a strange day in other ways. She had never imagined that her wedding would be like this. She had never imagined that it would be something that brought her hesitation and disappointment.
When her mother and father had told her that she must marry Lord Linton, Gemma had determined immediately that she would not. Even as it appeared to be moving forward, she had decided that she would find a way out.
When there was no option and she was going through the motions as if to marry him, Gemma knew in her heart that it simply would not happen. That she would have an escape eventually.
But there was no escaping this.
Yes, her husband had been kind thus far and he was certainly handsome. But she didn’t know him beyond that, and it was strange to have to trust a man that she did not know.
Gemma struggled to finish putting on the gown and was relieved when Justine came to help her.
“You look amazing,” Justine said.
“Even though it is not what Americans would wear?” she asked.
“Oh, it has nothing to do with the dress. I mean, the dress is lovely, as you would say, but I don’t think that it’s what makes you so beautiful,” Justine said.
“Thank you,” Gemma replied, flattered by this woman who was being so kind to her.
“I think my brother will be absolutely floored by your beauty,” Justine added.
“You think so? I am nervous. What if he is expecting more?” Gemma asked.
“There is nothing more for him to expect. Your white, lacy dress is just beautiful and nothing compares to your face and hair and all of that,” Justine said.
“Thank you. I fear that I am rather out of place here,” Gemma said.
“I’m sure it feels that way because you are. You are new here and nothing feels like home. But we want you to be at home, to be at peace. Please trust that we care for you and want you to be happy here,” Justine said.
“Thank you. You are so kind,” Gemma replied.
They finished getting her ready and Justine threw on her own gown before they made their way to the church for the ceremony.
There were about a dozen people in attendance, apparently all of Amos’s closest friends.
As Gemma walked down the aisle, she saw Amos standing at the end, looking very fine in his nice clothing, his suit that was rather flattering on him. And he stared at her with those large, brown eyes as if in wonder.
The minister went through the ceremony and Gemma tried to keep up. It was very similar to a British wedding, but she was surprised by the lack of fanfare and how simple it all was.
She was also quite embarrassed at being stared at by people she did not know. There was no one in attendance who was any sort of friend of hers and that made her rather sad and disappointed, although there was hardly a remedy for it.
Once the ceremony ended—Gemma having said ‘I do’ with the words taking on so little meaning for her—she followed her new husband outside where there was a banquet with something that looked as though it had been an attempt at fried fish and potatoes.
“I made it just for you,” Justine said.
“Oh, how wonderful, thank you,” Gemma said, trying to be polite.
It certainly looked nice enough, but it was very different from the fish and chips that she had just begun to eat back home. Nevertheless, she ate it heartily and enjoyed the taste.
But Gemma barely looked at Amos and sensed that he understood her discomfort. A couple of times he tried to make conversation with her.
“Are you doing all right?” he asked.
“Oh, yes, thank you,” she replied.
“This is Mr. Daniel Bridges. He is engaged to my sister and he is my dearest friend,” Amos introduced.
“Very nice to meet you, Mr. Bridges,” she said. “Your future bride was kind enough to help me a great deal today.”
“That sounds like her. You know, I think she is thrilled to have a new friend living in the house. Of course, once we get married, she will come and live with me. But until then, I do hope that the two of you get along very well,” he said.
“I trust that we shall,” she said.
“And your new husband? What do you think of him?” Mr. Bridges asked.
“H-he is very kind. I appreciate him a great deal,” she said.
“Yes, he is also a wonderful man. I was so sad that he had never told me about you, but I am really glad that the two of you have found your happiness together at last and you made it to America,” Mr. Bridges said.
“Oh, yes, of course,” Gemma replied, wondering how long Mr. Bridges thought it had taken her. He made it sound as though it had been a truly long journey. And while it had not been short, she had hardly known who was waiting for her at the other end.
“Well, I ought to introduce you to a few more people,” Amos said. “My uncle and a couple other friends of ours.”
Gemma did her best to be polite with everyone that she met. It was very strange, getting to know all of these people, these strangers who stared at her as if in awe. She couldn’t understand what it was that led them to look at her so rudely, but Gemma tried to accept it regardless.
“Now, I don’t know about you, but I am getting tired,” Amos said.
“Yes, and I as well,” Gemma replied.
The banquet was finished and there was nothing to do but to return to the house. For that, Gemma was very nervous.
She rode in a coach with her new husband and they were quiet for most of the journey.
“May I ask you something?” he said, suddenly.
“Oh, of course,” she replied.
“May we call one another by our first names?” he asked.
Gemma smiled and nodded, relieved the this was the only question that he had. She had been fearing that he would want to know something far deeper or more personal and she was not quite ready for anything more than the simplicity of sharing names.
“Of course we may…Amos,” she said.
“Thank you, Gemma,” he replied.
They smiled at one another for another moment before Gemma grew embarrassed and looked away. She was still worried about what her new husband might expect when they reached home.
The coach stopped in front of it and they got out, with Amos helping her down, taking her hand. They walked inside and stood, awkward and uncomfortable.
“I-I’m not sure how to bring this up,” Amos began.
Gemma’s heart began to race. She didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
“I simply wanted to suggest that we continue to sleep separately until we have grown to know one another better,” he finally said.
And with that, Gemma felt all of her tension ease, drifting from her shoulders and leaving her with a patient smile.
“That sounds like a wise choice,” she said.
“Very well. I didn’t wish for you to think that I am not looking forward to being your husband in all ways, but I also wish to respect you and I should like to know you well,” he said.
Gemma nodded, appreciating his thoughtfulness.
“Amos,” she said, “I am glad that we are married.”
Truly, she meant it. Having heard plenty of dreadful stories of husbands and having almost ended up with Lord Linton, Gemma understood that there was every possibility she might have ended up with a terrible man for a husband. Instead, she had found someone who was patient with her even after making a marriage vow.
“I am glad as well,” he replied, his smile certainly brighter than her own.
“Do you think that we shall continue to get to know one another very well?” she asked.
“I hope so. I hope that we get along and have a happy marriage,” Amos said.
“As do I,” Gemma said.
With that, she turned from him and made her way to her own bedroom.
Gemma tried to relax, tried to be at peace. It was getting easier now. She really did appreciate that she had found such a good man for a husband, regardless of whether or not there was any life for them in the future.
She also felt as though she could get used to things here.
Life in Tucson was so significantly different from England that a small part of her had wondered if she would ever manage to adapt. Even the wedding had been greatly different from what she was used to and what she had expected.
But the fact that she was missing home was something she tried to push aside. It was far too sad and difficult to think of England when she really wanted to be there, but also needed the peace of being here.
It was important that she get away from a country in which she was forced to marry someone so cruel. But that place was also her home.
Still, Gemma determined that she would have to adapt. She would have to accept that her wedding had been small, somewhat disappointing, and completely unlike anything she would have imagined.
In fact, it almost drifted by as if it had just been any other day and she had been an actor in a play. It was so insignificant to her that Gemma thought she might never really think about it again in the future.
That was certainly something she had never wanted in a wedding or a marriage. That was something that brought her a great deal of sadness. There had been no love, it was only words.
And was it a sin? Was it sinful to say those words, to make that commitment before God, and to not really mean it?
Gemma tried not to think about it. She had meant it. She had meant it in as best a way as she could make a vow to someone that she did not know and she really was going to try and spend forever with him.
Even if it meant that she would have to live a life that reeked of disappointment and underwhelm.
Gemma laid back on her bed and closed her eyes, saying a prayer for her future.
Please, God, give me grace. Help me to be a good wife and help us to live happily with one another. I do not understand this place, but I know that you created it. I do not know this man, but I know that you have created him. Help me to live in honor of both and to be kind, patient, and willing to humbly learn. Amen.
There was nothing else that she could think of to ask and Gemma quickly drifted into sleep.
Chapter 9
Amos had spent most of the day around the house, trying to do some reading and getting a few things done. He had some time off work for his honeymoon, but it was only three days and he wanted to use those three days to get to know Gemma better.
Of course, in order to do that, Gemma would have to come out of her room and she did that only when she absolutely had to.
He could see that she was really trying, truly making an effort. But it was difficult for her and he could not blame her for that. Gemma was still quite scared and he understood it.
But whatever it was that was holding her back, whatever had caused her to be so quiet and reserved, any of the many reasons that she had, he wanted to give her space. He wanted to be patient.
Finally, near dinnertime, he went and knocked on her door.
“Good evening,” he said when she opened it.
“Good evening,” she replied.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to let you know that dinner is ready,” he said.
