by Lilah Rivers
“Not at all! I would love to see what you wear. I am curious because I do not know if my gown was appropriate or not,” Gemma said.
“Oh, it was lovely. Very fancy, but lovely,” Justine said, using Gemma’s word again.
Gemma waited, quietly, while Justine tried on the gown.
“How is it, dear?” Mrs. Beckinsale called.
“Very nearly perfect. I think it will still need taking in a bit at the waist, but I’m coming out to show you in just a moment,” she said.
Justine finally came out, the white gown looking magnificent on her. It was very simple, but Gemma could see that it wasn’t because the style in America was simple, but rather because Justine wanted it that way.
She was not the sort of woman who sought out frills and nonsense. She wanted things to be easy and straightforward.
Gemma could not imagine what that might feel like and she wondered if, perhaps, she began dressing as simply as Justine did, would she be able to maintain that state of mind? Would she be able to let go of her need for all of the extravagance and the complications that always seemed to come with it?
“How do I look?” Justine asked.
“Like an American princess,” Gemma said.
Mrs. Beckinsale looked at Gemma with wonder in her eyes.
“Oh! You’re British,” she said.
“Yes, I am,” Gemma replied.
“Huh, it appears that the Brits are really all over these days,” she said, laughing.
Gemma was confused, not having realized that so many of her people were immigrating. But maybe many of the other young women had come to her, seeking dresses for their weddings if they had not brought them from back home.
It made sense, but still Gemma wished that there were others coming, others with whom she could be friends more easily. She was still rather homesick, despite herself.
“Yes, I suppose there are a lot of us coming,” Gemma said.
She wondered if Miss Collins would be bringing more young ladies any time soon. Of course, they were spread not only to Tucson, but surrounding areas as well. So even the young ladies who came when she did might not still be in the city.
“That must be nice, having a number of your own kind around,” Justine said.
“Well, I haven’t really gotten to know any of them. But I would love it if they opened a new fish and chip shop,” she said, longing for that brand new flavor that she had just discovered before leaving home.
Justine laughed.
“I guess mine didn’t pass the test?” she asked.
“Oh, it’s not that. It was lovely. It’s only that it was different than what we have over in England. But I did enjoy it very much,” Gemma said.
“Well, that’s good. Anyway, let’s pick out some fabric for you to get a nice new dress. Something that is more in our style,” Justine suggested.
Gemma felt bad, spending their money on this. She had only just gotten three new gowns and yet, here she was getting another new one at the expense of her husband and his sister. Strangers, more or less.
Still, it would be nice to blend in and not be wearing such extravagance out and about. She had noticed that she had been stared at a bit. But at least it might allow her to identify other Brits if she passed them.
Then again, most of those girls did not come from wealthy backgrounds like she did, and their clothing was not so grand.
“I cannot ask you to spend so much money on me. Have you not already done so?” Gemma asked, embarrassed.
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. Amos has a good job and we have an inheritance because our mother and father were very hard-working people,” Justine said.
Gemma was perplexed.
“So…you are wealthy?” she asked.
Justine laughed in a burst and then put a hand over her mouth.
“We don’t really flaunt it, but I guess I didn’t know we hid it as well as all that. You seem shocked. Is it really such a surprise?” Justine asked.
“Well, it is only that I have not seen what American wealth looks like, I suppose. I don’t really know what to expect from you all,” Gemma said.
“This is it,” Justine said, her palms up and shrugging.
Gemma nodded, taking it in.
“It would be good if we got you some English friends. You might be able to talk to them about the strange things that Americans do,” Justine said.
Gemma laughed and looked away, shyly.
“I didn’t mean any insult by it,” she said.
“And I didn’t take it as one. I know that we’re different,” Justine said.
Gemma started to wonder what exactly things were going to look like once she had truly integrated into American society. It was so different from what she was accustomed to that it hardly seemed possible.
But Justine has been such a good friend already. Not only that but Amos had been a very good husband. Now that she was beginning to understand the two of them, Gemma thought that she might be learning to settle.
She ran her fingertips along some of the fabrics and tried to examine them. For a moment she could imagine herself in these styles. She imagined what it would be like to wear something so simple and delicate as these.
Her parents would certainly not approve. In fact, they would likely throw a fit to see her dressed in this way. They would have no idea how to handle American fashions.
But Gemma hardly cared. She had moved on from the past and worrying about what her mother and father thought. She had moved on from their criticism.
She had found a freedom that she never thought she would find.
“You all right?” Justine asked.
Gemma looked at her and saw that Justine was concerned. She had not meant to cause any concern. She had only just been trying to wrap her thoughts around everything that had taken place and was going on.
Nothing felt like it was within her control, but that was all Gemma wanted. All she wanted was to have a bit of control over the life that she was living.
It was overwhelming, but she chose to let it go and smile at Justine.
“Of course I am!” she exclaimed, with a little too much cheer.
“Are you sure? Because you don’t look rightly happy,” Justine said.
“No, it is not that. I am tired, so I suppose I was in a bit of a daze, looking at all of these fabrics,” Gemma said.
“Oh, I get like that sometimes. There are too many to choose from and it’s very hard to decide which one is right for you, yeah?” Justine asked.
“Precisely,” Gemma replied.
“I know what that’s like. Maybe we can get Mrs. Beckinsale’s opinion on which colors would look best on you and then we can go from there?” Justine suggested.
Gemma thought about her mother’s insistence that pale pink was the best shade for her, but Gemma did not want that.
She looked at the muddy red that Justine had shown to her.
“I want this one,” she said.
Justine looked surprised.
“But I thought that you didn’t like that one,” she said.
“I changed my mind. This is the one for me. The right one,” she said.
Justine was dubious, but she called for Mrs. Beckinsale to pull out the fabric and they chose an appropriate yardage before picking the silhouette.
“You think it’s the best option for you?” Justine asked.
“I do. I like it. I think when I first saw it, I did not see the potential that it held to make a lovely dress,” Gemma said.
“In that case, I guess we have the fabric and shape chosen! Can you get to work on it right away, Mrs. Beckinsale, or do you have a lot of dresses ahead of us?” Justine asked.
“Just three. After those, I will get right to it,” she said.
“Thank you!” Justine exclaimed.
They left and Gemma felt a little stronger and braver. She was ready to make different decisions and live more simply. Anything to escape the past. Now that the past was not a s
ecret between her and her husband, she was ready to leave it behind.
There was a lot still to come, she knew, in adapting to life in Tucson. But Gemma was ready for whatever it might be, and she trusted that everything was going to come with time.
She had her friend, her husband, and soon a new dress.
But even with the haunts of England in the back of her thoughts where they belonged, she believed that she could be happy. Gemma held to the belief that the Lord had brought her here for a reason and he would not abandon her now.
Chapter 14
Amos was relaxing at the house and wishing that his sister and wife would return. It was too quiet.
He was trying to learn to adapt to being a husband. Although he hardly felt like one, he wanted to take on those responsibilities. For now, however, he would simply have to be a friend.
It made him happy that he was able to at least provide for Gemma. That was something. Even though she did not see him as a husband yet, she was allowing for that.
He still wondered what her life was really like back in England. She had told him about the difficulty and struggle with that man, but he knew nothing else. He knew only that her parents had wanted her to marry someone awful and had not believed his character.
To think that she had no choice but to come to America, it was difficult to consider the pain she must have been in.
Amos wanted to take care of her. He wanted to ensure that she was well looked after and full of peace. But it was going to take a long time before she would have that. He would not be naïve to that fact.
Gemma was trying to settle in, but she had not yet fully embraced this life. It was probably going to be difficult and take some time before she would. He had to give her grace for that.
Having had the chance to pray with her, Amos was relieved that she had been so happy about that. She had been a woman who was grateful for prayer.
In bringing a woman to marry from England, Amos understood that this was something he was lucky to have. There had been no guarantee that he would marry a woman who respected the Lord.
And while he did not know for certain how much her faith meant to her, at least it meant something.
The door sounded and Amos heard it open, happy that the two were finally home. He rushed out to greet them.
“You’re back!” he said.
“That’s an awful lot of enthusiasm there, Amos. You may want to dial it back a bit, don’t you say?” Justine teased.
“Sorry, I was just rather bored,” he replied.
“It’s all right. I’m actually a bit tired though and feel like taking a rest. Do you mind?” Justine asked, looking between Amos and Gemma.
Gemma’s eyes were a bit wide, but she shook her head.
“Not at all. You should get some rest,” she said, politely.
“Let me know if you need anything at all,” Amos said to her.
With that, Justine made her way up the stairs, leaving Amos and Gemma alone to go and take a seat in the living room.
“Did you have a nice day?” he asked.
“Oh, yes. It was lovely. Justine is a wonderful hostess and she showed me a great deal of the city,” she replied.
“I’m glad to hear that. She really is great, and I think she loves having another woman around to spend time with,” Amos replied.
He tried to observe Gemma, to interpret what she had on her mind, but he was coming up empty. Whatever it was that she was thinking about, she was holding it rather close at hand.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“No, thank you. We ate in town. There was a lovely place with soup and bread and I ate far too much,” she said with a laugh.
“That’s good. I’m glad that you are full,” he replied.
“Indeed, it was a very nice place,” she said again.
Amos knew that Justine loved the place that made fresh soup and bread each day and he had gone there with her often. It was nice that she was sharing this with Gemma and he hoped that he would have a chance to take Gemma there another time as well.
“What else did you do? Did she take you to all of her favorite places?” he asked.
“Yes, we went to quite a number of places. We went to the dressmaker and she tried on her wedding gown, as well as ordering a simple one for me. That was very nice. And we went to a few other shops, looking at shoes and things,” she said.
“Are you adjusting to the things that are really different here?” Amos asked.
“I believe that I am. It is still confusing at times, I shall not lie about that. But I am growing to be quite happy. You know, our two countries are vastly different, but I find that somewhat amusing because we are all the same. Your people came from mine,” she said.
“That’s true, I guess. We haven’t been here all that long,” he said.
“I mean, it must have been, what, your grandparents?” she asked.
“Yep, it was my grandparents on both sides who came over. They were ready to get settled in the new world and my mother and my father both came along soon after,” he said.
“That is very nice. I think that they made the right decision in coming here to raise you. That was a difficult time in England,” Gemma said.
“I suppose so. But now, here we are. Justine and I don’t know anything different. I mean, neither did our mom or dad since they were also both born here. But thinking about England feels like thinking about somewhere really far away that I don’t know,” he said.
“Perhaps one day we can go and visit. I am sure that there are parts of it that you would like very much,” Gemma said.
“I’m sure there are. I would like to see it through the eyes of a foreigner just as you are seeing America through those eyes. The eyes of someone who is from another place and has no idea what the culture or customs are,” he said.
Amos looked at Gemma and saw that she was trying to stay strong. There was something bothering her, but he didn’t want to push it.
There was still so much that he didn’t know about her. Not only that, but Amos was realizing how often their conversations were drifting towards difficult topics. The last thing he wanted was for her to have to share another deep secret like she had told him about the man.
He wanted her to have a rest, to enjoy a break from all of that. It was better that she be able to actually have some freedom from those things.
In fact, that had been one of the main reasons that Amos had asked Justine to take her out for the day. He had wanted Gemma to experience Tucson without any fear or worry about anything.
He had wanted her to have some freedom to just enjoy her time.
But she was still not as comfortable as he had hoped. She still seemed stiff and anxious.
“Did Justine take you to the candy shop?” he asked, thinking that it was at least something he might be able to mention to cheer her up.
