by Lilah Rivers
Amos thought about all of the things that had happened for them so far. He still couldn’t imagine her escape. Had she run off in the middle of the night? Broken away during the day? Had she left from her home or had she been out in the town?
Whatever had happened, he wanted to be sensitive to the fact that she was going through a lot in trying to handle the fact that she had escaped from her home and was in a foreign place.
But the roses were still bothering him. And in the back of his mind, he started to wonder.
Could they have been from someone she knew before? Was it possible that she had not escaped as freely as she had believed herself to have?
No, that was impossible. Unless Miss Collins’s sister had told someone, there was no way that she could have been discovered. And if she had told anybody, would that not put her own business in danger?
No, she would not have been foolish enough to have done that.
Amos looked around and saw that the city was quiet for a Friday afternoon. He wondered what the streets of London looked like on a Friday afternoon. Did they ever get this quiet? Or was it always the chaos and crowd that he imagined?
Amos determined that he would have to try and be patient with Gemma. It was difficult because he really wanted to know what was going on with her and what was haunting her these days. But he also wanted to trust her.
She needed that from him, and it was the very least he could give her.
She had come all this way, she had worked so hard to be strong and brave. Amos wanted to respect that and was determined that he would do everything he could to make her feel comfortable and at home.
By the time he reached the bank, he saw that it too was quiet. They weren’t half so busy as they normally were.
“It’s pretty dull today,” Billy said.
“I can see that. And the whole town is quiet,” he said, feeling uncomfortable.
“I don’t know. Probably the heat. I think it’s getting worse and nobody wants to come out in it,” Billy said.
Amos nodded. Of course. It was probably just the heat.
But when his own heart was feeling so confused and in such a struggle, it felt like more than that. Everything felt suffocating.
Amos prayed once more in his head.
Lord, give me peace. Give me grace. And give me the patience that I need to trust in you.
Chapter 19
Justine threw a shawl around her shoulders.
“Going somewhere?” Gemma asked from the living room.
“Yes, I’m having dinner with Daniel’s family this evening,” Justine said.
“And you’re cold?” Gemma asked with a laugh.
“Not even a little. But his mother is always convinced that I will catch something if I do not wear my shawl,” Justine said.
“I don’t envy you. You are going to be miserably hot,” Gemma said.
“I always am,” Justine said with a forlorn expression.
Gemma realized that it meant that she and Amos were going to be alone that evening, just the two of them to have dinner.
“I guess it’s just me and Amos tonight?” she asked.
“Yep,” Justine said, running her fingers through her hair. “Anyway, I’ll see you later.”
“Goodbye,” she said.
It was strange, but even after everything, all of the anxiety and the worries about Amos finding out about the roses, Gemma could not help but be excited to know that she was going to have dinner alone with him.
Her heart was actually…bursting. Not swelling. No, she wasn’t swelling yet. But bursting had to mean something, didn’t it? Surely it was an exciting thing to feel her heart burst?
Amos wasn’t home yet, but she decided that she would get to work on dinner, trying to make the beef and vegetables the way that Justine made it. Aware that she was completely failing, Gemma tried to put in her very best effort anyway.
She knew that Amos would be more than willing to cook when he got home, but Gemma thought it was best if she put in the effort now and got things ready for him. She thought he would appreciate that at least.
The beef took a long time to cook through enough so that there was just a bit of pink. She knew this was how Amos liked it. He didn’t like it too raw, but he really it when it was burnt.
It turned out that finding the balance was trickier than she had realized it would be.
Still, everything came together in the end and, although she didn’t know if it would taste okay, Gemma was confident that at least they wouldn’t get sick form eating it.
By the time Amos arrived at the house, she was setting the table.
“Wow, it smells great in here,” he said.
“I hope it tastes good. You know, I’m hardly a cook,” she said.
“That’s all right. I really appreciate the fact that you tried,” he said, his eyes shining with kindness.
Gemma was amazed at Amos’s compassion and how gentle he was with her. So often he showed his kindness and was such a wonderful man when she didn’t think that she deserved it in the least.
Amos took his seat and Gemma sat across from him.
“Mind if I pray?” he asked.
“Please do,” she said.
“Dear Lord, we thank you for your mighty name and your holiness. We thank you for your mercy over us in that you have blessed us with this food. We give our strength and our bodies over to you and trust that you will do as you will with us. Please use this food to make our bodies strong for your purposes Amen.”
“Amen,” Gemma echoed.
There was something about the way Amos prayed that was different to anything she had heard before. Even in the Church of England, she had not heard such reverence when the ministers prayed.
It was beautiful to hear the respect that Amos gave to the Lord, and Gemma wondered if that was how people really ought to pray. She determined that she would try to be more like that.
“You know,” she began. “I hope that it is quite all right for me to compliment you on this. I do not know the etiquette of prayer in America, but I can tell you for certain that I have scarcely heard a prayer the way that you pray it.”
“What do you mean by that?” he asked with a laugh.
“That you speak to God with such awe and honor. I do not think that is normal where I am from. Certainly, I have heard some very good men and women when they pray, but I have also heard such staunch and bland prayers. Ones that sound as though they are rehearsed or said without any heart at all,” she said.
“So I’m good at praying?” he asked, again with a laugh, and she realized that it was definitely a strange thing to compliment somebody about.
“Well…yes,” she said.
“Thank you. I’m glad to know that there is something about my prayers that helps you to think of the Lord in a higher manner,” he said.
“It does. I want to see God the way that you do. I want to view him with such reverence,” she said.
“Justine, Daniel, and I were talking about the four of us studying the Bible and praying together, so maybe that would be a good opportunity,” he said.
“I should like that a great deal,” Gemma replied.
She was noticing how sweetly he spoke to her, cautiously and as though making every effort to respect her as well.
Gemma knew that there could easily have been a strain between them after the flowers, but Amos was being so lovely.
There was such kindness and compassion in how he treated her that Gemma wondered if she would ever have known anyone like that had she not made her decision to leave England and pursue a marriage in America.
“Thank you,” she said.
“For what?” Amos asked.
“Thank you for showing me that people can be good and kind. I fear that I had lost all hope for it,” she said.
“I’m relieved that I could help you find that hope again. There really are good people out there and I’m sure that there are many in England as well. You just happened to have
had to deal with a lot of the bad ones,” Amos said.
“That’s certainly true,” she replied.
“Well, maybe in the future things will be better. Maybe you will meet others who give you that hope,” he said.
“I would like that very much,” Gemma said. “You know, I was the one in my family who really loved church, the one who wanted to pray and get to know the Bible and the Scriptures better.”
“Really?” Amos asked.
“My family went to church every week and certainly claimed to be Christians, but I must confess that there was very little zeal. It was something borne of duty rather than passion,” she said.
“I have seen that in many people,” Amos said.
“Yes, it was difficult, to be honest,” she said.
“I imagine so,” Amos said.
“There was a shallowness to their faith and it often bothered me,” she said.
“That would be hard to deal with. I wish that people would either have faith or not have it. I don’t understand when there are those who claim it but don’t like it,’ he said.
“Well, that is how my family behaves,” she said.
“Do you think they will ever change?” Amos asked.
“I certainly hope so. I do not know that they ever will, for there is a fierce pride in their hearts. As there is in mine,” she admitted.
“But at least you are aware of it and you want to draw nearer to the Lord,” he said.
“Indeed. But that means that I am accountable for doing so. In their ignorance, they are simply fools, but I am a neglectful heathen if I am aware that I ought to be doing more to draw near to God and I do not do it,” she said.
Amos looked at her with that same compassion.
But Gemma wanted to move on from any sort of theological discussion. She felt confident that Amos was going to be kind to her but she might end up feeling even worse if they followed that topic of conversation.
“Anyway, that is all I wanted to say,” she told him.
“You know, it is faith that should be the influence of our marriage,” Amos said.
Gemma was taken aback by his sudden turn of thought, bringing marriage into the conversation.
“Well, yes, I suppose,” she said.
“I mean, it is meant to be a symbol of Christ and the church so we should think of it that way, don’t you agree?” he asked.
“Certainly,” she said.
“I just mean that it is a commitment, one that should bring us closer to God and closer to one another,” Amos said.
Gemma thought about that. She had never heard it preached but could recall a few verses that mentioned something along those lines. Although she did not have them memorized, she knew that they were in the Bible.
“So what does that mean for people like us who married because we both got ourselves into a difficult situation?” she asked.
“I think it means that even if it was not love that brought us together, it was God who did. We need to honor each other and him in that. We should be happy and thankful that he loves us and we should always keep in mind that he is looking after us,” Amos said.
“And that we need to look after one another in light of that?” Gemma asked, suddenly understanding.
“Exactly,” he said.
“I agree. I think that it is a good and happy thing to care for one another and know that God is the one who is drawing us together,” she said.
Amos looked hopeful and Gemma realized that she was probably sharing too much of what she wanted to feel. Too much of how she was thinking so highly of him these days.
Was it embarrassing that she was being so honest?
Amos did not seem to mind. In fact, he appeared quite relieved.
“I want you to know, Gemma, that I will look after you. Whatever it is that has drawn us together, I will honor the Lord by honoring you. I will be the husband who is committed to you. Even when things are difficult or secret or whatever they may be,” he said.
Gemma looked away, feeling shy but elated. How could she reply? What was she to say to something like that?
“Well, I shall respect you as it says for wives to. And to be perfectly honest, you make that an easy task. I cannot think of a reason that I would not respect you. Even when you make mistakes, you humble yourself to confess them and that is a marvelous thing,” she said.
“I can do nothing else,” he replied.
Gemma felt warm all over, and this time it was not from the heat of Tucson. She was feeling warmed by Amos’s words and his kindness.
As dinner came to a close, she looked at his plate.
“Was it all right?” she asked.
“Actually, it was perfect. I think you did a very good job and I am happy to see that you are growing. Not just for the sake of me and my ability to eat dinner, but because it shows me that you are someone who is happy to learn and to develop. It is truly amazing,” he said.
Gemma could feel the blush in her cheeks.
“You are too kind,” she said.
“No, I’m really not. What I am is happy that you are the one who was brought to my house that day. Because whatever trials may face a marriage and whatever difficulties could arise, I trust that we can at least work together to have something good here,” he said.
And for once, Gemma really did have hope and truly believed him. There was nothing else that she would allow to get in the way of their happiness.
In that moment, her heart began to swell.
Chapter 20
Amos reached the door of the bank with his heart lifted and restored.
The evening before had been magical! He had felt such a blessing from the Lord when he spoke with Gemma about their marriage and their future and all of the gifts that God had given to them.
But almost immediately after entering, all of his hopes and happiness deflated.
“Such a ridiculous lie. I don’t care if they are happy together now. Amos claims to be a man of faith and he goes around saying things like that? Claiming that he had a woman in England?” Randall was scoffing.
“I know. A foolish gesture. I don’t see how he thought that it wouldn’t ruin his reputation. With as much as he flaunts all of his prayers and knowledge of Scripture, you would think that he would be a little bit more careful than saying things like that,” said Dillon.
Amos took in a deep breath and stayed off to the side for a moment before they could see him. He was so upset to hear them talking about him like this. Of course he had made a mistake!
He had apologized to them, giving his confession. But he knew that the lie was a terrible thing. Had he been a fool to think that it was something that could be left in the past?
