Zarik

by Elin Wyn

  I never claimed to be a nice person.

  The elevator took us down to the lobby. There were often several humans milling about, but the woman General Rouhr had called in would have been easy to spot, even if I hadn’t met her earlier.

  Her face was drawn and pale. Deep circles showed under watery blue eyes. Her short hair was messy and her clothes were rumpled. She looked like she hadn’t had a moment’s peace in days.

  Her gaze shot toward us when we stepped out of the elevator. I didn’t see a gleam of recognition in her eyes. I knew then and there that she wasn’t Miri’s mother.

  “I don’t know her,” Miri whispered to me, confirming my suspicions.

  “What would you like to do?” I asked her. “We can go right back upstairs and get ready to go to your apartment, if that’s what you want.”

  “I can’t just leave her there,” Miri sighed. “She looks so sad.”

  “She does.”

  “I want to go talk to her,” Miri decided.

  We walked over to the woman together, but I hung back a few feet.

  “Hello,” Miri said quietly. The woman looked uneasy, like she would fall apart at any moment.

  “I know I’m not the person you want to see,” Miri continued. “But maybe we can talk. It might make you feel better.”

  “The only thing that will make me feel better is seeing my daughter again,” the woman said in a wobbly voice. There was no anger or malice in her voice. Just sadness and suffering.

  “I know.” Miri took the seat beside the woman. “I’m sorry I’m not her.”

  “That’s not your fault,” the woman cracked a shaky half-smile.

  “I know, but I’m sorry all the same,” Miri replied.

  “I’m sorry I’m not the person you’re looking for, either,” the woman said. Miri let out a short, dry laugh.

  “What’s your name?” the woman asked.

  “Miri. What’s yours?”

  “Hileen,” she replied.

  “Nice to meet you.” Miri stuck out her hand for Hileen to shake.

  “I wish it were under different circumstances,” Hileen replied.

  “So do I,” Miri agreed.

  “They said you lost your memory,” Hileen said. “Is that true?”

  “It was. Things are coming back to me now, though,” Miri replied.

  “I hate to ask this of you, but do you remember seeing my daughter anywhere?” Hileen asked. “You were taken around the same time she disappeared. That can’t be a coincidence.”

  “Wherever I was taken, I couldn’t see much,” Miri said. “I think there were other people with me, but I was blindfolded and restrained most of the time.”

  “Oh god,” Hileen sobbed.

  “I’m sorry!” Miri gasped. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry.” She immediately put her arms around Hileen. I expected her to push Miri away, but instead, Hileen leaned in. She cried into Miri’s neck. Miri rubbed her back and murmured soothing consolations.

  “It’s the not knowing that’s the worst part,” Hileen sobbed. “I can’t sleep. I can’t be away from my comm unit for even a moment out of fear that she might try to reach me.”

  “I know,” Miri nodded.

  I watched Miri and Hileen in stunned silence. It amazed me that Miri was able to comfort a stranger with no hesitation. I’d seen my fair share of distressed family members during my career, but I never knew what to say to them when I delivered bad news.

  Miri had been through hell and she still had a good, gentle heart. That was a rarity.

  Guilt gripped me once more. My feelings for Miri had grown considerably over the last few days.

  I could say with complete honesty that I was no longer in this to regain my honor. At this point, I rarely thought about it. It mattered more to me that Miri was taken care of.

  I reflected on who I used to be and shuddered in disgust. I was so selfish and self-pitying. I never expected my bitterness to fade away into anything else, let alone happiness.

  That first kiss with Miri was the happiest moment of my life. I wanted to live in that happiness forever, but I shouldn’t be allowed to have it. I didn’t deserve it after all of the mistakes I’ve made. Mistakes that cost others their lives.

  The happiness Miri had given me was a priceless treasure and I’d stolen it away like a thief in the night.

  And I had no plans to ever let it go.

  Miri

  “Is this the place?” Zarik asked me, pointing with his chin toward the door to the center of the triplex in front of us. Grayish and bland, like most of southwest Nyheim, it was exactly as I remembered it to be.

  That was a first.

  I eyed the number next to the door, as if to confirm this was my house, and then laid one hand on the handle and turned it.

  The door didn’t budge. It was locked.

  And I had no idea where the key was.

  “I can take care of that.” Gently pushing me out of the way, Zarik’s eyes homed in on the spot where the lock would be. I saw him tense up, probably readying himself to kick the door open, but I placed one hand on his shoulder and stopped him.

  “We don’t need to do that,” I said, going down on one knee. The motion felt familiar, and I let my unconscious mind guide my hands as I plucked a loose tile off the wall. Hidden behind it was a flat metallic key, one I knew would open my apartment’s door.

  “A spare, huh?” Zari said, nodding approvingly. “Your memories...they’re still coming.”

  “They are,” I smiled. “There are some things I still don’t remember, but it’s all coming back. I can feel it.” Turning the key in my fingers, I held my breath as I slid it into the lock. Turning it, I pushed the door open and it swung back easily on its hinges. “And here we are. Home sweet home.”

  It felt weird to be back in my place. The smell was familiar—lavendrew and pinor—and the furniture was exactly where I remembered it to be. The old two-seat sofa pushed against the wall, its springs squeaky and tired; the small wooden table beside the kitchen counter, unread books strewn across its surface; an abandoned laundry basket in the corner.

  I kicked my shoes off as I stepped inside, the cold tiles underneath my feet somehow grounding me to reality. I made my way into my bedroom and pushed the door open with the tip of my foot, somehow hoping that whatever I’d found there would give me some answers. But no: my bed was made, and the room was as tidy as I had left it. There was no information to be gained there.

  “See anything?” Zarik asked me from the adjoining kitchenette. Pursing my lips, I just shook my head. We’d thought coming here would help—maybe my kidnappers would’ve left something behind—but it seemed like this was a fool’s errand.

  Dragging my feet back to Zarik, I let out a sigh and threw myself on the sofa. Cautiously, Zarik sat beside me. He turned around to face me and rested one hand on my knee, his eyes on mine. “Are you okay?” he asked me. “It must be odd for you to be back here.”

  “A bit,” I admitted.

  The apartment was mine—my memories told me so—but it also seemed like it belonged to some other Miri.

  It was an odd feeling, but I couldn’t stop myself from drawing a line between the Miri from a few weeks ago and the amnesiac woman I had become. They were one and the same, yes, but I was having a hard time adjusting to that reality.

  “Do you see anything that might be out of place?” Zarik continued. He was trying hard not to sound inconsiderate, but I knew he was aching for some answers.

  And, God, so was I.

  I looked around once more, but nothing grabbed my attention. Everything seemed tidy—I had been cleaning the apartment the day I ‘disappeared’—and everything was in its rightful place. I even looked at the floor, hoping to see some dirty footprint or a lock of hair that wasn’t my own, but there was nothing.

  “It’s useless,” I groaned. “We’re not going to find anything here.”

  “But we will,” Zarik said, sounding more confident t
han I expected him to be. “Let’s just try and think about what might’ve happened. Are you sure someone broke in?”

  “I don’t remember exactly, but that must’ve been it,” I replied.

  “There’s just a slight problem with that theory,” Zarik whispered, more to himself than to me. Slowly getting to his feet, he walked toward the door and examined it for a couple of seconds. “It doesn’t look like someone broke in. The doorframe, the lock, even the latch, are all in perfect condition.”

  “Maybe they used lockpicks?”

  “I don’t think so.” Going down on one knee, he eyed the lock directly. “If they had, there would be some marks. But there’s absolutely nothing in here. Maybe someone knew about your spare key?”

  “Impossible. I’m super careful about that.”

  “Then…” He trailed off, the gears inside his head turning as he tried to come up with another scenario. “Does anyone else have a key? A friend, or maybe a family member?”

  “Yes,” I frowned, not liking what Zarik’s question seemed to hint at. Could someone from my personal life be behind my kidnapping? “My cousin, Kyle, has another key, just in case something happened to me.”

  “And you’re close, the two of you?”

  “Yes,” I said. “So there’s no way he was behind this. It’s just impossible.”

  “We have to consider every possibility, Miri. I know it’s not pleasant to think that—”

  “I get it,” I cut him short. “I just don’t like it. Do you have your comm with you? I’ll just give my cousin a call and we’ll put this to bed.”

  “Okay,” he nodded, grabbing his comm from his pocket. “He might not tell you the truth, though.”

  “If he’s lying, I’ll know,” I said, grabbing the comm from his hands and inputting my cousin’s contact information from memory. It seemed that I was getting better and better with each minute that passed. The only memories that seemed almost impossible to grasp were the ones following my disappearance...and I suspected that was because those events had happened shortly before I was injected with the memory-loss toxin.

  “Miri?” A female voice burst from the comm. Not my cousin’s voice, that was for sure. “I’ve been trying to reach you for ages! Is everything alright?”

  “Yes, aunt,” I said, not wanting to explain the whole story over the comm. “I just had to go away for a couple of days. Is Kyle around? I need to speak with him.”

  “That’s why I’ve been trying to reach you, Miri!” she cried out, a sense of dread to her words. “I haven’t heard from him for days now! He said he was heading over to spend time with that friend of his, Dreve, but I’m not sure I’ve ever really liked that boy. But that was days ago!”

  My heart rate shot up the moment I heard her words.

  Kyle was missing?

  Whatever happened to me, did it get him, too?

  Oh no.

  Did I leave him behind?

  Or was it just a coincidence?

  “I... I’ll try to see what I can find,” I interrupted her, and she seemed to calm down at that. I promised I’d let her know the moment I had some information, and then handed the comm back to Zarik.

  I stood in the middle of my living room, completely frozen. I was trying to process everything, but my brain circuitry was starting to break down.

  Why had my cousin disappeared, too?

  What was the meaning behind all this?

  Oh, God, what a mess.

  “I can’t stand this,” I whispered, one lone tear already rolling down my cheek. “This is too much.”

  Zarik

  Miri stood in the center of her living space looking small and sad.

  And unbelievably beautiful.

  I closed the distance between us in a single stride and wrapped her in my arms. She leaned into me. I felt her chest expand as she took slow, deep breaths.

  “It’s okay to cry if you need to,” I told her.

  “I’m tired of crying. I feel like I’ve been crying for days,” she said. “I can’t believe I have any tears left at all.”

  I disliked the sound of human crying, but it was especially unpleasant when Miri cried. It wasn’t unbearable because the sound annoyed me. It was unbearable because when she cried, the light left her eyes.

  “That’s okay, too,” I told her. We fell silent for a long while. I wasn’t sure what to say. I knew how to comfort her when she was in distress or frightened, but I’d never seen her like this before. She was like a shell of herself.

  “What should I do?” I asked her.

  “What you’re doing is exactly what I need,” she replied. Her cheek felt warm against my chest, even through the tactical shirt I wore. It was nice to feel some warmth in her. She’d spent too long feeling cold.

  As I held her, I wondered if I’d underestimated humans as a whole or if Miri was simply extraordinary.

  From the moment she woke up in the forest with no memory until right now, she’d experienced more shock that most humans experienced in their lives.

  I’d learned that shock affected every aspect of a human, especially the mind. Shock from traumatic experiences had driven humans mad before. I could tell the weight of it all had taken its toll on Miri, but she was far from giving up.

  A flicker of guilt distracted me from my thoughts of her.

  She still believed I had taken an interest in her case out of selfless kindness.

  Her mental image of me was a dishonest one. That wasn’t fair to her.

  I wasn’t sure what she’d been through exactly, but it was something horrible. A betrayal.

  For that alone, she deserved to know the truth. She didn’t deserve to have anything even remotely horrible happen to her ever again.

  Miri let out a soft sigh, pulling me from my thoughts. I automatically looked down at her, ready to assess her needs. I found her looking up at me. Her lips weren’t pulled up at the corners, but I still felt her smile. Her eyes were warm and filled with trust.

  Once again, I was reminded of how good it felt to protect someone and not screw it up. For the first time in years, I felt like I was worth something to someone.

  I’d never be able to repay Miri for giving that back to me.

  I slid my hand up her back and over her shoulder so I could gently stroke her cheek. Miri tipped her head slightly in the direction of my hand and let her eyes flutter closed. She looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen her.

  Her eyes opened slowly. I gazed at her stunning face a moment longer before lowering my lips to hers.

  The moment our lips touched, it was as if everything was made right with the world. My honor, her amnesia…those became nothing but small details. She gently laid one hand on my chest, and I knew she was feeling my heart beating under her fingertips. It was a simple gesture, but one that made me want her even more than before.

  “Zarik,” she whispered against my lips, the sound of her voice enough to make me forget about the world around us.

  I had never understood why hardened soldiers like General Rouhr or Sylor had fallen for such fragile creatures as human females were…but now I saw it all so clearly.

  Miri was perfect in her frailty, and the more her world seemed to collapse around her, the more I wanted to protect her.

  She didn’t need it; her strength was part of her beauty.

  But I’d never want to stop trying.

  “I’m right here,” I whispered back at her, enjoying the way I had my arms wrapped around her delicate body. It felt right to hold her, to have her body against mine, and I found myself wanting more. I wanted my naked skin on hers, to run my fingers through her hair, and to hold her while I kissed her.

  I wanted to make her mine.

  There was something about her that awoke my most primal urges, and I knew that the more I stayed close to her, the more the need to make her my mate would tear at me.

  It wasn’t fair to her...and yet, I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

  “I will
make it right,” I promised her, holding her face with both hands as I looked into her eyes. “I don’t care what it takes, Miri, but I will make it right.”

  “I know you will.” Laying her head against my chest, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her chest rose and fell at a steady pace, the warmth of her body seeping into mine, and I had to use all of my willpower to restrain myself.

  I was on the verge of pushing her back against the wall, my fingers twitching as I yearned to rip the clothes off her body. I wanted to see every curve of her naked body, I wanted to taste every inch of her, and I wanted to make her moan and scream.

  And she wanted answers.

  Whatever she wished.

  “We should get going,” I forced myself to say. As much as my body craved her, I knew I had to keep my head on her problems. Miri needed me to think rationally, and I wasn’t about to let her down. She had no memories, she didn’t know if she could trust her family or friends, and the only person she could rely on was me.

  Honor. That used to be the thing I prized the most in the whole world. But now things had changed.

  Honor was nothing but a fleeting concern…because what I really wanted now was to put a smile on her face.

  And nothing would stop me from doing it.

  Absolutely nothing.

  Miri

  By the time we left the apartment, I was feeling much better.

  Zarik’s kisses were therapeutic, no doubt about it. And I was in dire need of that kind of therapy.

  Still, duty called.

  We didn’t have a lead on my cousin, so we decided that our best course of action would be to investigate the surroundings of the small outpost I was found in.

  Zarik was distracted with his comm for a while, asking headquarters for a rift to be opened, and we waited as the request was relayed to someone called Fen.

  A few seconds later, light was emanating from a thin line in front of us, like a crack in space. It widened by a few feet, showing the main street of the settlement on the other side, and I held my breath as we walked into it.