“You’re just getting started.” Tim smirked. Great, one more thing the two of them had in common. Ryan couldn’t arrive fast enough. The constant fifth wheel gig was exhausting.
And just like that, the night was over. Tim and Ian went with their wives, leaving me alone on the couch in the basement. It was too early for sleep and with nothing else to keep me busy, I was left with the television. I settled on a documentary about tattoo artists. After the second straight episode, I made my way to the mini-fridge and grabbed a beer.
“Want to grab two?” Ian asked, closing his bedroom door behind him. I grabbed a second bottle and handing it to him as I slumped back down on the couch. He sat at the other end and cracked his open.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“The whole Ryan thing?” I questioned, taking a swig.
“I was thinking more, the whole broken-hearted thing.”
“Damn it. I was hoping you didn’t catch that. I didn’t mean to say it.”
“Maybe you didn’t mean to say it, but you did. I’m sorry we’ve been wrapped up in our own lives. I didn’t even realize you were seeing someone.”
“No worries, man. Like I said, I didn’t mean to say it. I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m over it.”
“No, you’re not.” Ian countered, taking a long pull from the bottle. “How long were you together?”
“We weren’t. Not really, anyway. It’s all good. She moved on before I was ready to let her go. It stung for a bit, but I’m…”
“Stop saying you’re okay. It’s okay to not be, and it’s okay to talk about it. We’ve all been through it.”
“This was just stupid though. It was just sex. I let myself feel more. She didn’t. Just a bruised ego. Broken and hearted were the wrong words.”
“If you had feelings for her, then it was more than just sex.” Ian stared through me, trying to solve the puzzle, to put together the pieces but coming up blank. “So, who was she?”
“Maggie.” There was no sense in dragging it out.
“Like, Sarah and Ally’s Maggie?” Ian sputtered his beer all over himself and the couch.
“That would be the one.”
“Okay, I’ll admit, I didn’t see that one coming.”
“We hid it well.” And had a ton of fun doing it.
“For how long?” Ian wasn’t going to stop prying.
“Since the hospital waiting room in Texas.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Afraid not. She was looking for an escape and I gave it to her. Somehow that morphed into something a little more regular, you know, hooking-up behind the scenes. We never planned for it to last, so we kept it under wraps. Besides, if Tim found out, he’d be pissed that I didn’t listen to him. I didn’t stay away. It seemed stupid to rock the boat. Things had already happened between us by that point.”
“But you two hate each other.”
“Hate and love aren’t really that far apart.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“But the fighting, you two couldn’t even be in the same room.”
“Meh. It’s just how we were. Call it a twisted form of foreplay. Most of the time, anyway.”
“Ohmygod. My mind is blown.” He looked back to his closed bedroom door. “The girls don’t know, do they?”
“No. I don’t think so. Maggie’s been dating Myles for a while now, so I can’t see her bringing up what happened between us. Apparently, I’m not the type of boyfriend material that Maggie was interested in.”
“I guess that makes sense. If you didn’t tell us, she probably didn’t tell them. Otherwise, we would have found out anyway.”
“Precisely.” I lifted the beer to my mouth and drained half the bottle.
“Oh, and I’m sure you don’t care since you’re over it and all, but she’s not dating that guy anymore. They split up a couple of weeks ago.”
“Uh… what?” My heart sped up. “Okay.” I struggled to hide my excitement. Ian’s news didn’t change anything. Maggie never wanted me and if she didn’t want me, I wasn’t going to beg. No matter how much I missed her.
“But you don’t care.” Ian finished his beer in one last gulp. “I’m going to head to bed.”
“Night.” I raised the hand holding the bottle and watched him walk to his room and close the door, before turning to stare at the television. Maggie was single again. It should mean nothing, but if it meant nothing, then why did I feel so hopeful.
***
The legal paperwork had been drawn up and hand-delivered to Ryan three days after we popped the question. When we flew out to talk to him, the whole process seemed surreal. Words were said, agreements were made, Ryan was one hundred percent on board, but with the label and lawyers involved, it was official. Hazed was growing.
Despite Tim being the first to concede, uncertainty about the addition bubbled beneath the surface. Ryan had to be experiencing the same anxiety. His entire life was being uprooted. By signing the contracts he’d chosen to drop out of law school. To the three of us, that seemed like an easy decision. A foregone conclusion. But for Ryan, law school was his father’s dream and he’d been living with the pressure of following in his dad’s footsteps his entire life. Leaving school automatically pinned him against his father and left him hoping for forgiveness over time. There’s always a cost to following your dreams.
Ryan was given two weeks to tie up loose ends before his life with Hazed began. He’d arrive a month before the tour started, enough time to become familiar. No one expected him to jump in with both feet. He would be worked into the full rotation gradually.
The label had dropped the news before the ink was even dry, issuing press releases announcing Ryan as the new member and quelling rumors that Tim was leaving the band. It would take time, for people to believe that no one was leaving. The four of us would present a united front and save face.
For the sake of my sanity, Ryan’s two weeks couldn’t pass fast enough. While Ian may not have poked or prodded about Maggie, it didn’t change the fact that he knew my secret. He was right about Maggie’s relationship status though. Ally unintentionally confirmed their break-up when I slipped Maggie’s name into a conversation over breakfast the morning after I came clean to Ian. Things would have been simpler if I’d never found out. At least then I wouldn’t have a viable reason to think about calling her. My life would have been easier to manage if I wasn’t given hope. If I wasn’t given a near dream to wish for.
Chapter 17
Release
Maggie
“Wine?” Ally asked, already reaching for a glass from the shelf in the kitchen.
“Yes, please.” I sat on the stool at the breakfast nook, watching Ally uncork a bottle of red and pour a glass. She handed it to me, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “Let’s take this outside.” Ally suggested, leading the way to their deck, with a baby monitor in hand in case one of the girls woke up.
“So, how are you making out with the whole Myles thing?” We hadn’t had much of a chance to talk since I’d arrived. Our time had been filled with bath and bedtime routines since Tim was out of town and Ally was running the single-mommy show.
“Good, I think. I feel fine with the breakup.”
“That’s good then.” Ally opened her bottle of water and took a sip. “That probably means he wasn’t the right one, anyway.”
“Not disagreeing there.”
“But don’t give up on dating. Just because things with Myles didn’t work out, doesn’t mean they won’t with the next person.”
“Oh, I’ll date again. Not that I’ve given it much thought since the breakup, but it’s not like Myles has soured me to the idea.” When things ended with Myles, I chalked it up to an expected failure. Not many people got it right the first time around, and I was no exception. The only issue I would have moving forward was Justin. Ever since the breakup, he’d been the only guy on my mind. But when he said he wanted more did he mean it?
Even if he d
id, if I went to him, he’d only see me crawling back after failing with Myles. I tried my way and it didn’t work. Justin had predicted it wouldn’t. How could I admit I’d made a mistake?
“You seemed to hit it off with Tim’s cousin. I’m sure I could…”
“No.” I cut her off and took a deep breath. It was time to trust my best friend with the truth. Confess that I knew who I wanted. The right guy was right under my nose and sometimes right under my body. Sometimes over it. “I was only paying attention to Tim’s cousin to make someone else jealous.”
Ally’s jaw dropped. “Who?” She paused for a second, racking her brain. “Oh, hell! I know who.”
“You do?”
“I can’t believe I didn’t clue in sooner.” She shook her head and started laughing. She laughed so hard that tears started streaming down her face, her hands bracing her stomach.
“Glad you’re amused by this.” I spat.
“More like I can’t believe I didn’t see it before now. How long have you and Justin been messing around?” She pinned me with a knowing look.
“Since you were in the hospital after Luke’s attack.” No point in denying it. She knew me better than I knew myself.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” Part of me would always be ashamed of what happened in the hospital when I should have been focused on my best friend. At the time, that was the only way I knew how to cope with the guilt and pain. I’ve grown since then.
“But, that’s, like two and a half years ago.” I nodded in agreement aware of how ridiculously long it had been going on. “Even when you were with Myles?”
“God, no. I ended it when Myles and I started dating.”
“That explains Justin’s mood swings, then. The guys thought it had to do with the band, but you’re behind it all.”
“Yeah, he didn’t take it well. At the time, I didn’t think he’d care, but he was upset when I told him I was giving him up to date Myles.”
“Well, after that long, I can understand why. I think that’s the closest thing either of you have ever had to a relationship.”
“We still saw other people. It wasn’t a relationship.”
“Did you though?” Ally questioned. “Regardless, even if it was an open relationship, it was still a relationship.”
“It wasn’t.”
“Whatever. We can agree to disagree.” She took another sip of her water. “So, here’s the important question. Do you like Justin?”
“Some days.” I gave a non-committal answer.
“Most days?” Ally prodded.
“Probably.”
“Then talk to him.” She rose from her seat.
“Not now!” I exclaimed, grabbing her arm to stop her.
“I’m just going to grab the bottle of wine!” She explained, shaking off my arm. “This conversation requires more than one glass of wine. Of all the times I’m off liquor, this timing blows.”
“Off liquor?” I questioned, taking another sip from my wine glass.
“Oh, right. Tim knocked me up again. But that’s a story for another day. Tonight, it’s all about your juicy, little secret.”
After a bottle and a half of wine, I woke up in Ally’s guestroom with a headache and blurred vision. Nothing a few Tylenol and a pot coffee wouldn’t solve. I only needed to take the first step, by rolling out of bed and crawling downstairs.
The house was still quiet, meaning I had somehow managed to wake up before Ally and the girls. I stumbled into the kitchen, glancing at the clock to confirm that I was in fact up before the birds. Five AM. Just great.
“Morning Maggie.”
I jumped about a foot at the sound of the male voice, grabbing at my chest before realizing it was only Tim sitting at their breakfast nook.
“You scared the shit out of me.” I exclaimed. “I thought you were out of town.”
“I was but I needed my family fix so caught a late flight home. Slept for a couple of hours on the plane, so now I’m wide awake.”
I nodded at his explanation, appreciating how much of a family man he truly was. “Do you want coffee? I’m going to make a pot.”
“I’d love one.”
For all the times I had been at their house, very few of those was I ever alone with Tim. While Tim seemed content with complete and utter silence, the quiet made me uncomfortable. In his world the calm was probably welcome, relaxing moments could be scarce in his life, but they weren’t in mine. The unnatural quiet was making me twitchy.
“How’s the new guy working out?” Stupid question, but really, what were we supposed to talk about?
“Good.” Not much for words, that one there.
“That’s good then.”
“Mhm…” Tim nodded, letting the room fall back into silence.
Shifting from one foot to another, I racked my brain for another topic, one that would require more than a one-word response. Anything to break the ice. I never would have classified Tim as introverted but seeing him outside of his comfort zone and his people, he clearly had an antisocial side. Weird. The trait didn’t fit his Hazed persona.
Just like Justin, actually. As the drummer for Hazed, he was loud, crude, a bad boy through and through, but outside, in the real world, when no one else watching, that wasn’t who he was at all. He was caring and emotional, and borderline unsure of himself. Holy shit!
“Ohmygod, he wasn’t lying.”
“Huh?” Tim’s attention perked, caught up in my outburst.
“Justin. He wasn’t lying, was he?” Tim may or may not have known anything, I had no idea, but it felt right to ask someone else to confirm what I was finally realizing.
“Lying about what?”
“How he feels about me?” Any doubts I had about sharing too much information with Tim disappeared. Ally would fill him in on what we talked about, even if Justin hadn’t.
“Well if you’re the girl he’s twisted up about, then I’d say he wasn’t lying.” He chuckled. “Figures it’d be you, of all people. You’ve definitely messed him up. If I didn’t know how shitty it feels when you can’t have the person you want, this would be hilarious. Justin, the guy who swore up and down that he would never fall for a woman.”
“I think I made a mistake.”
“I know you made a mistake.” He smirked. “But, knowing Justin, he did too. Someday, you two will get on the same page.”
“You think?”
“Definitely. Us Hazed guys never manage to take the easy route, but we always find our way.”
I poured two mugs of black coffee, setting one out for Tim and taking the seat beside him. We drank our coffee in comfortable silence.
Chapter 18
Bailing Out
Justin
For the first time since Hazed started topping the charts, I was sharing a hotel room. I’d offered to stay with Ryan. Since there was zero chance of bringing a girl back to my room, I had no need for privacy. Sharing a room gave me the chance to bring Ryan up to speed. He was walking into a group that’d been together for years. We knew the ins and outs. We knew each others’ pasts. Ryan deserved a crash course and there was no better way to find out what being a member of Hazed is all about than spending time stuck in a room with one of us.
“So, let me get this straight. Ally left Tim, kept his daughter a secret, and he still got back with her?” Ryan exclaimed the disgust written across his face. I could relate. If I didn’t know Tim and Ally, I’d have the same reaction. “I don’t think I could forgive her.”
“I’m with you, but when you meet Ally and see them together, you’ll understand. She may not have gone about things the right way, but her heart was in the right place. And Tim has forgiven her. So, we all have.” I explained. I’d been voluntold to cover off the Hazed drama to save Ryan from putting his foot in his mouth down the road. The three of us had lived through the ups and downs together. We didn’t want Ryan to feel like an outsider.
“Sarah is a friend of Ally’s. She lived across the
hall from her in Texas. She and Ian hit it off when she was visiting Ally and Tim.” I paused for a minute, giving him time to catch up. Sarah’s story was a hard one to tell. One I didn’t want to share, but someone needed to, and it wouldn’t be Sarah. “Sarah was married before and had a child. Her husband and daughter died in a fire before she moved to Texas. No one really talks about it, but Sarah struggled for a while, paranoid that it would happen again. She’s doing much better now, but every once in a while, you might notice her tense up or move things around in a room. Just don’t point it out if you notice it.”
“That’s horrible.”
“She’s a strong girl. She won’t break down if you mention it, but we try not to bring it up unless she does.”
“Understandable.” Ryan was pensive, absorbing the impromptu history lesson. “So, what’s your story?”
“My story?” That wasn’t sharing. No one knew my story.
“Tim and Ian both have soap opera worthy love stories. What’s yours?”
“I don’t do love stories. I’m more about porn stories.” Or at least I was. Until I slept with the wrong girl and left myself so twisted up that I can’t get laid.
“You really are the playboy then?” Ryan questioned.
“Born and raised.” According to the autobiography I’d created for myself.
“I don’t think I could do that. I mean, you do you, but I just can’t imagine sleeping with a parade of different women.” Ryan stopped abruptly. “That isn’t expected, is it? No one expects me to do that, do they?”
“What?” What in the hell was he talking about?
“Sleep around. Hooking up. I never really thought about it, but it’s a huge part of your image. It was a huge part of Ian and Tim’s image too until they settled down. Just… do I have to play that game too?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. How had this conversation veered so far off course? “No. Definitely not.”
Hooked Page 17
