No Cone Unturned (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 12)

by Chelsea Thomas

  “Miss May is right.” Teeny stepped forward. “That’s why I voted for this shop as the best ice cream spot in Pine Grove. Because I support you and I want you to succeed. And I know that the Best in Pine Grove awards are important to business owners. Really, really important.”

  “Thank you.” Emily looked up. “I voted for you too, you know. It was a no-brainer. Grandma’s is magical and your fries are so crispy.”

  Teeny smiled big, unable to hide her joy. “You voted for me? Great. I’ll take anything I can get. Deadline is in less than a week, you know.”

  “I know.” Emily straightened up and let out another long breath. “Too bad there’s no vote for the worst in Pine Grove. I would go for that horrible guy, Todd. And I’d get all my friends to vote for him too.”

  “A vote for ‘worst of’ wouldn’t quite be in the spirit of community.” Miss May winked at Emily. “But I’d vote for Todd too. The nerve to behave like that. Like a toddler! Todd the Toddler. And I can’t believe he’s opening a predatory loan shop right here in town.”

  “I can’t believe Mayor Delgado approved something like that,” I said. “Aren’t there restrictions on what type of businesses can be opened in the downtown? I always imagined there were strict rules and guidelines that kept everything cute and cozy.”

  “There are rules,” said Emily. “But apparently the guy who developed this plaza, my landlord, carved out some sort of special exception for this building. The town wanted new businesses so they agreed to his more lax terms. I don’t think Mayor Delgado or the members of the board ever thought the place would rent to someone like Todd or a business as shady as his.”

  “Are we sure there’s no vote for the worst person in Pine Grove?” Teeny said. “I want to ruin that guy’s reputation and I want to ruin it fast.”

  “He’ll get what he deserves,” said Emily, “one way or another. Bad people don’t get to be successful for too long. That’s the way the world works. Good karma, bad karma, stuff like that. That’s why I sell sweet, delicious treats to happy people. And I try not to get angry. Even when people are complete and total jerks.”

  “I almost forgot we were in a wonderful little ice cream shop,” said Miss May. “I’m ready for a banana split sundae.”

  Emily didn’t respond to Miss May’s order. Instead, she got a distracted look in her eye and started vigorously scrubbing a spot on the counter.

  “Uh, Emily? Can I get a banana split sundae?”

  Emily didn’t respond. She just kept scrubbing the same place on the counter.

  “Emily. I think you got that spot. It looks pretty clean now. Emily?”

  I gently rapped on the counter. Emily yelped and jumped back. “Whoa, sorry. I spaced out for a second there. What flavor did you say?

  Emily smoothed her apron and a look of composure settled back onto her face. But that angry, distracted moment had been a little eerie. Emily had looked more than angry. She’d seemed distraught, detached almost. Like she was outside of herself.

  “Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked.

  “Never been better.” Emily stabbed an ice cream scooper into a big tub of vanilla like she was stabbing a knife into the heart of her enemy.

  Suddenly, I lost my appetite for ice cream. A strong feeling of dread will do that to a girl.

  4

  Cold Shoulder

  Did I say I lost my appetite for ice cream? Who am I kidding, of course I didn’t.

  My double scoop of Daring Double Chocolate came in a giant, crispy waffle cone. And even though Todd had put me in a bad mood, the ice cream tasted great. Almost good enough to melt away my misgivings.

  Teeny got peanut butter with tons of pink sprinkles, just how she liked it. Miss May got a single scoop of Rocky Road with one puff of whipped cream and a cherry on top. Everything at Cherry on Top came with a cherry on top unless you asked for no cherry. I thought about Todd and wondered if he hated cherries. He seemed like the type who would.

  The three of us grumbled about Todd as we ate. Teeny called the guy all sorts of creative names, including: muskrat face, dirt bottle, soiled underwear, and a chewed-up dog bone.

  And those were the nice ones!

  Miss May and I laughed at chewed-up dog bone. But we were annoyed that Todd had upset Emily so the laughter didn’t last long.

  After a while, the conversation turned back to the Best in Pine Grove votes. Miss May and I assured Teeny she would win in a landslide victory. We assessed that Divola’s pizza shop had no chance of winning because of that time they gave food poisoning to half the town a couple years prior. And there were few other restaurants that could hope to compete. Grandma’s should be a shoo-in.

  We dropped Teeny back at Grandma’s around 5:30 PM so she could be at her restaurant for the dinner rush. Teeny’s place always seemed like it could run itself. The restaurant did good business whether or not Teeny was there. But maybe that’s because she was always dropping in, keeping an eye on things and working hard to uphold Grandma’s excellent reputation. Plus, Teeny’s mom, the eponymous grandma, watched over the place from behind the cash register when Teeny wasn’t around. Or, at least, that’s what Teeny claimed. Every time I’d ever seen Granny, she was one million percent focused on doing her crossword and had zero idea what was happening in the restaurant.

  That night, Teeny said she wanted to help the line cooks improve their chopping skills for less waste. And she also mentioned that she was thinking of playing around with the recipe for a fun, Italian-style dish. Teeny wouldn’t reveal the name of the dish or give us any clues. But I secretly hoped it was baked ziti. Teeny had made baked ziti for me for my birthday once when I was a kid and it was one of the best foods I had ever eaten. If she put that item on the menu at Grandma’s, it would be popular, even though Grandma’s was not an Italian restaurant.

  When Miss May and I arrived back at the farmhouse, Miss May set her purse down on the counter with a sigh and turned on the kitchen lights with an angry flick of her wrist.

  “Still annoyed about muskrat face?” I asked.

  “You mean the human dog bone?” Miss May asked with a little smirk.

  I chuckled. “Chewed-up dog bone.”

  Miss May plopped into a chair at the kitchen table and rested her chin in her palm. “I’ve been trying to put it out of my mind all day. But I hated the way that man talked to Emily. He was horrible and she was so sweet and patient. That girl is a positive contribution to life in Pine Grove. And Todd’s going to make the whole town worse. It’s not right. I don’t like it for Emily, I don’t like it for the town, and I don’t like it for my ice cream habit.”

  “Maybe he was having a really, really, really bad day,” I said.

  Miss May shook her head. “That’s no excuse. And who doesn’t like ice cream or music, by the way? What’s wrong with that guy?”

  I poured Miss May a glass of water, set it down on the table and sat beside her. “I think he’s sick in the head.”

  Miss May laughed. “He wouldn’t be Pine Grove’s first unstable resident.”

  “And he won’t be our last,” I said.” “But I think Emily handled herself well. She didn’t lose her cool. She stayed rational, even when the muskrat went berserk. She didn’t even start crying when he left.”

  “Not everybody breaks down into tears whenever something bad happens,” said Miss May.

  “Hey. I’ve moved past that habit. Mostly. I barely ever cry now. I’m a steel curtain of a woman, stoic and strong.”

  Miss May laughed. But pretty soon, her laugh faded into a grimace. “I know Emily can handle herself. But I want to get involved. I can’t stand by and let her get bullied like that. You saw how rattled she was, and that Todd guy hasn’t even opened up shop yet. I’m a pillar of this community. A leader. What does it say about my role in the guardianship of our town if I don’t get involved when I witness something like that?”

  Miss May drank her whole cup of water and stood up to pour herself a new one.
/>   “So what are we going to do?” I said.

  Miss May turned back to me. “We’re going to take action.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean? Do you want to try to get his business shut down? You want to talk to the mayor?”

  Miss May shook her head. “First, I want to talk to Todd, eye to eye. He needs to know that the people of this town won’t stand for anyone who labels himself as predatory. I’m going to tell him I think he should reconsider the type of business he’s going to open because I doubt he’ll succeed here anyway. And I’m going to get him to promise to apologize to Emily and to treat her better in the future.”

  I widened my eyes. “That’s a tall order.”

  Miss May finished a glass of water and set it down. “I’m a tall woman.”

  5

  Toddling to Todd’s

  I woke up Friday morning much as I had the day before. Groggy, a little grumpy, and yearning for more sleep. One important difference? Steve the dog was in bed beside me, eyes half-open in a morning stupor. I rubbed his back.

  “Good morning, Steve. What did you dream about? Chasing frisbees? Playing in the ocean? Meeting a beautiful female dog to spend the rest of your life with?”

  Steve blinked a few times but didn’t offer a more detailed reply. And I suddenly felt self-conscious for asking Steve about his love life.

  Why had I asked Steve about finding a significant other? I wondered. Was it because my own love life had been such a mess the past few months?

  OK. It had been a mess the last couple years.

  First, Mike left me at the altar, as you know.

  Then I moved to Pine Grove and had some chemistry with the local detective, Wayne Hudson. But Wayne and I never managed to quite match up. So somehow I had ended up dating a quirky academic named Germany Turtle.

  Germany had been a sweet boyfriend. Caring, loving, and he made me laugh. The guy had such a unique sense of the world and a fun way with words. Dating him was like dating a strange prince from a thousand years ago who wore outfits made entirely of mismatched denim and was obsessed with African lions.

  It was a long story, but Germany had proposed and I guess I kind of said no. I wanted more of a spark. And maybe, just a little, I wanted to explore that chemistry with Detective Wayne Hudson.

  Over the prior few months Wayne and I had gone out on a few dates around the area. We went hiking to a waterfall. We held hands. We talked.

  But Wayne had been so busy with work at the police department. And I had been busy working at the orchard. So we hadn’t had too much alone time since things had ended between Germany and me. Maybe part of me was afraid. Yeah, Wayne and I had a spark. But things hadn’t always been cordial between us. What if I’d broken up with Germany and things with Wayne didn’t work out either?

  Wayne had told me about a week prior that he wanted to see more of me. And I had agreed. I wanted to see more of him, too, even if I was kinda scared. So Wayne and I had scheduled a dinner date for that night. I sat bolt upright in bed when I remembered the date. I glanced over at Steve. “What am I going to wear?”

  Steve yawned. He didn’t like talking about girly stuff like dates and outfits.

  I looked over at my closet. It was overflowing with clothes that I hated. I groaned.

  Suddenly, Miss May’s footsteps pounded down the hall and she flung open the door to my bedroom.

  “Hey, Miss May.”

  “Morning. Are you ready to go talk to Todd?”

  I pressed my palms against my forehead. “I had forgotten all about Todd. Steve and I were just discussing what I should wear for my date with Wayne tonight.”

  Miss May looked over at Steve, then she looked back at me. “You mean you were boring him by prattling on about outfit options?”

  “I wish. I don’t have any options. My clothes are all terrible. I want something that says, ‘I’m confident and sexy.’ Not something that says, ‘I bought this at a yard sale and it used to belong to a grandma.’”

  Miss May waved me away. “Oh hush up. You look good in everything.”

  “Thanks, Miss May. I can always count on you to inflate my ego.”

  “I’ll inflate it as much as you need,” said Miss May. “Just don’t float away.”

  I finished an entire thermos of steaming hot coffee before Miss May and I arrived outside of Cherry on Top. Our plan was to catch up with Todd outside his new place of business. But it was early. Emily wasn’t in yet, and neither was Todd.

  We peered in the windows, but there was no sign of the chewed-up dog bone. I pointed to the permit posted in the window.

  “Miss May, look,” I said. “There’s an address on this permit. Maybe that’s where Todd lives?”

  Miss May typed the address into her phone GPS, while I waited and resisted the urge to take her phone and do it for her. Finally, once the directions loaded, she nodded.

  “Not far from here. Let’s go.”

  Todd’s home was nestled about halfway down a long, tree-lined street. The road had a rustic feeling to it, which I enjoyed. And the little red house was set back along the edge of the forest, with a creek running through the front yard. The place had a dilapidated front porch and a crumbling carport. Still, the home appealed to me, thanks to its woodland setting and small footprint.

  “I didn’t expect Todd to live in such a cute house.”

  “Me neither. He’s not a cute man,” said Miss May. “But this place is falling apart just like he is.”

  “Hey,” I said. “You don’t need to say anything bad about this adorable little house just because Todd is a jerk. Houses have feelings too.”

  Miss May shook her head. “No one has more empathy for inanimate objects than you do, Chelsea. Come on, let’s go talk some sense into this thug.”

  Miss May knocked on the peeling, splintered front door. Voices erupted from inside and I could hear a radio blasting heavy metal music.

  “No wonder Todd wants quiet at work,” I said. “It’s cacophonous inside that house.”

  Miss May held a finger to her lips to quiet me. Then the door opened to reveal a man and a woman who both appeared to be in their mid-20s. Miss May and I soon learned that that man and woman were Buddy and Amber, Todd’s entitled offspring. Buddy wore all black and had a grim expression on his face. Amber wore a stained sweatsuit, much like her father’s. And she had his same snarling mouth.

  “Who are you and what do you want?” Buddy deadpanned.

  “I’m Miss May and this is my niece, Chelsea. We’re here to talk to Todd. Is he in?”

  “Is he ‘in’?” Buddy said. “What do you think this is, a corporate office?”

  “Haven’t seen my dad in days,” said Amber.

  “Nor have I,” said Buddy.

  Suddenly, a middle-aged woman rushed toward Buddy and Amber, holding an old vacuum cleaner. “What are you two doing at the door? You’re supposed to fix this vacuum. I’m tired of having crumbs everywhere. We’ve got years of crumbs that need to be cleaned up. I told you to fix this thing!”

  “And we told you, we’re not vacuum repair people. What makes you think we would have any expertise in fixing this ancient appliance you never bothered to replace?” Buddy folded his arms.

  “Don’t talk to me that way, you little brat. Fix it.”

  “You better do what she says,” said Amber to her brother. “Because I have no idea how.”

  Miss May took a small step forward. “I’m sorry, hi. We’re here to see Todd. And you are?”

  The middle-aged woman scowled. “Name’s Eve. You want to see my worthless husband? That’s hysterical. The only people who want to see that guy are police officers, drug dealers, and bookies. You don’t look like any of those things.”

  “Actually—” said Miss May.

  “I don’t have time for this. My show is on. My vacuum’s broken. And like my daughter said, my husband hasn’t been home in days. Sorry, bye.”

  “What do you mean he hasn’t been home?” said M
iss May. “Where has he been sleeping if not here? He’s opening a shop in Pine Grove in two days.”

  Eve snorted. “I’m sorry, what? My husband isn’t opening a shop. We don’t have anything to sell. Unless stained, disgusting T-shirts are in high demand. Oh! Or dirty socks. Do people like dirty socks now?”

  “He’s opening a check-cashing place next to the ice cream shop,” I said.

  Eve shook her head. “That guy always has another scam. How did he get the money for that? You think he robbed a bank or conned some woman on the Internet for it.”

  Buddy and Amber answered in unison. “Internet con.”

  “Whatever,” Eve snarled. “Like I said, he hasn’t been home in days. If you want to find him, I recommend hanging out at this so-called shop he’s opening.”

  “We drove by there. It was empty,” said Miss May. “Does Todd disappear like this all the time?”

  “You know what, I’m starting to sense some judgment in your tone. No more questions.” Eve started to close the door on us.

  “Wait! I can fix your vacuum,” I blurted.

  Amber leaned forward. “You can?”

  I blushed. “It’s actually not that hard. I can see from here that there’s something stuck in there and it’s blocking the belt from turning properly. May I?”

  “Be my guest,” said Amber.

  I reached in and pulled out a tattered clump of hair. Amber flipped the switch and the vacuum turned on.

  Eve slapped both Amber and Buddy in the back of the head. “See that? You two didn’t even try to fix this thing.”

  “Do you think maybe now that I fixed the vacuum you might tell us where we could find Todd?”

  “I already told you he’s long lost, lady. Thanks for the vacuum un-sticking. Now leave us alone.”

  Slam. Eve shut the door in our faces. And just like that, Miss May and I were alone on the porch.