No Cone Unturned (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 12)

by Chelsea Thomas

  The girl turned to Zach and put her hands on her hips. “No. I didn’t. And you didn’t know I existed?”

  Amy began pacing back and forth. “You know, life isn’t always easy. I get it. There’s adversity and there’s struggle and that’s what makes each of us who we are. There’s beauty in all that struggle.”

  “I totally agree,” said Heaven.

  “Looks like Zach has a type,” said Miss May under her breath.

  “But there’s nothing beautiful here,” continued Amy. “This is shameful, Zach. You took our shared recreational vehicle. You left me in a lurch. And it turns out you’ve been cheating on me all this time. That’s like compounding interest of evil.” Amy turned to Heaven. “He and I have been together for three years.”

  Heaven looked down. “We’ve been on again for months.”

  “But he spent so much time with me! He lived with me!” Amy said. “What did you think he was up to when he was gone?”

  “He told me he was in the Peace Corps,” said Heaven.

  “That’s ridiculous,” Amy countered. “He was in the Peace Corps ten years ago. He’s just been bumming around since he got back.”

  Zach kicked the dirt. “I was never in the Peace Corps.”

  Amy took a step closer like she couldn’t hear Zach. “What? Am I losing my mind or did you just say you were never in the Peace Corps?”

  Zach lowered his eyes. “I pretended to be in the Peace Corps to get you to like me.” He turned to Heaven. “To get you to like me, too.”

  There was a tense moment of silence. Miss May, Teeny, and I all exchanged a worried look. Then, suddenly, Heaven grabbed a handful of dirt, looked up to the sky and screamed. Her gentle eyes flamed with anger and she brought her burning gaze down on Zach. “You said you loved me. What about the children we were going to have? Little Celeste and Birdie. What about the business we were going to start, selling dream catchers on the Internet? Turns out all I caught was a nightmare. I hate you!”

  Zach took a step toward Heaven. “Baby. It’s OK. We can still do all that. I want—”

  The woman threw the handful of dirt in Zach’s face. “I don’t care what you want.” She grabbed another handful of dirt and threw it at Zach. Then another and another. Zach covered his head and doubled over to protect himself. Amy hurried over to Heaven. I thought Amy might try to stop the other woman, or comfort her, but instead, Amy joined in and started throwing handfuls of dirt at Zach too.

  “This feels great,” Amy said. “Dirt for a dirtbag! This is exactly what Zach deserves. Especially since he might be a murderer!”

  Heaven froze mid-throw and turned to look at Amy. “Murderer?”

  Amy cast a hateful look toward Zach. “He’s a suspect, at least. And I think he owes everyone here a heaping helping of honesty. You agree, Zach?”

  Cowardly Zach uncovered his eyes and took a few seconds to stand straight again. He gave Amy a small nod.

  “Should we intervene in this questioning?” Teeny asked.

  Miss May shook her head. “Amy is a natural. Let’s see where she takes it.”

  “I didn’t kill anyone,” Zach said.

  “I would have believed that before I met your secret girlfriend.” Amy turned to Heaven. “You seem lovely, by the way.”

  Heaven gave Amy a nod of appreciation. “You too. I love your style.”

  “Maybe the three of us can be happy together,” said Zach.

  Teeny laughed. “This guy is ridiculous.”

  “He’s more than ridiculous,” said Amy. “He’s out of his mind. But he still hasn’t given me any reason not to suspect him of this murder. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have to use my hunting and trapping skills on him. Or Chelsea, maybe you could put your karate skills to the test. Don’t worry. He’s obviously a weak man.”

  Heaven stepped forward. “Answer your other girlfriend, Zach. Did you kill someone? What did you do? Defend yourself.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” said Zach. “Back off, alright? Leave me alone.”

  “Uh, no,” Amy and Heaven both said in unison.

  “I don’t have to prove anything,” said Zach. “But just so you know…the murder happened Friday night, right? And I couldn’t have killed the guy on Friday night.”

  “Why not?” Amy asked, voice tinged with bitterness.

  Heaven hung her head and sighed. “Because he was with me.”

  36

  Mission: Kimpossible

  Miss May, Teeny, and I trudged back to the car in silence. Amy, however, was far from silent. She spent the entire hike back devouring walnuts and spouting disbelief at the depth of her boyfriend’s treachery.

  Amy seemed to know Zach had never been a perfect guy. She wasn’t naïve and she never assumed he was an angel. But it seemed his tryst with Heaven was an unexpected low.

  Amy asked over and over, how could she be so stupid? She also repeatedly exclaimed that her grumpy grandma had been right about Zach. She vowed to trust her grandma moving forward and I echoed her sentiment.

  “It’s good to have old, wise female friends and relatives to help you steer clear of sketchy guys. I know better than anyone.”

  Miss May clutched her heart. “How sweet. You think we’re wise.”

  Teeny shook her head. “Wise and old. I heard the old part. Whatever, Chelsea.”

  I laughed. “You know what I mean, Teeny. You and Miss May have been around the block. You’ve got a great sense for people and how they behave and whether or not they’re trustworthy. I’m learning a lot of that from you both, thanks to all of this investigating. I’m grateful. So thank you.”

  “I’m grateful for all three of you,” said Amy. “Believe it or not, it’s not a very pleasant experience, stumbling across your boyfriend cheating on you in the middle of the forest. But the three of you made it a little bit better. You’re supportive in all the right ways, like a good bra, and I like that.”

  Miss May squeezed Amy’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. But it will only get better from here. I mean, how could it not?”

  Amy snapped her fingers and gave Miss May a thumbs up. “That’s my attitude. Darkest before the dawn, that kind of thing. You hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere left to fall. That thinking has gotten me through a lot of hard times. It’s going to get me through this. Well, that and ice cream.”

  “Lots of ice cream helps,” I said. “It might also be handy for you to start building a stronger bond with your Chinese delivery person. You want them to deliver to you on time, all the time, no matter what. Come bad weather, come busy nights…you want to be the priority. Tip really well after your first order and it will go a long way.” Amy gave me a sideways look that seemed to imply she might not care that much about Chinese delivery, but she seemed to appreciate my advice nonetheless.

  Miss May invited Amy to stay the night at the farmhouse. She said Amy could stay for longer, in fact. But Amy insisted that she would rather go back to her campground. She explained that solitude was good for her, and that she believed some solitude was good for everyone. I understood where Amy was coming from, but that concept was foreign to me, Teeny, and Miss May. The three of us were together more than any of us were ever alone. But we honored Amy’s wishes and dropped her at the foot of the forest with a hug and a hearty dose of sympathetic name-calling directed toward the no-good, dirty, lowdown Zach.

  “You call us if you need anything,” said Miss May.

  “I will. Thanks.”

  Miss May and Teeny let out a simultaneous deep sigh after we dropped Amy off.

  “Poor girl,” said Teeny. “I haven’t felt this bad for a heartbroken woman since what happened to you, Chelsea. I don’t know which was worse.”

  “Mine was worse,” I said, suddenly feeling competitive. “I was left at the altar in front of everyone I know. Amy suffered her shame in the anonymity of the forest. Obviously easier.”

  Miss May moved her head back and forth like she was weighing my argument. “I supp
ose. But Amy was getting cheated on and she had to meet the really, really sweet girl Zach cheated on her with. That’s hard.”

  “Oh please,” I said. “Yes, that’s hard. But Amy and Heaven bonded. And comforted one another. They were practically bathing each other in compliments. No one complimented me when I was being left at the altar. I didn’t get any compliments when I found Mike’s tuxedo back at the hotel room, either. Or when I stormed outside in my wedding dress to toss the tux in a dumpster.”

  “You know, honestly, I think your cousin Maggie has it worst of all,” Miss May pointed out. “Her fiancé was murdered on her wedding day.”

  “OK, OK,” I said. “Fine. Maybe Maggie’s cut is the deepest. Murder trumps most other relationship woes.” I suddenly felt a little embarrassed for getting worked up about my drama with Mike. But sometimes, even when you think you’ve let something go, there’s little bits of emotional shrapnel stuck under your skin. I decided to accept the shrapnel as part of my body and move on.

  “At least we know Zach didn’t kill Todd,” said Teeny. “That’s a step forward in the investigation.”

  Miss May smirked. “Look at you, already picking up some of Amy’s positive thinking.”

  “I guess I am,” said Teeny. “It feels good, like I have a little feather in my tail.”

  “I’ve never heard that expression,” I said.

  “I think it’s a Teeny-ism,” said Miss May. “But if Zach is no longer a suspect, where does that leave us? We needed a breakthrough.”

  I sat bolt upright. “I forgot. I might have something! A police breakthrough, it came up during my date with Wayne last night. Maybe that’s why I blocked it out. I didn’t want to talk about any of the romantic stuff. But yeah, Wayne had to leave early because of a breakthrough. Chief Flanagan called him.”

  Miss May stroked her chin. “So it seems more evidence is out there. Unless the entire Pine Grove Police Department was getting all worked up over a red herring. They’ve done that before.”

  “So have we,” said Teeny.

  We chatted for a while about the police breakthrough. But none of us could figure out what new evidence the police might have gathered. Then we drove into town to drop Teeny off at the restaurant, each committing to thinking more about the break through that night. We were convinced that the police evidence might help us get ahead in the case and find the killer, if only we could figure out what the police already knew.

  When Miss May and I got home, Kim Johnson was sitting on the steps to our porch. She stood as Miss May and I climbed out of the truck.

  “Is that the security lady from the villages?” I asked.

  “Looks like it to me,” said Miss May. “But what is she doing here?”

  Kim walked out to meet us and lifted her hand to wave. “Hey, ladies. Good to see you, although I do wish it was under different circumstances.”

  Miss May shook Kim’s hand. “Hey, Kim. What are you talking about?”

  “Right, right. There I am, getting ahead of myself like I always do. At work, I’m focused and organized and on top of every task. But I tell you, as soon as I leave I’m scatterbrained. Isn’t it funny how the brain works?”

  “Very funny,” said Miss May. “Although you still haven’t told us why you’re here.”

  Kim shook her head. “Right. Well, the thing is, I was thinking, after you left? I was reviewing the description of that guy you were asking about. Big, sloppy, black hat. I think maybe someone like that has been coming around the villages from time to time. I shouldn’t have rushed you out before I really thought about it. It’s just—”

  “No apology necessary,” said Miss May. “Spilled spaghetti is a grade-A emergency. I understand.”

  Kim chuckled. “You got that right. Spaghetti gets on the ground, people start shuffling through it, you’ve got trails of marinara sauce in a hundred different directions. We’ve only got one janitor on staff at the villages. So it usually ends up being me who cleans up the marinara.”

  “How often does spaghetti spill over there?” I said.

  “Every spaghetti Tuesday.”

  Miss May gave Kim a polite laugh then got the conversation back on track. “And you said you think you’ve seen someone who meets our description?”

  Kim nodded. “I think the guy might be Ethel’s nephew, Johnny Smith. He never seemed like a bad guy to me, at least not from afar. But why are you asking about him? Is Ethel caught up in a murder or something? Did Johnny hurt someone?”

  Miss May sighed. “I hate to tell you this, but that man was not Johnny Smith. He was pretending to be Johnny but his real name was Todd. He was posing as Ethel’s nephew to steal inheritance money from her a little bit at a time.”

  Kim blinked ten times fast. “That—That’s unbelievable.”

  Miss May put a hand on Kim’s shoulder. “I know that must be hard to hear, a scam like that going on under your own roof.”

  Kim pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. “Those residents are my responsibility. I’m head of security. How could I let something like this happen?”

  “You’ve got your hands full, what with the spaghetti and all,” I said.

  “That’s no excuse. Thank you for trying to make me feel better but I’m so embarrassed. And I should be. I’ll contact the local police and file a report tonight.”

  “Don’t do that.” Miss May spoke with a quick and firm tone. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. But the police around here get in the way more than they help. Do you think you’d be willing to hold off on filing a report for a few days, or maybe a week? We don’t want the cops to get a hold of this information and mess with the progress on our investigation.”

  “I can’t have this Johnny guy coming around the villages anymore. I’m sorry. The guy needs to be in jail. He needs to—”

  “The guy is dead.” I looked at the ground. “He’s the murder victim in our investigation. Sorry, I thought you knew.”

  Kim let out a long sigh. “You two have stressful jobs, don’t you?”

  “Yes. And our murder-solving hobby can be tough too,” said Miss May.

  After a few more minutes of small talk, Kim agreed not to contact the police and she left the farm, shaking her head in disappointment.

  As I watched Kim’s brake lights disappear, an advanced and complicated knot formed in my stomach. Like a constrictor knot. Or a clove hitch. Something that was going to be impossible to untangle.

  Miss May and I had told Kim that we needed her help to keep the police away as we continued our investigation. But the truth was, the cops were probably further along than we were. Was it possible, for once, they were going to solve the mystery before we even got close?

  It shouldn’t have mattered to me who cracked the case as long as justice was served. But somehow, it did matter. It mattered a lot. I wanted to keep moving, but I wasn’t sure what our next move should be.

  Little did I know, the following morning something would happen that would break the case wide open.

  37

  Double Jeopardy

  “What is the Bessemer Process?” Miss May held her breath. The Jeopardy! contestant buzzed in and gave the same answer as Miss May. Alex Trebek paused for dramatic effect, then confirmed the answer was right.

  Miss May pumped her fist in celebration. “I knew it. The Bessemer Process was important, Chelsea. It was basically the beginning of the Industrial Revolution.”

  “I remember learning about it.” I curled my legs under my bottom and nestled down into the couch cushions.

  You might have already guessed, but Miss May and I were relaxing by watching an old rerun of Jeopardy! Neither of us had seen the episode before so it felt like brand-new. And it reminded me of hanging out with Miss May when I was a little kid. Back then, we used to watch Jeopardy! every single night, and we loved every episode.

  “I want buttered noodles for dinner,” said Miss May. “Doesn’t it feel like a buttered noodles kind of night?”

  “It
always feels like a buttered noodles kind of night to me,” I said. “But do you think we should have something a little more nutritious? I mean buttered noodles are just butter and noodles.”

  Miss May pointed at me. “I’ll also give each of us a carrot.”

  I laughed as Miss May trundled out of the TV room and toward the kitchen. She was in a rare goofy mood, which was nice, because we both needed to relax.

  But that relaxation didn’t last long. Because as soon as Miss May entered the kitchen, I heard her gasp and stumble backwards into a chair. I leapt off the couch and hurried toward the commotion. “Miss May. Is everything OK?”

  In the kitchen, I found Miss May on her knees wrestling a package away from Steve the dog. “Everything’s fine. I thought Steve had an animal in here or something. But he’s just going at this package like his life depends on it. Give it up, Steve. Give me the package.”

  I walked over, knelt beside Steve, and scratched his belly. He dropped the package and rolled over for more belly rubs. Miss May rolled her eyes. “You think you’re the Steve whisperer, don’t you?”

  I smiled. “What can I say? Steve and I have a rare and special bond. What’s that package, anyway?”

  Miss May placed the package on the kitchen island. It was a small, square rectangle wrapped in plain, brown paper. The package had come through the Postal Service but there was no return address anywhere to be found. And the brown paper was all chewed up from its battle with Steve the dog.

  “I wonder how long Steve has been hiding this from us,” said Miss May. “It looks terrible. It’s a miracle he didn’t break through the paper completely. Look how tattered it is.”

  I picked up the package and wiped off Steve’s drool with a paper towel. “Can I open it?”

  Miss May gestured for me to go ahead. I removed the brown paper wrapping with care and precision. Beneath the paper I found a videotape. Yes, the old-fashioned, VHS kind of video tape. The tape was in a plain black sleeve and it wasn’t labeled.