The back of Damien’s house was all glass. It was easy to see that he wasn’t anywhere on the first floor and neither was Kim. The backyard also had a large in-ground pool and pool house. The light was on in the pool house.
“Look over there,” I said, pointing. “Pool house. Pool’s not even open. But the light’s on.”
“That must be where they are. Follow me.” Miss May took one careful step after another, headed toward the pool house. Teeny and I followed, trying to keep quiet. But we must have looked ridiculous, tiptoeing across the yard like we were somehow hidden from view. The three of us were exposed out in the open and tiptoeing did little more than calm our nerves.
After what felt like three screenings of the movie Titanic, Miss May reached the door to the pool house. She extended her arm out to grab the door handle. Then a voice rang out from behind us.
“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”
We turned. It was Kim Johnson. Her flannel shirt was sliding off her shoulder. Her jeans were ripped. Her nostrils flared. One hand was behind her back like she was hiding something.
“Kim. Hi.” Miss May took a step away and pressed her back against the pool house. Teeny and I did the same.
“You three should be ashamed,” Kim snarled. “Especially you, Miss May. And Teeny. You’re both older. You’re vulnerable. You don’t understand why I did what I did?”
Oh hello, adrenaline, I thought as I felt my heart kick into overdrive. I watched Kim with intense focus, ready to defend myself. Or attack.
Kim brought her arm out from behind her back to reveal that she was holding enormous hedge clippers. “If you three could be so kind as to step aside I just need to put these away.”
“Doing some gardening?” Teeny asked.
Kim laughed. “Sure. Killing the weeds.”
“So Damien is a weed,” said Miss May. “Just like Todd was.”
“Todd was worse than a weed. He was lying to that poor woman, Ethel. Stealing her hard-earned money. He was pretending to love her but he didn’t care about her. He didn’t care about anyone other than himself. He was a snake. No. A parasite. You better believe he needed to be…pruned.”
“I didn’t know you had such a green thumb,” said Teeny.
“I don’t care about gardening,” said Kim. “I was using the metaphor because I’m holding these shears.”
“I see,” said Teeny. “Now that you say it, it’s obvious.”
Kim clacked the shears closed with a ferocious snap. “I have devoted my life to caring for the elderly and keeping them safe. It’s all I ever wanted to do. I was raised by my grandma, like you, Chelsea.”
“I’m her aunt,” said Miss May. “Not quite old enough to be her grandma. I mean, technically, maybe, if…you know what, not important.”
“I respect my elders,” Kim said. “That’s how I was brought up. They’re so wise and they have so much to give. But society doesn’t value that. Society values stupid youth. It doesn’t make sense. And not only does society not treat its elders kindly…it’s deeper than that. More insidious. Our culture makes a mockery of its old. Everyone takes advantage of the elderly just like Todd was.”
“So you killed him?” Miss May said. “I’m not sure how you can judge society when you go around hurting people.”
“Are you kidding? I showed glorious restraint. I fantasized about killing that guy for months before I clipped him.”
“So you did do it,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“That’s pretty clear, Chelsea. I killed Todd. And I don’t regret it.”
“You regret that Damien didn’t take the fall.” Miss May crossed her arms. “You counted on the Pine Grove Police to make the wrong arrest but they finally did something right.”
“That guy Damien is a slumlord. How dare he raise the rent on a retirement community! He should have been arrested for illegal business practices years ago. I only wanted to expedite the process. You’ve seen our building. It’s falling apart at the seams, and he never fixes anything. I have to fix everything. Do you know how many residents would be displaced by a rent increase? It’s unconscionable the way he conducts business.” Kim craned her neck out and yelled toward the pool house. “You hear me? Unconscionable!”
I whispered to Miss May. “Damien’s in there. He’s still alive.”
Miss May gave me a small nod as Kim continued her speech.
“Can you blame me for trying to eliminate two toxic men with one fell swoop? It was the perfect crime. Kill Todd and put Damien behind bars. But you’re right. The police didn’t help when I thought they would. And then the girl Amber figured it out. At first, that scared me. But then I realized she provided a perfect opportunity for a second chance to frame Damien! Todd was extorting Damien. My videotape proved that. I skulked for days in the dark before I got the footage I needed. And I deserve an Oscar for best cinematography!”
“I thought it was a little grainy,” said Teeny,
“Shut up!” Kim set her jaw. “It makes sense that Todd’s daughter would extort Damien, just like her daddy did. Don’t you think? I was so happy when I realized I had a second chance to frame that horrible man!”
“I don’t think you gave the police enough time to work this out or take action,” said Miss May. “It hasn’t been long but you’ve already kidnapped Damien.”
“I got antsy. I regretted the framing. And I realized…if I killed two people why not kill a third? I’ve come this far. I couldn’t let Damien get away with it. That’s what I’ve been doing in the pool house. Trying to finish what I started.”
A loud thump erupted from the pool house. Then another. Kim’s eyes shot to the window near where the sound had come from. I took advantage of her momentary distraction, charged forward and yanked the shears from Kim’s hands.
Kim stumbled back, then turned to me. She laughed. “Your karate is no good here, Chelsea.”
I assumed a fighting stance, using the shears as a weapon. “Why not?”
Kim assumed the exact same fighting stance. “I was one of Master Skinner’s first protégés. I was older than his normal students. But I had the most discipline.”
Kim began to circle me, retaining her fighting pose. I kept my distance, walking in a circle of my own, and my first ever karate duel was underfoot.
“Chelsea. Be careful,” Teeny called out.
“I’m fine. Go into the pool house. Free Damien.”
Kim lunged toward me. Struck a blow to my wrist. I fell and spotted Miss May and Teeny breaking into the pool house. Then I jumped back to my feet and kicked Kim. Hard. She landed a punch but I didn’t go down. Instead, I swept my leg under hers. Kim fell onto her back. But she was fast. She rolled over, popped up, and hit me with an uppercut to the jaw. I held my ground and delivered a swift kick to her stomach, then another, and another. Kim doubled over. I took my chance to flip her and pin her hands behind her back. I secured her wrists with a hair tie. Not the best binding, but hey, a girl works with what she’s got.
“Get off me,” said Kim. “Let me go.”
“I can’t do that,” I said. “That’s not the way this works.”
Seconds later, Teeny rushed out of the pool house with a long garden hose. We used the hose to wrap Kim up like a hot dog in a crescent roll. Then Miss May emerged from the pool house, leading Damien by the hand. The landlord looked rough but he was OK.
Miss May rushed over and hugged me. “I’m so glad I got you those karate lessons.”
I laughed. “Me too.”
45
Winner, Winner Teeny Dinner
“Welcome to the best restaurant in Pine Grove.” Teeny held the door to Grandma’s open and happy townspeople streamed inside. “I hope you’re ready to party because another murder has been solved. And my victory is finally official!”
Miss May and I stood behind the front counter alongside Teeny’s mom, the actual owner and namesake of Grandma’s. People stopped to congratulate us, thank us, and shake our hands on
their way inside. Then customers hurried over to a long buffet Teeny had set out in the dining room.
Yes, we were celebrating yet another successful investigation in Pine Grove. And we were also celebrating Teeny’s victory in the Best of Pine Grove contest. To be honest, Teeny seemed happier about being named best restaurant in Pine Grove than she was about solving the murder. But it was a close call.
Emily entered the restaurant and walked up to me and Miss May with a smile. “Hey, ladies. Great job on the investigation. Sorry things got a little tense between us. Those volcanic body scrubs aren’t as stress reducing as advertised.”
“Forget about it,” said Miss May. “We should be the ones apologizing. You’re the ice cream girl, you’re not a killer. Go enjoy the party.”
Emily hugged each of us over the counter and hurried off toward the buffet. Tons more townspeople streamed into the restaurant over the next half hour or so. Humphrey gave us two thumbs up as he bustled toward his reserved booth. Tom Gigley entered with his poodle who had recently been named an emotional support animal. And my aunt DeeDee and cousin Maggie arrived, sweaty and rumpled, fresh from a yoga class.
Amy the dog groomer showed up with a surprising guest in tow…Petunia from Washington Villages. I waved when I saw Amy. “Hey. Glad you can make it to the party.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for anything,” said Amy. “I love parties.”
“I hate parties,” said Petunia. “This one is always convincing me to do things I don’t like. What a pain in my ancient bottom.”
Miss May tilted her head to one side. “I’m sorry. I’m so confused. How do you two know each other?”
Amy smiled. “This is my grandma, Petunia. You three already know each other, too?”
“Know each other? These three have accused me of two hundred fifty-six different murders. All they do is ask me questions. Is there free food here or what? I was told to come hungry.”
Miss May laughed. “Teeny set up a nice buffet over there.”
Petunia pulled Amy over toward the food. “Come on. We need to get to the chicken fingers before Humphrey cleans them out.”
Teeny hurried over and joined us behind the counter. “Hey, girls. So… How does it feel?”
I let out a deep breath. “It always feels good to solve a murder. Like things are normal again.”
Teeny scrunched her nose. “I don’t care how it feels to solve the murder. I want to know how it feels to be best friends with the owner of Pine Grove’s favorite restaurant.”
I shook my head. “That feels fine, I guess.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” said Teeny. “Just ‘fine?’”
I shrugged. “This might be Pine Grove’s best restaurant but I never said I voted for you.”
Teeny’s eyes widened. I held up my hands in surrender. “I voted for you, I voted for you. Relax. You know I love this place.”
“I voted for Ewing’s Eats,” said Miss May.
Teeny shoved Miss May. “You did not.”
A few minutes later, John Wentworth entered the restaurant holding the largest bouquet of roses I had ever seen. Miss May turned red as Wentworth approached. “Hi, John.”
John stood tall, proud and determined. “Miss May, I need you to let me say something.”
Miss May groaned and covered her face with her hands.
I leaned forward and whispered to John. “That means go ahead. She’s listening.”
Miss May peered between the cracks of her fingers to look at John. He was all dressed up in khakis and a nice sweater with a tie underneath. He looked great. After clearing his throat, John began. “I think you’re a great lady, May. The way you solve these murders moves me. I know a lot of men probably come after you for your beauty. But I’m interested in more than that. I’m attracted to your positive attitude and your determination and hard work. You run an amazing business and you solve murders and you’re beautiful as can be… You’re the perfect woman. Now, I’m not trying to come on too strong, but—”
“You’re not?” asked Teeny. “You said she’s the perfect woman, John.”
“Well, whatever. I got sucked up in the moment. Point is, these roses are for you, May. And I’d like to take you to dinner sometime in the next couple of weeks. Would you join me for dinner?”
Teeny and I looked at Miss May and awaited her answer with bated breath. Finally, she removed her hand from her eyes, looked John up and down and smiled. “You look very nice tonight, Mr. Wentworth.”
“Thank you. Is that a yes about dinner?”
John shoved the flowers toward Miss May. She took them and cradled them in her arms. “That’s a yes. I’m looking forward to it. Now go over to the buffet and get something to eat before I change my mind.”
John nodded. “Don’t have to tell me twice. I heard this is the best restaurant in Pine Grove.”
“You’re right about that,” said Teeny.
As soon as John walked away, Teeny and I turned to Miss May, giggling like schoolgirls. “That was so cute,” I said. “These roses are incredible.”
“Big Dan never gets me roses,” said Teeny. “I haven’t seen him in days. I wonder if he even voted for me. He better have voted for me!”
As if on cue, Big Dan hobbled into the restaurant on crutches. “I voted for you, Teeny. Of course I did.”
Teeny rushed over to Big Dan. “Daniel. What happened to you?”
“Car fell on my leg. I’ll be fine. Just gotta hobble around for a little bit. No big deal. I mean, lots of pain, lots of itching. Serious and constant discomfort. But you won’t hear me complaining.”
“How did a car fall on you?” said Teeny.
Big Dan shrugged. “I was under a car. It was above me. Then, suddenly, it was on top of my leg.”
“But…why didn’t you tell me?” Teeny asked. “I tell you every time I get a hang nail. A whole car fell on top of your leg?”
“You were investigating a murder. I didn’t want to bother you until you were ready to really devote your full attention to my injury. Also, I was in too much pain to text or call.”
“…your leg pain kept you from using the phone?” I asked.
“Oh don’t you pick on him!” Teen hugged Big Dan, her head barely clearing his torso. Teeny was barely five feet tall and Big Dan was a full foot taller than her, at least. “I’m so glad you’re OK. Come on. I’ll make you a plate.”
Just like that, Teeny disappeared into the crowd, impatiently waiting for Big Dan to keep up with her on his crutches. Miss May put her arm around my shoulder and let out a satisfied smile. “I love the parties we have at the end of our investigations, don’t you?”
I nodded and smiled. But to be honest, I was feeling a touch lonesome. So often in the past, I was the one who had enjoyed a fun romantic moment with a possible suitor at these parties. Sometimes I had gotten a surprise visit from Wayne or my ex-boyfriend, Germany. And I had always liked seeing one of their faces after the anxiety of a murder case (and usually some karate).
I was happy both Miss May and Teeny had found a little romance at the party but I couldn’t help myself. I was pouting. Where was Wayne and why didn’t he care? Was he really that upset that I had missed our movie date? It wasn’t fair for him to hold a grudge. Lives were at stake!
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I said to Miss May. “I’ll see you back out at the party.”
I slowly made my way through the crowd toward the bathroom in the back to the restaurant. I had almost reached the edge of the crowd, when I spotted a flickering light in Teeny’s special event room.
I walked toward the light and pushed the door all the way open. There was a candlelit table in the center of the room, just like there had been for my date with Wayne the prior week. And Wayne was standing next to the table, adjusting the silverware with nervous little touches. He was wearing a three-piece suit and his hair was combed to the side, slick and shiny. I cleared my throat and Wayne jumped back. He grabbed his chest when he saw me. “Che
lsea. You scared me. What are you doing here? This was supposed to be a surprise.”
“I saw the candlelight from out in the hall.”
“I was going to call you in a few minutes to pretend I couldn’t make it. Teeny was going to ask you to get something from back here. There was going to be a song playing and everything. We were going to dance.”
I laughed. “Why? What’s the meaning of all this?”
“I feel bad about the whole movie thing. I wasn’t upset with you. The people in the theater were just yelling at me. But then I started thinking maybe you were mad at me or you thought I was mad at you and I wanted to make it up to you. Besides, our last couple of dates were interrupted with murder stuff, so…”
I walked toward Wayne. He walked toward me. I looked up at him. He looked down at me.
It was strange, I’d kissed Wayne before. But everything between us still felt so new, that each little moment seemed to stretch out with uncertainty. I knew this was our cue to kiss, but the air between us was heavy with suggestion… So I just went ahead and made it awkward. In a charming way, of course. “Are we…we should kiss now, right?”
“Works for me.” Wayne leaned in. His lips brushed against my lips…then I heard someone tapping on a glass from the other room. It was the universal sound for, “I’m about to make a speech.” I peeked out into the main room and saw Amy standing on a chair to get everyone’s attention.
“What’s going on?” said Wayne. “I thought we were about to kiss.”
I motioned for Wayne to come join me and we stood in the doorway to hear what Amy had to say. She clinked her glass three more times and the room quieted down. “Hi everyone. Some of you may not know me if you don’t have pets. But my name is Amy and I have a few words to say. So…I’m going to say them now.”
“You’re already saying them, kid,” said Petunia. “Get to the point. I’m going numb with boredom down here.”
A few members of the crowd laughed. So did I. I was sure Petunia was a lovely grandmother, but she certainly wasn’t the stereotypical loving, matriarchal figure.
No Cone Unturned (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 12) Page 21
