Whiteout Conditions

by Kendel Duncan

  Vaughn pushed away from the wall he was leaning against, “Yeah, babe, I did.”

  Tears pooled in Caysun’s eyes and he quickly looked away, “Thanks,” he whispered.

  The only acknowledgement that Vaughn gave was to press a kiss to the side of Caysun’s head.

  “You take care, Caysun,” Doctor Farr said as he turned to walk out. He glanced at Vaughn once and a look of understanding passed between the two of them - one that said this is going to be a long, hard road.

  Vaughn was definitely up for that challenge, at least he hoped he was.

  He saw Caysun bristle when the orderly walked in pushing the empty wheelchair. He squeezed Cay’s shoulder, “It’s policy, babe. The man is just doing his job.”

  Caysun clenched his jaw as he nodded his head but Vaughn could see that he wasn’t happy about this.

  The hospital valet already had Vaughn’s car pulled up in front when they walked out of the doors. Vaughn let the orderly help Cay to his feet but he could see Cay’s left leg struggling to hold him.

  Vaughn moved around to the driver’s side, handing a tip to the valet after the kid said, “Totally rad car, dude.”

  He tossed the bag with Cay’s clothes into the back and dropped into the driver’s seat and then he plugged the Denver address into his navigation while he waited for Cay to get situated.

  The orderly closed the door once Cay was buckled in and then they were off.

  “You hungry?” he said.

  “No.”

  “Thirsty?”

  “No”

  “Horny?” he couldn’t resist, hoping to get some sort of a reaction out of Cay.

  What he got was a cold glare that froze his balls. And then Cay’s head turned back to look out the passenger window as he let out a deep sigh. “You should probably just go back to Tennessee.”

  Vaughn’s head snapped to the right and his first instinctive reaction was anger. He swallowed the words that wanted to tumble out and instead replied with, “That’s not an option anymore.”

  Now it was Cay’s turn to whip his head around, “What? Why not?”

  “There weren’t any openings for me to transfer to the Denver office, so I quit, well, retired actually.”

  Cay’s lips pursed in an angry scowl, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

  This was not an argument that Vaughn wanted to have right now so he kept his mouth shut.

  The silence in the car was thick enough to slice a knife through it for the next hour until, silently and without looking, Cay’s hand slid over and rested on Vaughn’s thigh. Vaughn let it rest there for a moment before he reached down, clasped it with his own and brought it to his lips for a kiss, “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you too.”

  They stopped for lunch just after crossing the Colorado border, sitting at a table outside despite the cold bite in the air.

  Vaughn desperately wanted to ask but he kept his mouth shut.

  As Cay was sucking his soda through a straw, he mumbled, “It’s a little sore and tingly but other than that, it’s okay. I know you were dying to ask,” he finished with a playful smile.

  “Was not,” Vaughn replied with his own smile.

  They gathered up their trash and tossed it into a bin as they headed to the parking lot. When they got to Vaughn’s car, he unlocked it and held out his keys.

  “What’s this?”

  “You don’t need your left leg to drive.”

  “I know that but, I mean, why do you want me to drive.”

  “Because I owe you.”

  “You owe me? What do you owe me?”

  “A blowjob,” Vaughn said as he dropped into the passenger seat and closed the door.

  With a sigh, Cay slowly lowered into the driver’s seat, “Vaughn.”

  “Not talking me out of it, babe.”

  “But I’ve had nothing but sponge baths for a damn week!”

  “Don’t care.”

  “So, you want to be a dirty cocksucker?” Cay said as the eight cylinder engine rumbled to life.

  Vaughn leaned over the center console and cupped Caysun through his sweatpants, “I am a dirty cocksucker and I’m damn proud of it.”

  Caysun couldn’t hide his smile as he backed out of their parking space and muttered, “Crazy fucker.”

  Epilogue

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Miguel

  He braced himself as the locks disengaged and the thick steel door slowly began to open. The snail’s pace was probably on purpose - to try to get people to freak the fuck out and do something stupid so they got locked up again. Kind of like a dick-tease from some fucker who had no intention of letting you screw him.

  It would probably serve him right to get thrown back in. It’s not like he had anything waiting for him on the other side.

  He still couldn’t get the hurt look in Casey’s eyes out of his brain when he’d told him, ordered him actually, to not wait for him. It had haunted him for the entire time he’d been inside. He’d used the anger he had at himself to fuel him, to turn him into the scary motherfucker that people inside stayed the fuck away from.

  At least he hadn’t had to dodge assholes for long. Six months. That was the time he’d served in exchange for testifying against El Diablo. With his testimony, and also Caysun’s and Casey’s, El Diablo was now sitting in a maximum-security prison occupying a cell on death row. His execution was currently scheduled for six months from now, but Miguel held little hope that it would happen then, or really ever, with the way the legal system worked for people with the kind of money El Diablo had. Appeals had already been filed that Miguel knew would drag on for years.

  The blazing orange setting sun blinded him for a moment as the door continued its slow creep. He held his hand up to shield it and could barely make out the shadowy outline of the car idling at the curb. That had to be the Uber that the guards had called for him.

  He tightened his fist around the small bag and envelope that held his meager possessions, release papers and one hundred dollars to get him away from the prison walls - although where he was going, he had no clue. Just so long as it was away from here.

  He took the few steps forward necessary to clear the door and then blinked his eyes a few times to try to get rid of the spots in his eyes as he heard the door shift its direction behind him and begin closing.

  Was it just him or did it close faster than it opened?

  Didn’t fucking matter, he was never going back in.

  His vision slowly cleared enough to where he could see the figure of a man leaning against the car. And when he blinked again, he realized that the figure looked incredibly familiar.

  His heart felt like it was lodged in his throat.

  He’d made Casey swear to him that he wouldn’t wait for him. He swore it on his brother’s life.

  “Case?” he finally managed to whisper.

  The man’s head shot up as if Miguel had shouted his name from the top of his lungs. He started to step forward but then hesitated

  That hesitation was all it took for Miguel to break into a run. The items in his hands fell to the ground at Casey’s feet as he wrapped him tightly in his arms. “What are you doing here? I thought….I thought…”

  “I know what you thought but here’s the thing. It’s a little hard to meet somebody new when you’re cooped up in a remote cabin in the middle of the forest.”

  Miguel’s eyes narrowed, “Remote….?” then he gasped, “You mean my cabin?”

  “Yeah. I was struggling a bit being in the city with so much…..just so much around me. I talked to your mom and aunt and they both insisted that I stay there for as long as I needed to. So, what do you say? Want to go home?”

  Miguel pressed his forehead to Casey’s, “I think that sounds like the best idea ever.” He took a step back and Casey frowned at him. “What?”

  “Are you ever going to kiss me?”

  A smile lifted Miguel’s eyes, “I am.” />
  “When?”

  Miguel glanced behind him, “Not here, not in front of this place.”

  Casey cupped his face with his hands, “Here’s the thing, Mig. That,” he said as he glanced over Miguel’s shoulder to the prison, “is your past. I am your future. I think this is the perfect place to celebrate new beginnings.”

  Miguel smiled, “You’re right,” he whispered. “Hi, babe.”

  Casey smiled back, “Hi.”

  “It’s really good to see you. What I really need now, though, is your lips on mine,” he said and then he closed the small distance between then and gave Casey the kiss he’d been dreaming about, the one he’d been craving, for months.

  It didn’t last nearly as long as Casey would like but they had time, lots of time, hopefully forever.

  “Let’s go home, I need to wash the prison smell off of me.”

  “Oh,” Casey said, smiling as he looked down at the ground, “Maybe, um, maybe I could help you with that?”

  “I’d love nothing more.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Sylas

  God, he was nervous. But good nervous. He smiled at that thought because less than a year ago there was no such thing as good nervous for him. It was all just debilitating anxiety.

  “Wow, babe. You look amazing.”

  His entire body lit up with a smile as he turned to face the man who was both his boyfriend and the person who had changed his entire life. When someone loves everything about you, including the parts that you hate, it’s pretty amazing how much that can change you….for the better.

  “I’m going to be so proud having you by my side tonight,” Grainger said.

  Sylas smiled, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he said, as inside he was jumping for joy because he was going to do more than just be there. He was going to make the speech that introduced Grainger before he came up to get his award for Distinguished Contributions to Diversity in Clinical Psychology. Grainger knew he was getting the award but thought his sister was introducing him.

  “Are you ready?” Grainger said.

  Sylas kissed the end of his nose, “More than.”

  They walked down the stairs and Sylas gasped when Grainger opened the front door.

  “You got us a limo?”

  “Only the best for my guy.”

  My guy. Those were perhaps the best two words in the English language, Sy thought as he tightened his hold on Grainger’s hand and they made

  The limo pulled up at the curb of the civic center and they walked inside hand in hand. After retrieving their badges, they were pulled over to a photo area to have their picture taken. After that they were finally allowed to enter the hall, which was already packed with people.

  Sylas took a deep breath when all the noise hit him at once. He could do this, he would do this, for Grainger.

  “Doing okay, babe?”

  “Yep. Just breathing”

  “Good, keep it up.”

  “If everyone could make their way to their tables, we’d like to begin,” the MC for the evening said.

  “We’re at one of the tables up front. Cece is already there,” Grainger said as they began to make their way to the front.

  Grainger introduced him to everyone at the table when they sat down.

  The lights were dimmed slightly, and the MC announced the program and then the first two recipients. Sylas was doing his best not to fidget but it was difficult the closer it got to his time. The MC frowned when he looked down at his sheet, “Okay, it looks like there’s been a slight change in the program. I believe we have a guest introducing the next award. Can you please come up here?”

  Sylas scooted his chair back and stood up.

  “Babe?” Grainger whispered, his eyes wide with surprise.

  Sylas turned to him with a smile, “I love you,” he whispered. His feet felt like lead as he made his way to the podium. Having all eyes on him made him feel like he had ants crawling all over his body. But as he spread his speech out in front of him, he glanced over and saw tears welling in Grainger’s eyes, tears of pride, tears of love. Grainger was proud….of him. And he loved him.

  Oh yeah, he could totally do this. He didn’t even need to look at the speech he’d spent weeks writing.

  He lifted his head, smiled into the spotlight on him and said, “Let me tell you a little something about my guy…”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Caysun

  “Come on, give me one more!” Vaughn practically shouted.

  “I’ll give you something if you don’t touch my dick soon!” he said with a laugh.

  They were working out in their home gym. It was one of the only things not boxed up yet for their move to the house they’d purchased from one of Morgan’s men. Vaughn had gone to work for Morgan a few months back, Cay had started just last week.

  “Come on, gimpy. We don’t want that leg collapsing and you crushing that ninety-pound singer to death with your big body.”

  Caysun barked out a laugh, “Are you calling me fat, fucker?”

  It felt so good to joke about this now.

  Up until just a few weeks ago, Caysun had been in a bad place, a dark place. The image of that crucial day made another unwanted appearance in his mind as he grunted out one more leg lift:

  Caysun's fist slammed against the shower wall. Broken. He was fucking broken. Couldn't stand for too long or his knee would give out, couldn't sit for too long or his leg would go numb. Couldn’t even fuck without worrying about his leg giving out.

  What could he possibly do to earn a living now?

  And how could he be the man that Vaughn needed? The man he deserved?

  He was broken and fucking useless.

  And he was dragging Vaughn down. The man deserved an equal, someone who could fight for him and with him. Someone who could hold him up when he needed to be held. Someone who wasn't......him.

  He sighed and pressed his forehead to the cool tiles. He felt the anger ooze out of his body to be replaced with defeat. Defeat and acceptance.

  He had to let him go

  Warm lips pressed to the back of his neck as Vaughn stepped inside the shower stall and wrapped his arms around Caysun's chest.

  Caysun hissed in a breath.

  How the fuck was he supposed to do this?

  "Stop it," Vaughn whispered between tender kisses.

  "Vaughn," he whispered.

  "You are everything I'll ever need," Vaughn said into Cay's neck.

  "But I'm not. I'm fucked up, Vaughn."

  "Cay, I know how you feel, I know what you're going through."

  Cay spun around, enraged, "Do you? Do you really? You with your two perfectly good, strong legs? Do you?"

  he said as he pushed at Vaughn's chest, trying to shove him away.

  Vaughn shoved back, "What? You want me to go out and crash my car, fuck up my leg just so I know what you're feeling? Would that make you happy?"

  Caysun flinched, "No, of course not."

  "Cay, babe, I may not know what you're going through with your leg, but I do know what it feels like to give up, what it feels like to lose all hope, what it feels like to think you're worthless. I am extremely familiar with that feeling. You know what else I know?"

  A tear slid down Caysun's cheek, "What?"

  "I know how to claw your way back from that. I know what it feels like find yourself again."

  “God,” Caysun said with a sob as he buried his head in Vaughn’s chest.

  “Babe, you can do this, we can do this. Just don’t give up on us, okay?”

  “I’m just trying to understand why.”

  “Why what?”

  “Why you’d want to stay with someone who can only fuck you from the bottom.”

  “Hey, I happen to like riding your dick.”

  “I know. But I also know you love to get fucked hard, especially up against a wall.”

  “That I do, and we’ll get there again. Even if
I have to wrap your damn knee with two rolls of duct tape to keep it locked, we’ll get there.”

  Caysun snorted a laugh and then they both said at the same time, “Duct tape fixes everything.”

  That was the moment that Caysun decided to stop feeling sorry for himself for what he couldn’t do and get better at the things he could do.

  It was also the moment that he committed his heart to Vaughn, to them, and to their future.

  “What are you thinking?” Vaughn said, bringing him back to the present.

  “How much I love you.”

  Vaughn pressed a kiss to his lips, “I love you too, babe. Now let’s go wreck that shower one last time.”

  Caysun pushed to his feet and followed Vaughn down the hall.

  He was completely onboard with that plan….and a hell of a lot more.

  The End

  More from Author Dara Nelson

  http://author.to/DaraNelson

  http://author.to/KendelDuncan

  Sometimes life will surprise you

  Sometimes it will disappoint you

  Sometimes it will kick you in the balls

  Sometimes it will make you so happy you feel like you can fly

  And sometimes, just sometimes, it will do all of those things.

  The kick in the balls, both literally and figuratively, happened to Noah Pierce a long time ago. Ten years to be exact, when, to cap off a brutal and horrendous four-year relationship with the man who claimed to love him, that man buried a butcher knife in his side. It was the final wound in a seemingly endless cycle of bruises, cuts, breaks, sprains and other things that sent him to the hospital. He thought he was going to die. But when he opened his eyes in that ER room and saw a stranger with kind yet determined eyes looking back at him and with his boyfriend nowhere in sight, Noah knew that life was going to change for him. And it did.

  For ten years he was stronger, he was better, he was……hollow.

  He didn’t realize that last part until he saw one man. One pair of haunting blue eyes beside the very man who had ruined Noah all those years ago. One pair of frightened eyes. One pair of hollow, hopeless eyes that Noah couldn’t have walked away from if he tried…..because someone else hadn’t walked away from him all those years ago.