Gifted Thief

by Helen Harper

  ‘You have to understand, Integrity, that this has never happened before. All Sidhe receive their true names when they turn thirteen. This is new territory for all of us.’

  ‘You didn’t answer my questions,’ I pointed out.

  ‘I don’t know what she was going to say,’ he admitted.

  There was a husky interruption from the side. ‘Byron, you’re back! I was hoping you’d come up to my rooms and visit.’

  My hackles rose. I craned my neck round, stiffening when my worst fears were confirmed. Tipsania. What was she doing here?

  She sauntered up to Byron and hooked her arm round his neck, planting a kiss on his lips. He shifted awkwardly, extricating himself from her grasp.

  ‘Hi Tipsy.’ He gestured to me. ‘I’m sure you remember Integrity.’

  ‘Who?’ She glanced at me, pretending to be surprised. It was a ridiculous display. Considering how many Sidhe had watched my approach to the castle, she had to know about my presence. This show with Byron was probably for my benefit. ‘Oh,’ she said, her lips curling. ‘It’s you. So that’s what you’re calling yourself these days.’

  I refused to be cowed. ‘Hello Tipsy. How wonderful it is to see you again. It’s like meeting my long-lost sister after years apart.’

  She almost choked. This was more fun than I thought it would be. ‘Yeah,’ she muttered unconvincingly, turning away and focusing her attention back on the hapless man. ‘Thank you so much for my present. It’s beautiful.’ She touched her neck. Hanging against her alabaster skin was the bright emerald necklace I’d found in Byron’s hotel safe. The fake one. ‘I love that you gave me emeralds,’ she gushed. ‘The colour matches your eyes perfectly. Every time I wear it, I’ll think of you.’

  My eyebrows flew up. So these two were involved? Given what I remembered of her nature, it was hardly surprising. Tipsania had always had an uncanny knack of getting what she wanted. I almost felt sorry for Byron. Almost.

  ‘It must have been really expensive,’ she continued, kissing him again.

  I let out a tiny snort. Byron’s eyes flashed at me in warning. I shrugged. It wasn’t my fault he was pulling the wool over her eyes with some bits of pretty glass.

  ‘I’m glad you like it,’ he told her. ‘But it wasn’t expensive. It’s…’

  ‘Darling! That’s so like you to downplay things. You know,’ she said with a wink, ‘I like emerald rings too.’ She held up her hand, rubbing her thumb against her marriage finger. Well, well, well. Byron’s flirtation with me had been all about the manipulation; I doubted that he was the marrying kind. He certainly hadn’t appeared unhappy when the giggly Sidhe girl came onto him. Maybe good old Tipsy was prepared to agree to an open marriage.

  Byron coughed. ‘I need to take Integrity up to her room. I’ll come and find you later, alright?’

  She beamed. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

  Taking my elbow, he led me away. Once we were out of earshot, I couldn’t help myself. ‘You and Tipsy, eh? How long has that been going on?’

  ‘It’s complicated,’ he grunted. ‘And I’m sorry you had to bump into her like that. I know she wasn’t very nice to you when you were a kid.’

  Wasn’t very nice? That was an understatement. ‘You weren’t very nice to me either, Byron.’

  He didn’t look at me. ‘No,’ he said after a long pause. ‘I don’t suppose I was.’

  We lapsed into silence. I still wanted answers to my questions about the naming but I sensed this wasn’t the right time. He’d shoved his hands into his pockets and was looking particularly grim. I’d find someone else to explain - Byron apparently had far weightier things to worry about.

  He deposited me in a small suite of rooms in the high reaches of the castle without saying another single word. It wasn’t until he was preparing to leave that he grunted that someone would come to help me settle in. Whatever that entailed.

  Still, I was finally getting some much-needed solitude. I looked around the rooms approvingly. While I was betting that the other Sidhe were housed in far more luxurious quarters, the simple elegance here pleased me. Until I sat down on the bed; it was rock hard. I tried bouncing up and down and received nothing more than a sore arse for my efforts. I snorted. Well, it wasn’t like I was here to sleep.

  Checking the door and the corridor and satisfied that I was well and truly alone, I opened my bag and pulled out the letter opener. I had been rather mean to Bob the last time we talked and I needed him on my side. Especially now. Steeling myself for some grovelling, I unsheathed the blade and gave it a good rub.

  Bob appeared with the now-familiar flash of light. That was a start at least. He was, however, clearly put out. I received a petulant grimace before he turned his back on me, sat down and crossed his legs and his arms.

  ‘Come on, Bob,’ I soothed. ‘Don’t be like that.’

  He didn’t answer.

  ‘I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings before or to take advantage of you. I won’t do it again. I promise.’

  When he still refused to look at me, I reached out with my little finger and gave him the gentlest poke. ‘You know how you were impressed with the luxury of the last place? Wait until you see where we are now.’

  His body jerked. I was getting somewhere.

  ‘It’s not as opulent,’ I continued, ‘but it’s certainly exciting. You must be bored being stuck in that knife all the time. Now you can do something more interesting.’

  He muttered a few words under his breath. I leaned forward, not quite catching them. ‘What was that?’

  ‘Dagger. It’s not a knife. It’s not for buttering bread. It’s a dagger. In fact,’ he said, ‘from now on you will only refer to it as a sword. Or a scimitar. Yes. Call it a scimitar.’

  I pressed my lips together, forcing myself not to laugh. The letter opener was about as far removed from a scimitar as I was from a troll. If that was all it took to appease him, though, I could manage it.

  ‘Scimitar, then. It must be boring inside the scimitar.’

  ‘It’s not so bad. I have Deep Space Nine to keep me company.’

  I whistled. ‘The boxset?’

  ‘The entire boxset. Frankly, you’re interrupting my viewing.’

  Sitting down with a slab of chocolate and some classic sci-fi sounded incredibly appealing and I was genuinely envious. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to see if it was within his powers to lend it to me. How did he even get it inside the knife? Distracting questions swirled around my head before I tamped them down and got back to business.

  ‘You’ve still not asked where we are,’ I said, dangling the carrot in front of him again.

  He sniffed. ‘I don’t need you to tell me. I’m perfectly capable of working it out for myself. I’m a vastly powerful magical being, remember? I…’ He halted in mid-flow. Then he stood up and slowly spun round, his expression full of awe. ‘The Cruaich? We’re at the Cruaich? Girlfriend!’

  I grinned. ‘See? I knew you wouldn’t be disappointed.’

  He bounced up and down. ‘I thought you were some crappy minor Sidhe with no powers. But you’ve brought me to the Sidhe Court. I’ve never been to the Sidhe Court before. Are the hallways really paved in gold?’

  ‘Er, not exactly.’

  ‘Oh.’ He seemed disappointed. ‘But I bet all the plates are encrusted with diamonds, right? I like diamonds.’

  ‘I have a fondness for shiny, sparkly things myself,’ I confided. ‘But I’ve not been given anything to eat so I can’t tell you what the kitchenware is like.’

  His expression was eager. ‘Find out. You must find out.’

  ‘I will do my best.’

  My earlier rudeness apparently forgotten, Bob leapt onto the palm of my hand, belly-flopping and linking his fingers underneath his chin. ‘So, why are we here?’

  ‘Something to do with the Foinse and the flow of magic. It’s running out or broken. I’m going to help open it so it can be…’ I hesitated. Actually, I was bit unclear about what w
as going to happen once it had been accessed. Rebooted, perhaps?

  ‘What?’ He sprang up, the very picture of alarm. ‘The Foinse is failing? Uh Integrity, that can’t happen! You can’t let it happen!’

  I regarded him thoughtfully. It hadn’t occurred to me that the Foinse would regulate Bob’s magic too. I supposed it really did affect everyone after all. ‘I’m certainly going to do my best,’ I told him, meaning it. ‘The thing is, before I can help the other Sidhe to open it up, I need to receive my true name. I left the Clans and the Sidhe before I was thirteen so I never went through the ceremony and I have no idea what to expect.’

  ‘You don’t know?’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Everyone knows what happens during the naming ceremony. You get your true name. And usually a magical Gift too.’

  ‘Yes, that part I’m aware of. But how does the ceremony work?’

  ‘You’re the Sidhe,’ he blustered. ‘You should know.’

  I sighed. ‘You don’t know anything about it either, do you?’

  His shoulders drooped. ‘No,’ he admitted. ‘Not a scooby.’

  Shite. ‘There was something about a fever,’ I said, worried at the thought that I might get sick. ‘I’m going to need you to stick close,’ I told him. ‘I might need to use one of those wishes after all.’

  ‘Don’t tease me, Uh Integrity,’ he moaned. ‘I know you’re one of those stubborn types.’

  There was a sharp knock at the door. I looked meaningfully at Bob and he snapped off a salute, hopping back into the blade with another blinding flash. He gave me a little wave from inside then vanished.

  Cautiously opening the door a fraction, I gazed out. Well, well, well. It was none other than Dimples himself.

  ‘Hey!’ I said cheerfully. ‘Good to see you again!’

  He threw me a look that was dirtier than the magazine picture I had shoved into the envelope and pretended to post. Okay, he was going to hold a grudge. That was a shame.

  ‘I’m here to ask if everything is to your satisfaction.’

  He wouldn’t even look me in the eyes. He was probably being made to do this as a punishment for losing the Lia Saifire. I should feel guilty but he shouldn’t have been so naïve as to carry it around with him in the seediest part of Aberdeen.

  ‘The bed’s going to feel like I’m doing penance for my sins,’ I said cheerfully. ‘But other than that, I’m all good.’

  ‘Great.’ His expression wasn’t thrilled. ‘I’ll leave you in peace then.’

  ‘So I can rest?’ I punned. ‘But I’m too young to die!’ He gazed at me blankly. ‘Rest in peace,’ I tried to explain.

  ‘Is that supposed to be a joke?’

  ‘Obviously not a very good one,’ I muttered. ‘What’s your name, anyway?’ I didn’t think he’d warm to me very much if I went around calling him Dimples.

  He grunted in response. ‘Jamie.’

  ‘I’m Integrity.’ I stuck out my hand for him to shake. He eyed it like it was a venomous snake. ‘Maybe we could start over, Jamie. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.’

  ‘I got into a lot of trouble because of you. You stole from me.’

  ‘You mean the Lia Saifire? Byron mentioned something about that. What makes you think that was me?’

  He threw me a doleful glance. ‘I’m not a complete idiot.’

  I bit my tongue, waving my hand instead. He took it reluctantly, his grip tight and painful. I squeaked and pulled away. ‘While you’re here, Jamie, do you think you could tell me a little about this true name ceremony thing?’

  His lip curled. ‘You don’t know?’

  Would I be asking if I did? ‘No,’ I replied pleasantly.

  Jamie sighed as if a huge burden had been placed on his shoulders. The sigh was followed by a strange burble. I blinked at him. ‘Are you feeling alright?’

  The burble deepened. Jamie’s eyes widened and he stared at something behind my shoulder. Ha. I wasn’t going to fall for the old ‘look behind you’ trick. I was smarter than that. Or at least I thought I was until something coiled round my waist and dragged me backwards.

  ‘What the hell?’ I shrieked.

  Jamie tried to back away but as I was dealing with the tentacle round my waist, another one snapped up round his wrist and dragged him inside the room. My fingers scrabbled, trying to loosen the damn thing’s grip. It wasn’t dry to the touch, despite its scales; it was slimy and wet, making it even more difficult for me to get a decent hold on it.

  ‘Tell me,’ I gasped, as I was flung against the far wall, ‘that you have a useful gift like telekinesis.’

  ‘Psychometry.’ He karate-chopped the tentacle that encircled his wrist. All he succeeded in doing was pissing it off because another tentacle appeared from nowhere and grabbed his other arm. ‘It means,’ he said, as he squirmed desperately, ‘that I can tell you this is a stoor worm. From the North Sea. It’s just a baby.’

  What kind of a worm has tentacles? This was not good. ‘If it’s from the sea, then how the hell did it get here?’

  ‘Don’t know,’ he muttered as he was thrown up into the air then slammed down onto the stone floor with a painful thud.

  ‘Is this normal?’ By which I meant: is someone likely to work out what’s going on and come and rescue us?

  ‘No!’ He was face down so his answer was muffled.

  ‘Is it because of the Foinse?’

  There was another muffled grunt that sounded like another no. The tentacle round my waist tightened until pain shot through me. If this wasn’t a result of the magic failing then it had to be because someone had conjured it up. Someone who wanted me dead. There was no way I was going to allow that to happen. Death by sea monster while three hundred miles inland was not the way I wanted to go.

  Another tentacle whipped out, this time aiming for my throat. I lashed out with my feet, doing everything I could to kick it away. The squeeze around my waist was bad enough but if the worm latched onto my neck it would be adios muchachos. My feet flailed, jabbing at the slimy thing. I managed to keep my body clear of it but that enraged the thing even more.

  There was a strange, high-pitched noise. I didn’t speak sea monster but I guessed it was something along the lines of ‘screw you’.

  Abandoning me for the time being, the lashing tentacle snaked towards Jamie’s squirming body instead, wrapping itself round his legs and starting to drag him out of my line of sight and towards the window. Panicking, I stretched up to grab the light fitting in the ceiling so I could turn and get a better look. My fingers just managed to curl round the hanging wire so I could spin round. I could already feel the electric cord stretching – it would break in seconds. I had enough time, however, to see what the stoor worm actually was.

  Jamie said this was a mere baby; I dreaded to think what the fully grown version looked like. Half of its body hung out of the open window. The other half was a monstrous size, filling the room. I counted six tentacles – but they weren’t what really bothered me. It was the gaping mouth lined with sharp yellow teeth and the vast, dark, sightless eyes which struck terror in my heart. We had no chance.

  I swung my legs back and forth, trying to gain some momentum. The worm responded by squeezing harder until my breath was coming in gasps and I felt as if my intestines were about to rise up through my gullet. The pain grew more intense and I was afraid I was going to black out. I forced myself alert. Once I had built up enough energy, I dived down and grabbed one of Jamie’s white-knuckled hands. His head rose and he stared at me in stark fear.

  ‘Hang on,’ I grunted, adjusting my grip so I wouldn’t lose him. Then I swung back, yanking hard.

  Like a toy caught between two toddlers, Jamie’s body was now being pulled in both directions. His mouth opened in a silent scream. The stoor worm let out a strange whine again and loosened its hold slightly. Jamie was no longer being pulled in the direction of its cavernous mouth but it wouldn’t be long before it happened again.

  I cast around. There had to be somethin
g here I could use as a weapon. Bob’s knife – scimitar – was on the floor but it was well out of reach. If I could grab one of the pillows on the hard bed I could smack the stoor worm round the head – but unless the worm was allergic to feathers, that wasn’t going to help.

  Growing more and more angry, the stoor worm threw out another tentacle. It smashed against the side of my head, making my senses reel. There was no way out of this, not without asking for help.

  ‘What do we do?’ Jamie shrieked.

  ‘The scimitar,’ I gasped. ‘Throw me the sodding scimitar.’ I couldn’t reach it from up here in the air but if Jamie could grab it I could summon Bob. Yes, there would be dangerous consequences but the alternative right now was either being squashed to death or chomped on.

  Jamie was baffled. ‘Scimitar?’

  ‘Letter opener! Throw me the letter opener!’

  His head swung round until his eyes alighted on the little knife. ‘It’s too small. It’s not going to do anything,’ he yelled as the stoor worm’s jaws snapped forward, narrowly missing him.

  ‘Just do it!’

  He stretched out, taking the hilt and flinging it upwards. Unfortunately he timed it badly and the knife bounced into another swiping tentacle. Instead of flying up to me, it went out of the other window.

  ‘Bob!’ I screamed as the silver flashed in the failing sunlight. The genie didn’t answer.

  He had told me that I couldn’t rid myself of him and that, like a bad penny, he’d always turn up again. I had the sneaking suspicion that this would be all over for both Jamie and me by the time that happened. I cursed, just as there was another tug round my waist. The stoor worm had apparently decided I was the tastier one and was pulling me towards its mouth.

  I stared down the thing’s throat. Dark saliva glistened from within. I swallowed my fear and tried to reach the light fitting again. This time I was too far away.

  The dim recesses of my brain registered how stupid all this was. Who got eaten by a sea monster when they were up a mountain? It’d go down in history. I wondered if the person who’d used magic to bring the damn thing here knew about the Foinse. They had to. But didn’t they realise that by killing me they were damning everyone else too?