The Belgian Beast

by Keyes, Janae

  “Nous sommes là!” Suzanna’s voice announced her and my brother’s arrival at the front door.

  “Maman! Papa!” The voices of the children in the other room began to cheer in excitement. I could hear their little feet stomping off toward the front door to find their arriving parents.

  Only a few moments later, my brother and sister-in-law entered the living room with children clinging to them. They greeted my parents first, Suzanna gave me a listless greeting as she picked up her youngest from my arms before my brother picked me up as he always did.

  “Wow, you’re getting heavy,” Jaheem mentioned as he placed me back on my feet.

  “She is looking a little fuller, isn’t she?” Mom questioned as my brother examined my face. My weight of course was the topic the of evening but this time I was bigger. Things didn’t change much around my family home.

  “Those cheeks are getting fluffy. What have you been eating?” He asked jokingly.

  I simply shrugged innocently and gave a fake chuckle at the invasive question. I was going to have to tell them at some point. Everything would have to be revealed and the thought of it made me shiver with anxiety. Suddenly, the contents of my stomach were in my throat. I yanked away from my brother and sprinted up the hall toward the bathroom. Shutting myself inside, I bent over the toilet and let everything go.

  “Nina, are you sure you aren’t sick?” Mom asked from the bathroom door.

  “I’m fine,” I answered quickly before heaving up another helping of bile into the toilet.

  “You’d think she was pregnant or something,” I could hear Suzanna joke from the other room. I froze suddenly at my sister-in-law’s words. Telling them now would be too much. I knew the outcome. I knew that my parents would disavow me. It would be a mess. I wasn’t married and I was pregnant. I’d committed sin.

  Those thoughts bubbled inside me. Growing legs like an invasive spider that trickled from my mind and through my veins. They filled me with their venom that sent me into a place I knew well.

  Standing up, I rinsed my mouth and leaned against the cabinet with my hand over my belly as I tried to fight my anxiety away. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I could only see my perceived sin sticking to me.

  It seemed as if out of the blue, my face was covered in sweat, my heart palpitated quickly, and I trembled as I gripped onto the counter and held on. Another anxiety attack was rocking me to my core easily. They’d picked up as of late. I hated feeling out of control but there was nothing I could do about it. The worst was when there was no warning and out of the blue they rocked and rolled through me.

  Mom was talking to me through the door, but I didn’t have it in me to pay attention to her words. I rubbed my belly and worked to steady my breathing. We had an adventure ahead of us. I didn’t know how my family would take it, but I couldn’t hide it forever as much as I kind of wanted to.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Marc

  Grunting, I punched the leather bag with force. I only had one arm to do it, but I was determined to not just sit around and waste precious time. I was healing, yes, but I still had a level of fitness to maintain until the cast could come off my arm in another couple of weeks. The waiting was brutal and mentally I felt like a failure.

  “A waste of space.” My father’s voice haunted me more and more. I couldn’t fight and not being able to get in the octagon made me feel like the loser he’d always pegged me to be.

  As he taunted me, I jabbed the bag harder and harder. I needed to fight his voice away as I normally did, but it wasn’t happening, he stayed present.

  “You could never be half the man I am. You’re just a pussy,” he jeered through my head.

  I wanted to scream in his face I was a much better man than him and I’d raise my children without the trauma he inflicted upon me and Sophie. My child would never know the fear I grew up with. My child would have a meal on the table every night and the safe arms of his or her father.

  My child.

  Whenever I thought of the child Nina was carrying, I was filled with this joy I always thought was unattainable, but now I had it. The woman I’d been with for only a matter of months was giving me a gift I could never truly thank her for.

  For both of us, our lives had taken a different direction than we could ever predict, but we were both incredibly grateful to have one another and this chance to bring a person into the world. My only gripe was Nina still refused to tell her family about us. It had become the only thing we fought about.

  I tried to not push her on it too much as she’d become increasingly panicked about it, but the waiting was getting harder. I didn’t see any shame in us nor that we’d made a life together, but Nina felt tremendous shame I could never understand.

  “I thought I’d find you here,” the sweetest voice cut through my concentration and I turned to find her staring at me. “I just finished getting my hair done. Do you like it?” Nina did a little twirl showing off her freshly done braids.

  “Beautiful,” I murmured as I approached her and wrapped my arm around her waist.

  She stood on her toes and puckered her lips as she waited for a kiss from me. I obliged and left a chaste kiss on her plump lips.

  “You’re just in time. My mother called me an hour or so ago to invite us for dinner. I was thinking about telling her and Luc about our extra addition tonight. I know it’s still early, but I really want to tell her.”

  “Because you can’t keep a secret,” Nina joked at my character flaw. Secrets were hard for me to keep hold of and I was not the person to be trusted with one, especially a good secret like ours.

  “Besides that, I think she should know. She’s been so stressed with my sister, it will be something positive for her to look forward to,” I explained to my gorgeous girlfriend who peered up at me through her long eyelashes.

  Nina nodded in agreement as I kept her pulled close to me. I loved the feel of her and the way the curves of her body seemed to fit into my arms perfectly. Waking up every morning with her body against mine was what kept me going. I couldn’t wait until I could feel the thuds of our baby kicking in her belly.

  “Did you get a good workout?”

  “As good as I can. I can’t fucking wait to get this cast off,” I grunted in frustration at the cast that covered nearly my entire arm. Once it came off, I’d have to go to physical therapy to rebuild my strength.

  “The time will come,” she reminded me as she did every time I complained about my situation. She had this way of forcing me out of my negativity and into a positive mindset. For someone who’d fought so much in her life, I was amazed at the positivity she was able to keep and spread. Without her, I didn’t know how I’d survive.

  * * *

  My mom pulled Nina in for a tight hug as soon as we arrived. She was looking a little worse for wear as of late. The bags under my mom’s eyes were dark and sunken and streaks of gray were prominent throughout her normally dyed blonde hair. Exhaustion was taking its toll.

  “It’s so good to see you,” she cheered as she pulled Nina along with her into the house.

  “Uncle Marc,” I heard the small, excited voice of my niece before I saw her bounding from the living room couch. She leaped onto me as soon as she reached me, and I picked her up with my good arm.

  “Ma petite lapin,” I cooed to the small girl whom I hadn’t seen in weeks.

  “Did you bring me a present?” Najah asked with a beaming smile and big doughy eyes. I chuckled for a moment and thought of how good it would feel to come home to my own little one jumping into my arms when I came home at the end of the day.

  “Just me,” I boasted proudly only to get a pout from her. “Où est ton frère?” I glanced around for her little brother who normally followed her every move.

  “He’s asleep,” she told me with a little relief in her voice.

  “Come to the kitchen,” my mom’s voice called from up the hall.

  I hadn’t realized she’d disappeared, taking Nina wi
th her.

  “Let’s see what Mamy wants,” I noted to my niece whom I kept in my arm as I strolled into the kitchen where Nina was seated with a glass of water at the table with Luc who was already nursing a beer, which was typical for him and my mother in the evening hours.

  Mom produced a snack for Najah who wiggled from my arm and ran off to my mother to get her snack and sprinted back off toward the living room.

  “So, Sophie’s kids are here?” I questioned.

  “Sophie is off doing God knows what and Basir had to work. Somebody had to take the kids,” Mom argued.

  “No, I understand,” I agreed.

  I settled at the table next to Nina and accepted a beer from my mom who poured it and placed it on the table in front of me. She took her own seat next to Luc and frowned as she looked me over.

  “I don’t like seeing you injured. I knew one day you would get hurt,” she fussed as she shook her head. Mom hated I was still fighting but it’d given me purpose, at least until Nina. “Will you quit after this? Please tell me you will.”

  “I’m not planning on it,” I informed her, which was the truth.

  I wasn’t going to let some injury keep me from doing what I loved. Hell, I needed to provide more than ever, I was starting a family. Nina would have to stop dancing eventually to finish off her pregnancy and while she healed. It was my time to step up and be the man of my home and provide for her and our child.

  “I don’t understand why you’d keep doing it. You’re hurting your body,” she pointed out, clearly upset as she slapped her hand on the table and her voice cracked.

  “I need to provide, Mama,” I told her sternly before I relaxed for a moment and took her hand into mine. “This might be a good time to break the tension with happy news.”

  “Happy news?” Her blue eyes now brightening up with intrigue.

  Turning to Nina, I gave her a grin and she nodded at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I’d won a shit ton of championships and remained undefeated but what I was about to say out loud for the first time was my honest to God pride and joy. This trumped all my achievements as a fighter, easily.

  “Nina and I are expecting a baby,” I said calmly to my mother’s widening eyes followed by a loud and excited scream as she threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight.

  “A baby?” She placed my head between her hands and I nodded in confirmation. She was suddenly ripping away from me and jolting from her chair. She ran directly to Nina and squeezed her just as tight as she’d done me. “I’m so happy. Congratulations, Nina and Marc. This is lovely.”

  “Thank you,” Nina said sweetly as she hugged my mom back.

  “That’s great news, Gefeliciteerd!” Luc also cheered as he raised his beer to us.

  “I’m over the moon,” My mother stood in pure awe before she grabbed me again and kissed my cheek. “When are you due?”

  “July,” Nina answered her.

  “And I bet your family is just as thrilled,” Mom noted.

  “If her family only knew,” I snapped at the frustration that built in me. “Hell, if they only knew about us.”

  “Wait, your family doesn’t know about you two?” Luc asked as he leaned in, intrigued.

  “No,” Nina answered plainly as she glared at me. She was clearly upset at me for bringing it up, but it bugged the fuck out of me. She didn’t have to reveal the pregnancy right away, but she could at least be upfront about us seeing each other. Hell, we were practically living together.

  “She’s ashamed of me I guess,” I said with a careless shrug.

  “Marc,” Nina hissed. I’d angered her, but I should and was the angry one. I was this sinful secret to her.

  Loud pounds at the front door kept me from responding. Everyone at the table glanced at one another as the pounding continued. Najah jolted into the kitchen and under the table in fear, her small body trembled.

  “Mama, laat me binnen!” My sister’s voice screeched from outside.

  “Mama?” Najah questioned as her head popped from under the table and peered out down the hall and in the direction of her mother’s voice as she continued to rap at the door and scream for my mother to let her in.

  “She’s drunk,” my mother whispered as she shook her head.

  “I’ll take care of it,” I told her with a hand on her shoulder.

  Standing, I left the kitchen behind and up the hallway toward the front door. The loud pounds of my sister continued until I opened the door and there she stood. Sophie looked worse for wear. Her clothes were hanging off her, her eyes bloodshot, and her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail that hadn’t been redone in days. My father’s abuse had led to her abusing herself.

  “Big Brother,” she blurted as she threw her arms around me. I could smell the stench of the alcohol practically pouring through her pores.

  “Sophie,” I mentioned as I looked her over once more. I’d seen her bad but never this bad. She clearly hadn’t changed her clothes in days and had been out drinking and gambling for a long time. “How are you?”

  “I’m so good,” she slurred as she stumbled past and into the house. “I’m here to get the kids. Basir said they were here.”

  “No, you aren’t,” I concluded easily as I stepped in front of her to block her from going any closer to the kitchen.

  “Marc, stop. Let me get the kids,” she argued as she tried her hardest to move me out of her way. I wouldn’t let her take a single step forward, not the way she was, wasted out of her brains.

  “Sophie, you’re drunk. I’m not letting you take them until you’re sober. I’ll get you a taxi home, you can sober up, and come back tomorrow,” I told her as calmly as possible.

  “Fuck off!” she shot. “You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do with my children.” She swung at me, but I caught her wrist easily in my hand and held onto it.

  “Calm down, let’s get you home and you can get the kids tomorrow. You don’t want them seeing you like this.” I tried my damnedest to stay as calm as possible. I didn’t want Najah alarmed nor have Kamil woken up with her racket.

  With a deep breath, I took a step forward in hopes she would take a step back. I kept my cool as she still tried to struggle with me but was losing that battle even with a broken arm. Sophie peered up at me and behind her dull blue eyes, I saw the little girl our dad would beat relentlessly. She was begging for help.

  “Zusje,” I cooed to her as I kept our eye contact strong. After a moment, I could feel her fight diminishing and a tear slipped from her eye. “Come on, let me get you home. Tomorrow you can see the kids and then we’re going to get you some help. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she nodded and pressed her face to my shirt. Soft sobs erupted from her and I held her closely. “He’s always in my head. I’m just trying to fight him off.”

  “Same here,” I confirmed with her as I allowed her to cry and held her.

  The door to the kitchen opened and I saw Nina’s head pop out. She watched us for a moment before she carefully stepped up the hall toward Sophie and myself. Sophie glanced around me to see Nina.

  “Wie is dat?” Sophie questioned.

  “That’s my girlfriend, Nina,” I told my sister before turning to Nina. “I’m going to take her in a taxi home. I’ll meet you back at my place, okay?”

  “Okay, I’ll see you.” With a hand on my shoulder, Nina gave it a squeeze before I turned back to my sister who had a goofy smile on her face.

  “I’ll take Nina home, don’t worry,” Mom said from the kitchen door. I gave her a smile of thanks before I put my focus back on Sophie.

  “Let’s get you a taxi and get you home.”

  * * *

  Flipping on the light in my sister’s apartment, immediately I saw it was a mess. There were toys and clothes scattered all around. The kitchen sink was piled with dishes, and there was even a diaper on the floor next to the garbage can. The worst part was the stench that filled the air and burned the hairs inside my nose.

  Steppi
ng deeper into the living room, I shook my head at the sight of beer and other alcohol bottles littering the coffee table along with baby bottles. Sophie had spiraled so deep I was honestly afraid there was no pulling her out of it.

  I sighed as I noticed the television was no longer in its place. Sophie had likely sold it to gamble with. It took me back to when I came home from school one day to find our TV set was gone. Our father had taken it and sold it on the street to fuel his habit. He’d of course come home broke and drunk. When Sophie and I asked about the television, he’d laid into us and gave us one of those beatings that would stay with us forever.

  “Let’s get you to bed,” I mentioned to Sophie who hung off my good arm. She was out of it and it was definitely time to get her to bed to sober up.

  Leading her down the hall, I navigated around toys left discarded by the kids and into her small bedroom. The sheets were twisted, and blanket thrown off on the floor, but I could manage it. I helped her onto the bed and got her to lay down before I tossed the blanket over her as best I could with one arm.

  “Sit with me,” she requested.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her arm. I remembered the day my sister was born, and my grandmother took me to the hospital to meet the small baby girl. From that day, all I ever wanted to do was protect her as best I could. So many days I couldn’t keep her from getting the brunt of Dad’s beatings, but I tried.

  When we didn’t have enough food to eat, I’d purposely go without so that Sophie could get a proper helping. I took my role as big brother seriously and I still did. We only had each other when it came down to it and I sure as hell wouldn’t let her suffer alone.

  “Your girlfriend is pretty,” she murmured as she lay with her eyes closed. “I’m happy for you, Big Brother.”